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Need some help: wife opposes me carrying

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color of law

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Or how about just telling her: I'm carrying my gun...end of conversation. Don't like it..there's the door.

This will settle the matter.

But that's just me...Mr. Sensitive.

Now I know why there was something that bothered me about you.

You are just to sensitive for my taste.

Repealing the 19th Amendment would go a long way in resolving many of this countries many ills......
 

OC for ME

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DM hit the nail on the head.

Go forth armed where legal to do so and she will get used to it. Discuss it no more, just do it. You arming yourself should be no different than you slapping that cell phone on your hip. Place the burden on her to decide, husband with gun, or no husband. The mere fact that you will go out armed is the only thing she needs to know, and no words are required for her to know.

The key is to not engage in any confrontational conversations. Go forth armed and let her choose.
 

Rusty Young Man

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To the OP: here is an list I think may help.

Psychiatrist examines anti-gun mentality (may explain your wife's stance):
http://www.vcdl.org/new/raging.htm
http://oldsite.vcdl.org/new/raging.htm

Naive pacifism (though I now doubt she is a real pacifist, this may be applicable):
http://www.learnaboutguns.com/2008/10/03/pacifism-a-naive-and-dangerous-approach-to-life/#kant

And here is one OCDO thread dealing with carry in places the antis usually say don't warrant carry (THANK Protias for keeping it fairly up to date):
http://forum.opencarry.org/forums/showthread.php?80229-No-need-for-a-gun

The advantage of the last one is the inclusion of links to news reports. Invaluable if you are trying to how someone that it isn't likely an Internet-perpetuated myth.
 

wimwag

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Mine objected too. She bitched and complained that I was carrying and I ignored her. Only explained it once. 5 years later, only comments under her breath that she won't repeat.

Differences between mine and yours will be vast, but mine had a stalker recently. He followed her in the parking lot, parked closer every day. Followed her home twice until he saw me OC while picking her up from work. Got his plates and a few pictures plus eliminated most the bitching about the gun.

Maybe try just doing it. She'll get used to it eventually.

Sent from my ZTE V768 using Tapatalk 2
 

PistolPackingMomma

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I think it would be better to make the wife an ally rather than present her with an ultimatum. I doubt that will make her anything but defensive and more resistant.

If you are carrying for defense, and she objects, there are plenty of examples to show her victims of crime were not born so; it happened, suddenly and unexpectedly. Others have touched upon the "I couldn't forgive myself if something happened to you and I could have stopped it..." angle.

If you are carrying for your own desire, interest or statement, and she objects, ask her if you are not an adult with your own interests and volition, and can she respect your choices as you respect hers, even in light of disagreement?
 

DocWalker

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I think it would be better to make the wife an ally rather than present her with an ultimatum. I doubt that will make her anything but defensive and more resistant.

If you are carrying for defense, and she objects, there are plenty of examples to show her victims of crime were not born so; it happened, suddenly and unexpectedly. Others have touched upon the "I couldn't forgive myself if something happened to you and I could have stopped it..." angle.

If you are carrying for your own desire, interest or statement, and she objects, ask her if you are not an adult with your own interests and volition, and can she respect your choices as you respect hers, even in light of disagreement?

The only problem once she feels how much safer she is and gets to enjoy shooting your ammo bills will rise and in my case if I buy a new gun I have to by her one...her rule.
 

notalawyer

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If I was the OP's spouse, after reading his posts, I would not want him carrying a handgun either.

1. He mentions he'd be OK with leaving it in the car. Unattended gun!?
2. He mentions he'd insert himself into the situation to save someone else. Saving strangers!?

I think the OP should be asking himself why he wants to carry, and to align his priorities. He should NOT be doing things he wouldn't do unarmed.

FWIW.

Really? I hope this reply is in jest!


He mentions he'd be OK with leaving it in the car. Unattended gun!?
OMG! It's going to disengage itself form its container/mount and go shoot people. :shocker:
Many thousands of people keep a firearm in their vehicles all the time. Yes some get stolen, but that is no different that getting a GPS stolen.
Personally, I've kept a pistol, rifle, shotgun and other weapons in my truck for something like 30 years. :banghead:

I won't comment on #2. :rolleyes:
 

PistolPackingMomma

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I don't regard that as a problem, but, then again, I would rather buy ammo than a pedicure, so I guess I'm ahead of the curve.
 

DocWalker

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Really? I hope this reply is in jest!


OMG! It's going to disengage itself form its container/mount and go shoot people. :shocker:
Many thousands of people keep a firearm in their vehicles all the time. Yes some get stolen, but that is no different that getting a GPS stolen.
Personally, I've kept a pistol, rifle, shotgun and other weapons in my truck for something like 30 years. :banghead:

I won't comment on #2. :rolleyes:

Sad about sociaty today.

I also remember leaving firearms in our vehicles. Heck we would leave them in the gun rack in our trucks usally unlocked while parked in the school parking lot and go hunting after school. Almost all the student in my high school did the same (guys anyway) without problems. Today well they have signs don't they.
 

notalawyer

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Sad about sociaty today.

I also remember leaving firearms in our vehicles. Heck we would leave them in the gun rack in our trucks usally unlocked while parked in the school parking lot and go hunting after school. Almost all the student in my high school did the same (guys anyway) without problems. Today well they have signs don't they.

Yes, ans the OP's wife possess the attitude that brought us here!
 

Maverick9

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Really? I hope this reply is in jest!


OMG! It's going to disengage itself form its container/mount and go shoot people. :shocker:
Many thousands of people keep a firearm in their vehicles all the time. Yes some get stolen, but that is no different that getting a GPS stolen.
Personally, I've kept a pistol, rifle, shotgun and other weapons in my truck for something like 30 years. :banghead:

I won't comment on #2. :rolleyes:

OK, Mr Smarty Pants, I triple dog dare you to put your Glock on the dashboard of your truck and go into the Mall and shop for two hours. After all it's just like getting a GPS stolen.
 

OC for ME

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We were planning to go to Costco this evening. She gets home, and a minute later she says she'll be back in a little bit. Asked where she was going and she said "Costco". I said "I was willing to come with". She says "If you're going to carry that gun, I'm going to go by myself". "Are you sure you don't want me to come with?" I asked. "If you'll at least leave it in the car" she replies. "Cuz nothing could happen in the store, right?" There was more to the conversation/argument from there, but that's the gist of it.

This isn't the first time it's come up. First, she had been very resistant to me even getting the gun. I finally saved up the money over several months to afford it rather than dumping a chunk all at once. Then she wanted to set rules about when it should be out or loaded. I accepted them. Then she showed opposition to me getting a concealed carry permit. I'd been telling her for years that I wanted to get one, and gave her my reasons. Then I decided to open carry until I get my permit, since it's perfectly legal here. The first couple times I wore it out, she didn't even notice. Then when she finally did, she started to grouse about it. And now we've gotten to the point where this evening's situation happened.

So I'm trying to figure out how to handle this. I obviously don't want to completely piss my wife off, but I also feel strongly about my right to protect myself and those I care about, especially in today's age of random public mass shootings. She doesn't seem to understand that. I don't know if she thinks I'm trying to be some vigilante or something (which I'm not), but she seems to feel that my wanting to carry is irrational. She makes the point that we live in a safer city now, which we do (lived in Salinas, CA for years where gangs are terrible and crime is high; now live in Eugene, OR where crime is less and gangs are almost non-existent). I point out that the mall shooting a couple years back in Portland was a pretty safe place, not to mention Sandy Hook.

I just don't know what to say. I've tried "I hope you'll trust me to be responsible with it", that "just because we've never been the victim of violent crime thus far doesn't mean we never will be", the tried-and-true "I'd rather have it and never need it than need it and not have it", that "crime happens everywhere, not just in bad areas". I can't tell her that I wouldn't go to someone else's aid if a shooting started but we were safe, because I AM the kind of person that would try to help others.

How do you all think I should proceed?
She seems to not want you to carry a gun, for sure. Even owning one seems to have pissed her off, but she tolerates it, now.Years, and she "disagrees" with you getting a CCO. If she has not changer her position then she won't. But, you did get the CCP, and somehow you remain married.

Too late for that. Engaging with her for these past several years has not changed her mind or her position. She has only come to accept what is and continues to press you on those points that you have conceded to her.

The choice is hers, live with it or not. Married, or not. It is tough, but you have, it seems, been the accommodating one on this issue. Her, not even close. She accepts what is and moves on. She will do so again. Carry and ignore her on this particular issue, it is not worth it to say something just to convince her that will make matters worse.

You life, your wife.
 

notalawyer

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OK, Mr Smarty Pants, I triple dog dare you to put your Glock on the dashboard of your truck and go into the Mall and shop for two hours. After all it's just like getting a GPS stolen.

Since I'm in a good mood today, I'll answer your childish reductio ad absurdum argument: I'm sorry, that practice would be unlawful in Florida.
 

Bernymac

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Just give her a hug and say "I love you, honey!" everytime she tries to give you grief about the gun. Logic does not appeal to emotion so just let it go and carry on. She may get tired of trying to dissuade you...or not. In my experience, they eventually get tired, they may not concede, but they do get tired.

Or you could also keep telling her "Yes, honey, that is a gun in my pocket AND I am happy to see you!" :D
 

BB62

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She seems to not want you to carry a gun, for sure. Even owning one seems to have pissed her off, but she tolerates it, now.Years, and she "disagrees" with you getting a CCO. If she has not changer her position then she won't. But, you did get the CCP, and somehow you remain married.

Too late for that. Engaging with her for these past several years has not changed her mind or her position. She has only come to accept what is and continues to press you on those points that you have conceded to her.

The choice is hers, live with it or not. Married, or not. It is tough, but you have, it seems, been the accommodating one on this issue. Her, not even close. She accepts what is and moves on. She will do so again. Carry and ignore her on this particular issue, it is not worth it to say something just to convince her that will make matters worse.

You life, your wife.
+1

(my bold above, although I agree with the entire post)
 

SouthernBoy

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DM hit the nail on the head.

Go forth armed where legal to do so and she will get used to it. Discuss it no more, just do it. You arming yourself should be no different than you slapping that cell phone on your hip. Place the burden on her to decide, husband with gun, or no husband. The mere fact that you will go out armed is the only thing she needs to know, and no words are required for her to know.

The key is to not engage in any confrontational conversations. Go forth armed and let her choose.

This.

Your were born with your right to defend yourself... you were not born with a wife. And I bet you had an interest in firearms before you got married. Your right to carry a firearm takes precedence over your wife's privilege to complain about it and try to give you grief. Of course it is in both of your interests to maintain and promote a happy life together. Marriage takes work and effort and a lot of give and take. But there are some things that just have to be asserted and you fundamental rights are at the top of that list.
 

skidmark

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I admit I only skimmed through the OP's posts, but I'm pretty sure I did not see anything where he explained to his Dear Wife why he loves and cherishes her so much thast he is willing to go to the hassle of carrying a gun to prevent any harm from coming to her.

Very rarely have I heard the "discussion" framed in terms of the gun being carried is too wimpy a caliber. Most of the time it seems to be about emotional stuff like "what will the neighbors think" or "someone might think you are a violent person" or the like. Telling her you hope the neighbors think you are willing to be as violent as is needed when it comes to protecting her, as one of your expressions of love for and to her, can often get the point across. As for the rest of the time, your not having been a mean, nasty, violent person probably suggests that unless someone is threatening her you will continue to be a not-mean, not-nasty, not-violent person who loves her very much.

But as far as Costco and a bunch of other places - 1) just because they do not have signs does not mean anything (unless you are in a state that requires signs to be posted if the place is a victim disarmament zone), 2) now is the time to decide if you retain your Costco membership or jump ship to some other bulk box store, and 3) you might want to do a search for the various sites that catalog the gun-unfriendly businesses in your area/state.

stay safe.
 

katenka

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This.

Your were born with your right to defend yourself... you were not born with a wife. And I bet you had an interest in firearms before you got married. Your right to carry a firearm takes precedence over your wife's privilege to complain about it and try to give you grief. Of course it is in both of your interests to maintain and promote a happy life together. Marriage takes work and effort and a lot of give and take. But there are some things that just have to be asserted and you fundamental rights are at the top of that list.

Definitely well said. Put the big boy holster on and carry wherever you want, whenever you want. It's your right.
 
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