Dating, a new problem for carriers?

First off I would like to introduce myself, My name is Dave I am 23 years old, I moved to Wiconsin from Illinois and only have been carrying for a year.

As a young man I feel the need to search for someone to share a relationship with, as everyone searches for in their lifetime. I recent started carrying and it has become a huge part of my life and it has become something that ive become used to and it seems the norm. With gun control being a really big subject being thrown around by the media and in our country as you know concealed and open carry have been big media subjects (usually only bad things) and the recent shootings that are being shoved everywhere, a lot of people who are on the fence are starting to be bombarded by misinformation. Everyone thinks if they see a guy with a sidearm holstered and acting normal might just start shooting everyone or rob the place, in fact we are the good guys, who are only looking to protect ourselves and/or others. It seems that I have to hide the fact that I carry for a bit while talking with women and going on dates, I have had two dates go horribly wrong because of this issue, first one; told her towards the end of the date when she felt the firearm on my side, she freaked and basically told me I am a horrible person/crazy. With the second I decided to just mention that I spend one day every other weekend at the range, BOOM it was like i called her a dirty name.

I have tried to be open with it, tried to hide it, tried to put it into the conversation and it seems that since I started carrying, it is IMPOSSIBLE to find someone who wont shriek at the thought of her new date carrying a Glock19.

This is an Issue I have not seen talked about anywhere. Thoughts?

Best to find out that they are commies or fascists now ... like if you wore a Bears sweater ... best find out early.

I would let them know during dinner .. then make them pay for the meal if they freak out.

Some suggestions

Maybe try finding a girl who is a gun club member? Or if that fails - get your NRA instructor's cert. and offer free classes to women. You'd be doing a community service and setting yourself up with a network of female friends who all have other female friends. Women love to help the friends find a "good" guy. Just make sure you are a good guy first. All is fair in love & war. :dude:

Sounds like a place to look for "potentials" might be at ranges and other places where folks of a like mind would tend to congregate.

Best of luck in your search.

Every time you ask a girl on a date, tell them you would like to take them to the range and then dinner?? :idea: That would at least sort out their feelings on it beforehand...

Do not hide who you are and expect someone to love you for yourself.

Those seem like some pretty odd reactions to me. Then again, I'm from Texas, where most people at least pretend to think that guns are normal. Even the most hoity toity people I know carry. My first reaction was that, I couldn't help but think you must have been weird about it in some way, and that must have freaked them out. If someone gave me a hug and felt my gun, and asked me with a concerned look, what's that? You have to set the tone, answer, that's my carry piece, with a tone that says, what of it? Who cares? If they look like they're about to freak out, give them the most WTF look you can muster. They're the weird ones, not you. Unless you react weird to their concern, as if you've been caught doing something you didn't want them to know about.

But I agree that, if that's just the way those women are, better to find out on the first date so you don't waste any more time/money on them...

If a woman did not want to date me because I was white, that's a problem. Hers. Not mine.

Same thing if a woman did not want to date me because I respected Liberty, including the unlicensed RKBA. Her problem. Not mine.

There are plenty of women out there without irrational fears and prejudices. They will make better girlfriends and wives than the wackadoodles will. And, for most rational males, finding a quality person to be one's wife is the ultimate goal of dating.

Grapeshot said:

Do not hide who you are and expect someone to love you for yourself.

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+100

I think the frustration that the OP is probably feeling is that many otherwise fine, sensible females, may be completely paranoid and non-sensible when it comes to guns - particularly if they have had absolutely no exposure to them other than what the media has chosen to show them.

I had a female boss once that was this way. Afraid of guns to the point of it nearly being a phobia, and very "anti". I don't remember how, but I convinced her to go to a safety class being held by the gun club I was a member of. That safety class had a live fire component. After actually handling a gun, seeing it wasn't an evil serpent that would force its will upon her, and firing the gun and seeing it didn't blow up in her hands, the mystery and paranoia were dispelled. She now has a concealed weapons permit and is very pro-gun.

A lot of the good dating material out there may fall into the category of "sheltered her whole life and just doesn't know any better" -- especially in some of the less freedom-loving states. If they got to know you, and that you're an awesome guy, etc., then when they find out about the gun thing, it's OK, because they already know you're an awesome guy, so the gun thing probably doesn't mean you're secretly a lunatic and they've not been able to detect it all this time.

Then again, they may love you, think you're an awesome guy, and even want to get married, find out about the gun thing, and say "well, not in my house" and then where are you.

It's easy for those of us that have CHL/OC wives or girlfriends, or at least partners who are ambivalent about guns, tell the OP "there are more fish in the sea", but I can still appreciate his frustration.

Perhaps at the outset you have a little "compatibility Q&A session" with each other and go over the biggies: gun control, abortion, drugs, wealth redistribution, etc. and see where each other lies. Make sure she answers the "gun control" one before you do. If she's an absolute Nazi on the topic then maybe that one's not going to work. But if she's simply "I don't understand why people think they need a gun" she may just be your garden variety ignorant person who can be led to understand. You can't drop CC or OC on that person right away -- too fast -- but you can reply back with something like "I think it's mostly because they care about the safety of their loved ones, themselves, and their community and couldn't bear the possibility of standing by helplessly and watching someone hurt someone they care about -- when seconds count the police are only minutes away".

If it's apparent that they are absolutely walled off to the idea, then maybe they aren't worth the effort to see if they can be educated or not.

When I lived at home I lived in an anti-gun household. For whatever reason that didn't work for me and I bought my first gun pretty much immediately after moving out at age 18. I applied for my CHL the day I turned 21. That was over 2 decades ago. In the years since I have run into lots of people -- coworkers, family, etc. -- that were generally or strongly anti-gun. By the time they found out I carried they were willing to listen and understand because they respected me as a person and figured it just can't be pure evil if I do it. If they are anti and don't already know and respect you, then "you plus gun" equals "you're the same as everything they already dislike about guns". You don't get a chance and neither does the topic.

Crappy situation but I hope there's at least something in my rambling above that is slightly helpful.

My current romantic interest lives in Minneapolis, and her only exposure to guns throughout her entire life (until me) had been negative. So we met last year and became close, but guns didn't come up until the Zimmerman trial.

She was 100% for the death of George Zimmerman by firing squad ... Until I asked her why. "Because he killed that poor little kid!" Why? "I don't know, maybe --" Let me stop you right there.

We had a calm, scientific conversation about it and left emotion at the door. I revealed to her that I carry a gun every single day and even sent her a picture of my "date attire" with my blue 1911 with tan grips on my side. "But ... You're normal." I most certainly am not; I'm much too fun to be normal.

Once I made that joke, she seemed so much at ease. She is no longer anti-gun or anti-carry. She even acknowledged that the decisions GZ made were stupid, but not criminally violent.

So that goes to show that the long-distance relationship thing can have its advantages, if you ingratiate yourself with the person before revealing your carry and then follow up with a joke.

For things going on in person, I don't even mention it. I showed up openly carrying my Springer to pick a girl up and carpool to school, and she hugged me and didn't even care.

David DeRose said:

...it is IMPOSSIBLE to find someone who wont shriek at the thought of her new date carrying a Glock19...

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It's very, very possible, although you may be too young to know it. (speaking like my father used to)

Check meetup.com (which is not what you might think) for a good way to meets lots of different kinds of women.

The other thing you might want to do is not make the presence of your firearm known. Let the women get to know you first and vice versa - if there are mutual feelings and respect they will be much more open to something and someone they may have formerly run away screaming from.

Keep us posted!

OP I have carried a long long time, though some of that carry was CC. For some time we were swingers, and I also dated on my own. I never seemed to have a problem finding willing women to date. Though I never made carrying a gun the issue of a date it was never hidden from them. Age is a factor, or I should say maturity, given enough time the right person will come along. Being in a niche helps, it could be finding that niche that handguns do not bother. I fell into that so ugly that some women find attractive niche, and I played it for what it was worth.

I have always found nurses the most accepting, but they may not be the best long term mates. They can be somewhat outward for some people, and face some of the same issues with acceptance of their sexual habits. About half the girls I dated in the lifestyle were nurses, nothing shocked or fazed them.

Grapeshot said:

Do not hide who you are and expect someone to love you for yourself.

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+1 Especially when it comes to a relationship you want to last. Being anything other than yourself will lead to disaster.

OP I find the exact opposite, the amount of female attention I have gotten because of OC has greatly increased, there seems to only be a minority who don't like it.

@ the OP;

Or, you could save yourself alot of trouble, and just date a guy. Then you can have your sports buddy, bar wingman, range-mate, sniper/spotter, amateur car mechanic friend, and sex partner! Who knows, you might find one who even cooks good! Not all us gay dudes are flamboyant twinks, and you never know how much you like having a man's man as your lover and best friend till you try it! Hey, it takes a guy, to know how to have fun with a guy ;3

I met a hot girl standing in line at a grocery store and struck up a conversation. Luckily, after some light banter, I asked her what she was doing that evening, and she accepted my offer to meet for a cup of coffee. After several dates, I was beginning to have the same concerns about bringing up the subject of firearms the OP laments. This girl I had begun dating was very "feminine" in the stereotypical sense. (Into lipstick, high heels, etc.) and seemed to lean a little left of center philosophically. I was very concerned about the longevity of our relationship when the subject of guns inevitably arrived.

So I planned it out very carefully. I asked her out to a local mall with several anchor stores attached to do what she loved to do: shopping. However, this particular mall just so happened to have a Cabela's. How slick was I when we passed the entrance and I dropped the nonchalant, "Hmmm. Let's see what they have in here."? Whereupon, I simply walked around until I passed a display containing ammo, and picked up a box just to gauge her reaction.

Was I ever surprised to hear her remark, "I wouldn't buy that here. Wal-Mart has it cheaper.".

This seemed like a clear "green light" to delve into the subject, so I asked if she liked to shoot.

"Of course.", she said. "You don't think I'd meet some stranger I just met for coffee without my Glock, do you?".

Remember: Concealed carry works both ways.

Superlite27 said:

I met a hot girl standing in line at a grocery store and struck up a conversation. Luckily, after some light banter, I asked her what she was doing that evening, and she accepted my offer to meet for a cup of coffee. After several dates, I was beginning to have the same concerns about bringing up the subject of firearms the OP laments. This girl I had begun dating was very "feminine" in the stereotypical sense. (Into lipstick, high heels, etc.) and seemed to lean a little left of center philosophically. I was very concerned about the longevity of our relationship when the subject of guns inevitably arrived.

So I planned it out very carefully. I asked her out to a local mall with several anchor stores attached to do what she loved to do: shopping. However, this particular mall just so happened to have a Cabela's. How slick was I when we passed the entrance and I dropped the nonchalant, "Hmmm. Let's see what they have in here."? Whereupon, I simply walked around until I passed a display containing ammo, and picked up a box just to gauge her reaction.

Was I ever surprised to hear her remark, "I wouldn't buy that here. Wal-Mart has it cheaper.".

This seemed like a clear "green light" to delve into the subject, so I asked if she liked to shoot.

"Of course.", she said. "You don't think I'd meet some stranger I just met for coffee without my Glock, do you?".

Remember: Concealed carry works both ways.

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I love it!

Hey, I got my Kimber when someone got married and all of the sudden he "wasn't having a gun in her house." Even though she move into his house of seven (7) years.

So, "that talk" needs to happen early.

I married a CT Yankee and she didn't like it, but she knew it was who I was and she accepted it has part of me - she even carries now.

I don't know what area you are in, but relationships are like SCUBA diving. Clear the air early and often.

Superlite27 said:

I met a hot girl standing in line at a grocery store and struck up a conversation. Luckily, after some light banter, I asked her what she was doing that evening, and she accepted my offer to meet for a cup of coffee. After several dates, I was beginning to have the same concerns about bringing up the subject of firearms the OP laments. This girl I had begun dating was very "feminine" in the stereotypical sense. (Into lipstick, high heels, etc.) and seemed to lean a little left of center philosophically. I was very concerned about the longevity of our relationship when the subject of guns inevitably arrived...

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So what's the status of the relationship?

There needs to be a firm stance on this. My wife as most know hates guns.. (She loves her sig mosquito) hates them, the attention they bring and being asked to leave places really pisses her of. But she has her hobbies and beliefs and I have mine. We understand each other and respect that.


-Matt of Hillsboro OR-