Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: political humor

  1. #1
    Founder's Club Member ixtow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Suwannee County, FL
    Posts
    5,069

    Post imported post

    The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win.

    There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. They both claim to be one, so why not? The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

    After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.

    At the end of the first day, John Mc. returned to the starting line and he had ten fish. Soon, Obama returned and had no fish.

    Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

    At the end of the 2nd day John Mc. came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

    That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, 'Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.'

    The next night (after John Mc. returns with 50 fish), Harry said to Obama, 'Well, tell me, how is John Mc. cheating?'

    Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice.'

    Ha!

    ...I love the fact that most of Obama's supporters will totally miss the point of this joke. They're so out of touch with reality that they actually think people who can deal with the real world are corrupt.
    "The fourth man's dark, accusing song had scratched our comfort hard and long..."
    http://edhelper.com/poetry/The_Hangm...rice_Ogden.htm

    https://gunthreadadapters.com

    "Be not intimidated ... nor suffer yourselves to be wheedled out of your Liberties by any pretense of Politeness, Delicacy, or Decency. These, as they are often used, are but three different names for Hypocrisy, Chicanery, and Cowardice." - John Adams

    Tyranny with Manners is still Tyranny.

  2. #2
    Campaign Veteran
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Fairfax County, VA, ,
    Posts
    689

    Post imported post

    +1 :celebrate...and a banana

  3. #3
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Tennessee, ,
    Posts
    695

    Post imported post

    don't knwo if this has been posted here already, but here goes:

    [line]

    I was talking to a friend of mine's little girl, and
    she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her
    parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked
    her, 'If you were President what would be the first
    thing you would do?'


    She replied, 'I'd give houses to all the
    homeless people.'


    'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You
    don't have to wait until you're President to do
    that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds,
    and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then
    I'll take you over to the grocery store where the
    homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use
    toward a new house.'


    She thought that over for a few seconds while her Mom
    glared at me, then she looked me straight in the eye and
    asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over
    and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?'


    And I said, 'Welcome to the Republican
    Party.' Her folks still aren't talking to me.

  4. #4
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Tennessee, ,
    Posts
    695

    Post imported post

    here's another:

    [line]

    Little Suzy had a box of very small kittens that she was trying to give
    away, so she had them out on the street corner with a sign 'FREE KITTENS' next
    to them.

    Suddenly a big line of big black cars came up with a policeman on a
    motorcycle in front.

    The cars all stopped and a tall man stepped out from the biggest car

    'Hi, little girl, what do you have there in the box?' he asked.

    'Kittens' Little Suzy says. 'They're so small, their eyes are not even open
    yet.'

    'What kind of kittens are they?' he asked.

    'Democrats' says Little Suzy.
    The tall man smiled, returned to his car and they drove away.

    Sensing a good photo opportunity, Sen. Obama called his campaign manager and
    told him about the little girl and the kittens.

    It was planned that they would return the next day, have all the media there
    and tell everyone about these great kittens.

    The next day, Little Suzy is standing out on the corner with her box of
    kittens with the 'FREE KITTENS' sign and the big motorcade of black cars
    pulled
    up with all the vans and trucks from ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN.

    Everyone had their cameras ready and then, Sen. Obama got out of his limo
    and walked up to Little Suzy.

    'Now, don't be frightened,' he said, 'I just want you to tell all these nice
    news people just what kind of kittens you're giving away today.'

    'Yes sir,' Suzy said, 'They are all REPUBLICAN kittens.'

    Taken by surprise, Sen. Obama said, 'But yesterday, you told me that they
    were DEMOC RATS.'

    Little Suzy says, 'Yes, I know. But today, they have their eyes open.'

  5. #5
    Campaign Veteran deepdiver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Southeast, Missouri, USA
    Posts
    5,974

    Post imported post

    unreconstructed1, I guarantee I'll end up telling that one tomorrow. :celebrate

    edit: The first one that is ... didn't notice the second one
    Bob Owens @ Bearing Arms (paraphrased): "These people aren't against violence; they're very much in favor of violence. They're against armed resistance."

  6. #6
    Campaign Veteran
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Lobelville, Tennessee, USA
    Posts
    2,615

    Post imported post

    How many Liberals does it take to change a light bulb?



    :quirky



    No one knows. They all just set around in the dark waiting for some else to do it for them.

  7. #7
    Founder's Club Member ixtow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Suwannee County, FL
    Posts
    5,069

    Post imported post

    not really political...

    How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?









    Duh, 2! But the trick is getting them in there without ruining 'the mood.' :what:
    "The fourth man's dark, accusing song had scratched our comfort hard and long..."
    http://edhelper.com/poetry/The_Hangm...rice_Ogden.htm

    https://gunthreadadapters.com

    "Be not intimidated ... nor suffer yourselves to be wheedled out of your Liberties by any pretense of Politeness, Delicacy, or Decency. These, as they are often used, are but three different names for Hypocrisy, Chicanery, and Cowardice." - John Adams

    Tyranny with Manners is still Tyranny.

  8. #8
    State Researcher
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    , Alabama, USA
    Posts
    935

    Post imported post

    Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on:

    The first surgeon, from New York
    , says, "I like to see Accountants on my operating table; because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

    The second surgeon, from Chicago
    , responds, "Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

    The third surgeon, from Dallas
    , says, "No, I really think Librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

    The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles
    , chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

    But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC
    , shut them all up when he observed,

    "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine; plus the head and the ass are interchangeable."


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •