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Thread: Humor: Disorder in the American Courts by Charles M. Sevilla

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    Humor: Disorder in the American Courts by Charles M. Sevilla

    http://www.amazon.com/Disorder-Court.../dp/0393319288

    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
    WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan!
    ______________________________ _
    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ______________________________ ______________
    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    ______________________________ ______________
    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    WITNESS: July 18th.
    ATTORNEY: What year?
    WITNESS: Every year.
    ______________________________ _______
    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    WITNESS: Forty-five years.
    ______________________________ ___
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget..
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
    ______________________________ _____________
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ______________________________ ______
    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
    ______________________________ _____________
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you ****ting me?
    ______________________________ ___________
    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Getting laid
    ______________________________ ______________
    ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
    ______________________________ ______________
    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death..
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.
    ______________________________ _____________
    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
    ______________________________ _______
    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________ ________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
    ______________________________ ___________
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
    ______________________________ ______________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No..
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
    I am responsible for my writing, not your understanding of it.

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    Regular Member OC for ME's Avatar
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    And judges do absolutely nothing about these legal experts. No other proof is needed that judges perpetuate these crimes upon the citizenry.
    "I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it." - Thomas Jefferson.

    "Better that ten guilty persons escape, than that one innocent suffer" - English jurist William Blackstone.
    It is AFAIK original to me. Compromise is failure on the installment plan, particularly when dealing with so intractable an opponent as ignorance. - Nightmare

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    Quote Originally Posted by OC for ME View Post
    And judges do absolutely nothing about these legal experts. No other proof is needed that judges perpetuate these crimes upon the citizenry.
    Judges are merely senior lawyers. They sit at the head table of the good-old boys club.
    Last edited by Nightmare; 10-26-2015 at 08:32 AM.
    I am responsible for my writing, not your understanding of it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare View Post
    Judges are merely senior lawyers. They sit at the head table of the good-old boys club.
    The judiciary inflicts crimes upon the citizenry in the name of preserving the process...not seeking justice for the citizenry under the law.
    "I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it." - Thomas Jefferson.

    "Better that ten guilty persons escape, than that one innocent suffer" - English jurist William Blackstone.
    It is AFAIK original to me. Compromise is failure on the installment plan, particularly when dealing with so intractable an opponent as ignorance. - Nightmare

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    Quote Originally Posted by OC for ME View Post
    The judiciary inflicts crimes upon the citizenry in the name of preserving the process...not seeking justice for the citizenry under the law.
    Without the process there is no justice for anyone, flawed though it may be, it can't be any better than its citizen component parts.
    I am responsible for my writing, not your understanding of it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare View Post
    Judges are merely senior lawyers. They sit at the head table of the good-old boys club.
    No, it's the default position for an attorney who can't make a living working for himself.

    Or it's an attorney bought and paid for by the elite to ensure their best interests are protected.

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    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    WITNESS: July 18th.
    ATTORNEY: What year?
    WITNESS: Every year.
    Actually you only have one date of birth. Every year thereafter is the anniversary of that birth.

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    Quote Originally Posted by color of law View Post
    Actually you only have one date of birth. Every year thereafter is the anniversary of that birth.
    Objection: Argumentative!

    Argumentative is an evidentiary objection raised in response to a question which prompts a witness to draw inferences from facts of the case.
    Last edited by Nightmare; 10-26-2015 at 10:10 AM.
    I am responsible for my writing, not your understanding of it.

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    Accomplished Advocate color of law's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare View Post
    Objection: Argumentative!

    Argumentative is an evidentiary objection raised in response to a question which prompts a witness to draw inferences from facts of the case.
    I'm sorry. I didn't know we were not in court to seek the truth.

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    Quote Originally Posted by color of law View Post
    I'm sorry. I didn't know we were not in court to seek the truth.
    LOL As said the fictitious USMC Colonel Nathan R. Jessup: You can't handle the truth!

    Put concisely, epistemology is the study of knowledge and justified belief. It questions what knowledge is and how it can be acquired, and the extent to which knowledge pertinent to any given subject or entity can be acquired. Much of the debate in this field has focused on the philosophical analysis of the nature of knowledge and how it relates to connected notions such as truth, belief, and justification.
    I am responsible for my writing, not your understanding of it.

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