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Thread: Zombies evolving in DoD labs. New Weapons of Mass Consumption!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Washington Island, across Death's Door, Wisconsin, USA

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    Dr. Schund, are chronicles of the walking undead based in fact?

    Human lore is rich with tales of the zombie, the walking undead, across all cultures and lands throughout all time. Particularly piquant is the tale of the vampire. All zombies are held hostage to the need to renew themselves, often in lurid and terrifying ways, lest they expire. Western science scoffs at legends of such biological reanimation. Even a rudimentary knowledge of metabolism secures its owner from the fears of full moons and blooming wolfbane. How inconvenient it is that the structure of DNA which encodes our genetic heritage provides a renewable modality to power a zombie at the molecular level.

    Human genetic code is massive in its sheer abundance, although less than 5% of it encodes useful information. Whether expressed extrons or apparently inert introns, the sum total DNA of a single human cell unravels to eight feet of molecule. Random packing of such an uncharged macromolecular morsel would not fit it into a cell's nucleus or even a whole cell. That each rung of the DNA ladder accommodates two full negative charges emphasizes the massive electrostatic repulsions adding to angular, steric, torsional, and van der Waals repulsions. Elaborate coiling about specialized globular proteins bearing abundant positive charges, histones, arrays that absurdly large and mostly informationally inert lump at the theoretical limits of ordered close contact. Each cell within your body encloses an eight foot long molecular spring straining at the theoretical physical limits of containment. There are trillions of cells comprising your being. Have you ever seen an overwound watch spring burst?

    Dr. Schund maintains clandestine access to the blackest of Department of Defense black labs operating under the ultimate national security imprimatur: TOP SECRET/Lotus Eater. Smoke and mirrors stories of million dollar projects employing self-admitted psychics to stare at reconnaissance photos of Russian missile sites to detonate them by remote mental influence were craftily leaked to obscure the truth. The outlandishly rare and truly ghastly phenomenon of pathological DNA unravelment powering a formally dead body has been captured for study and exploitation behind ten foot thick reinforced concrete containment walls. The proposed rewind mechanisms challenge the tensile strength of the human soul. Atrocities and anathemas stoking the hellish fires of excommunication and exorcism leak their secrets into silicon chips and magneto-optic memory storage media. Our military cadres have been very, very naughty.

    Essentially unlimited in strength and immune to the deleterious effects of most aspects of physical ruin while its subcellular power plant disentangles, the zombie is a formidable agent of all but unstoppable destruction and revenge. DoD academicians are still challenged by command/control/communication protocols, as any owner of a wind-up toy will understand.

    Consistent with Voodoo and Santeria intimations, the zombie undergoes progressive deterioration as its DNA unwinds and expands in volume. In the absence of renewal the zombie suffers the dissolution of its cellular and subcellular structure as its DNA expands to liberate energy, eventually bursting through all local microscopic structures. The standard apprehensions of liquefaction or crumbling into dust are thus well based in fact. Disruption of synchronous DNA unwinding as by the energetic introduction of a wooden stake or a conducting pellet of silver delivered at ballistic velocities is consistent with observation. Sunlight is sufficiently rich in near-ultraviolet light to dimerize adjacent thymidine residues within the double helix. In living organisms these cross-linking dimers are snipped out and replaced with valid chemistry by local maintenance enzymes. The undead must be very chary of having their power supplies photochemically welded into uselessness. A putatively thinning ozone layer may be cause for celebration, not dread.

    Have experiments been introduced into the population at large? Such Congresscritters as Claude Pepper and Henry Gonzales pointed to a disturbing congruence between entertaining allegory and unbelievable fact. Consider conjectural early efforts with J. Edgar Hoover and ex-President Richard Nixon. Consider Rose Kennedy. (It is preferable to first try it out upon Mom, then Edward - Kennedys are risk-takers with other people's risks).

    The mechanism of DNA recoiling - the parasitic recharging of a zombie paired with the inevitably adverse effects upon its victims - is far too gruesome and terrible to herein disclose. Remember, citizens who divulge Top Secret/Lotus Eater instruments do not merely suffer fine or imprisonment. They disappear, perhaps to suffer reanimation behind ten foot thick reinforced concrete containment walls.

  2. #2
    Founder's Club Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    No longer in Alexandria, Egypt

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    And here's a video to explain it all!

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