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Thread: Old joke, but perhaps appropriate again this season

  1. #1
    Founder's Club Member Tess's Avatar
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    22 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT...
    1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
    2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
    3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

    4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
    5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by Soccer moms driving SUV's.
    6 You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
    7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of Federal Funding.
    8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
    9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
    10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it. 11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.
    12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
    13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
    14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.
    15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
    16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
    17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
    18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
    19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and Manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
    20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
    21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right Wing Conspiracy.
    22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day ..........but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."

    Ready to vote???

    Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population. -Albert Einstein

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    1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
    So how does it work the other way around?

    6 You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

    Actually, that's entirely accurate... The current perceptions of gender were created a very long time ago, and there's really no biological basis for most of the gender roles we have today. That's why gender roles vary so much by culture. And, homosexuality is, in fact, found in nature. While it's not conducive to reproduction, neither is ugliness, but that certainly is natural, no? Not to mention sterility...

    7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of Federal Funding.

    No, by a lack of education. Teaching kids, "don't have sex before marriage or else" has been proven ineffective in getting them to not have sex, and just causes them to be unprepared for practicing safer sex.

    8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

    I don't think that Democrats believe any teacher is unable to teach, so that wouldn't hold much water for a Democrat...

    18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

    Er, where are these conservatives that tell the truth? I have yet to find them... Not that there are any Democrats that are telling the truth either, but really, the political party not in office is always going to try to get rid of the party in office. It's an old trick that's not party specific.

    19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and Manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
    That's some deceptive wording. There's that pesky idea that the right to peaceful assembly applies to everyone, not just fundamentalist Christians. The government isn't sponsoring gay pride parades, but allowing them, which offends many people who believe that the government should legislate what happens in the bedroom. Now, there's a lot of outcry from Democrats when public buildings and public spaces have government-sponsored religious displays... A different issue entirely

    21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right Wing Conspiracy.

    While Republicans will argue that my comments are part of a vast left-wing agenda to turn everyone's kids into infant-slaughtering, gay antichrists.

    2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
    3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
    4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
    5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by Soccer moms driving SUV's.
    9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
    10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
    11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.
    12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
    13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
    14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.
    15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
    16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
    17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
    20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
    22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day ..........but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."
    Spot on

    But my point is, really, that both Republicans and Democrats are ridiculous in their views, their double standards and hypocrisy, and their desire to control the lives of Americans (albeit in different areas). Just as Democrats want to exert complete government power over the country through taking away the peoples' right to defend themselves, Republicans want everyone to submit to the "will of God", whether overtly or covertly. How long is it until we have a Divine Right of the Presidents? The slippery slope of gun confiscation surely can be applied to religious oppression as well.

    Call me crazy, as I'm sure many people do, but it seems completely irrational to me that a person, much less half a country, can believe that the government is justified in controlling one aspect of an American's life while at the same time, that government must not control other areas of one's life. I can even understand those who believe that the government should regulate every aspect of life. But I can't reconcile the pick-and-choose-freedoms mentality of Republicans and Democrats.


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    Founder's Club Member Tess's Avatar
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    Actually, I've been looking for the "Ways to be a Republican" - I know it's around somewhere, because I saw it last year when this last went around.

    Being neither, I enjoy making fun of both parties.
    Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population. -Albert Einstein

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    Founder's Club Member - Moderator longwatch's Avatar
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    Yes we must have equal time or the Donkster will be unhappy.

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    Founder's Club Member Tess's Avatar
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    Yep. Here it is......
    Gotta wonder about the "fact" in #20, but what the heck - no skin off my nose.


    1. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread because people are evil and should be punished.
    2. You have to believe that the evolution is a myth that shouldn't be taught in schools, despite the evidence of biochemistry and the fossil record.
    3. You have to believe that there is no causal link between legal, easily-obtainable handguns and high murder rates.
    4. You have to believe that global temperatures are completely unaffected by fossil fuel emissions, that the best way to save the national forests is to allow logging companies to cut down old-growth timber, and the best way to save endangered species is to allow trophy hunters and wildlife traders to import more of them.
    5. You have to believe that homosexuality is evil (despite the fact that it occurs in nature) and that women should stay at home to cook and bear children.
    6. You have to be against abortion but support capital punishment.
    7. You have to believe that businesses never purposely hurt anyone to make money.
    8. You have to believe that hunting requires an automatic rifle.
    9. You have to believe that inherited wealth is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
    10. You have to believe that war is an acceptable solution to any economic or social problem.
    11. You have to believe that everyone should support the troops - except when it comes to paying them.
    12. You have to believe the NRA is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
    13. You have to believe that taxes are for poor and middle class people, not the rich.
    14. You have to believe that affirmative action is wrong, while still supporting discrimination against minorities.
    15. You have to believe that Ann Coulter is normal and really a very nice person.
    16. You have to believe that the only reason supply-side economics hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
    17. You have to believe liberals telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and draft-dodger belongs in the White House.
    18. You have to believe that the Ten Commandments should be displayed in every public building regardless of the fact that not everyone in America is a Christian.
    19. You have to believe that illegal Republican Party funding by corporations is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
    20. You have to believe that the media are biased toward liberals, despite the fact that all the major media outlets are owned by ultra-rich conservatives.
    Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population. -Albert Einstein

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    1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
    So how does it work the other way around?


    The same way that shooting a guy that tries to rob you is ok, but tracking him down and murdering him in his sleep later is not.


    6 You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
    Actually, that's entirely inaccurate... homosexuality is, in fact, found in nature. While it's not conducive to reproduction, neither is ugliness, but that certainly is natural, no? Not to mention sterility...
    So, basically you're saying that gays are rutting sub-humans incapable or exersizing the slightest control over their sexual impulses? That's kinda harsh...
    Republicans want everyone to submit to the "will of God", whether overtly or covertly. How long is it until we have a Divine Right of the Presidents? The slippery slope of gun confiscation surely can be applied to religious oppression as well.


    There's so much ignorance in that statement I don't even know where to start...






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    Que? :?

    And Tess, number 8 on the latter list you posted reminds me of a Ted Nugent video clip I once saw where Ted says something to the effect of, "People ask me why I need machine guns to hunt, and I tell them, 'I don't'".

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    Well, this thread looks like a minefield...



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    And what if you beleive that both sides are 90% full of crap?

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    Tomahawk wrote:
    Well, this thread looks like a minefield...

    Be careful... mines might or might not be covered under the Second Amendment, and that seems to be grounds for deleting a thread...

    The thread does seem useful though in looking at how each party interprets each others' beliefs as they suit themselves. And how arbitrary each party's issues truly are...

    That being said, I wonder how dedicated the Republican party truly is to Second Amendment right. Neither the Republican nor Democrat parties have a single ideology used to dictate their positions on policies. The Statists (whatever they choose to call themselves) believe that public policy should have the government regulate individuals in the interest of public order, the Libertarians believe that public policy should reflect a freedom of individuals to choose how to live their lives, the Green Party believes public policy should reflect a committment to saving the environment at all costs, and so on. What is the overarching policy of Republicans and Democrats? "This is our stance on this issue, and this is our stance on that issue, and this is our stance on that other issue..."

    The point to all of this disparaging of the Republicans and Democrats? There is no good reason for either party to be committed to gun ownership. As I've said before, the Democrats really have more of a duty, as they seem to be more dedicated to individual rights at the moment. But regardless, there's no hard rule that binds the Republicans to protecting Second Amendment rights. The day that Jesus stops telling the Republican leadership to vote "nay" on gun control will be the day that both major political parties will no longer have our best interests (in terms of gun ownership) in mind. But as long as gun owners subscribe to the myth that the right to keep and bear arms is protected by the same party that believes the government should suppress any free speech or expression that may harm the Christian morals of our nation's children, we play a very dangerous game.

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    Founder's Club Member Tess's Avatar
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    xmirage2kx wrote:
    And what if you beleive that both sides are 90% full of crap?
    Then you post lists like this :celebrate:celebrate:celebrate:celebrate:celebrate:celebrate
    Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population. -Albert Einstein

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