political humor

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The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win.

There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. They both claim to be one, so why not? The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.

At the end of the first day, John Mc. returned to the starting line and he had ten fish. Soon, Obama returned and had no fish.

Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John Mc. came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, 'Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.'

The next night (after John Mc. returns with 50 fish), Harry said to Obama, 'Well, tell me, how is John Mc. cheating?'

Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice.'

Ha!

...I love the fact that most of Obama's supporters will totally miss the point of this joke. They're so out of touch with reality that they actually think people who can deal with the real world are corrupt.

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+1 :celebrate...and a banana

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don't knwo if this has been posted here already, but here goes:

[line]

I was talking to a friend of mine's little girl, and
she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her
parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked
her, 'If you were President what would be the first
thing you would do?'


She replied, 'I'd give houses to all the
homeless people.'


'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You
don't have to wait until you're President to do
that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds,
and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then
I'll take you over to the grocery store where the
homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use
toward a new house.'


She thought that over for a few seconds while her Mom
glared at me, then she looked me straight in the eye and
asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over
and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?'


And I said, 'Welcome to the Republican
Party.' Her folks still aren't talking to me.

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here's another:

[line]

Little Suzy had a box of very small kittens that she was trying to give
away, so she had them out on the street corner with a sign 'FREE KITTENS' next
to them.

Suddenly a big line of big black cars came up with a policeman on a
motorcycle in front.

The cars all stopped and a tall man stepped out from the biggest car

'Hi, little girl, what do you have there in the box?' he asked.

'Kittens' Little Suzy says. 'They're so small, their eyes are not even open
yet.'

'What kind of kittens are they?' he asked.

'Democrats' says Little Suzy.
The tall man smiled, returned to his car and they drove away.

Sensing a good photo opportunity, Sen. Obama called his campaign manager and
told him about the little girl and the kittens.

It was planned that they would return the next day, have all the media there
and tell everyone about these great kittens.

The next day, Little Suzy is standing out on the corner with her box of
kittens with the 'FREE KITTENS' sign and the big motorcade of black cars
pulled
up with all the vans and trucks from ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN.

Everyone had their cameras ready and then, Sen. Obama got out of his limo
and walked up to Little Suzy.

'Now, don't be frightened,' he said, 'I just want you to tell all these nice
news people just what kind of kittens you're giving away today.'

'Yes sir,' Suzy said, 'They are all REPUBLICAN kittens.'

Taken by surprise, Sen. Obama said, 'But yesterday, you told me that they
were DEMOC RATS.'

Little Suzy says, 'Yes, I know. But today, they have their eyes open.'

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unreconstructed1, I guarantee I'll end up telling that one tomorrow. :celebrate

edit: The first one that is ... didn't notice the second one

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How many Liberals does it take to change a light bulb?



:quirky



No one knows. They all just set around in the dark waiting for some else to do it for them.

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not really political...

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?









Duh, 2! But the trick is getting them in there without ruining 'the mood.' :what:

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Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on:

The first surgeon, from New York , says, "I like to see Accountants on my operating table; because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second surgeon, from Chicago , responds, "Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, "No, I really think Librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles , chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC , shut them all up when he observed,

"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine; plus the head and the ass are interchangeable."