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Thread: Wife angry at my OC/CC...

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    I CC most of the time, and OC depending on where I go, but my wife gets really angry with me over it... Anyone else have this problem? She tells me that she feels uneasy with me carrying. I don't understand. (I got my CPL right after we got married...) I tell her that I will do whatever it takes to protect her, but she doesn't seem to understand. What should I say? I'm not paranoid for carrying most of the time right? Thanks

    Chris

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    Regular Member david.ross's Avatar
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    I actually have the most perfect answer, one of which is from a coworker who is married, she told me this.

    "My husband said I can have as many shoes as I want, long as he can have as many guns as he wants"

    Just make a similar compromise.
    Gays are prominent members of firearm rights, we do more via the courts, don't like it? Leave.
    Religious bigots against same sex marriage are not different than white supremacists.
    I expel anti-gay people off my teams. Tolerance is key to team cohesion and team building.

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    She doesn't care that I have a lot of guns, but she gets mad when I carry them on me with her... She hates guns but can't give a good reason why :/

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    Regular Member david.ross's Avatar
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    Encourage her to come to the range with you frequently and come to open carry meetings until she is desensitized.
    Gays are prominent members of firearm rights, we do more via the courts, don't like it? Leave.
    Religious bigots against same sex marriage are not different than white supremacists.
    I expel anti-gay people off my teams. Tolerance is key to team cohesion and team building.

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    OK. I will try that. She is going to think I'm really nuts when I bring her to a meeting... Better take her shooting first

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    Campaign Veteran deepdiver's Avatar
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    I think your having obtained your CPL after you were married might throw a curve ball into this. I was already carrying regularly when I met my wife. We may sometimes negotiate on the CC/OC issue but it has been a while since she bothered to ask if I was going to carry some place and she is taking her CCW class in about 6 weeks although she doesn't think she will want to carry regularly. When she used to give me "the look" and ask "are you seriously going to take that with you?" I would make the simple reponse along the lines of, "I was carrying one when you met me."

    For you it is going to be a different road. Did you two agree about your CPL before you obtained it? If not, that may be a sticking point as she could be just as upset or moreso about you not talking to her about it as she is about the gun. Did you OC before you met her and did you OC around her before you were married?

    Generally I find that automobiles are the easiest parallel for most people to "get" about carrying a firearm. Perhaps the next time she objects to your carrying you could ask her (nicely) if she would prefer you not wear a seatbelt in the car today. Or maybe even just pull the fuses for the ABS and the airbags. Then use those safety features that you are thankful for as they protect you and your family as a parallel to the reasons you carry a gun.
    Bob Owens @ Bearing Arms (paraphrased): "These people aren't against violence; they're very much in favor of violence. They're against armed resistance."

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    Regular Member david.ross's Avatar
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    deepdiver, sounds like you're asking to be smacked in the face. ^_^
    Gays are prominent members of firearm rights, we do more via the courts, don't like it? Leave.
    Religious bigots against same sex marriage are not different than white supremacists.
    I expel anti-gay people off my teams. Tolerance is key to team cohesion and team building.

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    When I got my CPL, she wanted it to be for only hiking trips... I was just like "yeah sure honey.." Figuring that she would get used to it after a month or two... Didn't realize it would be such a problem. I grew up in a hunting family, so guns were no big deal for me, but she grew up never really around anything besides what was on the TV...

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    Ultimately, there are some things in life which are non-negotiable and your life, your safety is one of them. It matters not what she might think, your right to protect yourself supercedes her perceived comfort of you not being armed.

    With that said, there is the very real issue of trying to keep peace in the household. If you are NRA, show her the Armed Citizen section and perhaps newspaper stories of victims who had no means of defense who were injured or killed.

    My wife also just pointed out something else. How one conducts themselves as they go about things sends messages to other as to their stability and maturity. Are they quick to temper? Do they have a tendency to confront rather than back down and look for an out? How is their gun handling? Are they careful and more importantly, do they make others feel comfortable when they are handling and/or carrying a firearm? All of these things send messages to others who develop perceptions, colored by their own biases, regarding someone's actions around firearms.

    So while you certainly do have an ultimate right to keep and bear arms, convincing someone else with whom you live of this can certainly be difficult and complex.

    Good luck, keep at it, and try to bring her over to your side.

    In the final seconds of your life, just before your killer is about to dispatch you to that great eternal darkness, what would you rather have in your hand? A cell phone or a gun?

    Si vis pacem, para bellum.

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    Deepdiver is a smart fella. Good advice there.

    +1 to take her shooting. Most people who aren't to keen on guns go shooting and fall in love.

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    I just ask my wife, "Should I draw my pistol and defend us or would you rather I curl into a ball and let the bad guy do whatever he wants?" She's never had a problem with me carrying when I put it in those terms. She's just a little uneasy with the way people look at us when I'm carrying openly. I think it's a confidence issue really because she's not against OC, she just doesn't like the attention in public.

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    Wow, sounds like you need to have a 'sitdown' and hash things out with her. Not good for her to be actually angry over this.

    My friend used to be leery of me carrying, then would make snide remarks in public such as, "did you bring your GUN with you again today?".

    She stopped all that mess though after reading various accounts of criminals doing what they do best, especially close to home. As a matter of fact, she now wants her CC permit once the 6 month residency is up.


    Another issue is the fact you're probably the *only* person she knows that carries a firearm other than an LEO. Once she sees that there's a whole galaxy of CC permit holders, that view may change a bit.

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    Thanks for the advice, ill have to look up a few articles this week. I plan on taking her up this weekend shooting .22 so hopefully that works out.

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    chris in va wrote:
    Another issue is the fact you're probably the *only* person she knows that carries a firearm other than an LEO.* Once she sees that there's a whole galaxy of CC permit holders, that view may change a bit.

    Yeah I am the only person she knows of.. Good point

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    I had the same problem....my wife being uneasy about me carrying my pistol. She wanted me to give her a little warning that I was going to have my pistol on. Told her to just assume I am carrying all the time....I have my CHL, I have my gun, I am going to use both everytime I leave the house so just assume I will have it on me. I also told her that if she doesn't want me to carry, I expect her to have a plan to protect us.

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    Hey, not all marriages work. You did sign a prenup, right?

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    My wife doesn't mind me CC, but does NOT like me OCing around town, especially with the kids.

    I've always been a pro-gun guy, and she grew up around some guns and hunting. I decided last year that I was finally going to start carrying a firearm for protecting us, but didn't have a CHL yet. I thought OC was stupid, but when I stumbled across OCDO last year it really opened my eyes about OC. When I started OCing everywhere, she and my in-laws thought I'd flipped off the deep end. I'll admit that when I get on a subject that I enjoy I can "run it into the ground," and unfortunately for me, that's what I did with the gun rights and OC issue for the whole family. I got my CHL and started carrying concealed, and only OCingwhen not around any of them.

    No matter how much I've tried to convince her and reason with her, she still thinks it's dangerous to OC around town and doesn't wantme doing it, especially around our kids. However, if we're out camping or hiking or doing other outdoor stuff out of town, she's fine with it. Since I rarely leave the house without at least one of the kids in tow, my OC time is pretty limited .

    n16ht5, my suggestion is to not run it into the ground like I did, and understand that you can NEVER change someone's mind. Repeating the sameinformation over and over will never change anything. You have to give someone new information that allows them to make a new decision. Unfortunately for me, I haven't found that new piece of information that I haven't told my wife already .

    ...Orygunner...



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    How can you marry someone so incompatible with freedom?
    I had my wife go pick up the ccw permit forms for me.
    She knew I hate to be in the system, and prefer being under the radar, but
    with AL transport laws I finally relented, and put myself in the bulls eye.
    She always hated going to her uncles who had a 357, but mostly because
    he was also a drunk with a 357, not the gun by itself.

    The other day she couldn't find the taurus, and started to panic,
    so I guess everything is right in the world. Though I have updated my
    cleaning routine to include letting her know sooner which gun is out
    of battery being serviced.
    She is being denied her carry rights by the feds, but we are fixing that
    this year, and then maybe I will ween her into OC.
    Best of all with the Wildey, I finally have a gun bigger than hers:celebrate:celebrate

    Take a drive in the bad part of town, and ask her if she wants to get out
    without carrying? I ended up on a detour into the projects last night,
    and she loved having the gun on my hip. You can never know when
    the government will block your route and request you endanger your family.




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    I bought my first handgun after I was married. Wife didn't like me carrying at all. Didn't even want it in the house. Tried to work with her gently. Even took her to the range so she could see what it was all about.

    I even pointed out that I had survived a variety of potentially deadly criminal acts including:
    1. Armed robbery attempt (Baltimore City, MD, 1970's) . I talked the guy out of it.
    2. Handgun assault (Columbia, MD, 1970's). Disgruntled employee pointed gun at me from a car in parking lot. Didn't fire, just wanted to scare me. Police not very interested, despite his drug possession record. He got fired.
    3. Two "hot" home invasion burglaries while a college student (Baltimore City, 1970's). One got away with all the goodies. The second guy, a couple of years later, wouldn't leave until I told him I had a shotgun. He decided to leave.
    4. Two "cold" burglaries. In the first one, (Pikesville, MD, late 1970's) long before marriage, police shot and wounded one of two suspects in a gun battle on my doorstep while I was at work. In the other, (McLean, VA, 1982 or 3) a cheap burglar alarm this very wife had won in a contest scared the bad guy away while we were on vacation.
    5. Nasty encounter with a homeless guy at a fast food place (Fairfax City, VA, late 1990's). After he vandalized the place by smashing a large pane of door glass, I found myself between him and the bathroom. He must have had to go. He growled at me, didn't like the way I was looking at him (I prefer to think of it as my cold steady stare.) Had he taken another step, I would have drawn the SIG P239. Instead, he walked across the street to another bathroom. 911 fire dispatcher answered in seconds, but police took 45 minutes to answer their phone. Guy was long gone.
    6. Two car jacking attempts. In the first, in gun-unfriendly Baltimore, MD (late 1990's), I had no choice but to run down the two thugs trying to take my car. They jumped out of the way. Since they hadn't hurt me, and I hadn't hurt them, Baltimore police declined to respond. In the second attempt near Yorktown, VA, (2004) the leader of 4 thugs saw my handgun in its holster and broke off the attack.
    7. While on the way to Tae-Kwon-Do class (Fairfax, City, VA, 1991 or 2), my then 6 and 8 year old kids ran ahead of me. A gang of teenagers cornered them and were taunting them as I came around the corner of a building. The sight of an adult, all dressed up in the martial arts uniform, including brown belt and carrying a practice weapon (basically a long stick) was more than they could handle. The gang scattered.

    These incidents, some of which occurred while we were married, really didn't get through to her for some reason.

    Somewhere during the course of the marriage, I must have grown a pair, something I highly recommend. I finally said to her, as gently as I could, but quite clearly, that I felt a duty and responsibility to protect her, myself, and our two children. Whether she liked it or not, I was going to carry out that responsibility and she needed to grow accustomed to that fact. I should have added "and ****", but I was too polite to do so.

    I think she disliked the fact that I grew a pair more than she disliked the gun. In any case there were lots of other issues. Alas, we're divorced, but I've since married a wonderful woman who has a clue and is grateful I carry the gun to protect us.

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    I got my gf comfortable with shooting my BB gun at last, which is nice - I rediscovered the appeal of air rifles myself. She's almost been talked into going to the range for shooting firearms proper. I don't see her shooting a 12-ga or .30-cal rifle, perhaps, but maybe a .380 pistol, say. Baby steps.

    -ljp

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    I live in Vegas & my wife feel safe when i'm packin...Perhaps your wifey dont trust you OC/CC...dont get her involve about guns if shes not interested...:shock:

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    markand wrote:

    These incidents, some of which occurred while we were married, really didn't get through to her for some reason.

    Somewhere during the course of the marriage, I must have grown a pair, something I highly recommend. I finally said to her, as gently as I could, that I felt a duty and responsibility to protect her, myself, and our two children. Whether she liked it or not, I was going to carry out that responsibility and she needed to grow accustomed to that fact.

    I think she disliked the fact that I grew a pair more than she disliked the gun. In any case there were lots of other issues. We're divorced and I'm remarried to a wonderful woman who has a clue and is grateful I carry the gun to protect us.

    +1,000 - markand.

    Sheep are sheep . They must never beplaced in charge of flock security.

    Sheep react to threats with panic, paralysis, and patheticism.

    Most men , by their nature, prefer to cater to the woman, please her, accord her respect. That's fine - up to a point. Single woman who go about their business unarmed are simply placing themselves at the mercy of the miriad violent predators that account for the daily body count of slain females in this country.

    I long for the day when the bodies of violent scumbags who prey upon women will begin to pile up at the morgues with "Lady Smith" perforations in their brains.


    10-4 !!!!, Markand. For Pete's sake guys - BE A MAN !

    P.S. (Gals !) No intent to be sexist here - only addressing the "ewes" - not the "sheep dog" cadre.


  23. #23
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    markand wrote:
    I bought my first handgun after I was married. Wife didn't like me carrying at all. Didn't even want it in the house. Tried to work with her gently. Even took her to the range so she could see what it was all about.

    I even pointed out that I had survived a variety of potentially deadly criminal acts including:
    1. Armed robbery attempt (Baltimore City, MD, 1970's) . I talked the guy out of it.
    2. Handgun assault (Columbia, MD, 1970's). Disgruntled employee pointed gun at me from a car in parking lot. Didn't fire, just wanted to scare me. Police not very interested, despite his drug possession record. He got fired.
    3. Two "hot" home invasion burglaries while a college student (Baltimore City, 1970's). One got away with all the goodies. The second guy, a couple of years later, wouldn't leave until I told him I had a shotgun. He decided to leave.
    4. Two "cold" burglaries. In the first one, (Pikesville, MD, late 1970's) long before marriage, police shot and wounded one of two suspects in a gun battle on my doorstep while I was at work. In the other, (McLean, VA, 1982 or 3) a cheap burglar alarm this very wife had won in a contest scared the bad guy away while we were on vacation.
    5. Nasty encounter with a homeless guy at a fast food place (late 1990's). After he vandalized the place by smashing a large pane of door glass, I found myself between him and the bathroom. He must have had to go. He growled at me, didn't like the way I was looking at him (I prefer to think of it as my cold steady stare.) Had he taken another step, I would have drawn the SIG P239. Instead, he walked across the street to another bathroom. 911 fire dispatcher answered in seconds, but police took 45 minutes to answer their phone. Guy was long gone.
    6. Two car jacking attempts. In the first, in gun-unfriendly Baltimore, MD (late 1990's), I had no choice but to run down the two thugs trying to take my car. They jumped out of the way. Since they hadn't hurt me, and I hadn't hurt them, Baltimore police declined to respond. In the second attempt near Yorktown, VA, (2004) the leader of 4 thugs saw my handgun in its holster and broke off the attack.
    7. While on the way to Tae-Kwon-Do class (1991 or 2), my then 6 and 8 year old kids ran ahead of me. A gang of teenagers cornered them and were taunting them as I came around the corner of a building. The sight of an adult, all dressed up in the martial arts uniform, including brown belt and carrying a practice weapon (basically a long stick) was more than they could handle. The gang scattered.

    These incidents, some of which occurred while we were married, really didn't get through to her for some reason.

    Somewhere during the course of the marriage, I must have grown a pair, something I highly recommend. I finally said to her, as gently as I could, but quite clearly, that I felt a duty and responsibility to protect her, myself, and our two children. Whether she liked it or not, I was going to carry out that responsibility and she needed to grow accustomed to that fact.

    I think she disliked the fact that I grew a pair more than she disliked the gun. In any case there were lots of other issues. We're divorced and I'm remarried to a wonderful woman who has a clue and is grateful I carry the gun to protect us.
    Damn man, you had a lot of crime to deal with in your life! Glad it never turned out to be too bad. Where did other incidents happen - i see you list Fairfax, VA as home address, but it's relatively calm in this area - did that happen somewhere elsse?

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    I had very little idea about guns before, and for about a year after i was married. I grew up in Russia, so needlessto say, with the way gun control is there,the only guns i've been around are toys and BB's. (On a good note - due to low avaliablity of guns there is no bias agaisnt them in the society and since PC and liberal brainwashing didn't make it's way there yet (thank God!), it's normal for growing up boys to play with toy guns, just like for girls to play with dolls. My parents bought me a whole arsenal of toy guns and let me tell you, the toy ones there look as close to the real ones as possible - no transparent bright orange pieces of crap you see here. Damn, we even had toy guns and swords in kindergarten and bringing one to school would only become a problem if you start playing with it during lessons instead of paying attention to the teacher. As a result, 99% of my Russian friends are pretty pro-gun and normally end up being gun owners pretty quickly when opportunity comes around. That being said, it doesn't change restrictive gun laws much, mostly because most people don't know how different it can be. Sorry for an OT remark). Anyhow, i got into guns about a year after i got married and advanced very quickly from minor curiosity and buying a cheap "starter" pistol to owning several different weapons, getting a CHP, joining NRA and GOA and carrying daily. My wife grew up in pretty anti-gun family (actually her dad is a retired Marine and is pretty pro-gun, but her mom is very anti-gun and he gave up on gun ownership long ago). She was a typical product of NOVA public school system - very anti-gun, liberal democrat who thinks that only dumb rednecks own guns. When i first expressed my desire to buy a gun she thought i was on drugs or something. But i'm lucky because she is very smart and listens to logic. After going to couple of gun stores and ranges in the area and seeing a lot of normal, professional, clean-cut, well spoken people who owned and carried guns, her eyes really opened on the issue. She still thinks that i'm a little paranoid, but at the same time already expects me to carry everywhere i can. Surprisingly enough, taking her shooting didn't do much good - she was really uncomfortable with loud noise around, flying brass, recoil and smell. I wish i could shoot on my own property - i think being able to shoot just 2 of us, without 10-20 other people with loud guns around,would put her at ease and help her overcome her discomfort. As of now, she wouldn't shoot or carry herself even though she jokes more and more often that maybe she should start. At the same time she doesn't mind me carrying at all and is so used to guns around that treats them as just another household item. She even gets into debates with her parents now defending gun rights and idea of self defense. She doesn't vote for democrats anymore, either. Anyhow, sorry for a long story, but the point is that logic works and everything is possible as long as she trusts you and you choose the right tactic! Good luck!

  25. #25
    Regular Member Taurus850CIA's Avatar
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    n16ht5 wrote:
    I CC most of the time, and OC depending on where I go, but my wife gets really angry with me over it... Anyone else have this problem? She tells me that she feels uneasy with me carrying. I don't understand. (I got my CPL right after we got married...) I tell her that I will do whatever it takes to protect her, but she doesn't seem to understand. What should I say? I'm not paranoid for carrying most of the time right? Thanks

    Chris
    My girlfriend is very much uncomfortable with the open carry issue. It stems more from the fact that she doesn't trust anyone she doesn't know. She told me she was very uncomfortable around guns, and didn't much like the fact that I had one on, open or concealed. She got used to the concealed part fairly quickly, it seems it was just a desensitation issue. She still has occasional issues with it, but I told her in no uncertain terms that I will NOT be caught unable to defend my family or myself, and that she may as well get used to it. I even open carried with her in a restaurant a few days ago. I got up to use the bathroom while carrying uncovered through the place. There weren't many people there, and while I was seated, it was out of sight. I did this sorta quickly, before she could object, so that she could see that nothing would happen. She ended up not saying a single word. It has taken a couple years for her to get to her current level of comfort, but she's getting better.
    "Fault always lies in the same place, my fine babies: with him weak enough to lay blame." - Cort

    Gun control is like trying to reduce Drunk Driving by making it tougher for sober people to own cars.

    Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.

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    1776"

    With freedom comes much responsibility. It is for this reason so many are loathe to exercise it.

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