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Thread: any good advice please

  1. #1
    Regular Member Gary S's Avatar
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    any good advice please

    My wife has come a long way with guns. From "no absolutely not" to "how many guns can one shoot at a time?" she knew i was looking forward to open carry from the day it was signed into law, only she thought i would continue to conceal carry. I have had her read the open carry argument that is posted on okoca web site, she also knew i went to lunch with okoca Nov 1 at trails end bbq, and also walking around the house inside and out i carry my gun open. And she knows when i run an errand by my self or with my son or whoever i carry open and proud to do so, for we came a long way to do so.
    Now if i go to her job, she is a property manager in sapulpa for two senior living facilities and all her residents know and love me as well as half of them themselves carry, or to go out and eat or shop she insists i go concealed carry. If i don't well im sure most everyone here knows when the wife is mad its on good. She says she does not like the fact that people will "look at us" while we are out and about. I know she is very to her self and does not like attention, but I've explained that no one has even noticed much at all when im carrying open. Her reply "so, i know you are and i just think other people will be uncomfortable about it as well as i do".
    Im at a lost i don't want to push her to hard about it, and risk her back tracking the progress she has made, but i really don't want to conceal any time im out with her. She won't get used to it if i continue to keep it our little secret.
    Has anyone gone thru this yet, and does any one have any good advice to help in this manner.
    Thank you in advanced.

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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwU4C9uXtmw

    I cannot give you any more advice ...

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    Regular Member Gary S's Avatar
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    I don't think id go that far, i just think its easier to not approach it as im telling you this is how it is like it or not, i would prefer her to be comfortable with the fire arm. Especially considering she had one held to her head while being raped i just didn't think it was relevant to include that information before. But ill put it out there now just so people don't assume things like someone being whipped. Which by the way is not a bad thing anyways, if something is going to control me why not that, i could be a lot worst. Just saying, but thanks for your advice anyways, ill keep it in mind.

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    Regular Member hermannr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gary S View Post
    My wife has come a long way with guns. From "no absolutely not" to "how many guns can one shoot at a time?" she knew i was looking forward to open carry from the day it was signed into law, only she thought i would continue to conceal carry. I have had her read the open carry argument that is posted on okoca web site, she also knew i went to lunch with okoca Nov 1 at trails end bbq, and also walking around the house inside and out i carry my gun open. And she knows when i run an errand by my self or with my son or whoever i carry open and proud to do so, for we came a long way to do so.
    Now if i go to her job, she is a property manager in sapulpa for two senior living facilities and all her residents know and love me as well as half of them themselves carry, or to go out and eat or shop she insists i go concealed carry. If i don't well im sure most everyone here knows when the wife is mad its on good. She says she does not like the fact that people will "look at us" while we are out and about. I know she is very to her self and does not like attention, but I've explained that no one has even noticed much at all when im carrying open. Her reply "so, i know you are and i just think other people will be uncomfortable about it as well as i do".
    Im at a lost i don't want to push her to hard about it, and risk her back tracking the progress she has made, but i really don't want to conceal any time im out with her. She won't get used to it if i continue to keep it our little secret.
    Has anyone gone thru this yet, and does any one have any good advice to help in this manner.
    Thank you in advanced.
    My I interject something from an old retired pfardt from out-of-state? I was stationed at Ft Swill many years ago, and still have friends in OK, and that is why I frequent this forum...this is coming from a home state (WA) that has had unlicensed OC forever, and I personally have OC'd since 1970...also, coming from a Lutheran Pastor's family, where, if my dad had to go to town to get something for the farm (yes, he farmed, even though he was also the pastor of a confessional Lutheran congregation.) she would make him change into a suit..."because someone might see him"...Same reason when he got older and my wife and I offered to purchase a Lincoln as confort for his old bones...mom complained "but someone might see us"...Oh boy! Anyway...just want to show,,, that your wife does not want you to draw attention...seen that before...lived with it from my mom.

    This is what I would say to your wife...A porperly holstered open carry does not draw attention...Nervous Nelly draws unwanted attention. You can be nervous Nelly and CC, and still draw unwanted attention... Knowledge of the law, and abiding by the law, give a quiet, confident demure that practically no-one notices...and those that do notice will probably think you are an off duty cop. Anyway, my interactions with others has been....maybe 1,000 people in 1,000,000 will notice, of that 1,000 that notice, maybe 10 will care...that has been my experience.

    My personal number of verbal interactions, with LE, business owners, or just plain old citizens in 42+ years of OC? 8. Only one was slightly negative, which was a restaraunt owner telling me my carry was not allowed in her restaraunt...even though I had open carried in that restaraunt for 6 years, about once a month...talked to the owner or her husband every time we were there...talked guns with her husband even, she had jsut never noticed before...she misunderstood the Liquor Control board restriction on any carry into "bars" here. They have both a bar (21 years old and over only...no carry), and a restaraunt where you can purchase while you eat (can carry and have a beer if you want)

    After she properly understood the law she come back with..."why were you not here yesterday when we had a bear in our dumpster..."

    Anyway, I OC to tell the bad guys that I can protect myself, just leave me alone, and I will leave you alone. It works...has worked for me for 42+ years. The one encounter where someone (I do not know who it was, or why he wanted to beat me up) wanted to hurt me, he saw my OC pistol and very quickly desided that he had better things to do then to beat me up, elsewhere...And that old Colt never even left the holster. Now, that is the way I want it to work...I have absolutely no desire to draw down on someone to stop some action that might be harmful to me.... a properly holstered pistol is a safe pistol...I like to keep it that way.

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    Regular Member Gary S's Avatar
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    Hermannr, thank you yes i agree with what you said and I've also explained that to her. In fact we both tell the story to people about when i first started carrying, i was home from work relaxing and had my gun holstered in my iwb holster but took my work shirt off so it was exposed, when about 10:00 pm or so i have a knock at my front door, unusual because normally anyone who knows me knows 9 pm we are getting ready for bed. I answer the door and there is a tall Mexican looking guy who is also looking pretty rough, standing there and i instantly got a bad feeling. I asked can i help you and his eyes went straight to my gun tucked in its holster in my waist band, and said real shaky like uh sorry i think i have the wrong house and could not leave fast enough. Did he have bad intentions, or just scared at the sight me guns. Either way he or i did not have to find out. So i still don't understand my wifes thoughts about not having it open. And a side note about your dad, that just ment he was a good hard working man but you should have gotten him a caddy instead of the Lincoln, then your mom might of said let them see us. Just my opinion.

  6. #6
    Regular Member hermannr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gary S View Post
    Hermannr, thank you yes i agree with what you said and I've also explained that to her. In fact we both tell the story to people about when i first started carrying, i was home from work relaxing and had my gun holstered in my iwb holster but took my work shirt off so it was exposed, when about 10:00 pm or so i have a knock at my front door, unusual because normally anyone who knows me knows 9 pm we are getting ready for bed. I answer the door and there is a tall Mexican looking guy who is also looking pretty rough, standing there and i instantly got a bad feeling. I asked can i help you and his eyes went straight to my gun tucked in its holster in my waist band, and said real shaky like uh sorry i think i have the wrong house and could not leave fast enough. Did he have bad intentions, or just scared at the sight me guns. Either way he or i did not have to find out. So i still don't understand my wifes thoughts about not having it open. And a side note about your dad, that just ment he was a good hard working man but you should have gotten him a caddy instead of the Lincoln, then your mom might of said let them see us. Just my opinion.
    We bought him an upscale Chevy...I don't know why, I'm a Ford person, but he had a 1967 Corvair with 370,000 miles on it...said he couldn't afford a new car (just wanted me to keep the old Corvair running for him) well, I could aford a new car for him...so we did. (he died a couple years after that in 1988)
    Last edited by hermannr; 11-19-2012 at 07:55 AM.

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    No good advice

    Sorry Gary, I have no good advice for you. I do understand you predicament though. My wife is OK with me OC when I'm by myself, but when we go as a family, then its NOC. Feels I will make bad choices if I am ever put in a SD situation and it would draw more attention to the rest of the family.
    I am not a lawyer and nothing I say should be accepted as legal advice

  8. #8
    Regular Member Gary S's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hrdware View Post
    Sorry Gary, I have no good advice for you. I do understand you predicament though. My wife is OK with me OC when I'm by myself, but when we go as a family, then its NOC. Feels I will make bad choices if I am ever put in a SD situation and it would draw more attention to the rest of the family.
    Well at least i can say im not the only one then. Thank you anyways

  9. #9
    Regular Member Robert318's Avatar
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    Well I'll give it a go, first I will say my wife has went from no way to now wanting to go to the range and shoot my guns but also seriously considering and talking about getting her own permit to carry.

    As for the advise, one is to make clear and on the table that you both respect each others views and opinions regardless of whether or not you agree with those views and opinions. Secondly, the main reasoning behind the carry is for the safety of your family and that open carry if you so choose is far more effective a deterrent than conceal carry as self evident in your own experience with the knock at the door. And that you have a greater desire to avoid every actually having to use your weapon than being forced into using the weapon because it was out of sight out of mind for the bad guy.

    Also that you carrying openly means that you refuse to let the bad guy or anyone elses opinion or views dictate the safety of you and/or your family and that your wife by caring about others opinion or views on such matters is giving the bad guy and others the power over yours and her safety. Given her past I would think that she would be on board to do the most she can to avoid ever being a victim again.

    And something else that I think has helped my wife is being around me carrying and meeting and being around others with the same views for open carry.

    Hope this helps, though it's not much it helped me.
    Last edited by Robert318; 11-19-2012 at 07:21 PM.
    Stay safe and God bless.

    Everyone will hate you because of me.
    But not a hair of your head will perish.
    Stand firm, and you will win life.
    (Luke 21:17-19 NIV)

    "Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." Benjamin Franklin

    "The God who gave us life, gave us liberty at the same time; the hand of force may destroy, but cannot disjoin them.",
    "No freeman shall be debarred the use of arms."Thomas Jefferson

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    Patience

    My best advice is to continue to be patient with her. In your own words, she has come a long way, especially in light of her experience with guns. Consider yourself lucky that she understands enough that it doesn't frighten her too much that you carry one. Try to put yourself in her shoes, you sound like a good guy. Time takes care of a lot of these type issues, time and patience.

    Best of luck.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Robert318 View Post
    Secondly, the main reasoning behind the carry is for the safety of your family and that open carry if you so chose is far more effective a deterrent than conceal carry as self evident in your own experience with the knock at the door. And that you have a greater desire to avoid every actually having to use your weapon than being forced into using the weapon because it was out of sight out of mind for the bad guy.
    +1

  12. #12
    Regular Member Gary S's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by babiker911 View Post
    My best advice is to continue to be patient with her. In your own words, she has come a long way, especially in light of her experience with guns. Consider yourself lucky that she understands enough that it doesn't frighten her too much that you carry one. Try to put yourself in her shoes, you sound like a good guy. Time takes care of a lot of these type issues, time and patience.

    Best of luck.
    Thank you for your advice, i do put my self in her shoes to try and understand, i think if it had been me i would want the bad guys knowing im not the target they are looking for. But since it wasn't me and she does not talk about it much i won't know exactly how it makes her feel.
    I am taking it slow with her and real proud how far she has come, she even enjoys going to the range with me, and can shoot really good. I am glad that it is getting colder out because a coat will keep it out of site but not be in deep concealment, and she is ok if we are out at a restaurant if i sit with my weak side to the isle way, down side sometimes that means back to the doors, but if that's what it takes then that's what ill do, and hope she is more comfortable when spring gets here.
    Again thank you for your thoughts.

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