Tomahawk
Regular Member
imported post
Is this now a marraige counseling thread, or is it about home invasions?
Is this now a marraige counseling thread, or is it about home invasions?
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Why do you carry that thing in my house?
- Thread starter tricityguy
- Start date
Sonora Rebel
Regular Member
imported post
Marriage IS home invasion! :what:
Marriage IS home invasion! :what:
3/325
Regular Member
imported post
I wasn't intending to start anything with my post, I was just chiming in on the woes of having a significant other who doesn't get it.
My remark also left out an awful lot of my circumstances. In principle, I have to agree with Tricity's advice: don't marry someone who opposes you on issues which you find fundamental (like gun ownership, religious persuasion, or whether the toilet paper should drape OVER the roll or behind it). There are marriages that have gone well despite having some of these differences, but why make things harder than they need to be, especially when you know up front?
I've invested seven years in this woman, and we're both old enough that walking out and starting over is not a luxury we can afford. I will say that, after her initially unpleasant reaction, it's become a don't ask don't tell situation. She knows I have it, she knows I wear it; we just don't talk about it.
I've learned long ago that while women can be demanding, they will NEVER respect a man who actually caves in on everything. In other words, if you do what she wants then she won't want you. The balance, of course, is that you must choose your battles wisely. It forces you to consider what you're REALLY serious about; which, in the end, is probably a good thing for you to do.
[/hijack] We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread already in progress...
I wasn't intending to start anything with my post, I was just chiming in on the woes of having a significant other who doesn't get it.
My remark also left out an awful lot of my circumstances. In principle, I have to agree with Tricity's advice: don't marry someone who opposes you on issues which you find fundamental (like gun ownership, religious persuasion, or whether the toilet paper should drape OVER the roll or behind it). There are marriages that have gone well despite having some of these differences, but why make things harder than they need to be, especially when you know up front?
I've invested seven years in this woman, and we're both old enough that walking out and starting over is not a luxury we can afford. I will say that, after her initially unpleasant reaction, it's become a don't ask don't tell situation. She knows I have it, she knows I wear it; we just don't talk about it.
I've learned long ago that while women can be demanding, they will NEVER respect a man who actually caves in on everything. In other words, if you do what she wants then she won't want you. The balance, of course, is that you must choose your battles wisely. It forces you to consider what you're REALLY serious about; which, in the end, is probably a good thing for you to do.
[/hijack] We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread already in progress...
just_a_car
Regular Member
imported post
...and just cuz I feel like chiming in with a re-hijack...
In relation to what 3/325 said, if a girl is anti-gun or not tolerant of my collecting them, that's a deal-breaker right off the bat. On the other hand, a girl that is not only pro-gun, but also shoots/carries gets bonus points on the attraction index.
Honestly, if I was given an ultimatum from a girlfriend of "Either the guns go or I go...," then I'd be living the bachelor life.
...and just cuz I feel like chiming in with a re-hijack...
In relation to what 3/325 said, if a girl is anti-gun or not tolerant of my collecting them, that's a deal-breaker right off the bat. On the other hand, a girl that is not only pro-gun, but also shoots/carries gets bonus points on the attraction index.
Honestly, if I was given an ultimatum from a girlfriend of "Either the guns go or I go...," then I'd be living the bachelor life.
tricityguy
Regular Member
imported post
Tomahawk, it's OK. Conversations drift. It's no problem.
That doesn't mean there can't be give and take. My wife doesn't like alcohol, so I go out of my way to not drink in front of her. That's not hiding it - she knows darn well what I'm doing - it's simply being respectful of her feelings. She'd rather I didn't drink at all, but I don't think one or two beers a week is a problem and, quite frankly, it's my body and I'll do with it what I please.
Thankfully, the tides are turning in my wife's response to guns. She used to hate my guns, but a few weeks ago she went shooting with me. Now she wants to learn more. Earlier this week I showed her how to use my home defense shotgun and she didn't recoil in fear like the last time I tried to teach her. I've put 12 years worth of time and effort in this one and, finally, progress is being made.
Hahahhahaha!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
Tomahawk, it's OK. Conversations drift. It's no problem.
That's an entirely workable solution.
If I were given any ultimatum, I'd call her bluff. In fact, I have been given them, and I have called her on them every time. I'm of the opinion that anyone who would use the threat of divorce to enforce their will on another is not somebody I want to spend my time with, regardless of the circumstances. So, my response is, "Well, you've got to do what you've got to do. Sorry it didn't work out." She can say, "I can't believe you're choosing x over me," but that's a red herring. It isn't about choosing one or the other. The point is, I shouldn't have been forced to make the choice in the first place. By demanding I choose, she's turned against me and thus made the choice for me.
That doesn't mean there can't be give and take. My wife doesn't like alcohol, so I go out of my way to not drink in front of her. That's not hiding it - she knows darn well what I'm doing - it's simply being respectful of her feelings. She'd rather I didn't drink at all, but I don't think one or two beers a week is a problem and, quite frankly, it's my body and I'll do with it what I please.
Thankfully, the tides are turning in my wife's response to guns. She used to hate my guns, but a few weeks ago she went shooting with me. Now she wants to learn more. Earlier this week I showed her how to use my home defense shotgun and she didn't recoil in fear like the last time I tried to teach her. I've put 12 years worth of time and effort in this one and, finally, progress is being made.
just_a_car
Regular Member
imported post
TCG, glad to hear things are working for the better. Sounds like you are using the #1 thing I believe needs to be in any relationship (romantic, friendship, business, etc...): Communication. Without it, any relationship is sure to suffer if not fall apart.
Thing is, I don't want to have to work 12 years for something I want to have from the beginning and I consider it a compromise I'm not willing to make... one of those 'unmovables' for me.
TCG, glad to hear things are working for the better. Sounds like you are using the #1 thing I believe needs to be in any relationship (romantic, friendship, business, etc...): Communication. Without it, any relationship is sure to suffer if not fall apart.
Thing is, I don't want to have to work 12 years for something I want to have from the beginning and I consider it a compromise I'm not willing to make... one of those 'unmovables' for me.
ChinChin
Regular Member
imported post
Paranoid says you; Prepared says I.
Paranoid says you; Prepared says I.
tricityguy
Regular Member
imported post
I don't blame you one bit. If I were starting over today I'd reject any woman who didn't get excited about OC and consider carrying for herself. It's much easier if you start off together. Although, to be frank, if I were starting over today I would neither get married to nor live with a lady friend, but that's another discussion for another time...
just_a_car
Regular Member
imported post
tricityguy wrote:
tricityguy wrote:
Trust me, it's not the first time that's crossed my mind... and I'm not nearly as far along as most. "There's hope for me yet." as some might say.
3/325
Regular Member
imported post
I've lived alone before and it wasn't bad. To be honest, it was pretty good. If I find myself having to start over, I'll be picky at the beginning. If I can't find anyone who meets my criteria... meh, I'll be fine.
I've lived alone before and it wasn't bad. To be honest, it was pretty good. If I find myself having to start over, I'll be picky at the beginning. If I can't find anyone who meets my criteria... meh, I'll be fine.