[align=center]LOCAL MANRECOMMENDS ABUSINGPETS[/align]
Dissassociated Press
The Daughters of the ConfederacyCat Club arehaving a furball over a local man's advocacy of swinging dead cats at Yankees.
"That's outrageous! Why the very thought of mistreating yourcat that way! After all the warm and loving companionshipits given you?! The very idea of sullying your dear departedby swinging it at a despicable Yankee!" said Mrs.EmogeneForrest Jackson-Lee, president of the club. Club members consider that catsembody theindependent-mindednessofthe former Confederacy.
Mr.Beauregard, local retired moonshiner, responded, "Cats d'serve better. Why, ah wouldn't treat enny a mah cats that way. They do...ahem...did such a good job keepin' rats an' mice away from the corn. Although, I got a wuthless cousin over in Wes' Virginia might prove useful for such."
Localanimal rights militants refused comment but asked our reporter how to obtain detonators.