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Thread: Spouse disagrees

  1. #1
    Regular Member Dave1776's Avatar
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    Spouse disagrees

    Hi All

    Question for you. I have wanted to buy a weapon for quite awhile but my wife well she is just sort of against firearms. She was raised abroad in a country that does not allow weapons so that is just how she was raised.

    While I want to respect her views and wishes I have sort of noticed a very very slight change lately. Because the direction this county is going she has sort of been talking more about politics which is rare for her and during one of these discussions I mentioned I had thought about getting a weapon and she didn't say anything one way or the other be it for or against. That alone sort of surprised me as when we discussed in past she always was against period.

    With this slight change what would you all recommend for me to keep her views changing for the positive? I don't want to push but with this change in how she reacts I sense a chance of maybe changing her opinion on this.

    Any thoughts of how to proceed without scaring her back to the anti gun position?

    EDIT:

    Have seen a number of posts below suggesting getting her to a firing range and firing this or that. I am NOT trying to get her to carry as that she will never do that I can tell you it just isn't her plain and simple! Nothing I can say or do will change that fact and I would not try to. This is about me convincing her to let me carry and go to the range and such.

    So thanks for the advice of getting her out but it isn't about her in that sense!

    Dave
    Last edited by Dave1776; 03-17-2014 at 03:38 AM.

  2. #2
    Campaign Veteran marshaul's Avatar
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    Of course this may be easier said than done, but I would opine what she needs is less of a "push" and more a bit of open discussion.

    I am supremely confident that "we" are sufficiently in the right as to easily come out on top in any objective discussion on the merits of firearms ownership.

    Perhaps you could get her to articulate her objections (ask how she feels on the matter, say you want to make sure you're on the same page).

    Then, if you're lucky, you can show her that those objections are honest misconceptions that anybody with her background might have, but are misconceptions nonetheless.

  3. #3
    Regular Member Dave1776's Avatar
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    Well one thing I have sort of done is get a couple firearms magazines guns & ammo and such to give her that sort of hint that might sort of let her also maybe ask some questions as well where it would be her bringing the questions up rather then me pushing even if gently. I know when I do get the chance I try and bring up the topic but maybe just treating it to gingerly not wanting to push her back to the dark side HA HA

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    If you can get her to a range and rent a LCP or a similar small caliber handgun the odds are very good that she will never look back. The vast majority of first time shooters are immediately hooked, regardless of political affiliations provided they aren't shooting something that doesn't overpower them.

  5. #5
    Regular Member Dave1776's Avatar
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    I can guarantee that won't happen. She might be talking more but that far she has not come yet and don't sense it anytime soon even if she is listening more to my desire to carry.

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    Regular Member sudden valley gunner's Avatar
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    You too should go to an OC meet. Familiarity and association is the best way to get over prejudice and bigotry.
    I am not anti Cop I am just pro Citizen.

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  7. #7
    Regular Member JustaShooter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dario View Post
    If you can get her to a range and rent a LCP or a similar small caliber handgun the odds are very good that she will never look back. The vast majority of first time shooters are immediately hooked, regardless of political affiliations provided they aren't shooting something that doesn't overpower them.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dave1776 View Post
    I can guarantee that won't happen. She might be talking more but that far she has not come yet and don't sense it anytime soon even if she is listening more to my desire to carry.
    If the opportunity does present itself, I'd recommend against the LCP and similar "pocket pistols". They tend to have sharp recoil for their caliber because of their diminutive size and light weight. A .22 LR in something like a Ruger Mark II or Browning Buck Mark would, in my opinion, be a much better choice for a first time shooter.
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    Activist Member golddigger14s's Avatar
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    There is a whole thread on a similar subject, so instead of retyping my replies I will guide you there. Just ignore some of the childish bickering.
    Since you are in WA, I strongly suggest you come to our sub-forum and come to some of our meets. Start by coming by yourself to get some insight, then slowly start bringing her around. As for a first gun for her to try if/when that comes to being, don't even start with a pistol. Start with a .22 rifle, there are more than enough of us out there that would be happy to have you tag along for some shooting. We as a group have to realize that people that have no experience with guns have been brainwashed by the govt/media. They only hear of the bad things that happen, they don't hear how there are still people who rely on a firearm to feed their family.

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    Regular Member Dave1776's Avatar
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    Well for her I know she will never shoot that I know for a fact. But just trying to open her to the idea of me getting a weapon and such without issues. And of course having one around the house. It's just the culture she was raised in as no 2nd amendment there so people are unarmed except the criminal element of course and cops.

  10. #10
    Regular Member Dave1776's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sudden valley gunner View Post
    You too should go to an OC meet. Familiarity and association is the best way to get over prejudice and bigotry.
    Is there a list of groups and locations and times and such by state?

  11. #11
    Regular Member Dave1776's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JTHunter View Post
    Hi Dave - instead of trying to get your wife to shoot anything now, start having her think about various situations and how she would defend herself.
    Ask her what she would do if, some night when you weren't home, some crazed druggie starts kicking in a door, reminding her of the average response time for cops in your area. What might happen to her in that time and will she just lie down and take whatever harm this invader dishes out on her?
    Or she has car trouble, either in the middle of nowhere or in a "bad section" of town? What might happen there?

    You want to make her start to think about what she can do to defend herself. If she can come up with some ideas of her own after using these scary situations, she just might be a "lost cause", incapable of defending herself.
    Some of these might not work in our situation though. First the building we're moving to this week has a decent size brick fencing around it (granted can be scaled easy enough) but then the exterior doors are key required and then would have to make their way to our floor to even be a threat. Impossible? No. Unlikely? Yes.

    And she doesn't drive any longer unless we are out together. She doesn't go out by herself.

    Like I said above she would never handle a fire arm and would never push her to handle against her wish. But is about her accepting the idea of me carrying. Until recently she never liked the idea at all but last couple times I mentioned it she didn't object but she also didn't approve was just oddly silent so reason i am hoping things might be changing in her thinking and trying to find ways to show her the good side of guns which in her up bringing would not have been taught due to culture.
    Last edited by Dave1776; 03-16-2014 at 01:20 AM.

  12. #12
    Regular Member Dave1776's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by golddigger14s View Post
    There is a whole thread on a similar subject, so instead of retyping my replies I will guide you there. Just ignore some of the childish bickering.
    Since you are in WA, I strongly suggest you come to our sub-forum and come to some of our meets. Start by coming by yourself to get some insight, then slowly start bringing her around. As for a first gun for her to try if/when that comes to being, don't even start with a pistol. Start with a .22 rifle, there are more than enough of us out there that would be happy to have you tag along for some shooting. We as a group have to realize that people that have no experience with guns have been brainwashed by the govt/media. They only hear of the bad things that happen, they don't hear how there are still people who rely on a firearm to feed their family.

    http://forum.opencarry.org/forums/sh...es-me-carrying
    Thanks that threads a bit lengthy so will check it out tomorrow as been a long day and eyes just don't feel like reading lot tonight but I did read the opening and sounds like similar situation except unlike that Dave I haven't bought yet but saving in case things change!!

  13. #13
    Regular Member WalkingWolf's Avatar
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    Let me see if I can say this more gently than before. You have a right to self defense, and even though you are married you have a right to your self identity. Just the same as she does. One does not give up being an individual when they become a couple. She has as much right to object to you carrying, as you do to how she dress, or how much makeup she wears.

    You should have a talk with her, a longgg one, and let her know you respect her right to be unarmed, and not handle firearms. But that you do want to exercise your right to self preservation, AND YOU ARE GOING TO. It is that simple, really.

    You can try to indoctrinate her, but to be honest some people cannot be, they have to face the blunt truth. Hopefully this comes by you taking the great philosopher Nike's advice, or wait until something happens to shock her into the realization that everybody is responsible for their own safety. Hopefully there will never be one of those shocking incidents in life that change perspective forever. But if there is the slightest chance of harm, do as Nike suggests, "Just Do It". She may stomp her feet, but if she loves and respects you she will understand your right to be you. Just in return respect her right to be her.
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  14. #14
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    Can you get her to a range. Just have her watch as someone shoots some pop cans, balloons, clay targets etc..

    Make sure she is wearing proper eyes and ears a 22rf rifle is a great place to start very low noise.

    I am guessing that after little time she well be thinking that's looks like fun. I wouldn't even ask her to shoot the first time or two.

    Then I just ask her if she wanted to try if she said no I would just go ahead having a good time shooting reactive targets.

    Then if she says yes I would shake up a pop gun and set it up so she can't miss 15 feet or so help her aim pull the trigger etc.. If you need to Get her to fire one shot and blow up a pop can she'll be hooked. She might not admit to it right away.

    Then just let her watch as you proceed to have fun. If she asks to shoot again by all means help her make sure she hits her target. Might just start out one or two shots but a 22 semi auto gets to be addicting.

    Some times it can be more about power and control then being anti gun she could just not want to give into some thing you want. That's a lot harder to cure then being just anti gun.

    Good luck normally if you can get them to take the first shot the dam gets broken.
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    Regular Member Maverick9's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dario View Post
    If you can get her to a range and rent a LCP or a similar small caliber handgun the odds are very good that she will never look back. The vast majority of first time shooters are immediately hooked, regardless of political affiliations provided they aren't shooting something that doesn't overpower them.
    Nix on that. Evidently, this poster has never shot an LCP. Get two .22LR SA (you might even be able to rent these) and go shoot those together. Plinking is a fine intro into the joys of shooting targets. Emphasize more the range aspect and less the SD angle. Find an outdoor range if at all possible.

    Good luck!

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    I would proceed slowly. Maybe sitting down and having more regular conversations about current events would do a lot of good. Not only does it give you and your wife an opportunity to learn more about whats on each others mind, but maybe it would give you more of a chance to find some middle ground so that you can protect your family and she feels comfortable at the same time.

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    Last edited by cds0699; 03-16-2014 at 11:39 AM.
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    Regular Member Craftymommy's Avatar
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    I was against it before my husband. That came from growing up in a home where it was not allowed even though my mom did have possession of my grandfathers guns for a few years. Right before my oldest son was to be born. Y husband started to show interest in guns and wanting to go hunting with his uncle. I was against it because of the fact we were about to have a baby and you know all the media about kids finding firearms and getting hurt. Well we had a lot of conversations and he promised me he would keep it locked and away from the kid(now kids). I consented to his first gun, a Remington shotgun. And after seeing it really was not as bad as I had been made to believe we slowly started buying more. And now today we have three hand guns and two rifles. The original guns we had purchased have been traded or sold but we have learned more and have acquired more preferences. Just give it time and a lot of open conversations about it. If all else fails find someone that owns guns for her to talk to or even go to a gun store to just talk to the employees. See what her opinion is then and if she is opening up, go to a range and rent a gun for her to shoot as well as you. Just take your time, don't force her. Or like my husband, I approved of the gun and then another and then a handgun for me to learn how to shoot and now I have two of my own and cannot see life any other way. Especially with the country how it has been the past few years.

  18. #18
    Regular Member DrakeZ07's Avatar
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    Spouse disagrees? There's always the Rule of Thumb!
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    Regular Member Dave1776's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cds0699 View Post
    I would proceed slowly. Maybe sitting down and having more regular conversations about current events would do a lot of good. Not only does it give you and your wife an opportunity to learn more about whats on each others mind, but maybe it would give you more of a chance to find some middle ground so that you can protect your family and she feels comfortable at the same time.

    Sent from my GT-P7510 using Tapatalk
    I think little bit this is sort of where I am heading direction wise with this as she never spoke of politics until recently even though I have been B'ing for years about it. And seems this is where she tends to listen more to gun discussion even if just brief bits.

    But I know I am not alone in this sort of debate so reason I posted to get some ideas from others who have gone through this on either side of the debate as I see a few who were initially opposed in the thread also so good to get views from both sides!!

  20. #20
    Regular Member Bikenut's Avatar
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    My two pennies...

    Never mind trying to get her to the range... first focus on getting your wife to think about just you getting a gun. After you have a gun... and carry it (legally of course!) out in public and even at home then she might become so accustomed to a gun being around she might show some interest in shooting it. But your having a gun first is the "camel's nose in the tent" kind of thing.

    How to do that? Flat out ask her ... "If someone were raping you would you prefer I helplessly watch while shouting into the phone to the cops? Or would you rather I shot the bustard?"

    Got kids, grandkids, or siblings? Frame those same questions around the kids or siblings.

    Harsh? Yeah... but so is real life.

    My wife owns her own guns, practices defensive scenarios, and carries too. All because I asked her if she would shoot someone raping one of her granddaughters. Granted, it took some time for her to think about it... and I didn't push the issue but I made sure I mentioned her having her own gun from time to time.
    Last edited by Bikenut; 03-16-2014 at 06:01 PM.
    Gun control isn't about the gun at all.... for those who want gun control it is all about their own fragile egos, their own lack of self esteem, their own inner fears, and most importantly... their own desire to dominate others. And an openly carried gun is a slap in the face to all of those things.

  21. #21
    Regular Member MyWifeSaidYes's Avatar
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    What has she said, specifically, against gun ownership?

    Is there some 'thing' she doesn't like, or is it just an overall attitude against guns?

    You mentioned how secure your new home will be.

    I'm so glad she WILL NEVER NEED TO GO OUTSIDE EVER AGAIN, and that bad guys will NEVER FOLLOW SOME OTHER TENANT THROUGH THE DOORS, and that absolutely EVERY current and future tenant will NEVER go crazy with a firearm since they are ALREADY INSIDE THE BUILDING.

    It's very good to hear that.



    Look, I'm not saying that you should try to scare your wife. What I'm saying is that you can probably make a much better business case FOR having a gun than she can make AGAINST having one.

    Look up all the crime statistics you can find for the city you are moving into, and any city in which you will work or visit.

    If you want, I'll send you a video of my 7-year-old nephew shooting a shotgun to share with her. Maybe you can use that to encourage her to fire a full-size .22 handgun at a range.

    If you can find an indoor range, ask them if they have (or will schedule) a "Ladies' Day", then share that info with her.

    Tell her all she will be doing is poking holes in paper...at a distance.
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  22. #22
    Regular Member F350's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dave1776 View Post
    Well for her I know she will never shoot that I know for a fact. But just trying to open her to the idea of me getting a weapon and such without issues. And of course having one around the house. It's just the culture she was raised in as no 2nd amendment there so people are unarmed except the criminal element of course and cops.
    My wife was a die hard liberal when we met (was working on a Ph.D when we met and had either been in college or worked at a university since high school; almost wouldn't even date me because I was a "gun nut" and voted "most likely to kill someone (justifiably)" at the coffee shop where we met. Now not only does she enjoy shooting but was thrilled when I gave her a S&W 682 .38 spl for her birthday, has her CCW and often carries (yea I know, I'm still working on that).

    Keep at it; just point out Ukraine/Crimea as an example of what happens to countries where the people are disarmed. The freedom she enjoys today is based on an armed citizenry.

  23. #23
    Activist Member golddigger14s's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dave1776 View Post
    Is there a list of groups and locations and times and such by state?
    http://forum.opencarry.org/forums/fo...hington-Events
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  24. #24
    Campaign Veteran skidmark's Avatar
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    Why do you want a firearm?

    No. Seriously. Why?

    I'm not saying that there is any "right" answer. There are a few "wrong" answers, such as "I wanna kill me a bad guy" and "It will shut up that loudmouth at the badminton league".

    But until you are sure you understand why you want to own a firearm, or to take that farther and carry it, then you will have a miserable time trying to explain it to your wife, and worse yet you will have a miserable time getting her to understand that her "no firearms" stance is more about contriolling you than it is about controlling firearms. And that is where I see the situation being at. This is not a "gunz is bad" or "only criminals have guns if you are not a cop or in the military" issue. It is about whether or not you two can agree to disagree on something this fundamental. But because of the social/emotonal baggage that sometimes gets in the middle of anything to do with firearms, it may be easier for a Wiccan married to a Roman Catholic to decide how to deal with their kids' religious upbringing than for you two to come to an agreement on this. But this is not something you both have to agree about; both of you just need to respect the decision of the other one. If you can't, your problems are bigger than whether or not you can have a firearm.

    My suggestion is that at least for the forseeable future ignore anybody suggesting/telling you to take your wife to the range or even to get her to hold a firearm. IF you get a firearm put all your effort in teaching her not to touch it. Maybe one day she will express enough interest/curiosity that you can start teaching her basic firearm safety, or even how to shoot. But with her current attitude as you have described it she is better off not touching it. (That also means you have a responsibility to store it when you are not carrying it so she cannot get at it.)

    stay safe.
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  25. #25
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    The trick (and really this shouldn't be a "trick" but should be how relationships work) is to get her to respect your choice even if she disagrees with it as opposed to trying to force her view on you. If there can't be a mutual respect of each others views even when you disagree, then imo you shouldn't be together. One shouldn't have to compromise such a core thing for another. For example, I'm a (non-practicing) LDS member while my wife is (non-pacticing) pagan. Neither of us has tried to convert the other, and I even supported her and went to some of the religious gatherings with her back when she went. Had our religious views (or views on raising kids, money, etc) of been an issue then we wouldn't have gotten married.

    Now I realize you're already past that in regards to not getting married. So the trick is for you to explain to her how you feel (and make sure you have thought about how to explain it BEFORE talking with her) and getting her to both understand it and accept it. You don't have to get her to accept guns or for her to start shooting/carrying, but to simply accept your choice. And so without knowing your wife it is very hard for people online to tell you how to do this.

    I know that when I told my parents that I prefer to OC they initially disagreed with it, but accepted it as my choice. When I was able to use various facts about OCing and had shown that I had put a lot of thought into it they didn't have a problem with me doing it, had agreed with several of my points, but still felt that generally speaking CCing was for them. This same thing worked with my wife, though she was neutral on the subject of CC vs OC to begin with. But this is what worked with those close to me, I can't say that going the logical route is what will work with your wife. You might have to try and come up with a way to first turn her emotions about the subject back against her (why do you want me unarmed if you or me are targeted for crime? Do you not care what happens to us? Do you think that lowly of me that you think I can't safely handle a weapon?) and after getting her to simply accept your choice that she disagrees with you can then work on getting her to understand.

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