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Spouse disagrees

MyWifeSaidYes

Regular Member
Joined
Dec 29, 2009
Messages
1,028
Location
Logan, OH
What has she said, specifically, against gun ownership?

Is there some 'thing' she doesn't like, or is it just an overall attitude against guns?

You mentioned how secure your new home will be.

I'm so glad she WILL NEVER NEED TO GO OUTSIDE EVER AGAIN, and that bad guys will NEVER FOLLOW SOME OTHER TENANT THROUGH THE DOORS, and that absolutely EVERY current and future tenant will NEVER go crazy with a firearm since they are ALREADY INSIDE THE BUILDING.

It's very good to hear that.

:)

Look, I'm not saying that you should try to scare your wife. What I'm saying is that you can probably make a much better business case FOR having a gun than she can make AGAINST having one.

Look up all the crime statistics you can find for the city you are moving into, and any city in which you will work or visit.

If you want, I'll send you a video of my 7-year-old nephew shooting a shotgun to share with her. Maybe you can use that to encourage her to fire a full-size .22 handgun at a range.

If you can find an indoor range, ask them if they have (or will schedule) a "Ladies' Day", then share that info with her.

Tell her all she will be doing is poking holes in paper...at a distance.
 

F350

Regular Member
Joined
Mar 22, 2012
Messages
941
Location
The High Plains of Wyoming
Well for her I know she will never shoot that I know for a fact. But just trying to open her to the idea of me getting a weapon and such without issues. And of course having one around the house. It's just the culture she was raised in as no 2nd amendment there so people are unarmed except the criminal element of course and cops.

My wife was a die hard liberal when we met (was working on a Ph.D when we met and had either been in college or worked at a university since high school; almost wouldn't even date me because I was a "gun nut" and voted "most likely to kill someone (justifiably)" at the coffee shop where we met. Now not only does she enjoy shooting but was thrilled when I gave her a S&W 682 .38 spl for her birthday, has her CCW and often carries (yea I know, I'm still working on that).

Keep at it; just point out Ukraine/Crimea as an example of what happens to countries where the people are disarmed. The freedom she enjoys today is based on an armed citizenry.
 

skidmark

Campaign Veteran
Joined
Jan 15, 2007
Messages
10,444
Location
Valhalla
Why do you want a firearm?

No. Seriously. Why?

I'm not saying that there is any "right" answer. There are a few "wrong" answers, such as "I wanna kill me a bad guy" and "It will shut up that loudmouth at the badminton league".

But until you are sure you understand why you want to own a firearm, or to take that farther and carry it, then you will have a miserable time trying to explain it to your wife, and worse yet you will have a miserable time getting her to understand that her "no firearms" stance is more about contriolling you than it is about controlling firearms. And that is where I see the situation being at. This is not a "gunz is bad" or "only criminals have guns if you are not a cop or in the military" issue. It is about whether or not you two can agree to disagree on something this fundamental. But because of the social/emotonal baggage that sometimes gets in the middle of anything to do with firearms, it may be easier for a Wiccan married to a Roman Catholic to decide how to deal with their kids' religious upbringing than for you two to come to an agreement on this. But this is not something you both have to agree about; both of you just need to respect the decision of the other one. If you can't, your problems are bigger than whether or not you can have a firearm.

My suggestion is that at least for the forseeable future ignore anybody suggesting/telling you to take your wife to the range or even to get her to hold a firearm. IF you get a firearm put all your effort in teaching her not to touch it. Maybe one day she will express enough interest/curiosity that you can start teaching her basic firearm safety, or even how to shoot. But with her current attitude as you have described it she is better off not touching it. (That also means you have a responsibility to store it when you are not carrying it so she cannot get at it.)

stay safe.
 

Aknazer

Regular Member
Joined
Mar 6, 2011
Messages
1,760
Location
California
The trick (and really this shouldn't be a "trick" but should be how relationships work) is to get her to respect your choice even if she disagrees with it as opposed to trying to force her view on you. If there can't be a mutual respect of each others views even when you disagree, then imo you shouldn't be together. One shouldn't have to compromise such a core thing for another. For example, I'm a (non-practicing) LDS member while my wife is (non-pacticing) pagan. Neither of us has tried to convert the other, and I even supported her and went to some of the religious gatherings with her back when she went. Had our religious views (or views on raising kids, money, etc) of been an issue then we wouldn't have gotten married.

Now I realize you're already past that in regards to not getting married. So the trick is for you to explain to her how you feel (and make sure you have thought about how to explain it BEFORE talking with her) and getting her to both understand it and accept it. You don't have to get her to accept guns or for her to start shooting/carrying, but to simply accept your choice. And so without knowing your wife it is very hard for people online to tell you how to do this.

I know that when I told my parents that I prefer to OC they initially disagreed with it, but accepted it as my choice. When I was able to use various facts about OCing and had shown that I had put a lot of thought into it they didn't have a problem with me doing it, had agreed with several of my points, but still felt that generally speaking CCing was for them. This same thing worked with my wife, though she was neutral on the subject of CC vs OC to begin with. But this is what worked with those close to me, I can't say that going the logical route is what will work with your wife. You might have to try and come up with a way to first turn her emotions about the subject back against her (why do you want me unarmed if you or me are targeted for crime? Do you not care what happens to us? Do you think that lowly of me that you think I can't safely handle a weapon?) and after getting her to simply accept your choice that she disagrees with you can then work on getting her to understand.
 

Dave1776

Regular Member
Joined
Mar 7, 2014
Messages
41
Location
Seattle, Wa.
What has she said, specifically, against gun ownership?

Is there some 'thing' she doesn't like, or is it just an overall attitude against guns?

You mentioned how secure your new home will be.

I'm so glad she WILL NEVER NEED TO GO OUTSIDE EVER AGAIN, and that bad guys will NEVER FOLLOW SOME OTHER TENANT THROUGH THE DOORS, and that absolutely EVERY current and future tenant will NEVER go crazy with a firearm since they are ALREADY INSIDE THE BUILDING.

It's very good to hear that.

:)

Look, I'm not saying that you should try to scare your wife. What I'm saying is that you can probably make a much better business case FOR having a gun than she can make AGAINST having one.

Look up all the crime statistics you can find for the city you are moving into, and any city in which you will work or visit.

If you want, I'll send you a video of my 7-year-old nephew shooting a shotgun to share with her. Maybe you can use that to encourage her to fire a full-size .22 handgun at a range.

If you can find an indoor range, ask them if they have (or will schedule) a "Ladies' Day", then share that info with her.

Tell her all she will be doing is poking holes in paper...at a distance.

Being raised in Japan where guns are not allowed like they are here that is why. She was raised differently then you or I were.
 

Dave1776

Regular Member
Joined
Mar 7, 2014
Messages
41
Location
Seattle, Wa.
My two pennies...

Never mind trying to get her to the range... first focus on getting your wife to think about just you getting a gun. After you have a gun... and carry it (legally of course!) out in public and even at home then she might become so accustomed to a gun being around she might show some interest in shooting it. But your having a gun first is the "camel's nose in the tent" kind of thing.

How to do that? Flat out ask her ... "If someone were raping you would you prefer I helplessly watch while shouting into the phone to the cops? Or would you rather I shot the bustard?"

Got kids, grandkids, or siblings? Frame those same questions around the kids or siblings.

Harsh? Yeah... but so is real life.

My wife owns her own guns, practices defensive scenarios, and carries too. All because I asked her if she would shoot someone raping one of her granddaughters. Granted, it took some time for her to think about it... and I didn't push the issue but I made sure I mentioned her having her own gun from time to time.

Yeah she isn't the type to be armed or go to a range that just isn't her and I would never force that on her. And for me isn't really about self defense so much as I enjoy target shooting When I was going through bootcamp that was always my favorite part of training. Aiming for that small target down range and aiming for dead smack on!!

So yeah for me I would not take her to the range, but just have to try and get her head around the fact that while she does not want to carry that I do. Granted self defense is a good result of carrying but not my first goal.

As for kids no kids or grand kids so that end of not an issue. And were past that age anyways so...
 

Dave1776

Regular Member
Joined
Mar 7, 2014
Messages
41
Location
Seattle, Wa.
My wife was a die hard liberal when we met (was working on a Ph.D when we met and had either been in college or worked at a university since high school; almost wouldn't even date me because I was a "gun nut" and voted "most likely to kill someone (justifiably)" at the coffee shop where we met. Now not only does she enjoy shooting but was thrilled when I gave her a S&W 682 .38 spl for her birthday, has her CCW and often carries (yea I know, I'm still working on that).

Keep at it; just point out Ukraine/Crimea as an example of what happens to countries where the people are disarmed. The freedom she enjoys today is based on an armed citizenry.

That's why I am sort of sticking to the political arguments being she seems more responsive to those as of later.
 

sudden valley gunner

Regular Member
Joined
Dec 13, 2008
Messages
16,674
Location
Whatcom County
Come to the state forum and look up Shannon (Batousai) his wife is from Japan too, maybe the common background she shares with your wife can be a factor in helping your wife get over tradition.
 

Dave1776

Regular Member
Joined
Mar 7, 2014
Messages
41
Location
Seattle, Wa.
Come to the state forum and look up Shannon (Batousai) his wife is from Japan too, maybe the common background she shares with your wife can be a factor in helping your wife get over tradition.

Thanks. Moving tomorrow and laptop net already disconnected. Will check once back up tomorrow evening I hope if they hooked me back up at the new home.

Thanks! :)

Forgive typos hate typing on cell ha ha ;)
 

MSG Laigaie

Campaign Veteran
Joined
Jan 10, 2011
Messages
3,239
Location
Philipsburg, Montana
My two pennies...

Never mind trying to get her to the range... first focus on getting your wife to think about just you getting a gun. After you have a gun... and carry it (legally of course!) out in public and even at home then she might become so accustomed to a gun being around she might show some interest in shooting it. But your having a gun first is the "camel's nose in the tent" kind of thing..

This is an excellent idea. Set the example and she will follow.

Being raised in Japan where guns are not allowed like they are here that is why. She was raised differently then you or I were.

When I was stationed on Guam the Japanese tourists would flock to the gunshops to test fire every weapon they could get their hands on. Deprive a People from something and they will find a way.
 

golddigger14s

Activist Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2010
Messages
2,068
Location
Lawton, OK USA
For those not familiar with Japan's gun laws this should help explain a bit

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/201...-polar-opposite-of-americas-second-amendment/

Interesting, just like New Jersey. They may not have much "gun" violence, but they do have violence. So instead of being against gun violence, how about we all come together against any kind of violence against a human being. Have you been to Japan? Ask your wife what it's like to ride on a train in Japan.
http://www.reuters.com/article/2007/05/15/us-japan-rape-idUST17815620070515
 

Dave1776

Regular Member
Joined
Mar 7, 2014
Messages
41
Location
Seattle, Wa.
Annually since 97 and ride the train frequently. Have heard of such cases but never encountered it ourselves
 
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Kopis

Regular Member
Joined
Jun 19, 2013
Messages
674
Location
Nashville, TN
If the opportunity does present itself, I'd recommend against the LCP and similar "pocket pistols". They tend to have sharp recoil for their caliber because of their diminutive size and light weight. A .22 LR in something like a Ruger Mark II or Browning Buck Mark would, in my opinion, be a much better choice for a first time shooter.

i concur, those little pistols are snappy. Something like a G19 might be better if she is interested. You might see if she wants to meet with the HCP/CCW instructor you will need to take a class from. Like others have said, familiarity is the best way to become comfortable with anything. Ive been around firearms my whole life but i was so nervous and felt so awkward the first few times i OCed. It's funny how easily we can be conditioned.

I have a friend that works for an international company. Every few weekends a few of us get together and shoot pistols, AKs, hit some tannerite, etc. He brought one of their higher ups from Belgium i think? I thought she would be against firearms too but she dove right in with the pistols, then we called her over to shoot an AK47 and she started clapping her hands, then we said hey come over here, we're going to blow up some tannerite! She happily skipped over and watched it and said "everything is.... BOOM away! america is the best country in the world!" "everybody should have fun like this!" totally opposite what i was expecting from a foreigner!
 

Batousaii

Regular Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2009
Messages
1,226
Location
Kitsap Co., Washington, USA
My foreign wife loves to shoot, and does it well.

My wife was born and raised in Tokyo Japan, She's been in the USA since we got married 10 years ago. She was shy about guns at first too, but after some time realized they are inanimate objects, and that the person controlling it is the source of intent. She then relaxed considerably knowing her husband, being both responsible and capable, would not pose a danger having a gun. After a couple of tense experiences with outside forces, she looked at me one day and said “Now I understand why Americans like guns…” and has been an avid supporter of firearms ownership ever since, and currently outshoots most of the boys at the range, her favorite handgun being a .357 magnum Ruger, and her favorite rifle being a semi-auto AK-47. To put it simply, the real key is understanding, but that understanding has to come through her own eyes as she views it, not you or me. Whereas I always touted the right, and attempted to interest her, it was ultimately her own realizations that brought her to support and even enjoy firearms. My wife currently has her concealed pistol permit, and carries a snub-nose .38 special when she leaves the house for her walks, or to the store. A choice I encouraged, but a choice she made herself none the less.
 

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davidmcbeth

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Joined
Jan 14, 2012
Messages
16,167
Location
earth's crust
For those not familiar with Japan's gun laws this should help explain a bit

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/201...-polar-opposite-of-americas-second-amendment/

She does know that Japan's laws were forced upon them by the USA after WWII ended, right?

Its your right to KBA ... get a gun if you want. What's the problem?

You wife does not like guns? She going to divorce you if you get one? No. Or if so, oh well...

She moved to the wrong country if she hates guns lol. Welcome to America !!!!!!!!!
 

Dave1776

Regular Member
Joined
Mar 7, 2014
Messages
41
Location
Seattle, Wa.
She does know that Japan's laws were forced upon them by the USA after WWII ended, right?

Its your right to KBA ... get a gun if you want. What's the problem?

You wife does not like guns? She going to divorce you if you get one? No. Or if so, oh well...

She moved to the wrong country if she hates guns lol. Welcome to America !!!!!!!!!

Actually that is partly wrong because restrictive weapons started about 60 years earlier at the end of the Meiji era when the government was trying to keep the samurai at bay as the samurai did not want the change that was coming and that is when restrictive weapon laws got their start with samurai swords and such. Later it simply added on guns. The gun laws got started mainly around 1958 where in the act it states that “No person shall possess a firearm or firearms or a sword or swords,” later adding a few exceptions. And those exemptions are predominantly competitive shooters.

As for the rest of the comment after 22 years of Marriage I respect my wife's views and opinion even if they differ from my own and even if they do differ does not mean they can't be changed. So divorce isn't even being considered in this case at all not even a small part!
 

Dave1776

Regular Member
Joined
Mar 7, 2014
Messages
41
Location
Seattle, Wa.
My wife was born and raised in Tokyo Japan, She's been in the USA since we got married 10 years ago. She was shy about guns at first too, but after some time realized they are inanimate objects, and that the person controlling it is the source of intent. She then relaxed considerably knowing her husband, being both responsible and capable, would not pose a danger having a gun. After a couple of tense experiences with outside forces, she looked at me one day and said “Now I understand why Americans like guns…” and has been an avid supporter of firearms ownership ever since, and currently outshoots most of the boys at the range, her favorite handgun being a .357 magnum Ruger, and her favorite rifle being a semi-auto AK-47. To put it simply, the real key is understanding, but that understanding has to come through her own eyes as she views it, not you or me. Whereas I always touted the right, and attempted to interest her, it was ultimately her own realizations that brought her to support and even enjoy firearms. My wife currently has her concealed pistol permit, and carries a snub-nose .38 special when she leaves the house for her walks, or to the store. A choice I encouraged, but a choice she made herself none the less.

Thanks. Sorry for the delayed reply been moving to a new home and was crazy long day yesterday few more to come HA HA.

Yeah see my wife's older so little more set in her ways but that is what I am hoping to try and do is convince her enough of these facts that she will relax and not mind and then hopefully get interested enough not to shoot as I doubt she ever would but interested enough not to mind me carrying and such and going to the range.
 
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