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Thread: Need Help, with the Soulmate.

  1. #1
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    Well there's not much I usualy need help with when it comes to firearms. Now I've had to swallow that lump and ask you guys,

    How in the world do I turn the Wife into a Pro Carry Spouse ?



    Here's the Background;

    Married for 4 years, Together for LESS. (Combined 22 months over seas)

    2 year old son, and a daughter on the way in November.

    Being that my Wife is a Marine Wife, she's no dummy to guns and explosives, but for some reason she is not happy about a condition 1 or condition 3 pistol in the house at all. She also doesn't like that fact thatI carry it either. I've never carried with her, I'm always out in town by myself when I do.

    When I got the New XDM the other day, she picked it right up out of the box, and said wow that's really light and looks really good too. Then put it down and walked back in the kitchen. I was like, Holy Crap did you just pick up that gun !?! I was happy she did that. I surely didn't even think of setting off fireworks ! LOL !!

    So she's not ANTI gun. She's just ANTI Carry.

    Also when I showed her the Pink Walther P22, she actually made a facial expression of "I might shoot that if you bought it for me" :what:

    HELP !!!!

    FYI - NO SCARE TACTICS, I'm not going to scare my wife into "carry" submission.






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    Have you taken her out shooting before? I know you mentioned that she is pregnant now, so if you haven't taken her, you might want to wait until after your daughter is born.

    And don't try to scare her, just give her some facts on self-defense.

    Hope this helps some.

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    Dustin wrote:
    FYI - NO SCARE TACTICS, I'm not going to scare my wife into "carry" submission.
    I'm not quite sure what you mean by that. On the most fundamental level, most people who carry do so because they're afraid of what might (but probably wouldn't)happen if they're not armed. I've read first-hand accountsby people who bought a gun for the first time and/or started carrying because something happened to them or they read about a shooting and were afraid and therefore decided to take responsibility for their own protection.

    Fear is a powerful motivator. The next time a mall or church shooting happens, ask your wife if she would have been afraid if she had been there. Then ask her, "If you ever find yourself in that sort of situation, would you like to be carrying a gun, or would you prefer to wait for whatwould seem a very long time for the police to arrive, hoping all the while that the shooter didn't see you?"

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    True, but My wife is Pregnant, remember. I'm not trying to slam her emotions by letting her listen to the youtube 911 call where a woman shoots a guy.

    Might just hold off until Christmas.

    Simple Facts and satisitcs would probably do me some good.

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    Info and stats here: http://www.gunfacts.info/

    Good, but long, read.

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    Dustin wrote:
    True, but My wife is Pregnant, remember. I'm not trying to slam her emotions by letting her listen to the youtube 911 call where a woman shoots a guy.

    Might just hold off until Christmas.

    Simple Facts and satisitcs would probably do me some good.
    I think the 911 call is a fact and not an emotional argument. How else do you convey that the police can't protect you?

    You can't force her carrying i would say, but she should be more open to you carrying. Does she go shooting with you? Have you offered to get her firearms classes?

    Thanks for the service!

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    Point her to http://corneredcat.com/she might find a lot of useful information. Most people will latch onto an idea if they figure it out on their own rather than having someone spoonfeed them.

    Since you have kid(s), you'd think she'd want you to carry around them to protect them.

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    hsmith wrote:
    You can't force her carrying i would say, but she should be more open to you carrying. Does she go shooting with you? Have you offered to get her firearms classes?

    Thanks for the service!
    Without folks like you, there would be no reason to be in the Service

    And

    No I haven't scheduled any classe's for her. Not yet anyway. I'll probably be more proactive on that stuff after the baby.


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    I have been carrying now for just over 9 years and married a whole lot longer than that.

    My experience is that when it comes to wives and guns, patience and perseverance are the best route.

    It is kind of like eating and orange. If you just shove an orange in someone's mouth they will choke on it, but if you peal the orange and then feed it to them one section at a time, it goes much better.

    I gradually worked up to where I am now.

    At first I just carried concealed, and most of the time she didn't know I even had the gun.

    I got a safe to keep it in and this alleviated her fears.

    I offered to and took her shooting on her terms and she would do that from time to time.

    I did everything slowly.

    Now she has a loaded gun in the drawer by her bed, I have one by my side. I have a loaded shotgun under the bed and another gun in my briefcase.

    She will actually check and make sure that I am packing when we leave the house,

    Not long ago we were sitting in a restaurant and she pointed down at my open carry 1911 and said, "I am so glad that you you don't worry about keeping that thing concealed all the time anymore."

    It takes time and patience, but as she becomes more accustomed to your gun, and you carrying it for the protection of your family, she will change, at least my wife did.



    Good Luck



    Tarzan





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    eyesopened wrote:
    Point her to http://corneredcat.com/she might find a lot of useful information. Most people will latch onto an idea if they figure it out on their own rather than having someone spoonfeed them.

    Since you have kid(s), you'd think she'd want you to carry around them to protect them.
    I know, that's whatI thought too.

    I'm not standing on a soap box here, but my wife see's me as Freakin Superman ! So why would I need a gun ? That's kinda my problem. She think's I'll beat the piss out of anyone that tries to harm us. Of course I'd like to say I would, but When Guns and Fists fly, it's usually the harder one that wins.




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    tarzan1888 wrote:
    I have been carrying now for just over 9 years and married a whole lot longer than that.

    My experience is that when it comes to wives and guns, patience and perseverance are the best route.

    It is kind of like eating and orange. If you just shove an orange in someone's mouth they will choke on it, but if you peal the orange and then feed it to them one section at a time, it goes much better.

    I gradually worked up to where I am now.

    At first I just carried concealed, and most of the time she didn't know I even had the gun.

    I got a safe to keep it in and this alleviated her fears.

    I offered to and took her shooting on her terms and she would do that from time to time.

    I did everything slowly.

    Now she has a loaded gun in the drawer by her bed, I have one by my side. I have a loaded shotgun under the bed and another gun in my briefcase.

    She will actually check and make sure that I am packing when we leave the house,

    Not long ago we were sitting in a restaurant and she pointed down at my open carry 1911 and said, "I am so glad that you you don't worry about keeping that thing concealed all the time anymore."

    It takes time and patience, but as she becomes more accustomed to your gun, and you carrying it for the protection of your family, she will change, at least my wife did.



    Good Luck



    Tarzan




    Now that sounds like the route that would suit my wife.

    BTW, I'm 27 my wife is 25, I think LOL ! and a Mother of1 and 1/2 kids.

    It's the kids that scares her now.Gun Safe's are so stinking expensive. Especially the one she wants, $299.99









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    Dustin wrote:
    .......my wife see's me as Freakin Superman ! So why would I need a gun ? That's kinda my problem.....

    My wife was much the same way.



    I'm 6' 4" 200 lb and work out with a heavy bag. Its good that they think we can do just about anything, but it is our responsibility to realize that there are limitations.

    A firearm is a great equalizer. I realize that and want to make sure that in a confrontation that there are as many things in my favor as possible.

    I have a daughter who is much like your wife, and her Air Force husband much like you.

    They have a daughter and a son and one on the way.

    I gave him much the same advice I have given you. It does work. My daughter just asked me to help her pick out a rifle for her husband for Christmas.....

    You never know.



    Tarzan


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    Dustin wrote:
    .....It's the kids that scares her now.Gun Safe's are so stinking expensive. Especially the one she wants, $299.99
    She sounds a lot like my daughter, who is a lot like her mother.

    I have a son that works for a metal fabrication company. They made me a little safe that is about 10 inches tall and about 18 inches wide and deep. I mounted it in a closet.

    I used it a lot when I first got it, for my handguns, and I locked my long guns in hard sided cases. I still use the safe for non carry handguns, when the grand kids come, but when they are not here, the only thing in it are some papers my wife stores there.

    If I were you I would buy combination locks and hard sided cases for your guns and store them under your bed. A big safe like you are talking about is heavy and hard to move. You can get them for from $10 to $20 at places like Wal-Mart.

    You can't carry on base so you will need to secure your weapon at home, while you are at work.

    As your children grow, and you educate them (and your wife) you will know how much security you need to keep them safe. The best thing for them is knowledge and training.

    I grew up with guns in the house and so did my 5 kids. We never had them in a safe, but I knew, and they knew that they were not toys.

    I did not have any handguns until my youngest was a teen.

    Not long ago my 6 year old granddaughter was staying with us. I sat her down and showed her my carry gun. I explained to her what it was and that I carried it to protect her and her grandmother. I talked to her about her and her dads car, how she would never try and drive his car as it would not be safe for a little girl to drive a car. I pointed out how it would not be safe for a little girl to use a gun by herself either and that if she ever saw one she was to go and tell and adult and let them handle it.

    She seemed to understand, but you never know. Then a few weeks later we were hiking in the woods and we saw some bear scat. I called to my wife, daughter and granddaughter and showed them what I had found and told them what it was. As realization of what it was came to my granddaughter, her eyes got very big and she looked at me and said, "Grandpa, do you have your gun?" I said that I did and she let out a sigh of relief and said, "Oh good." and we went on our way.

    Education and patience go a long way.



    Tarzan

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    Dustin wrote:
    Well there's not much I usualy need help with when it comes to firearms. Now I've had to swallow that lump and ask you guys,

    How in the world do I turn the Wife into a Pro Carry Spouse ?

    The fact of the matter is, you cannot.

    You have been given some good info and advice by those above, but they forgot to tell you the basic truth.

    If your wife is ever going to become pro-carry, it will be on her terms, in her time, and for her reasons. Nothing you say or do will have any effect on that, except to possibly piss her off at you for continuing to bring up the subject.

    If you carry only when you are away from her and the kid (soon to be kiddies - congrats!) then you are sending a very mixed message that has all sorts of negative overtones - like you value your own hide more than you do hers & the family's.

    I suggest that you explain to her that you have realized that your job is to protect the family, and that you are going to be adding the carrying of firearms to the set of tools you use to accomplish that mission. Tell her that you are willing to discuss the hows, but not the whys. Tell her that you want her input on how to safely store the firearms when you are not physically in control of therm, and that you want her input on whether or not she should be able to access them in an emergency if you are not around or are incapacitated.

    Then listen to her.

    Then **** and carry.

    She will either decide to carry or continue to decide not to carry. You cannot do anything about the first, but can really reinforce the second if you try to "change her mind" - especially if you use the "it's for your own good" route.

    Also, take a look at http://opencarry.mywowbb.com/forum65/13574.html. Your situation is different than the one with me and the Lady Friend. You have obligations and need to address them. Maybe one day your wife will understand that she has obligations as well - but until she does, do not try to force the issue.

    stay safe.

    skidmark

    * edited to add link & comments re: family carry thread.
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    I think tarza1888 has provided some excellent advice.
    Bob Owens @ Bearing Arms (paraphrased): "These people aren't against violence; they're very much in favor of violence. They're against armed resistance."

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    Dustin, i'll put it this way with a story that runs along similar lines.

    I play golf. My girlfriend is not anti golf she just doesnt really see the fun in it.

    My solution, I bought her a set of golf clubs.

    Now she feels obligated to at least give a few swings at a driving range. She finds out that she enjoys golfing and has been doin it ever since.

    Moral of the story, assume the sale and get her a pink gun...or a XDM or whatever she might like. Then, when she has the opportunity to say no to it in the real physical sense instead of a theoretical sense we'll see if she does or not.

    Its like asking if a place allows carrying before you go there...they're more likely to knee jerk and say they dont. But if you are all ready carrying they are less likely to tell you not to.

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    Hi all. I'm new to the opencarry forum so I mostly lurk but being a woman and being new to carrying (since mid-June) I thought maybe I'd add my viewpoint.

    My DH never pestered me about getting a gun. I've had my permit to carry concealed for two years and it was just last month that I finally came home and told him, "We need to go buy me my own gun."

    I've never seen a man so happy! lol

    It has been a slow journey for me but his patience and gentle encouragement through it is in part what helped me get here. There have been some turning points along the way though that were really outside of his control.

    Like your wife I felt my DH was superman and he could/would protect us. He had a situation at work where a co-worker basically began stalking him and making scary, threatening comments. (That's when I got my permit.) I started to realize at that time why self protection was necessary. It concerned me that this guy was behaving so crazily toward DH but I was comforted to know that he was able to defend himself.

    What made me decide it was time to protect myself was ending up alone in a room with a meth addict. He wasn't a threat at that moment but sitting there across the table from him I realized that if he were I would be on my own to defend myself and I wasn't prepared. (That's the day I came home and asked for a gun.)

    One thing I would suggest to you in helping your wife come to terms with carrying her own firearm is help her to realize she is your backup. After the stalking experience I didn't really think about it like that but I read a news story about a family where the dad was trying to protect his daughters and had the snot beat out of him by a group of guys. The wife and daughters could only stand by helplessly and watch. I remember thinking that if I were armed I would be able to intervene in the event that ever happend to my DH.

    And whoever said to go to the cornered cat site is right on the money! I've read her site from top to bottom and it went a long way toward solidifying my resolve. I also post on the women and guns forum and have learned a tremendous amount there. Seeing how many other women carry and actively shoot helped to take away some of the stigma that seems to be associated with guns.

    And buy her whatever she wants!! I have discovered I really, really love to shoot and now I have three handguns, a family membership to the local range and a big ol' gun safe. Oh, and very, very happy husband. :celebrate

    (And just for the record I have four kids ranging in age from 4 to 14 so I overcame that issue too. In fact, the 14 year old knows how to handle the handguns as well so when we aren't home and she's in charge she's the defender. She shot her dad's glock 21 and loved it. Now they are all bugging me to go to the range because they want to shoot mom's gun. )


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    NWGirl wrote:
    Hi all. I'm new to the opencarry forum so I mostly lurk but being a woman and being new to carrying (since mid-June) I thought maybe I'd add my viewpoint.

    My DH never pestered me about getting a gun. I've had my permit to carry concealed for two years and it was just last month that I finally came home and told him, "We need to go buy me my own gun."

    I've never seen a man so happy! lol

    It has been a slow journey for me but his patience and gentle encouragement through it is in part what helped me get here. There have been some turning points along the way though that were really outside of his control.

    Like your wife I felt my DH was superman and he could/would protect us. He had a situation at work where a co-worker basically began stalking him and making scary, threatening comments. (That's when I got my permit.) I started to realize at that time why self protection was necessary. It concerned me that this guy was behaving so crazily toward DH but I was comforted to know that he was able to defend himself.

    What made me decide it was time to protect myself was ending up alone in a room with a meth addict. He wasn't a threat at that moment but sitting there across the table from him I realized that if he were I would be on my own to defend myself and I wasn't prepared. (That's the day I came home and asked for a gun.)

    One thing I would suggest to you in helping your wife come to terms with carrying her own firearm is help her to realize she is your backup. After the stalking experience I didn't really think about it like that but I read a news story about a family where the dad was trying to protect his daughters and had the snot beat out of him by a group of guys. The wife and daughters could only stand by helplessly and watch. I remember thinking that if I were armed I would be able to intervene in the event that ever happend to my DH.

    And whoever said to go to the cornered cat site is right on the money! I've read her site from top to bottom and it went a long way toward solidifying my resolve. I also post on the women and guns forum and have learned a tremendous amount there. Seeing how many other women carry and actively shoot helped to take away some of the stigma that seems to be associated with guns.

    And buy her whatever she wants!! I have discovered I really, really love to shoot and now I have three handguns, a family membership to the local range and a big ol' gun safe. Oh, and very, very happy husband. :celebrate

    (And just for the record I have four kids ranging in age from 4 to 14 so I overcame that issue too. In fact, the 14 year old knows how to handle the handguns as well so when we aren't home and she's in charge she's the defender. She shot her dad's glock 21 and loved it. Now they are all bugging me to go to the range because they want to shoot mom's gun. )
    Thank you.... Thats good stuff.



    Tarzan

  19. #19
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    Excellent post NWGirl!
    Bob Owens @ Bearing Arms (paraphrased): "These people aren't against violence; they're very much in favor of violence. They're against armed resistance."

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    NWGirl wrote:

    My DH never pestered me about getting a gun.
    you have your own personal Designated hitter? Go American league!

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    Dustin wrote:
    tarzan1888 wrote:
    I have been carrying now for just over 9 years and married a whole lot longer than that.

    My experience is that when it comes to wives and guns, patience and perseverance are the best route.

    It is kind of like eating and orange. If you just shove an orange in someone's mouth they will choke on it, but if you peal the orange and then feed it to them one section at a time, it goes much better.

    I gradually worked up to where I am now.

    At first I just carried concealed, and most of the time she didn't know I even had the gun.

    I got a safe to keep it in and this alleviated her fears.

    I offered to and took her shooting on her terms and she would do that from time to time.

    I did everything slowly.

    Now she has a loaded gun in the drawer by her bed, I have one by my side. I have a loaded shotgun under the bed and another gun in my briefcase.

    She will actually check and make sure that I am packing when we leave the house,

    Not long ago we were sitting in a restaurant and she pointed down at my open carry 1911 and said, "I am so glad that you you don't worry about keeping that thing concealed all the time anymore."

    It takes time and patience, but as she becomes more accustomed to your gun, and you carrying it for the protection of your family, she will change, at least my wife did.



    Good Luck



    Tarzan




    Now that sounds like the route that would suit my wife.

    BTW, I'm 27 my wife is 25, I think LOL ! and a Mother of1 and 1/2 kids.

    It's the kids that scares her now.Gun Safe's are so stinking expensive. Especially the one she wants, $299.99







    I have that safe, but not the biometric one, just the normal push button one and it's great for what it is. I'd pass on the biometric option personally, but just because of the extra cost. Oh, and if you do get that biometric safe, make sure to rub off your fingerprint after using it. There have been cases where you can take a finger wrapped in a cloth and press on the scanner and the scanner will read the latent print. The regular safe is only $130 approximately.

  22. #22
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    I'm floored at the responses here folks. Thank you so much.

    Tarzan,

    I can carry firearms on base. Ammo in the console, Firearm in the Glove Compartment/Gun Case. Just Seperate. If I would not be able to, than I would be upset. The range on base is 2 minutes a way, and I can go there for 30minutes to an hourduring lunch.



    NW Girl, Welcome, and Thanks !!! I'll defnitely be passing the info along.



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    Dustin wrote:
    ....Tarzan,

    I can carry firearms on base. Ammo in the console, Firearm in the Glove Compartment/Gun Case. Just Seperate. If I would not be able to, than I would be upset. The range on base is 2 minutes a way, and I can go there for 30minutes to an hourduring lunch. ........

    Actually I know that, now that I think about it. The fact is that my son-in-law bought his XD 45 on base. I too have taken my carry gun on base....just unloaded and separate.

    I guess I am trying to say actually carry openly or concealed, but I know what you mean. By taking it and securing it, you can still be armed when you leave base

    My Son-in-law is at Shepard AFB in Texas and he joined a very nice gun club that is just off base. I don't know what facilities they have on base as I have only shot with him at the club (It only costs $30 per year)

    I wish I could get to a range in 2 minutes.



    Tarzan

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    http://www.corneredcat.com/

    Two others have mentioned this site. It is well worth your time and hers to look at it, especially her article on keeping the guns away from the kids (quite humorously done despite the serious topic).

    My wife was reluctant for us to buy any gun, but Hurricane Katrina changed things, and I bought my XD9 from a client in Baton Rouge so that I could return to New Orleans with some means of protection. I told my wife that she should at least come to a firing range and get familiar with the gun if we were going to have one in the house. She agreed and found out that she was a pretty good shot (her first was dead center bull's eye). Since then, she has declined to go to the range saying that she's afraid she'll "like it too much." Over time, she's grown somewhat more comfortable with me carrying more often; so I guess the gradual approach others have recommended is the best one.

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    My wife wasn't all that thrilled about me OCing whenI first started. She was more worried about the confrontations than anything. But she has come to terms with it and has no problem with it 98% of the time. When she does its only about why I need to carry to that particular place. She now says she feels safer when I do carry. Give it time and see if she warms up to it. From time to time mine will ask ifI have it with me.
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