- Good one!
Thread: Good Joke
hey everyone, someone sent me this joke recently and i thought it would be a good idea to start a thread for jokes and humorous stories. so if you have any please feel free to pass along. i'll start it off:
Question You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner and is running at you while screaming obscenities. In your hand is a Glock .40 and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Liberal Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Could he use the money I was selfishly planning on spending on our dinner tonight? Have I or my ancestors ever done anything to him that is inspiring him to attack? What do I need to say to reason with this clearly distressed man? Could we run away? Would it make me a "gender-racist" to make this decision unilaterally without input from my wife? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound me? Am I placing my value system on him...am I profiling him or "pre-judging" his intent to harm us? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends down at Starbucks over a cherry latte to try to come to a conclusion.
Conservative Answer: BANG!
Texan Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click... (sounds of clip being ejected and fresh clip installed)
Wife "Sweetheart, he looks like he's still moving, what do you kids think?"
Son: "Mom's right Dad, I saw it too..."
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Daughter: "Nice group Daddy!"
- Good one!
See, that is why you need something like big like a .45.
The SOUTHERN answer has several more BANGs before the reload. Even visiting Yankees soon adopt 10+1, a true Southern Gentleman will be carrying high-capacity magazines.
Humor is a good idea and a valuable tool for engaging people who might be unsettled by OC. It is harder to fear someone who makes you laugh.
Yeah, I thought Texas allowed hicaps.
VCDL Fredericksburg Show Coordinator
Although some Texans believe that bigger is better. I have a few friends that will only carry 1911's. A typical 1911 can hold 8+1, giving you 9 "bangs"
That's a GOOD One! This just goes to show you the perception that Texans all walk around with a handgun strapped on (we do but...) even though we don't have open carry in Texas (YET) but we will soon!
The other day at work I was sitting in a rather large meeting with other hospital executives and directors. The discussion turned to why "so-and-so" had done something stupid and what we should do about. The discussion went around and around without resolution and finally under my breath but loud enough for several people to hear I said in a disgusted tone:"just shoot him!" A ripple of laughter went around the table and someone said - "spoken like a true Texan!
That's great! Now that is a well trained family
Here's something a little more recent:
It was funny until what the daughter said, then it was freaking HILARIOUS!!!
From something I had previously posted on packing.....
One day at the range... I was working the range one day and a little 7 year old comes in with her dad. Another 7 year old girl comes in with her mom and dad. We just happened to give them lanes that were next to each other.
I happened to look out the window and see the two little girls making friends. Classic "I met my best friend at the range 30 years ago" story in the making.
Anyway, I look out there later and see one of the little girls shooting a full size 9mm.
BANG! she would go back a step or two, the gun would rise, but not excessively (think of an average man shooting a 44 mag for the first time). She would them march right back to the line and shoot again.
Later on, both of the girls were out in the store front. They were looking at the shooters' caps and making small girl talk..."oh this one is cute, but look at this..."
Anyway, I went over and asked "Did both of you shoot the 9mm?" and they both shook their heads yes and one replied "We sure did!" with a big smile on her face.
I reached over and handed them each a cap and said "Well then this is for you and this is for you because you did a really good job out there. I am very proud of you and want you to remember this day." They both thanked me repeatedly as sweetly as 7 year olds can with big smiles.
I turned to walk back the counter to pay for the caps I heard one little girl say to the other...
(ready for this......???)
"Yeah, but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as the .45!"
God Bless them both!
I can still rember the 1st timeI fired a 10 gage.
great story Pourshot
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." - Thomas Jefferson
That is a good joke...
I just joined upon recommendation of another carrying VA citizen.
IonEngine wrote:Welcome to the group.That is a good joke...
I just joined upon recommendation of another carrying VA citizen.
welcome ion, i am also in the woodbridge area, lake ridge to be exact.
Welcome, Ion, from "just up the road"!
I've seen various versions of this joke many on packing.org. I think it's funny, but it's getting a bit old.
Seems a Texan makes a rolling stop at a stop sign, and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands the cop his driver's license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.
"Okay, Mr. Smith," the cop says, "I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?"
"Yes, I am."
"Well then, better tell me what you got."
Smith says, "Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There's a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I've got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot."
"Okay," the cop says. "Anything else?"
"Yeah, back in the trunk, there's an AR15 and a shotgun. That's about it."
"Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?"
"Well then, what are you afraid of....?"
"Not a goddamned thing..."
I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do those things to other people and I require the same of them.
Politicians should serve two terms, one in office and one in prison.(borrowed from RioKid)
True story out of Houston;
Lady gets attacked by a miscreatin and fires her snubbie 38 through her purse. When the cops ask her why she shot him 5 times, she replies.........."The gun doesn't hold 6!"
Lower the crime rate by lowering the criminal survival rate!
When people say 'God Bless America' I'm sure He says, "I gave you Texas!"
Dear President Obama,
Age disabuses us of many of the sweetest fables of our childhood. When I was younger, I believed that one man circled the globe every Christmas Eve giving away the products of someone elseís labor without regard to merit. Now I realize thatís basically your job. Itís probably for the best Ė eventually the elves wouldíve unionized, the sleigh wouldíve failed its emissions tests and the old man wouldíve figured out that it just made more sense for him to kick back at the North Pole and collect unemployment.
Since youíre the one in the business of dispensing plenty, I thought Iíd address my Christmas list to you this year. This should be pretty easy for you. You see, Iím a conservative (weíre a major political movement that Ö you know what, just look it up). And because Iím a conservative, I donít want much more from you than to be left alone most of the time. Thus, my list this year is of things Iíd like you to take away, not things I want from you. Please give some thought to getting rid of the following:
1.Your Wifeís Crusade Against Junk Food Ė Hereís the thing: Iím a stress eater and nothing stresses me more than a woman with a personal chef hectoring some kid in the suburbs for eating a Twinkie. So if she stops, Iíll stop. Deal?
2.Every Cabinet Department Thatís Named After a Sector of the Economy Ė Education, Health and Human Services, Housing and Urban Development, Energy, Agriculture, Labor; is it just me or are all of these departments just an excuse for you to throw money at people you like until a Republican wins the presidency and gets to throw money at all the people he likes?
3.Your Weekly Video Addresses Ė So you can sit in a chair and deliver endless self-important monologues. I get it, but thatís not especially presidential, okay? Really, the camera is the only thing that makes you any different from the guy that everyone tries to avoid in the rest home rec room.
4.Intrusive Environmental Regulations Ė Iím a reasonable guy. I turn the lights off when I leave the room, only use my A/C when itís needed and limit my electricity consumption by stealing my neighborís Internet. So please stop bugging me about what kinds of light bulbs Iím using and whether or not Iím driving a Prius. John Wayne would shoot out the tires on a Prius. As an American, that strikes me as a reasonable yardstick for judging public policy.
5.Julian Assange Ė One of the few things I expect from you to is to keep us safe. But how can I trust you to go nose to nose with Al Qaeda when you canít stop a guy who looks like the Keebler Elf with the fastest modem? I donít care how you punish him, but I could think of worst places to start than with a TSA patdown.
I know youíre a busy man, so Iíll limit my requests to those few items. One tip though: If you are able to deliver some of these gifts this year, Iíd recommend knocking on the door instead of coming down the chimney. My family clings to their guns pretty bitterly.