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Thread: Ten Good Reasons To Ban Guns

  1. #1
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    Ten Good Reasons To Ban Guns

    a satire by

    Bruce Gold



    1.) Guns are used in self-defense over 2 million times a year. However, this makes the attempted crime a "non-event," which necessarily complicates the Police investigation. Without civilian ownership of guns, these Police investigations would not have been compromised. Civilians should leave crime prevention to the Police, who are properly equipped to investigate following the crime's completion.

    2.) Some .004 percentage (4/1000 of 1%) of guns are used in crime each year. This is way too high. All guns should be banned

    3.) Guns are unnecessary. In 98% of civilian gun defenses, no shot is fired. If you are not going to fire a shot, you clearly don't need a gun. This proves that the guns are unnecessary. Banning guns will prevent these unnecessary defenses.

    4.) Guns cause criminal migration. In tough gun-law Washington, D.C., violent crime rates are very high. This high crime rate is caused by the migration of criminals from gun havens like Virginia. This migration is caused by the criminal's cowardly avoidance of armed householders and concealed-carry civilians. This criminal migration is detrimental to helpless unarmed citizens in no-gun areas and must be stopped. Guns should be banned everywhere.

    5.) Most gun crimes are committed by inner city gangs and drug dealers. These relatively small and geographically restricted groups consistently commit the majority of gun crimes, which usually peak as turf wars erupt over Drug War changes. The best way to prevent this is by denying guns to all law abiding people everywhere.

    6.) No woman needs to protect herself from rape, assault or murder. The Police will protect them by investigating the crime after the fact. Remember, Police paperwork is all the protection anyone really needs.

    7.) Gun owners are disrespectful of authority. Good citizens should completely rely on the authorities. A failure to do so is an invariable sign of improper and overly independent attitudes. Failure to completely and absolutely trust and depend on the authorities is excessive democracy and sends a bad message to children.

    8.) Gun owners engaging in self-defense are taking the law into their own hands. This is wrong. Only the Police and Criminals have the right to take the law into their own hands. It should be kept out of the hands of citizens.

    9.) Children and young people should remain ignorant about guns. Real guns and real gun knowledge dissipate the fantasies created by violent video games and TV. Ignorance, once lost, can never be restored and needs to be protected.

    10.)Guns reduce people's reliance on the Police and Government. This fosters a mistaken belief in "rights". No person has the right to question authority. No person should be less than 100% dependent on authority. This is fundamental to social order. Banning guns will help to establish the Order the authorities want. This is good.

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    Great stuff. Numbers 7 and 10, BTW, may be meant as jokes, but they are real reasons. Some of the antis I know actually believe that stuff about people being too independant and "disdainful" of authority. Hell, America is all about being anti-authority. Just ask King George III.

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    Love it! Glad it was certainly satire.

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    Do you have a URL for this piece? I'd like to reference it in my blog, but not without giving appropriate credit and a link instead of copying.
    Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population. -Albert Einstein

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    Not any longer.. sorry....

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    Founder's Club Member Tess's Avatar
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    LEO 229 wrote:
    Not any longer.. sorry....
    No biggie, thanks. I simply found one on the web that had copyright release, and linked to it instead.



    Thanks for posting it, though. I wouldn't have known about it otherwise.
    Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population. -Albert Einstein

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    *topic revival!*

    I wonder if I could get this put on a shirt....
    Why open carry? Because 1911 > 911.

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