Wife angry at my OC/CC...

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I live in Vegas & my wife feel safe when i'm packin...Perhaps your wifey dont trust you OC/CC...dont get her involve about guns if shes not interested...:shock:

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markand wrote:

These incidents, some of which occurred while we were married, really didn't get through to her for some reason.

Somewhere during the course of the marriage, I must have grown a pair, something I highly recommend. I finally said to her, as gently as I could, that I felt a duty and responsibility to protect her, myself, and our two children. Whether she liked it or not, I was going to carry out that responsibility and she needed to grow accustomed to that fact.

I think she disliked the fact that I grew a pair more than she disliked the gun. In any case there were lots of other issues. We're divorced and I'm remarried to a wonderful woman who has a clue and is grateful I carry the gun to protect us.

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+1,000 - markand.

Sheep are sheep . They must never beplaced in charge of flock security.

Sheep react to threats with panic, paralysis, and patheticism.

Most men , by their nature, prefer to cater to the woman, please her, accord her respect. That's fine - up to a point. Single woman who go about their business unarmed are simply placing themselves at the mercy of the miriad violent predators that account for the daily body count of slain females in this country.

I long for the day when the bodies of violent scumbags who prey upon women will begin to pile up at the morgues with "Lady Smith" perforations in their brains.


10-4 !!!!, Markand. For Pete's sake guys - BE A MAN !

P.S. (Gals !) No intent to be sexist here - only addressing the "ewes" - not the "sheep dog" cadre.

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markand wrote:

I bought my first handgun after I was married. Wife didn't like me carrying at all. Didn't even want it in the house. Tried to work with her gently. Even took her to the range so she could see what it was all about.

I even pointed out that I had survived a variety of potentially deadly criminal acts including:
1. Armed robbery attempt (Baltimore City, MD, 1970's) . I talked the guy out of it.
2. Handgun assault (Columbia, MD, 1970's). Disgruntled employee pointed gun at me from a car in parking lot. Didn't fire, just wanted to scare me. Police not very interested, despite his drug possession record. He got fired.
3. Two "hot" home invasion burglaries while a college student (Baltimore City, 1970's). One got away with all the goodies. The second guy, a couple of years later, wouldn't leave until I told him I had a shotgun. He decided to leave.
4. Two "cold" burglaries. In the first one, (Pikesville, MD, late 1970's) long before marriage, police shot and wounded one of two suspects in a gun battle on my doorstep while I was at work. In the other, (McLean, VA, 1982 or 3) a cheap burglar alarm this very wife had won in a contest scared the bad guy away while we were on vacation.
5. Nasty encounter with a homeless guy at a fast food place (late 1990's). After he vandalized the place by smashing a large pane of door glass, I found myself between him and the bathroom. He must have had to go. He growled at me, didn't like the way I was looking at him (I prefer to think of it as my cold steady stare.) Had he taken another step, I would have drawn the SIG P239. Instead, he walked across the street to another bathroom. 911 fire dispatcher answered in seconds, but police took 45 minutes to answer their phone. Guy was long gone.
6. Two car jacking attempts. In the first, in gun-unfriendly Baltimore, MD (late 1990's), I had no choice but to run down the two thugs trying to take my car. They jumped out of the way. Since they hadn't hurt me, and I hadn't hurt them, Baltimore police declined to respond. In the second attempt near Yorktown, VA, (2004) the leader of 4 thugs saw my handgun in its holster and broke off the attack.
7. While on the way to Tae-Kwon-Do class (1991 or 2), my then 6 and 8 year old kids ran ahead of me. A gang of teenagers cornered them and were taunting them as I came around the corner of a building. The sight of an adult, all dressed up in the martial arts uniform, including brown belt and carrying a practice weapon (basically a long stick) was more than they could handle. The gang scattered.

These incidents, some of which occurred while we were married, really didn't get through to her for some reason.

Somewhere during the course of the marriage, I must have grown a pair, something I highly recommend. I finally said to her, as gently as I could, but quite clearly, that I felt a duty and responsibility to protect her, myself, and our two children. Whether she liked it or not, I was going to carry out that responsibility and she needed to grow accustomed to that fact.

I think she disliked the fact that I grew a pair more than she disliked the gun. In any case there were lots of other issues. We're divorced and I'm remarried to a wonderful woman who has a clue and is grateful I carry the gun to protect us.

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Damn man, you had a lot of crime to deal with in your life! Glad it never turned out to be too bad. Where did other incidents happen - i see you list Fairfax, VA as home address, but it's relatively calm in this area - did that happen somewhere elsse?

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I had very little idea about guns before, and for about a year after i was married. I grew up in Russia, so needlessto say, with the way gun control is there,the only guns i've been around are toys and BB's. (On a good note - due to low avaliablity of guns there is no bias agaisnt them in the society and since PC and liberal brainwashing didn't make it's way there yet (thank God!), it's normal for growing up boys to play with toy guns, just like for girls to play with dolls. My parents bought me a whole arsenal of toy guns and let me tell you, the toy ones there look as close to the real ones as possible - no transparent bright orange pieces of crap you see here. Damn, we even had toy guns and swords in kindergarten and bringing one to school would only become a problem if you start playing with it during lessons instead of paying attention to the teacher. As a result, 99% of my Russian friends are pretty pro-gun and normally end up being gun owners pretty quickly when opportunity comes around. That being said, it doesn't change restrictive gun laws much, mostly because most people don't know how different it can be. Sorry for an OT remark). Anyhow, i got into guns about a year after i got married and advanced very quickly from minor curiosity and buying a cheap "starter" pistol to owning several different weapons, getting a CHP, joining NRA and GOA and carrying daily. My wife grew up in pretty anti-gun family (actually her dad is a retired Marine and is pretty pro-gun, but her mom is very anti-gun and he gave up on gun ownership long ago). She was a typical product of NOVA public school system - very anti-gun, liberal democrat who thinks that only dumb rednecks own guns. When i first expressed my desire to buy a gun she thought i was on drugs or something. But i'm lucky because she is very smart and listens to logic. After going to couple of gun stores and ranges in the area and seeing a lot of normal, professional, clean-cut, well spoken people who owned and carried guns, her eyes really opened on the issue. She still thinks that i'm a little paranoid, but at the same time already expects me to carry everywhere i can. Surprisingly enough, taking her shooting didn't do much good - she was really uncomfortable with loud noise around, flying brass, recoil and smell. I wish i could shoot on my own property - i think being able to shoot just 2 of us, without 10-20 other people with loud guns around,would put her at ease and help her overcome her discomfort. As of now, she wouldn't shoot or carry herself even though she jokes more and more often that maybe she should start. At the same time she doesn't mind me carrying at all and is so used to guns around that treats them as just another household item. She even gets into debates with her parents now defending gun rights and idea of self defense. She doesn't vote for democrats anymore, either. :lol:Anyhow, sorry for a long story, but the point is that logic works and everything is possible as long as she trusts you and you choose the right tactic! Good luck!

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n16ht5 wrote:

I CC most of the time, and OC depending on where I go, but my wife gets really angry with me over it... Anyone else have this problem? She tells me that she feels uneasy with me carrying. I don't understand. (I got my CPL right after we got married...) I tell her that I will do whatever it takes to protect her, but she doesn't seem to understand. What should I say? I'm not paranoid for carrying most of the time right? Thanks

Chris

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My girlfriend is very much uncomfortable with the open carry issue. It stems more from the fact that she doesn't trust anyone she doesn't know. She told me she was very uncomfortable around guns, and didn't much like the fact that I had one on, open or concealed. She got used to the concealed part fairly quickly, it seems it was just a desensitation issue. She still has occasional issues with it, but I told her in no uncertain terms that I will NOT be caught unable to defend my family or myself, and that she may as well get used to it. I even open carried with her in a restaurant a few days ago. I got up to use the bathroom while carrying uncovered through the place. There weren't many people there, and while I was seated, it was out of sight. I did this sorta quickly, before she could object, so that she could see that nothing would happen. She ended up not saying a single word. It has taken a couple years for her to get to her current level of comfort, but she's getting better.

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Chaingun81 wrote:

Damn man, you had a lot of crime to deal with in your life! Glad it never turned out to be too bad. Where did other incidents happen - i see you list Fairfax, VA as home address, but it's relatively calm in this area - did that happen somewhere else?

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I edited my original post and noted all of the cities and rough dates. This stuff happened over 30+ years in Baltimore, Pikesville and Columbia, MD, McLean, Fairfax and Yorktown, VA.

I'm indeed fortunate that I haven't been hurt and haven't had to shoot anybody, however close it came several times. By the grace of God, I'm still in one piece.

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Get a new one.

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bordsnbikes wrote:

Deepdiver is a smart fella. Good advice there.

+1 to take her shooting. Most people who aren't to keen on guns go shooting and fall in love.

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i agree i worked with a guy who came from a seriaosly anti gun family i work with his mother still we agree to dis-agree in the interest of work and honestly i see a fear of herself and what she might do with all that power in a neat little multiple round clip fed package i see that fear in many anti gunners for some a fear of the unknown others a fear of the power that they see in it

but he went shooting with some freinds and while not quite ready to go buy his first he definitly had fun and wanted to go again.

he was mid 30's so no longer under the influince of his mother so much.

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n16ht5 wrote:

I CC most of the time, and OC depending on where I go, but my wife gets really angry with me over it... Anyone else have this problem? She tells me that she feels uneasy with me carrying. I don't understand. (I got my CPL right after we got married...) I tell her that I will do whatever it takes to protect her, but she doesn't seem to understand. What should I say? I'm not paranoid for carrying most of the time right? Thanks

Chris

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What I do might not work for most folks but here goes.

My family used to not be comfortable wit me carrying, but I told them to get over it and that I wouldn't stop. They have since grown accustomed to me carrying since I have shown them I am responsible and safe. The only person who still might have a problem with me carrying is my sister but she only says something if I mention it while I'm carrying. She knows I always am armed but prefers that I don't mention it.

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There is NO compromise, its one of those things you have to put your foot down on.

1) She was more than likely unconsciously mentally conditioned to fear guns as they are associated with violent people, so she fears gun people as a cause of probable & impending violence.

2) She wants to be accepted. Women tend to be outwardly motivated and are easy target for the temptations of other peoples foreign ideas and lack of good solid logic.

Women tend to be outwardly motivated and look for love from the world.

She is perhaps not fully grounded in solid beliefs as you are.

She may be outwardly driven instead of inwardly driven thus she wants to be welcomed and accepted by strangers, strangers who scorn and shun her anyways if they knew your politics and morals.

She wants anonymity , she does not want scorn , nor does she want to be singled out as "one of them" so she is willing to hide in a low level form of shame and wants us to hide ourselves and our right to be openly free in exchange for peace, tranquility and anonymity.

What she does not know that the other sides version of peace and tranquility comes at the the expense of our rights.

3) She is unconsciously testing you to see how well grounded you are in your beliefs, anyone who is on a long term relationship with a woman knows the are constantly testing you for your fidelity to God or to what is right.

4) Women for the most part are basically emotional , the suffer to live and have there being by the pull of emotions, there emotions and other peoples emotions rather than silent intuitive logic.

"If" I am right in my assertions above then do NOT try to please her, do not give in to her in any way . You are not being hard of heart or cruel in any way by being tuff and standing alone on this.

Do not give in or try to modify your rights and what is right to her prodding and pleadings.

Let her be embarrassed for her own folly not yours . If you are grounded and believe in what you are doing is right and good then let NO ONE distract you from doing what you think is right.


If You are comfortable with yourself OC then the calmness will transmit to her by osmosis, if you are not comfortable then she will perceive you are not doing something right and it will emotionalize her.

She needs your solid unflinching grounded logical and moral protection as much as your gun protection.

Does that sound about right to you ?

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A few points that have worked for me, when dealing with my wife and family and friends.

1. Teach byresponsibleexample.

2. Maintain patienceand respect when correcting ignorance.

3. ALWAYS correct ignorance.

4. Be consistent andreflectthe changes that you want to see.

5. You cannot force anyone to accept anything that they are not yet ready to accept.

6. People make decisions based upon the information they have available to them.

7.You can't undo a childhoods worth of programming overnight, sobaby steps.

8.Treat each success at education of othersas their success, not yours.

9. Never make things up or lie inattemptingto support your position.

10. Teach by responsible example!

Food for thought

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Wow, markland, sounds like a lot of experiences.. Good to see that you made it through them well. Makes me realize all of the different places where things like that can happen.

I'm surprised by all the response, its reassuring that I'm not being paranoid by carrying everywhere. I will give her more time to get used to me carrying before I expect her to be comfortable, and will be very clear that I will not please her at our safety. It would probably help out also to show her that there are a lot of people that carry

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FMCDH wrote:

A few points that have worked for me, when dealing with my wife and family and friends.

1. Teach by responsible example.

2. Maintain patience and respect when correcting ignorance.

3. ALWAYS correct ignorance.

4. Be consistent and reflect the changes that you want to see.

5. You cannot force anyone to accept anything that they are not yet ready to accept.

6. People make decisions based upon the information they have available to them.

7. You can't undo a childhoods worth of programming overnight, so baby steps.

8. Treat each success at education of others as their success, not yours.

9. Never make things up or lie in attempting to support your position.

10. Teach by responsible example!

Food for thought

 

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Good food for thought

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n16ht5 wrote:

Wow, markland, sounds like a lot of experiences.. Good to see that you made it through them well. Makes me realize all of the different places where things like that can happen.

I'm surprised by all the response, its reassuring that I'm not being paranoid by carrying everywhere. I will give her more time to get used to me carrying before I expect her to be comfortable, and will be very clear that I will not please her at our safety. It would probably help out also to show her that there are a lot of people that carry. Good food for thought. I didn't realize how most people are conditioned to fear guns. Yes, time to grow a pair.. Haha.

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Glad to be of some help. Glad to still be around to help :celebrate

And you're not being paranoid for carrying far an wide. Two of those incidents I related were *home invasion burglaries*!! If I put the gun in the safe every time I come home, I run the risk of having that nonsense happen AGAIN. No way.

There's a great cartoon, wish I had it electronically, where there's a wrecked city street, crushed cars, broken street lights and such, a recently perforated and expired elephant, and a guy extracting two spent rounds from a side by side and reloading. Next to him is his wife saying, "Honestly, I'll NEVER tease you again about carrying that elephant gun everywhere we go."

Here's to everybody carrying an elephant gun!

I don't see where you're located (might have missed it). If your wife was willing, mine might be able to have a woman to woman conversation with her about this. By phone or email if you're at a distance, or face to face if you're anywhere near Fairfax, VA. She and I take self defense and gun rights pretty seriously. Sometimes being an evangelist for the second amendment is as important as all the other things evangelists are known for. If there's any chance we could help win her over from the "dark side" we'll give it a shot (no pun intended - really). :lol:

In any case, good luck with the wife and let me know by reply or PM if we can help.

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I told my wife in no uncertain terms that she can either get used to it or get a divorce lawyer. It's not a negotiable issue.

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Sheesh, I just must be lucky. The wife has been with me since before I could get a pistol, so she was eased into it as I started carrying. She had no problem with my rifle though, and I had it by the bed pretty much at all times.

She now carries her own gun with her 24/7, and even asks me where my gun is when she doesn't see it on me. When we're at home, we both have our gun right beside us in case of someone breaking in. No issues with any of it, whatsoever.

The funny thing is though, she likes going out to the woods to shoot, but hates going to the range. I guess it's to do with all the other people there. :?

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Nothing wrong with not letting the prosecutors know that you can
hit the broad side of the barn.
It was just a lucky shot, you were aiming for center mass, when his eyes
got in the way of the bullet in the excitement.
Haven't met a tree yet that will squeel on you.

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This seems to be an all too common problem. All women with husbands who own guns and carrybut are unsure about it should read Paxton Quigley's book " Stayin Alive, Armed and Female". The eye opening true stories should be enough to convince her that her husbands carrying is a good thing, and maybe make her think about herself learning to handle guns and carry herself.

I guess being in an oppressed state I see the reality more, and having been denied the basic right, I treasure it more. It's been all out OCing here at home and in my business, if someone is scared they can say it andI will explain it, but so far it is tending to not even be noticed by visitors unless I point it out. I cannot OC nor even CC in my state with the exception of my home, business and property I live on, or for hunting. So as far as MD OC activism goes, this is it ( other than empty holster protests perhaps). Impossible to get a 24/7 MD carry lisc unless you know the right people, and if you did get 1, the OC legality would be frowned upon unless you are a major public figure who can simply get away with it due to status. Anyone else would likley have the lisc revoked for daring to legally OC on a MD carry lisc! NowI did see it once- some guy going into a gun store to do some trading or another with the dealer or gunsmith, using the VA tuck method. I assume he is a collector who transports expensive guns to shows alot, thus why he obviously had a MD carry lisc. I about passed out seeing this MD OC that was not a gun store employee nor someone on their land or in their home, nor some security guardLOL.



Back on topic...well I guess this woman is rather sheltered. I was too growing up, but I must have natural sheepdog instincts I was born with. Suppose the bullying that started at age 4 maybe had something to do with my waryness? Oh I am snappy too! Once this bully tried to steal my bike and I pushed him away and pedaled off. From that day on, boy was I a wary one! But don't mess with me either. Get too damn close and I bite. However stupid pacifist parents caused me to nearly implode. Bullies were constant all through to 12th grade, and if I had punched any of them I would have been in major trouble at home. Girls aren't suppossed to fight you know? I don't know exactly why my parents did this to me, I asked them once and they said it was so the other kids parents wouldn't sue us? Back then beating a bully up wasn't a terrible offense in school. IfI had done it just once, I'd have been left alone the rest of the years! Now see, I am a rebel, ha ha parents. Must be why OC appeals to me so much, no one will bully a lady with a gun.

There were no guns in my house andI didn't know anyone who had any, guns weren't even a topic growing up. I was taught to not touch one ifI saw one and the fear was placed there. I was indeed scared of guns, but it wasn't something that came up much. But dammit curiosity got me, one day I just started being interested in guns. I had to ask a cop I knew to touch a gun even, he was just off duty and unloaded his Glock and let me hold it. I was hmm... 19 I think. At the time I would have loved to buy guns but the fear held me back, then I had some mental issues come up so I voluntarily decided on no gun buying ( nothing major like hospitlization, just some bad depression and anger issues that medication cleared up- I believe the problem was bought on by nervous sheepdoginess having no outlet in @#$%ty Baltimore City). Things got smoothed out though, took a bunch of years though beforeI actually bought a gun and it's use was as a tool and nothing else. It was still "icky" LOL.

All those years ago I did read about armed citizens andI thought it was great. I just didn't know about carry laws and all the states going shall -issue over the years. The local media here doesn't discuss it ( except Fox news does sometimes, butI am a reader more than a TV news veiwer- I hate TV news). Oh yeah and all these years I haven't been victimized either, I have managed to just avoid it all by hair degrees I guess. Back in my college days I had my big dog, the thugs were scared of him. He was legal Baltimore OC. But he died shortly after I graduated and moved back to the country. Some animal nuts would say he was an animal angel LOL. There only when I needed him, and his task done, he is taken.

XD40Coyote-sayin it like it is...

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A little more background... I've been carrying since last summer, moreso later as I got more comfortable. She doesn't notice when I CC most of the time, until she feels it on my hip, when she gives me that look. :X. I have just told her that I will carry when I feel the need, but have pretty much avoided the whole situation.


Had a chat with her yesterday, seemed to have straightened things out a lot


Thanks guys, you helped me out there. Has anyone taken any defense classes?

Oh Im in WA btw. She seems to be okay now, but thanks for the offer for the talk!  I really appreciate it



I try to live by the motto "happy wife, happy life."