Need help with a what IF situation

Sorry in advance with the long post. Here is my story in a big nutshell. Broke up with my fieance of almost 8 years. As far as break ups go it was about as good as it could get. But since I was driving over the road in a tractor trailer I did eventually over thing everything because all you have time to do when you drive for a living is think. We were driving together and tried to stay over OTR (over the road) together to finish the summer. Needless to say I couldent do it. So she stayed in upstate NY while I finished out the summer OTR. I get back to VA about two weeks before her and used that time to move my stuff out.

She ended up coming back sooner than expected and things started to turn ugly when she did a 180 in how she started treating me. This all goes with out saying that in some way I did deserve it because I made some hurtfull acusation out of illogical worry about her moving on. I NEVER at any point threatend her with any kind of violence what so ever at anytime in 8 years. But for some reason (my guess is its a defence) she starts treating me like I have. When she told me that she was going to be back sooner it turned into a "get your sh!t out now" kinda thing.

This throws up a red flag for one reason. She had my identity. Birthcertificate, social security card, credit card, and other things of that nature. She says this was a mistake. At the time it was a what ever but once she started with the "I cant be in the apartment without her knowing" stuff it turned into a "I want my papers as soon as you get it town" kind of thing. Also should mention that my name is still on the lease. I had told her that if she wasent willing to give me my papers I will bring the police and get them. ( I assume that she would have been able to give them to the police to give to me).

Ok almost done. At this point I got the papers without the police (she gave them to my dad), But now at the end of september she is moving back to NY. We have a great dane that I would like to see once or twice before she leaves. Now how does this all relate to OC? well I intend to OC everwhere I go so my thoughts are that she may try something fishy with acusing me of something. My assumption is if we even end up seeing each other she will have her friend with her. I am worried about him and her both trying to make a situation about things. I do carry a recorder and will have it running. I know according to law pets are considered property. So wonder if I have any rights to tonka. (my dog)

I figured I bring this up. Maby someone has advice or offer some heads up as it relates to OC. Again I want to say I have never once in 8 years threatened her at all. She has no reason to belive that I would. I dont really trust her though anymore and am worried about this. Any thoughts would be welcomed. Sorry for the life story. I know its a very personal thing to put out there. I just want to be prepared for whatever could happen.

I'm no lawyer, but here's how I'd approach this:

I would have someone come with me for these meetings, as well (in addition to having your recorder running).
I would definitely consider CC for this, if only to avoid the possiblity of her causing a problem.

Again, this is what I would do. YMMV.

You could have some problems on your hand, I am guessing you make more than she does?

Have you ever heard of..... palimony?

IIRC my Uncle's good friend/last job boss, had a woman living with him 14+ years and she got some sort of palimony.

But I wouldn't be OCing around her, or stuff like that, could try to frame you or something. Just keep that recording going.

I would love to have someone with me. However my parents are really the only people here i know and that would go. And I dont expect them to tag along. My impression is this. IF she makes a situation out of it and call the police im in a bit of a jam. Do the police have RAS. I would think it depends on what she says to them on the phone. My name is on the lease I should be able to just go there and take the dog. (not to take him for good) I just want to try to see him before she takes him back to ny.

ocholsteroc said:

You could have some problems on your hand, I am guessing you make more than she does?

Have you ever heard of..... palimony?

IIRC my Uncle's good friend/last job boss, had a woman living with him 14+ years and she got some sort of palimony.

But I wouldn't be OCing around her, or stuff like that, could try to frame you or something. Just keep that recording going.

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We acctually make the same amount of money. We both drive school bus for chesterfield county. And acctually she makes a few dollars more than me.
Really all I care about is seeing the dog. He is 7 and a great dane. It will probably be that last chance I get to see him. Because once she is in NY I wont have the leverage of her living in a apartment with my name on the lease. Its not really leverage because her name is on the lease as well but in NY she could refuse me access to him all together.

And not carrying at all is not a option because she has some one living with her and I would assume he would be present at the apt or anywhere we would meet up. I dont know anything about him.

Tanner said:

I would love to have someone with me. However my parents are really the only people here i know and that would go. And I dont expect them to tag along. My impression is this. IF she makes a situation out of it and call the police im in a bit of a jam. Do the police have RAS. I would think it depends on what she says to them on the phone. My name is on the lease I should be able to just go there and take the dog. (not to take him for good) I just want to try to see him before she takes him back to ny.

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Well being the male, they automaticly assume you are the aggressor and will want to go for you and not her. I am studying this in college for B.S. in Criminal Justice, and when your around a woman you should always carry a recorder. I don't want to lose my gun rights because a woman lied to the police, and they won't believe you. Carry a recorder.

You probably won't like my advice Tanner.

Breakup's are never fun but it doesn't appear there's a legal problem yet....don't make one.

I understand about the Dane. It's like a child but in breakup's, the child has to go somewhere. Deal with it. You threatened to call the cops. Bad move. Trailer Park people settle problems like that.

Accept it's over and leave your gun at home when you meet her, record it if you want.

I've gotten to know you over the last few months Tanner. You're better than this.
Take a deep breath, finish your business and get on with life.

peter nap said:

You probably won't like my advice Tanner.

Breakup's are never fun but it doesn't appear there's a legal problem yet....don't make one.

I understand about the Dane. It's like a child but in breakup's, the child has to go somewhere. Deal with it. You threatened to call the cops. Bad move. Trailer Park people settle problems like that.

Accept it's over and leave your gun at home when you meet her, record it if you want.

I've gotten to know you over the last few months Tanner. You're better than this.
Take a deep breath, finish your business and get on with life.

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Im acctually not upset with any thing you said. If it was just her I would not feel the need to carry. I dont know this guy though. I acctually only found out about him by chance. Went to fuel my bus and she happend to be there getting fuel also. I saw him through the window. I will disagree about the threatening to call the police. She had my SSN and birth certificate. I did not want her to have them and she wasent going to give them to me. And im not about to try to take anything by force.

Having a witness, as well as your recorder, is a good idea. There should be no need to change from OC to CC or No-C.

Since it sounds like you have gotten all your stuff moved to somewhere else, you may be better off having no further contact with her. That means not answering phone calls, not opening the door, walking/driving away if you see her out on the street. That may mean deciding not to see the dog if you have no property claim to it.

I edited out a whle lot about all the other issues presented. If you want my take on the details send me a PM.

stay safe.

Tanner, I'm inclined to agree with skid. Although in the short term it could be painful not seeing the dog you're obviously attached to, I think you'd probably be stirring up too much cr@p if you insist on seeing an ex so you can say goodbye to the dog.

Breakups aren't easy, even on those occasions when you're the one who decides to make the break. I've made the mistake in the past of trying to stay in an ex's life (yeah I know you are just thinking of the dog, but the ex might just consider you as hanging on out of desperation) and all it got me was hurt when we broke up and hurt again even more so when she quite emphatically demonstrated that she no longer wanted me in any part of her life. I look back on that episode now and with the benefit of hindsight all I can say about it is "what the #%@* was I thinking?".

Ultimately it's your decision what to do and only you can make it, but I'd give some consideration to walking away from it, holding your head high and telling yourself that as good as it was, she's now in the past and you are only interested in your future

You've gotten some good advice here from friends that know you and care about you. I wish you luck and a quick rebound.

scouser said:

Tanner, I'm inclined to agree with skid. Although in the short term it could be painful not seeing the dog you're obviously attached to, I think you'd probably be stirring up too much cr@p if you insist on seeing an ex so you can say goodbye to the dog.

Breakups aren't easy, even on those occasions when you're the one who decides to make the break. I've made the mistake in the past of trying to stay in an ex's life (yeah I know you are just thinking of the dog, but the ex might just consider you as hanging on out of desperation) and all it got me was hurt when we broke up and hurt again even more so when she quite emphatically demonstrated that she no longer wanted me in any part of her life. I look back on that episode now and with the benefit of hindsight all I can say about it is "what the #%@* was I thinking?".

Ultimately it's your decision what to do and only you can make it, but I'd give some consideration to walking away from it, holding your head high and telling yourself that as good as it was, she's now in the past and you are only interested in your future

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I agree with everything you said. Your right it is hard. At this point I am trying to looks at everything at a strictly legal stand point. I dont need to see her. nor do i really want to. I still want to try to see the dog at least once.

If you get charged with any criminal offense related to this, you've got to go to trial and win. Same with protective orders. You could lose your rights, depending on what kind of case it is, and in what court. If you have any basis for a protective order against her, get a good domestic relations attorney and file a petition pre-emptively.

One thing you could do is pay the landlord a fee for breaking the lease and close up housekeeping and get out. Find your own place.

Also, start doing credit report checking, find out whether "you" have gotten any new credit cards lately.

Who's registered the dog with the county for dog-license purposes? That person presumptively owns the dog. You were never married, so you don't have any marital property. If you had any joint banking arrangements, close 'em out now.

This person must be treated as a hostile stranger from this point on, don't let your feelings related to the past relationship color your behavior towards her. Assume she will use whatever opening you give her. Get out, get away, and have no further contact.

user said:

If you get charged with any criminal offense related to this, you've got to go to trial and win. Same with protective orders. You could lose your rights, depending on what kind of case it is, and in what court. If you have any basis for a protective order against her, get a good domestic relations attorney and file a petition pre-emptively.

One thing you could do is pay the landlord a fee for breaking the lease and close up housekeeping and get out. Find your own place.

Also, start doing credit report checking, find out whether "you" have gotten any new credit cards lately.

Who's registered the dog with the county for dog-license purposes? That person presumptively owns the dog. You were never married, so you don't have any marital property. If you had any joint banking arrangements, close 'em out now.

This person must be treated as a hostile stranger from this point on, don't let your feelings related to the past relationship color your behavior towards her. Assume she will use whatever opening you give her. Get out, get away, and have no further contact.

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Went to the leasing office today. They said they could not break the lease unless both people on the lease signed for it. I know she wont. Get this though. As per skidmarks advice. I called the non emergency police told them the situation and aked for them to be on stand by. They refused and said "adults" need to handel these things on their own and they dont have the man power respond to this call. Well long story short I went through hoop after hoop. The apt complex is getting unauthorized occupant rolling. I ask if I could have hime removed but the cops also said that if her name is also on the leas she has the right to have a guest. Hunters Chase has some kind of 7 day rule so shortly they will be getting the notice. Legally what can I do to get him out of this apt that my name is still on the lease. When getting my things (while they were luckly out) I notice that he does have at least a knife. Dont know if it is relavant but he is clearly in the service. I dont know anything about him other than what I saw laying around the floor. But I have no doubt that he is staying there.

Tanner,

First off you have my condolences for having to go through this mess. On the bright side it is already apparent that you have friends on here and have been given good pieces of advice/opinions.

I personally can only say/add that I hold the opinion that only you can determine if visiting your great Dane is worth putting at risk you gun rights. I say this knowing that to many pet owners their pet is like a child to them and therefore attached is a string bond, that is why IMO only you can make the judgement call if the risk(s) are worth the benefits.

No matter what you finally decide to do, I do share the opinion if others here in that you record the entire occurrence for your own protection.

Well, Tanner...,

scouser, Skid, Peter, ocholsteroc, user, and others have given you some awfully good, actually great advice. Too late for some things now, but there is a ton of things for you to not do next time.

That being said, I recommend having your Dad, or someone else fairly neutral in the situation, kindly ask for your paperwork (SSN,birth cert., etc.), which may not work, but you stay out of contact. You can have a lawyer help you get it, which will cost and you still might not get your stuff back, I don't recommend it. You can get replacements which may be cheaper than getting a lawyer. Just remember though, if you're the type to blame someone, blame yourself, get over it quick, move forward, and remember your lessons, and do better next time.

And Tonka? Well, I think we all had a great time with Tonka at the picnic. Listening to the way you've thought about all that could happen, why would you ever want to go down that road? Yeah, I know, it's like a child to you, but..., IT'S NOT!!! Believe me, I fairly understand the attachment, and it's definitely not worth what you evidently fear could happen. Make a clean break, cut your losses, begin again, better and more informed this time around, Tanner, it was some of the best advice I was ever given, and they were right!!! It's hard at first, but it gets better with time, the shorter the better. Just thank you're lucky stars you WEREN'T married.

sidestreet

Jeremiah 29 vs. 11-13

we are not equal, we will never be equal, but we must be relentless.

Tanner, you've gotten a lot of good advice and you're not taking it. I'll try one more time.

1. Whatever personal property you have in the apartment needs to be gotten out now.

2. You're thinking up reasons to take your gun with you. Bad idea! The biggest danger to you now is having a restraining order (or assault or brandishing charges) filed and all she has to do is say he came here with a gun. This is one of those cases where having a gun presents a bigger danger than leaving it at home.

3. If you want him out or you off of the lease, it looks like you have to tell her in writing, (NOT IN PERSON) he has to go or she has to agree to the lease changes. Send the 7 day letter to the apartment complex then if she refuses.

4. You probably should spend a few dollars to have a lawyer write the letters and I recommended a lawyer a week ago and explained why I wasn't posting his name on the open board.

peter nap said:

Tanner, you've gotten a lot of good advice and you're not taking it. I'll try one more time.

1. Whatever personal property you have in the apartment needs to be gotten out now.

2. You're thinking up reasons to take your gun with you. Bad idea! The biggest danger to you now is having a restraining order (or assault or brandishing charges) filed and all she has to do is say he came here with a gun. This is one of those cases where having a gun presents a bigger danger than leaving it at home.

3. If you want him out or you off of the lease, it looks like you have to tell her in writing, (NOT IN PERSON) he has to go or she has to agree to the lease changes. Send the 7 day letter to the apartment complex then if she refuses.

4. You probably should spend a few dollars to have a lawyer write the letters and I recommended a lawyer a week ago and explained why I wasn't posting his name on the open board.

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Peter has given solid advice - money spent on an attorney might be the best investment you ever make.
Generally, all lease changes need to be made in writing: notices, termination/nonrenewal, even requests for service. Verbals are not worth the price of the paper on which they're not written.

There are other considerations too as to continuing rent liability and any potential damage.

Other considerations: in whose name are utilities, telephone incl. cell, cable/internet?

Drop her like a bad habit. Get you stuff and high-tail it outta there. I'd be moving my money to safe and new accounts. Just cuz she gave back your BC and other stuff is meaningless in today's Interwebs age, she has the vital data. Be ready to meet in a very public place on a busy night and record record record. The business will have video running while you are there.

No guns if you have any doubt about her intentions.....even the slightest shred of a doubt.

A tinfoil hat comes in handy when dealing with this type of situation.....good luck.

NO FACEBOOK or any other social media stuff. No text messages/e-mails other than meeting times and places.

Got a cousin who is a divorce lawyer.....real good one too. I'd hate to be up against him.