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Thread: How does your spouse feel about you OCing?

  1. #1
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    hello everyone,
    just wanted to ask if any of you have a "problem" with your significant other about you OC'ing. My girlfriend totally opposes it plain and simple. I have tried telling her that crimes against us could happen at any time or at any place. I've gone through the extent of letting her read articles about home break-ins where the woman was sexually assaulted but it doesn't seem to phase her.
    I love my girlfriend very much and I have shown and let her read various articles, shown her crimes captured on video, I've even gone so far as to show her the "shocking video" series of crimes caught on tape. She just sits there and says "look at that, why do those people do that".
    I just turn and get angry because she doesn't have a clue as to what the real world does. I have a difficult time trying to convince her we cant rely on the local police to "come save us" and that sometimes, people get hurt, seriously injured or killed because they rely on a system that doesn't give a crap about us. She was not raised around guns like I was so I understand her concern about guns and all but she just does not understand that @#$% can hit the fan any moment. I just pray it doesn't happen to her when I am not around.
    I told her that I wanted to take her to the range so she could learn how to shoot. She answered me by saying" I would put that gun down and run the other way".
    I had the day off today and OC'ed all day and told her about it. She said that I sounded like I had a good time. I was honest and told her "yeah I did" because no one messed with me. She said wait til the police arrest you and then see how good a time you will have in jail. I then told her how they wouldn't do anything stupid to me because you would be witnessing it and the last thing they want is a witness to see "police brutality". I don't want you guys thinking she sounds like a witch or anything. She just doesn't understand the harsh reality of what could REALLY happen at any given time and thinks her guardian angels will save her from potential danger. Shes a devoted Catholic, go figure. I dropped the subject entirely with her. I could go on about this but I figured she'll get over it or she'll get used to it....or she'll just simply not want to be around it. She sometimes pleads for me to not carry my weapon when we go out to run errands and I tell her if we run into trouble like a store manager asking me to leave it in the car, I'll lock it up. But still, she just wont budge.
    Do any of you folks out there have the same problem, if so, how are you handling or dealing with it?


  2. #2
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    My girlfriend/fiance was initially opposed to me OCing (she is not and never has been an anti). After a couple weeks of seeing me OC, she got over her fear (my being proned out and arrested or worse).

    I would almost guarantee that she is only against OC because she is concerned for your safety and freedom. She is, also, probably not aware that this is the reason. Women can be very perplexing creatures.

    Once mine gets her Tennessee Handgun Carry Permit, she'll be OCing right next to me.

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    been there done that... i have learned that if a woman gets even a little bit of power over you they will usually keep pushing the boundaries to see how much they can control you. NEVER again will i allow any girl to tell me how to live my life. bunch of years wasted just to get dumped anyways

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    Mine opposes me OCing because she thinks everyone is going to think I am a wacko cop wannabee. I know noone here knows me, but enforcing the law is the last darn thing I ever want to do.

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    Regular Member Decoligny's Avatar
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    Time to ask the question "Is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?"

    If her values don't match your's, and you are pretty soundly convinced that she will not change her mind,ask the question "Can I live the rest of my life like this?"

    If the answers to 1 and 2 are both yes, then stay with her.

    If the answer to either is no, time to move on in the pursuit of findingthe right girl.



  6. #6
    Regular Member Decoligny's Avatar
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    You need to ask two questions:

    1. "Is this the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with?"

    2. "Am I willing to change in order to keep her happy?"

    If the answer to 1 and 2 are both yes, then stay with her.

    If the answer to either 1 or 2 is no, then it is time to start looking elsewhere for the right woman.

    If she will not change her point of view, then you will have to do one of two things to live happily. You will have to change in order to keep her happy, or you will have to leave her and maintain your set of values.

    There is no middle ground on this.

  7. #7
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    giaking70 wrote:
    hello everyone,
    just wanted to ask if any of you have a "problem" with your significant other about you OC'ing. My girlfriend totally opposes it plain and simple. I have tried telling her that crimes against us could happen at any time or at any place. I've gone through the extent of letting her read articles about home break-ins where the woman was sexually assaulted but it doesn't seem to phase her.
    I love my girlfriend very much and I have shown and let her read various articles, shown her crimes captured on video, I've even gone so far as to show her the "shocking video" series of crimes caught on tape. She just sits there and says "look at that, why do those people do that".
    I just turn and get angry because she doesn't have a clue as to what the real world does. I have a difficult time trying to convince her we cant rely on the local police to "come save us" and that sometimes, people get hurt, seriously injured or killed because they rely on a system that doesn't give a crap about us. She was not raised around guns like I was so I understand her concern about guns and all but she just does not understand that @#$% can hit the fan any moment. I just pray it doesn't happen to her when I am not around.
    I told her that I wanted to take her to the range so she could learn how to shoot. She answered me by saying" I would put that gun down and run the other way".
    I had the day off today and OC'ed all day and told her about it. She said that I sounded like I had a good time. I was honest and told her "yeah I did" because no one messed with me. She said wait til the police arrest you and then see how good a time you will have in jail. I then told her how they wouldn't do anything stupid to me because you would be witnessing it and the last thing they want is a witness to see "police brutality". I don't want you guys thinking she sounds like a witch or anything. She just doesn't understand the harsh reality of what could REALLY happen at any given time and thinks her guardian angels will save her from potential danger. Shes a devoted Catholic, go figure. I dropped the subject entirely with her. I could go on about this but I figured she'll get over it or she'll get used to it....or she'll just simply not want to be around it. She sometimes pleads for me to not carry my weapon when we go out to run errands and I tell her if we run into trouble like a store manager asking me to leave it in the car, I'll lock it up. But still, she just wont budge.
    Do any of you folks out there have the same problem, if so, how are you handling or dealing with it?
    I understand that you love her. But, if she truly cared about you, and what is important to you, she would not be standing in your way of exercising your 2A Right. I would understand if she chose to notOC herself. But I believe that she must respect your decision. A relationship is a 2 way street. You should both love and respect one another. If you allow her to dictate to you what you can and can not do, then you have started down a slippery slope my friend.

  8. #8
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    At first my wife wasn't too hip to the idea. However, we long ago agreed to mutually respect eachothers' decisions (unless it's harmful to the other, of course). We've been married almost 9 years, so I guess that arrangement is working out pretty well.
    Participant in the Free State Project - "Liberty in Our Lifetime" - www.freestateproject.org
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    Don't Tread On Me.

  9. #9
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    My wife isn't happy about it, but she will respect my decision until she can't.

    She was especially mad when I had to give our entire savings to hire a lawyer. She was not happy about that.

  10. #10
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    giaking70 wrote:
    hello everyone,
    just wanted to ask if any of you have a "problem" with your significant other about you OC'ing. My girlfriend totally opposes it plain and simple. I have tried telling her that crimes against us could happen at any time or at any place. I've gone through the extent of letting her read articles about home break-ins where the woman was sexually assaulted but it doesn't seem to phase her.
    I love my girlfriend very much and I have shown and let her read various articles, shown her crimes captured on video, I've even gone so far as to show her the "shocking video" series of crimes caught on tape. She just sits there and says "look at that, why do those people do that".
    I just turn and get angry because she doesn't have a clue as to what the real world does. I have a difficult time trying to convince her we cant rely on the local police to "come save us" and that sometimes, people get hurt, seriously injured or killed because they rely on a system that doesn't give a crap about us. She was not raised around guns like I was so I understand her concern about guns and all but she just does not understand that @#$% can hit the fan any moment. I just pray it doesn't happen to her when I am not around.
    I told her that I wanted to take her to the range so she could learn how to shoot. She answered me by saying" I would put that gun down and run the other way".
    I had the day off today and OC'ed all day and told her about it. She said that I sounded like I had a good time. I was honest and told her "yeah I did" because no one messed with me. She said wait til the police arrest you and then see how good a time you will have in jail. I then told her how they wouldn't do anything stupid to me because you would be witnessing it and the last thing they want is a witness to see "police brutality". I don't want you guys thinking she sounds like a witch or anything. She just doesn't understand the harsh reality of what could REALLY happen at any given time and thinks her guardian angels will save her from potential danger. Shes a devoted Catholic, go figure. I dropped the subject entirely with her. I could go on about this but I figured she'll get over it or she'll get used to it....or she'll just simply not want to be around it. She sometimes pleads for me to not carry my weapon when we go out to run errands and I tell her if we run into trouble like a store manager asking me to leave it in the car, I'll lock it up. But still, she just wont budge.
    Do any of you folks out there have the same problem, if so, how are you handling or dealing with it?
    I feel your pain. My wife hates my gun. And hates that I'm going to start OCing when we hike. As man of the house I'm going to do it weather she likes it or not.

  11. #11
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    I have had a couple very painful debates with my girlfriend about this subject. She got mad when I told her I was arrested by the local PD and she was all.."I told you so..." type way. I layed it simple and to the point with her. I told her "Honey, if you don't want me carrying my weapon, that's fine...BUT...if something happens to either one of us while we are out doing whatever and one of us is hurt, that'll be the day I say goodbye to you and for good".

    She did not like that and she got visibly very upset and started crying. I told her that she needed to understand, **** can hit the fan at any moment. I told her "The guy who comes up to you asking what time is it, may be saying also 'thanks, and time to relinquish your belongings to me' while holding a knife and threatening you. If I am with you and that happens and I AM carrying my gun, someone will be making a trip to the local hospital with not just one gunshot wound, but several if that what it takes to eliminate the threat". She just thinks this **** isnt going to happen because she prays to God so much and is a devoted Catholic.

    Not bashing her religious status, just telling her sometimes, that isn't going to help if someone is really intent on hurting either of us. We're getting through this little by little...baby steps if you will. We were over at my brothers house last night, and my girlfriend wanted to see about us getting together for dinner. She then says to my sister-in-law but James will have to leave his gun at home". My brother heard that and agreed with her. I simply told them we'll see about that.

    Well, like I said, this has been trying for me to get her to understand and even some of my family members are jumping on the anti band wagon. Oh well, they can ride it out of town for all I care, my weapon goes where I go. Anyone else still having this problem, lets share...

  12. #12
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    giaking70 wrote:
    I have had a couple very painful debates with my girlfriend about this subject. She got mad when I told her I was arrested by the local PD and she was all.."I told you so..." type way. I layed it simple and to the point with her. I told her "Honey, if you don't want me carrying my weapon, that's fine...BUT...if something happens to either one of us while we are out doing whatever and one of us is hurt, that'll be the day I say goodbye to you and for good".

    She did not like that and she got visibly very upset and started crying. I told her that she needed to understand, @#$% can hit the fan at any moment. I told her "The guy who comes up to you asking what time is it, may be saying also 'thanks, and time to relinquish your belongings to me' while holding a knife and threatening you. If I am with you and that happens and I AM carrying my gun, someone will be making a trip to the local hospital with not just one gunshot wound, but several if that what it takes to eliminate the threat". She just thinks this @#$% isnt going to happen because she prays to God so much and is a devoted Catholic.

    Not bashing her religious status, just telling her sometimes, that isn't going to help if someone is really intent on hurting either of us. We're getting through this little by little...baby steps if you will. We were over at my brothers house last night, and my girlfriend wanted to see about us getting together for dinner. She then says to my sister-in-law but James will have to leave his gun at home". My brother heard that and agreed with her. I simply told them we'll see about that.

    Well, like I said, this has been trying for me to get her to understand and even some of my family members are jumping on the anti band wagon. Oh well, they can ride it out of town for all I care, my weapon goes where I go. Anyone else still having this problem, lets share...
    I was incredibly lucky to marry a woman who is as pro-gun as you can get, and so are her parents. My parents are both pro-gun, but a little less extreme than hers, unfortunately. My wife goes hunting with me, carries a gun when I do, and said that if we can ever get out to Cali then she'll carry there too.

    She even told me today that if I can sell something or make some side money that I can get the side-by-side double barrel 12 gauge I've been wanting... YAY!

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    fighting_for_freedom wrote:
    giaking70 wrote:
    I have had a couple very painful debates with my girlfriend about this subject. She got mad when I told her I was arrested by the local PD and she was all.."I told you so..." type way. I layed it simple and to the point with her. I told her "Honey, if you don't want me carrying my weapon, that's fine...BUT...if something happens to either one of us while we are out doing whatever and one of us is hurt, that'll be the day I say goodbye to you and for good".

    She did not like that and she got visibly very upset and started crying. I told her that she needed to understand, @#$% can hit the fan at any moment. I told her "The guy who comes up to you asking what time is it, may be saying also 'thanks, and time to relinquish your belongings to me' while holding a knife and threatening you. If I am with you and that happens and I AM carrying my gun, someone will be making a trip to the local hospital with not just one gunshot wound, but several if that what it takes to eliminate the threat". She just thinks this @#$% isnt going to happen because she prays to God so much and is a devoted Catholic.

    Not bashing her religious status, just telling her sometimes, that isn't going to help if someone is really intent on hurting either of us. We're getting through this little by little...baby steps if you will. We were over at my brothers house last night, and my girlfriend wanted to see about us getting together for dinner. She then says to my sister-in-law but James will have to leave his gun at home". My brother heard that and agreed with her. I simply told them we'll see about that.

    Well, like I said, this has been trying for me to get her to understand and even some of my family members are jumping on the anti band wagon. Oh well, they can ride it out of town for all I care, my weapon goes where I go. Anyone else still having this problem, lets share...
    I was incredibly lucky to marry a woman who is as pro-gun as you can get, and so are her parents. My parents are both pro-gun, but a little less extreme than hers, unfortunately. My wife goes hunting with me, carries a gun when I do, and said that if we can ever get out to Cali then she'll carry there too.

    She even told me today that if I can sell something or make some side money that I can get the side-by-side double barrel 12 gauge I've been wanting... YAY!
    you suck...and are blessed at the same time....

  14. #14
    Regular Member demnogis's Avatar
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    I originally stayed out of this thread (but did reply in the one pertaining to family and friends) but seeing as I finally have something to contribute, I will.

    Last night I had a very long conversation with my significant other, one of the topics of discussion was my openly carrying. It appears that even though her and I are out in public together without worry or issues and when I'm in public by myself while carrying, she is explicitly worried about how one person in her life will react. Sadly this is an issue I've been trying to work with her on in other respects, but frankly I can tell her friend is not keen nor understanding of the idea.

    I agree with what Decoligny -- there is no middle ground. I said straight-forward that I am not responsible for other peoples' irrational fears or reactions. If we're at her friend's place, or her friend's-boyfriend's place and they ask me to leave my pistol in the car I'll oblige. Any other circumstances (we're in public, etc) they have no say in the matter. It's not their decision on whether or not I should be unprotected, should the need arise.

    She was a bit saddened by my response, to which I should have said "You can't live your life in fear of how someone may act. You can either stand by your fear of her, or your love for me."
    Gun control isn't about guns -- it is about control.

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    demnogis wrote:
    I originally stayed out of this thread (but did reply in the one pertaining to family and friends) but seeing as I finally have something to contribute, I will.

    Last night I had a very long conversation with my significant other, one of the topics of discussion was my openly carrying. It appears that even though her and I are out in public together without worry or issues and when I'm in public by myself while carrying, she is explicitly worried about how one person in her life will react. Sadly this is an issue I've been trying to work with her on in other respects, but frankly I can tell her friend is not keen nor understanding of the idea.

    I agree with what Decoligny -- there is no middle ground. I said straight-forward that I am not responsible for other peoples' irrational fears or reactions. If we're at her friend's place, or her friend's-boyfriend's place and they ask me to leave my pistol in the car I'll oblige. Any other circumstances (we're in public, etc) they have no say in the matter. It's not their decision on whether or not I should be unprotected, should the need arise.

    She was a bit saddened by my response, to which I should have said "You can't live your life in fear of how someone may act. You can either stand by your fear of her, or your love for me."
    well said and good points there. I was at my girlfriends sisters house with her late last night and I was uncertain to how her sister would react to my carrying a weapon into her home. She glanced at it and said nothing of it so I did not do anything to push the issue. Had she of said to not wear that into my home, I would of politely obliged and locked it in my car. No point arguing the issue in a home that is not mine.

    I do truly believe that my girlfriend will come around to my OCing as she knows I am very determined about it. Maybe in time she will just look at the whole issue and just come to terms with it and just let me be on that subject.

    Thanks for sharing demnoqis

  16. #16
    Anti-Saldana Freedom Fighter bigtoe416's Avatar
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    demnogis wrote:
    She was a bit saddened by my response, to which I should have said "You can't live your life in fear of how someone may act. You can either stand by your fear of her, or your love for me."
    I suppose one could argue that by carrying a weapon around with you, you are living your life in fear of how any bad guy may act. I suppose there is a difference between being prepared for the worst and being fearful for the worst, although I would argue that there is overlap between the two most of the time.

  17. #17
    Regular Member demnogis's Avatar
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    I would have to go with the former "being prepared for the worst". If there's one thing the (now emasculated) BSA taught me, it's to be prepared for situations. I realized a long time ago that there are a lot of bad people in the world that make it their career to deprive others of life, limb and property. The only way to combat that is to be prepared, know your rights, and be prepared. Yes, I repeated that on purpose.

    Someone who lives their life in fear and lets that fear determine their actions will accomplish nothing.

    bigtoe416 wrote:
    I suppose one could argue that by carrying a weapon around with you, you are living your life in fear of how any bad guy may act. I suppose there is a difference between being prepared for the worst and being fearful for the worst, although I would argue that there is overlap between the two most of the time.
    Gun control isn't about guns -- it is about control.

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    My wife got over it.

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