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Thread: Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck? (Kind of OT)

  1. #1
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    The answer can be found by posing the following question:



    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

    Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

    You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.

    You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

    What do you do?

    .................................................. .......

    THINK CAREFULLY AND
    THEN SCROLL DOWN:




    Democrat's Answer :

    Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

    Does the man look poor or oppressed?
    Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
    Could we run away?
    What does my wife think?
    What about the kids?
    Could I possibly swing the gun like a club
    and knock the knife out of his hand?
    What does the law say about this situation?
    Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
    Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway,
    and what kind of message
    does this send to society and to my children?
    Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
    Does he definitely want to kill me,
    or would he be content just to wound me?
    If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my
    family get away while he was stabbing me?
    Should I call 9-1-1?
    Why is this street so deserted?
    We need to raise taxes,
    have a paint and weed day and
    make this a happier, healthier street
    that would discourage such behavior.
    This is all so confusing! I need to debate
    this with some friends for few days
    and try to come to a consensus.

    .................................................. ............................................

    Republican's Answer:


    BANG!


    .................................................. .........................................

    Redneck's Answer:


    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG !
    Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    BANG! BANG! BANG! Click

    Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those
    the Winchester Silver tips or hollow points?! '

    Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'

    Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the taxidermist!!



    Edit: Got this in an email today - it isn't my own work.

  2. #2
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    I guess I am a Red Rupblican...

    It would be *Bang Bang Bang*

    Is he still coming?

    Yes? *Bang Bang Bang* or No? *Holster*

  3. #3
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    Actually I'm a registered independant. What's the response for that category?

    In the extraordinary event that that actually happened, I'd probably just lol at him and walk away. It is halloween after all.



    In order to be a true Republican, you must believe in the following:

    1. Jesus loves you and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

    2. Saddam Hussein was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s Daddy made war against him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.

    3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

    4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, yet our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

    5. A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

    6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.

    7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.

    8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

    9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMO’s and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

    10. Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

    11. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which apparently include banning gay marriages, censoring the internet, warrant-less wiretaps, torturing prisoners, and holding suspects indefinitely without a lawyer or trial.

    12. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

    13. Supporting “executive privilege” for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)

    14. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960’s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 1980’s is irrelevant.

    15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

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    In order to be a true democrat/confused independent, you must likewise believe:

    You should be allowed to live any kind of lifestyle that you wish and society should view it as normal.

    Saddam Hussein was never a bad guy, he was just a little misunderstood and America had no business overthrowing his regime.

    We should pick our president based upon the opinions of foreign nations.

    Anyone who has worked hard and been successful and therefore makes more money than you is rich. They should be punished by heavy taxation.

    We shouldn’t have any standards on whom we trade with at all.

    There should be no limits to the government; the constitution is just a suggestion and subject to the whims of those in power.

    We should relinquish our sovereignty to the United Nations and begin the formation of the World Government.

    We should ban fast food and Twinkies for the safety of the children, but if a woman is inconvenienced with pregnancy she should be allowed to kill the child.

    Screw the military, we should just love everybody.

    If condoms are handed out in school adolescents will actually use them, regardless we should hand them out along with birth control pills and morning after pills and then wonder why our youngsters are having so much sex.

    A better way to fight terrorism is to love everybody, then they won’t hate us and terrorism won’t be a problem.

    Providing health care to all Americans is sound policy. Look how well it has worked in Cuba.

    Creationism and God should not be allowed mentioned in public schools, we should teach the theory of evolution as fact.

    Even though climate and weather models cannot predict what the weather will be in your neighborhood tomorrow they can accurately predict what the weather will be on a global scale 100 years in the future.

    Being a drug addict is a moral failing but it’s not your fault and the government should pay for your recovery. And until such time that you have recovered the government should supply you with a safe environment and clean needles.

    Our bloated federal government is far more capable of taking care of us than we are of ourselves.

    Social tolerance is vital to society except for the tolerance of religious and conservative ideas.

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    Regular Member CrossFire's Avatar
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    Well said icode

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    Tolerance is trivial for the unprincipled. Who are they? The ones that point and cry racist, bigot, prejudiced, and hate, while knowing nothing of the words they prate.

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    I'll classify myself as a Red Republican also

  8. #8
    Campaign Veteran deepdiver's Avatar
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    Doug Huffman wrote:
    Tolerance is trivial for the unprincipled. Who are they? The ones that point and cry racist, bigot, prejudiced, and hate, while knowing nothing of the words they prate.
    +1

    Of those choices that makes me redneck leaning republican.

    Bob Owens @ Bearing Arms (paraphrased): "These people aren't against violence; they're very much in favor of violence. They're against armed resistance."

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    Regular Member rodbender's Avatar
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    Damn right I'm taking him to the taxidermist!
    The thing about common sense is....it ain't too common.
    Will Rogers

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    15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

    Yes, because clearly lying under oath is nothing to sweat about, but believeing intelligence that every western nation thought was credible at the time is a horrible atrocity.

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    I believe that it's well documented which of the three categories that I fit into.


    oh and off topic, but since "Tobacco causes cancer" was brought up, my grandfather smoked from the age of 10 until his 40's. he chewed tobacco from that day till the day he died at 76. you know what he died of? not cancer.

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    Regular Member CrossFire's Avatar
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    unreconstructed1 wrote:
    I believe that it's well documented which of the three categories that I fit into.


    oh and off topic, but since "Tobacco causes cancer" was brought up, my grandfather smoked from the age of 10 until his 40's. he chewed tobacco from that day till the day he died at 76. you know what he died of? not cancer.
    I do not know when my grandfather started smoking but when he died at age 95 he did not die of cancer. I have stopped smoking after smoking for 40+ years but not because of a fear of cancer.

  13. #13
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    Where is the "None of the above" option?

    unreconstructed1 wrote:
    I believe that it's well documented which of the three categories that I fit into.


    oh and off topic, but since "Tobacco causes cancer" was brought up, my grandfather smoked from the age of 10 until his 40's. he chewed tobacco from that day till the day he died at 76. you know what he died of? not cancer.
    The exception does not disprove the rule.

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    Campaign Veteran deepdiver's Avatar
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    I had one grandfather who smoked a pack a day for 45 years until he was diagnosed with lung cancer and died within a year. The other one smoked 2-3 packs a day from about 10 years old until age 82 when a condition totally unrelated killed him. It's all a crap shoot. I've cut back and am very soon quitting smoking. I've already had cancer (not lung) and I'm not really afraid of that anymore. I'm quitting because I would rather compete in a triathalon than be a smoker anymore.

    But I don't think any of that has anything to do with shooting BGs or what party I am most closely affiliated so I'll just shut up now.
    Bob Owens @ Bearing Arms (paraphrased): "These people aren't against violence; they're very much in favor of violence. They're against armed resistance."

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    Regular Member dbc3804's Avatar
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    There wouldn't be enough of him left to take to the taxidermist.

    Danny

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    unreconstructed1 wrote:
    I believe that it's well documented which of the three categories that I fit into.


    oh and off topic, but since "Tobacco causes cancer" was brought up, my grandfather smoked from the age of 10 until his 40's. he chewed tobacco from that day till the day he died at 76. you know what he died of? not cancer.


    It's all a mass conspiracy by the liberals to get you to give up your right to die a slow,agonizing death.



    :quirky


    Don't know if you're a Blue Dog Democrat or a real Compassionate Conservative? Nervous with being called a moderate? Feeling enthralled with Bush "soul peering?" Is your "inner child" an inner "GOP-PY?" What exactly is a Republican and how do you know if you are one? The following guideline should help you resolve your doubts.

    You might be a Republican if:

    You think HMO is a cable channel.

    You support a waiting period for abortions but not for gun purchases.

    You believe the "greenhouse effect" means better gardens.

    You think deregulation of the airline industry has been successful.

    You believe God is everywhere - except your motel room.

    Liberal applies to the amount of scotch in your glass, and moderate to the water.

    The only "gay" you support - is the Enola Gay.

    You believe judges have become political activists - except for the Supreme Court.

    You believe trial lawyers are evil except in the case of the 2000 election.

    You believe the NRA contributes more to American life than the NEA.

    You think banks and the government should keep your private financial records for years but have no right to keep gun purchase data for more than 24 hours.

    You believe a free press can not only be bought, but can also be profitable.

    You believe censorship is included in the First Amendment.

    You believe global warming is an advertising campaign by Coppertone.

    You believe money is free speech.

    You think death and taxes should only apply to the middle-class and poor.

    You support caps on jury awards but not on corporate energy price gouging.

    You see Monopoly as not just a board game but as good business for America.

    You think of reality TV as Fox News.



    And another (this one has some really good points):

    If you believe the government should stay out of the church’s business, then believe in faith based initiatives, you might be a Republican.

    If you believe Saddam Hussein needs to be bombed, but that Mubarak and Musharif need American aid, and China needs most favored nation trading status, you might be a Republican.
    If you believe Machiavelli was right, you might be a Republican.
    If you believe that the government is violating our rights, then support the Patriot Act, you might be a Republican.
    If you believe that deficits are bad, but pass tax cuts without corresponding program reductions, you might be a Republican.
    If you believe that we are fighting this war to defend American values, then want to hang all the war protesters, you might be a Republican.
    If you believe in the right to keep and bear arms, but want to destroy Iraq and North Korea for the weapons that they possess, you might be a Republican.
    If you think mentioning Buddha or Mohammed in schools violates the separation of church and state, but want the kids to keep pledging allegiance to a nation “under God”, you might be a Republican.
    If you do not believe in a “vast, right wing conspiracy,” but DO believe in a “vast left wing conspiracy”, you might be a Republican.
    If you believe that television news is biased and left wing, but believe that Rush Limbaugh and Micheal Savage are fair and balanced, you might be a Republican.
    If you believe Donald Rumsfeld is sane, you might be a Republican.
    If you believe that Clinton was immoral because of his affair with the office staff, but believe Eisenhower was a great man despite his affair with his secretary, you might be a Republican.
    If you think it was unfair that Lincoln got shot, but great that Kennedy got shot, you might be a Republican.
    If you STILL think it is all Clinton’s fault, you might be a Republican.
    If you believe that John Ashcroft is really interested in justice, you might be a Republican.
    If you believe Texans riding around in armed pickup trucks are just expressing their freedoms, but Afghans riding around in armed pickup trucks are a grave threat to America’s freedom, you might be a Republican. AND a redneck.
    If you believe anything coming out of Paul Wolfowitz’s mouth, you are seriously deluded, plus maybe a republican.
    If you believe that Bush prefers war to diplomacy because it is easier to spell, you are almost as cynical as me.
    If you believe that anyone who can see through the steaming fetid pile of bovine excrement that passes for GOP rhetoric is a liberal, you might be a Republican.
    If you believe it is worth destroying a 225 year old alliance with France just to smash a petty two-bit tyrant, you might be a republican.

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