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Thread: A Missive To Propsective Microbreweries Across America

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    Regular Member ()pen(arry's Avatar
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    A Missive To Propsective Microbreweries Across America

    Dear Upstart-Homebrewer-Who-Took-Out-A-Loan-And-Registered-A-Business-Name,

    Your ****** pale ale is exactly as terrible as the ****** pale ale made by every other upstart-homebrewer-who-took-out-a-loan-and-registered-a-business-name and decided it would be super-duper clever to crank out yet another generic beer. That you only just recently discovered hops and flavor after decades of drinking watery swill does not mean there's anything original about using excessive hops in a "craft" beer with too little sophistication to develop decent flavor. You will be bankrupt within three years, so save us all the menu space and quit now.

    Love and kisses,
    Matthew


    Author's Note:
    There are absolutely a number of very well-made, delicious, and properly-balanced pale ales out there, many of which actually come from microbreweries in America. Has anyone else noticed, though, the astonishing number of pale ales that enter the market every year for the last decade, or so, nearly all of which are simply terrible? It's like several hundred 40-year-old frat boys with decent credit suddenly had their first real beer and decided they were going to get in early on this new actually-good-tasting-beer thing that hasn't already existed for several hundred years. Maybe it's just me

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    Quote Originally Posted by ()pen(arry View Post
    Dear Upstart-Homebrewer-Who-Took-Out-A-Loan-And-Registered-A-Business-Name,

    Your ****** pale ale is exactly as terrible as the ****** pale ale made by every other upstart-homebrewer-who-took-out-a-loan-and-registered-a-business-name and decided it would be super-duper clever to crank out yet another generic beer. That you only just recently discovered hops and flavor after decades of drinking watery swill does not mean there's anything original about using excessive hops in a "craft" beer with too little sophistication to develop decent flavor. You will be bankrupt within three years, so save us all the menu space and quit now.

    Love and kisses,
    Matthew


    Author's Note:
    There are absolutely a number of very well-made, delicious, and properly-balanced pale ales out there, many of which actually come from microbreweries in America. Has anyone else noticed, though, the astonishing number of pale ales that enter the market every year for the last decade, or so, nearly all of which are simply terrible? It's like several hundred 40-year-old frat boys with decent credit suddenly had their first real beer and decided they were going to get in early on this new actually-good-tasting-beer thing that hasn't already existed for several hundred years. Maybe it's just me
    I guess the breweries up here in the PNW are just better
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    Regular Member ()pen(arry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tawnos View Post
    I guess the breweries up here in the PNW are just better
    Most of the breweries I'm talking about are from the PNW

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    Quote Originally Posted by ()pen(arry View Post
    Most of the breweries I'm talking about are from the PNW
    Really? Because pale ale isn't a big thing up here. India Pale Ale, maybe, and while there are a lot of them, most are good, even if they are derivative.
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    Regular Member DrakeZ07's Avatar
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    I have no intention on starting a micro brewery, however, I'll just take it as being true, most Micro brew IPA's I've had, are as craptastic as commercial IPA's.

    Me? I'll stick to brewing my Apricot Mead, and Dark German Stouts <3
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    Regular Member ()pen(arry's Avatar
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    There are an awful lot of beers I like drinking. My core repertoire, which can cover any mood, consists of (in no particular order):

    Spaten Lager
    Kostritzer
    Guinness Extra Stout
    Franziskaner Dunkel
    Optimator
    Smithwick's
    Corsendonk
    Harp
    Celebrator
    Paulaner 1634
    Yeti Oak Aged Imperial Stout
    Dogfish Head 90 Minute and Punkin Ale
    Left Hand Milk Stout
    Anything from Samuel Smith

    I like good beer. Sometimes I like hoppy beers, but rarely, and the ones I do like have excellent flavor, not just hoppiness. These "clever" microtards can have their I-just-stopped-drinking-MGD lamefests together. I'll be over here, drinking good beer, much of which has been made for 100+ years.

    But I'm overly-opinionated, and often a *********.

    P.S. Once upon a time, Black Sheep Ale was distributed in Dallas. I miss that beer so much...

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    When I was last down in Texas (December), the beer selection was pretty bad. Have you found that to be the case?
    "If we were to ever consider citizenship as the least bit matter of merit instead of birthright, imagine who should be selected as deserved representation of our democracy: someone who would risk their daily livelihood to cast an individually statistically insignificant vote, or those who wrap themselves in the flag against slightest slights." - agenthex

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    Regular Member VW_Factor's Avatar
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    Someone must not have good taste in beer.

    A personal favorite of mine is Dead Guy Ale.
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    Regular Member ()pen(arry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tawnos View Post
    When I was last down in Texas (December), the beer selection was pretty bad. Have you found that to be the case?
    There are some places you can go to get good beer, like The Flying Saucer, which originated in Fort Worth and has locations all over DFW and the country. In fact, I was at their Addison location when I posted this thread. The guy who picks the menu likes to bring in a lot of the ****** pale ales I was talking about.
    Last edited by ()pen(arry; 03-07-2012 at 04:06 PM.

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    Regular Member sudden valley gunner's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tawnos View Post
    When I was last down in Texas (December), the beer selection was pretty bad. Have you found that to be the case?
    Hawaii is similar, they have horrible selections in beer. They used to drink bud and have moved to Heineken give them another 30 years they might get some micro's going. (Not that they don't have a few, just not many and really don't compare to the PNW)
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    Regular Member riverrat10k's Avatar
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    Key West can be bad. One major distributor.


    Legend Brewing Co. in Richmond, VA makes lager, pilsner, brown ale, golden IPA, and many others. Now distributed throughout VA and NC.

    Best around.
    Last edited by riverrat10k; 03-07-2012 at 08:52 PM.

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    Founder's Club Member PrayingForWar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tawnos View Post
    When I was last down in Texas (December), the beer selection was pretty bad. Have you found that to be the case?
    Specs is like the WalMart of "lick 'er" stores down here. They have a decent selection even in their small town store like the one in Elgin. Bastrop is even better, and I'm told the ones in Austin are stocked well. Our local store carries at least a 100 different styles.

    I started out drinking Weiss Beers about 10 years ago, but my passion now is IPA's. I still try the occassional Porter and Bocks. Very rarely do I actually get a beer I'd just never drink again. I tried a few Christmas Ales this past holiday, and thought they all tasted like Pine Candles. They sukt.
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