TechnoWeenie
Regular Member
imported post
Based on the well thought out, makes-perfect-sense-to-liberals, my-opinion-is better-than-your-fact, assault weapons ban, the new formed democratic government has proposed an assault vehicular ban. It goes as follows:
1. No vehicles shall be manufactured or sold with an automatic transmission – there is no need for the automobile to perform a task for the driver which the driver is fully capable of doing himself.
2. Gas tanks shall not exceed 10 gallons – this is plenty of gas to get to and from work in a single day.
3. All past, present, and future vehicles shall have a governor installed to limit the speed limit to 65mph - since most people live in urban areas and do not need to drive even this fast. Rural folk will just have to deal with the inconvenience of higher speed limits in their states.
4. You can only buy one car a month and no more than 10 gals. of gas at any given time. Again, rural folk will have to adjust their lifestyle accordingly.
5. Storage of extra gasoline is prohibited – there is no need for extra gas which could be used for illicit purposes.
6. All gasoline will be chemically tagged so it can be traced back to the manufacturer – in this regard, should you ever get in a car accident you can sue the gasoline manufacturer for your mishap.
7. All alcohol will be chemically tagged so if you ever get caught drinking and driving, you can sue the brewer, distiller, or winemaker for your troubles.
8. Manufacturers of beer, spirits, or wine must include government registered chemical tags as part of the process. After 200 pages of forms, 12 background checks, an undisclosed waiting period, and personal interview by a G-man, individuals and companies may be eligible for these tags – at the government’s discretion of course.
9. All vehicles will be equipped with a GPS satellite transceiver with the driver’s personal information encoded into the signal. The GPS signal shall always remain in good working order and any information collected by the government by signal could be used against the driver at any time.
10. Unless on a legal highway and or city street designed for the type of vehicle you are driving, the keys for the vehicle and the vehicle itself may never be within 100’ of each other. Keys not being used, shall be kept under, you guessed it, lock and key at all times.
11. Municipalities may at any time, designate parts of their jurisdiction as “vehicular free.” These areas are meant to protect innocent citizens from vehicular accidents and collisions. Citizens who work in theses areas will just have to walk.
12. The ability to purchase a vehicular is at the discretion of the local sheriff, who based on his mood, your financial donations to the sheriff department, your local personal political clout, blood type, fingerprint analysis, retina scan, need for work, and ability to complete a yes/no form without forgetting to completely spell out the state you live in, may elect to provide another form which may be completed along with a $200 tax which may be turned in for a 1-day probationary vehicle license after waiting three hours in line at the local DMV. The vehicular license may be used to purchase only the vehicles outlined on the vehicular license – assuming the registered vehicular dealer has them in stock.
12. Any vehicle that looks like it might be breaking one of the aforementioned laws is also illegal.
13. No one shall lawfully drive a black vehicle. These vehicles are reserved for government, police and military.
Based on the well thought out, makes-perfect-sense-to-liberals, my-opinion-is better-than-your-fact, assault weapons ban, the new formed democratic government has proposed an assault vehicular ban. It goes as follows:
1. No vehicles shall be manufactured or sold with an automatic transmission – there is no need for the automobile to perform a task for the driver which the driver is fully capable of doing himself.
2. Gas tanks shall not exceed 10 gallons – this is plenty of gas to get to and from work in a single day.
3. All past, present, and future vehicles shall have a governor installed to limit the speed limit to 65mph - since most people live in urban areas and do not need to drive even this fast. Rural folk will just have to deal with the inconvenience of higher speed limits in their states.
4. You can only buy one car a month and no more than 10 gals. of gas at any given time. Again, rural folk will have to adjust their lifestyle accordingly.
5. Storage of extra gasoline is prohibited – there is no need for extra gas which could be used for illicit purposes.
6. All gasoline will be chemically tagged so it can be traced back to the manufacturer – in this regard, should you ever get in a car accident you can sue the gasoline manufacturer for your mishap.
7. All alcohol will be chemically tagged so if you ever get caught drinking and driving, you can sue the brewer, distiller, or winemaker for your troubles.
8. Manufacturers of beer, spirits, or wine must include government registered chemical tags as part of the process. After 200 pages of forms, 12 background checks, an undisclosed waiting period, and personal interview by a G-man, individuals and companies may be eligible for these tags – at the government’s discretion of course.
9. All vehicles will be equipped with a GPS satellite transceiver with the driver’s personal information encoded into the signal. The GPS signal shall always remain in good working order and any information collected by the government by signal could be used against the driver at any time.
10. Unless on a legal highway and or city street designed for the type of vehicle you are driving, the keys for the vehicle and the vehicle itself may never be within 100’ of each other. Keys not being used, shall be kept under, you guessed it, lock and key at all times.
11. Municipalities may at any time, designate parts of their jurisdiction as “vehicular free.” These areas are meant to protect innocent citizens from vehicular accidents and collisions. Citizens who work in theses areas will just have to walk.
12. The ability to purchase a vehicular is at the discretion of the local sheriff, who based on his mood, your financial donations to the sheriff department, your local personal political clout, blood type, fingerprint analysis, retina scan, need for work, and ability to complete a yes/no form without forgetting to completely spell out the state you live in, may elect to provide another form which may be completed along with a $200 tax which may be turned in for a 1-day probationary vehicle license after waiting three hours in line at the local DMV. The vehicular license may be used to purchase only the vehicles outlined on the vehicular license – assuming the registered vehicular dealer has them in stock.
12. Any vehicle that looks like it might be breaking one of the aforementioned laws is also illegal.
13. No one shall lawfully drive a black vehicle. These vehicles are reserved for government, police and military.