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Thread: Father tells me that I'm not welcome around him while I have my gun in my possession

  1. #1
    Regular Member Grim_Night's Avatar
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    Father tells me that I'm not welcome around him while I have my gun in my possession

    Talked with my father on the phone today and he told me flat out that he no longer wants me to have my gun with me whenever he is around. He feels that he doesn't want his life to be threatened by other people that may see me with my firearm and may decide to do me harm and him getting caught in the crossfire (no pun intended).

    He brought this up because it seems that the couple that he is living with were offended because I didn't ask them for permission before entering their home with my loaded firearm when I dropped my father off last friday. Mind you, the couple were inside and I hadn't eve seen them before entering the house which my father invited me into. It now seems that I am no longer welcome in their home period because I didn't respect them in this matter. They never once said a single word to me while I was there. The topic of firearms never came up for the less then 5 minutes that I was there helping my father to bring things in from the car.

    My father seems to think that I am showing him disrespect by carrying my firearm when I am around him and he now wants me to either leave it at home or he won't be around me.

    At this point, I'm super ticked off because he has been around me and my firearm for the last 2 years and this is the first time he has told me anything like this. He has shown his dissatisfaction with the fact that I carry but he has always respected my choice to do so.
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    How's your mother feel about it?

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    Regular Member Fallschirmjäger's Avatar
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    "Dad, I carry because I respect you; I carry because you're important to me and I'd be devastated without you and the lessons you've taught me over the years. If anything happened to you and I could have prevented it but wasn't allowed to I'd be inconsolable."

    To wear a gun in someone else's house is to say "I'll defend this house and those in it as though they were my own" to a guest in your home, you're saying "I'll defend you as though you were my own family." Anyone who objects is leveling the deadliest insult possible, "I won't trust you until you render yourself defenseless."
    Last edited by Fallschirmjäger; 09-12-2014 at 09:14 PM.

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    To wear a gun in someone else's house is to say "I'll defend this house as though it were my own" when a guest sees you with a weapon, you're saying "I'll defend you as though you were my own family." Anyone who objects is leveling the deadliest insult possible, "I won't trust you until you render yourself defenseless."


    Of course that's just your opinion. Not everyone feels that way.

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    Quote Originally Posted by deanf View Post
    Of course that's just your opinion. Not everyone feels that way.[/I][/I][/I]
    I thought it was beautiful.

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    Moderator / Administrator Grapeshot's Avatar
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    Those that we love, know best how to hurt us.

    Those that love us well, don't go there.

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    You will not rise to the occasion; you will fall back on your level of training.” Archilochus, 650 BC

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    Regular Member Grim_Night's Avatar
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    I'm looking for input as to how to deal with this situation.

    Through all the problems that I have had in the last 2 years regarding my housing and the colleges I have attended, my father has stood behind me regarding my carrying and my standing up for myself, my protected rights and the rights of others. But then he suddenly becomes a hypocrite and gives me an ultimatum, either the gun goes when I'm around him or I do. So now, I either forgo everything I have stood up for in the past 2 years and acquiesce to his demand or he will refuse to be around me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alsherry View Post
    How's your mother feel about it?
    My parents are divorced. My mother and I don't communicate much at all lately.
    Last edited by Grim_Night; 09-12-2014 at 10:36 PM.
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    Regular Member badkarma's Avatar
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    You are a grown man right?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grim_Night View Post
    I'm looking for input as to how to deal with this situation.

    Through all the problems that I have had in the last 2 years regarding my housing and the colleges I have attended, my father has stood behind me regarding my carrying and my standing up for myself, my protected rights and the rights of others. But then he suddenly becomes a hypocrite and gives me an ultimatum, either the gun goes when I'm around him or I do. So now, I either forgo everything I have stood up for in the past 2 years and acquiesce to his demand or he will refuse to be around me.



    My parents are divorced. My mother and I don't communicate much at all lately.
    I don't know your pops like you will ever know your pops. My dad is California raised. The super liberal rich boy California raised. He accepts my open carry, home, street, where have you. Hard to relate.
    In your case your dad seems to have caved to peer pressure; the social anxiety from his roommates/tenants/ landlords w/e has now changed his mind because someone immediately close to him has a hard time with it and is scared of an inanimate object. I respect my elders, but that doesn't mean that I endure all of their dumbass thought processes. You need to confront the house owners in person and address the issue and apologize if you must, and then talk to your dad. Tell him that he is choosing to not speak to his son over a god given right, and that the opinion of others should not affect the integrity of who you are.

  10. #10
    Regular Member Rusty Young Man's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fallschirmjäger View Post
    To wear a gun in someone else's house is to say "I'll defend this house and those in it as though they were my own" to a guest in your home, you're saying "I'll defend you as though you were my own family." Anyone who objects is leveling the deadliest insult possible, "I won't trust you until you render yourself defenseless."
    I'd forgotten it was you who wrote that little snippet; I've quoted it (from memory, and badly as well) several times to my loved ones and on posts here.

    Quote Originally Posted by deanf View Post
    Of course that's just your opinion. Not everyone feels that way.[/I][/I][/I]
    So you would enter someone's home against their wishes, and you'd invite someone you dislike into your home?


    Quote Originally Posted by Grim_Night View Post
    I'm looking for input as to how to deal with this situation.
    SNIP...
    So now, I either forgo everything I have stood up for in the past 2 years and acquiesce to his demand or he will refuse to be around me.
    Not in dealing with my parents, but I did tell this to my aunt and uncle (who I would consider to be fairly close): If you'd like, I won't bring my sidearm around you. Heck, I don't think you'll ever have to worry about me putting you in danger somehow).

    They saw how firm my convictions were, and they know the biggest reason I carry when I visit is because of the three little angels my cousin (yes, some Hispanic stereotypes are based on reality) has. They may have also picked up on the fact that I have made a promise to myself to never let any more harm come to those three little ones if I can help it. So while they may bring it up (indirectly) from time to time, I give them a direct response that makes my position known in no uncertain terms.

    Hope this helps inform your decision, Grim_KNight.
    Last edited by Rusty Young Man; 09-13-2014 at 12:18 AM.
    I carry to defend my loved ones; Desensitizing and educating are secondary & tertiary reasons. Anything else is unintended.

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    Regular Member Alpine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grim_Night View Post
    Talked with my father on the phone today and he told me flat out that he no longer wants me to have my gun with me whenever he is around. He feels that he doesn't want his life to be threatened by other people that may see me with my firearm and may decide to do me harm and him getting caught in the crossfire (no pun intended).

    He brought this up because it seems that the couple that he is living with were offended because I didn't ask them for permission before entering their home with my loaded firearm when I dropped my father off last friday. Mind you, the couple were inside and I hadn't eve seen them before entering the house which my father invited me into. It now seems that I am no longer welcome in their home period because I didn't respect them in this matter. They never once said a single word to me while I was there. The topic of firearms never came up for the less then 5 minutes that I was there helping my father to bring things in from the car.

    My father seems to think that I am showing him disrespect by carrying my firearm when I am around him and he now wants me to either leave it at home or he won't be around me.

    At this point, I'm super ticked off because he has been around me and my firearm for the last 2 years and this is the first time he has told me anything like this. He has shown his dissatisfaction with the fact that I carry but he has always respected my choice to do so.
    Sorry your father did this to you. He was respectful of your carry until people outside your family pressured him not to be. That tells you where he places you on his value ladder. Below them.

    My advice would be tell your dad that you love him, but he needs to respect your Constitutional rights. Look at everything you've gone through, you really going to let some liberal hoplophobes get to you through your own dad?

  12. #12
    Regular Member Grim_Night's Avatar
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    Most everything that has been said in this thread are in fact my reasons for doing what I do. I'm just not as eloquent in voicing these thoughts to those that I care about.

    I carry so that I have the ability to protect myself and those around me if the need arises.

    I carry to exercise my rights.

    I carry to show the general public that normal people doing normal everyday tasks can and do carry firearms and pose no danger to those around them.

    And most of all, I carry because if something happens that requires an armed defense where I am at that moment, I will be one of the first people to be able to present that armed defense without having to wait for police to arrive who have been protected by the courts saying that police "have no duty to protect".

    One statement my father made that sticks with me, (paraphrased) "You don't go anywhere that your life is in danger on a regular basis."

    Tell that to the people in the movie theater in Aurora, Colorado. Or the students and instructors at Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Virginia. Or maybe a bit more close to home, the Tacoma mall shooting on November 20, 2005. And then there is Lakewood Washington where I live. The are where my apartment is is known as "chocolate city" or "Lakehood"

    A quote from http://www.bestplaces.net/backfence/..._WA&p=55338038

    Lakewood, lakewood, LakeHood! I have lived here my entire life, and it has some of the worst and best neighborhoods in the state. From the gang/drug/crime areas of chocolate city, lakeview, tillicum,etc. to the rich/quiet/safe neighborhoods of oakbrook, gravelly lake, etc. but sadly i have happened to lived in the bad parts, so my personal experiance of the city is this: It was poor and full of crime, cheap motels, n strip clubs, before it was incorporated in 96, now its still full or crime, cheap motels, strip clubs, but they just make you pay more to live here! for a "suburb"...pretty bad. average murders per year are 10, tacoma 17, which is bad since tacoma is an urban city n lakewood about 1/4 the population aka lakewood #1 murder rate city in pierce county.Compton, ca averages 10 murders a year as well, haha. but again there are very quiet, nice parts as well, so ppl that grew up in those parts might have a very different perspective than mine.
    These are all places very similar to where I have spent my time. But these are not dangerous places right?
    Last edited by Grim_Night; 09-13-2014 at 12:59 AM.
    Armed and annoyingly well informed!

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    Regular Member FMJ 911's Avatar
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    This is a touchy subject, but I can tell you that my Dad hates OC. He badgers me whenever I do it, but I just do it anyway.

    Standing tall and continuing to do what you like will show people you're not afraid of what they think. Sure, some folks will be outright upset that you didn't do what they wanted, but more people will see that you didn't cave under pressure and have more respect for you.

    Follow your heart, Don't ever let other people make your decisions for you.
    "May God have mercy upon my enemies, because I won't." — George Patton

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    Regular Member badkarma's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FMJ 911 View Post
    This is a touchy subject, but I can tell you that my Dad hates OC. He badgers me whenever I do it, but I just do it anyway.

    Standing tall and continuing to do what you like will show people you're not afraid of what they think. Sure, some folks will be outright upset that you didn't do what they wanted, but more people will see that you didn't cave under pressure and have more respect for you.

    Follow your heart, Don't ever let other people make your decisions for you.
    And that is what adults should do. Good for you buddy.
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    Regular Member twoskinsonemanns's Avatar
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    I carry to keep safe my very most precious possessions...My family.
    It's not easy but I would not cease that practice for any reason. Out of respect I would abide his wishes and stop being around him when I carry.
    "I support the ban on assault weapons" - Donald Trump

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    Campaign Veteran skidmark's Avatar
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    If your dad will not respect your decision to carry, then drop him like a hot potato. You don't need the grief he is causing. Maybe a "little bit" too harsh?

    Respect you dad's wishes, no matter how much it pains you.

    Stop the car at the curb and phone him to let him know you are outside. (Be sure to let him know if he'll need an umbrella or a jacket/sweater if the weather calls for it.)

    At some point children realize that they and their parents have differing views of the world - be it politics, religion, or eating bran flakes. At some later point adults realize that it is OK and that loving or being loved does not hinge on always pleasing the other person.

    stay safe.
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    Regular Member The Truth's Avatar
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    In my personal opinion, this may shock some, but you should have checked with the property owner first.
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealthyeliminator
    So in actuality you have no evidence that anything wrong took place, you only believe that it could be spun to appear wrong. But it hasn't been. The truth has a funny way of coming out with persistence, even if it was spun negatively the truth would find its way because these people will not accept less.
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    Regular Member jsanchez's Avatar
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    You know my mom pulled that **** with my sister when she started living with the man she loves. My sister just stayed away from her.

    If my dad pulled that ****, I would tell him I love my gun more than I love you, call me when you change your mind.

    Your dad is the one with the problem, when he wants to change his mind have him call you, otherwise adios.

    And why does your dad have to live with those people anyway, why doesn't he have his own place?
    Last edited by jsanchez; 09-13-2014 at 05:06 AM.

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    Regular Member HK_dave's Avatar
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    f' him. live your life. when he really wants to see you he'll get over the gun thing.
    US Constitution - void where prohibited by law.

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    Moderator / Administrator Grapeshot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Truth View Post
    In my personal opinion, this may shock some, but you should have checked with the property owner first.
    The OP was invited in by an occupant/tenant who knew he was carrying.

    Who amongst us asks for permission with each threshold we look to cross? I can honestly say that I have never asked. Yes I presume that if I am acceptable, then the way I am dressed is also.
    You will not rise to the occasion; you will fall back on your level of training.” Archilochus, 650 BC

    Old and treacherous will beat young and skilled every time. Yata hey.

  21. #21
    Regular Member solus's Avatar
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    Grim night, let's put this into perspective ~ from you own posts, your entire family is and has been dysfunctional your entire life.Why on earth do you believe this incident is any different than the other situations which have arisen in your past and i hope you understand they will likely continue in your future.

    by your own admission, this is not your father's home. apparently you even lack foresight into your father's living situation since: quote " I hadn't eve seen them before entering the house..." (sic) & "I was there helping my father to bring things in from the car." unquote

    did you drop your father off at some type of adult caregiving facility? But as you state, it is not your father's home and as has been stated out here, everyone has their own house rules.

    since this is this apparently new behaviour from your father who is now living with this 'couple'? is he paying for room and board? have they taken him in as a favor to the state to preclude your father walking the streets with a shopping cart and sleeping under bridges and eating at soup kitchens?

    personally, i would be worried about your father's living arrangements since you flat out state he relayed a significant message to you about his concern for his well being: quote "He feels that he doesn't want his life to be threatened by other people that may see me with my firearm and may decide to do me harm and him getting caught in the crossfire..." unquote

    if those are his exact words and not not something you believe he said, they should not be taken lightly by anyone as those are not words spoken by a father to his son just to get the son to quit OC'g. hey son knock off the OC'g while at so and so's house, or grim i have been asked by my caregiver to ask you not to OC while here, etc. Not, oh i fear for my life and worried about the exchange of lead between everyone!!

    finally, if you discern he is in a save haven and you 'misheard' his comment and you have a semi amiable relationship, why in the world are you being so sensitive at this juncture? this is s singular comment and possibly should be taken as your breath stinks, you look horrible, etc., and quit brooding on the comments since he is living in someone else's home which you now know you are not welcome in 'with your gun'!!

    bottom line, quit your bellyaching and ask your father why the change of heart but me thinks there is more than meets the eye, eh Grim?
    ipse
    Last edited by solus; 09-13-2014 at 06:40 AM.
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    Regular Member 325rto's Avatar
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    Thumbs up

    Quote Originally Posted by solus View Post
    Grim night, let's put this into perspective ~ from you own posts, your entire family is and has been dysfunctional your entire life.Why on earth do you believe this incident is any different than the other situations which have arisen in your past and i hope you understand they will likely continue in your future.

    by your own admission, this is not your father's home. apparently you even lack foresight into your father's living situation since: quote " I hadn't eve seen them before entering the house..." (sic) & "I was there helping my father to bring things in from the car." unquote

    did you drop your father off at some type of adult caregiving facility? But as you state, it is not your father's home and as has been stated out here, everyone has their own house rules.

    since this is this apparently new behaviour from your father who is now living with this 'couple'? is he paying for room and board? have they taken him in as a favor to the state to preclude your father walking the streets with a shopping cart and sleeping under bridges and eating at soup kitchens?

    personally, i would be worried about your father's living arrangements since you flat out state he relayed a significant message to you about his concern for his well being: quote "He feels that he doesn't want his life to be threatened by other people that may see me with my firearm and may decide to do me harm and him getting caught in the crossfire..." unquote

    if those are his exact words and not not something you believe he said, they should not be taken lightly by anyone as those are not words spoken by a father to his son just to get the son to quit OC'g. hey son knock off the OC'g while at so and so's house, or grim i have been asked by my caregiver to ask you not to OC while here, etc. Not, oh i fear for my life and worried about the exchange of lead between everyone!!

    finally, if you discern he is in a save haven and you 'misheard' his comment and you have a semi amiable relationship, why in the world are you being so sensitive at this juncture? this is s singular comment and possibly should be taken as your breath stinks, you look horrible, etc., and quit brooding on the comments since he is living in someone else's home which you now know you are not welcome in 'with your gun'!!

    bottom line, quit your bellyaching and ask your father why the change of heart but me thinks there is more than meets the eye, eh Grim?
    ipse
    Excellent post.

  23. #23
    Campaign Veteran MSG Laigaie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsanchez View Post
    why does your dad have to live with those people anyway,..........
    I think the root of this evil may be an outside influence on your Father. If you live with anti-gun people and are bombarded by their rhetoric, some may stick. I think he has been infected.
    "Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself. They are the people's liberty teeth (and) keystone... the rifle and the pistol are equally indispensable... more than 99% of them by their silence indicate that they are in safe and sane hands. The very atmosphere of firearms everywhere restrains evil interference .When firearms go, all goes, we need them every hour." -- George Washington

  24. #24
    Regular Member papa bear's Avatar
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    all three people are wienies for not saying anything in the first place. sorry your father doesn't love you and cares more for the other people

    what would be the difference if your father said he didn't like your sexual orientation or your political stance, or weather or not you wear seat belts. if you are a grown man you know what the choice is
    Luke 22:36 ; 36Then said he unto them, But now, he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip: and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one.

    "guns are like a Parachute, if you don't have one when you need it, you will not need one again"
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    i you call a CHP a CCW then you are really stupid. period.

  25. #25
    Regular Member Fallschirmjäger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fallschirmjäger View Post
    To wear a gun in someone else's house is to say "I'll defend this house and those in it as though they were my own" to a guest in your home, you're saying "I'll defend you as though you were my own family." Anyone who objects is leveling the deadliest insult possible, "I won't trust you until you render yourself defenseless."
    Quote Originally Posted by Rusty Young Man View Post
    I'd forgotten it was you who wrote that little snippet; I've quoted it (from memory, and badly as well) several times to my loved ones and on posts here.
    You give me far too much credit, sir. It is plagiarized (and poorly at that) from another source.
    For those who like to read novellas of alternate worlds, where a tiny change makes a world of difference, I heartily recommend The Probability Broach. It's a bit disturbing, as it depicts George Washington as a less than stellar gentleman, but it presents the point in an accurate manner.

    The page from which I plagiarized my words...

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