Attention Legislators! Want to ban something? Just click here!

As we all know, the Gun-Free School Zones Act of 1990 has been given the rubber stamp of approval by the US Supreme Court. Thanks to their complete inability to comprehend what the commerce clause of the United States Consitution (Article I, Section 8, Clause 3) means, you now have free reign to ban anything and everything you could have ever wanted from any location desired. Simply fill out this form, which will then utilize the bullet-proof layout of the GFSZA to instantly produce the legislation needed to legally implement your ban today!


http://blogfiles.codemuddler.com/temp/gfza.htm



This is the third time in my life I have ever written Javascript, it may not work in your browser. It works in Google Chrome (100%) and Internet Explorer (95%, refreshing the page does not reset the form; you have to use your back button). As to firefox, opera, and/or safari.... I dunno, let me know. I spent a couple hours this afternoon putting this together after I did a thought exercise of my own reading the GFSZA and replacing "firearm" with "cowboy hat" in my head. I can't imagine the framers of the constitution ever could have intended for the commerce clause to be used in this way.. I always thought it was just to prevent 1 state from imposing a tariff on goods from another state or something of that sort.

hahaha

I showed this to my wife and she didn't get it 100%, so let me explain. I guess my point is this:

If you take the GFSZA and re-word it to be about cowboy hats, and how you better not have one on you unless you're on your way across the schools property to go dog walking; the law would never pass. Aside from being inane, it would violate the 1st amendment and everybody would up in arms over it.

But you take the GFSZA which restricts possession of another completely legal to posses item (which is also protected under the Constitution, just like cowboy hats are), and it's A-O-K in the court's eyes.

Firefox 17.0 works

FrayedString said:

As we all know, the Gun-Free School Zones Act of 1990 has been given the rubber stamp of approval by the US Supreme Court. Thanks to their complete inability to comprehend what the commerce clause of the United States Consitution (Article I, Section 8, Clause 3) means, you now have free reign to ban anything and everything you could have ever wanted from any location desired. Simply fill out this form, which will then utilize the bullet-proof layout of the GFSZA to instantly produce the legislation needed to legally implement your ban today!


http://blogfiles.codemuddler.com/temp/gfza.htm



This is the third time in my life I have ever written Javascript, it may not work in your browser. It works in Google Chrome (100%) and Internet Explorer (95%, refreshing the page does not reset the form; you have to use your back button). As to firefox, opera, and/or safari.... I dunno, let me know. I spent a couple hours this afternoon putting this together after I did a thought exercise of my own reading the GFSZA and replacing "firearm" with "cowboy hat" in my head. I can't imagine the framers of the constitution ever could have intended for the commerce clause to be used in this way.. I always thought it was just to prevent 1 state from imposing a tariff on goods from another state or something of that sort.

Click to expand...

This gives a whole new meaning to MADD Libs. (pun)
very clever

It works in mobile safari.

(A) It shall be unlawful for any individual knowingly to possess a Soap bar that has moved in or that otherwise affects interstate or foreign commerce at a place that the individual knows, or has reasonable cause to believe, is a school zone.
(B) Subparagraph (A) does not apply to the possession of a Soap bar-
(i) on private property not part of school grounds;
(ii) if the individual possessing the Soap bar is licensed to do so by the State in which the school zone is located or a political subdivision of the State, and the law of the State or political subdivision requires that, before an individual obtains such a license, the law enforcement authorities of the State or political subdivision verify that the individual is qualified under law to receive the license;
(iii) that is- (I) not Sticky ; and (II) in a locked container, or a locked Soap bar rack that is on a motor vehicle;
(iv) by an individual for use in a program approved by a school in the school zone;
(v) by an individual in accordance with a contract entered into between a school in the school zone and the individual or an employer of the individual;
(vi) by a law enforcement officer acting in his or her official capacity; or
(vii) that is Wet and is possessed by an individual while traversing school premises for the purpose of gaining access to public or private lands open to Playing frisbee, if the entry on school premises is authorized by school authorities.
(3) (A) Except as provided in subparagraph (B), it shall be unlawful for any person, knowingly or with reckless disregard for the safety of another, to Throw or attempt to Throw a Soap bar that has moved in or that otherwise affects interstate or foreign commerce at a place that the person knows is a school zone. (B) Subparagraph (A) does not apply to the Throwing of a Soap bar-
(i) on private property not part of school grounds;
(ii) as part of a program approved by a school in the school zone, by an individual who is participating in the program;
(iii) by an individual in accordance with a contract entered into between a school in the school zone and the individual or an employer of the individual; or
(iv) by a law enforcement officer acting in his or her official capacity.
(4) Nothing in this subsection shall be construed as preempting or preventing a State or local government from enacting a statute establishing Soap bar free school zones as provided in this subsection.

I wrote one to ban the wife into not nagging me anymore ... it never got out of committee ...

LOL! This is great!