Shorten it. Take out the veiled threats to do everything legal to get Bayh voted out of office. Take out any references to your personal action, i.e., LTCH.
Keep it to three short paragraphs.
Paragraph one should be limited to why you are writing and the specific reference to a Bill.
Paragraph two should contain your reasons why your Congresscritter should vote for or against. One or two strong reasons stated in a concise manner gets it done. Do not elaborate or get emotional.
Paragraph three should thank the Congresscritter for their time and support or consideration ofyour position on Bill XX.
Finally, absolutely proof your letter forspelling errors, omissions, etc. Any errors will absolutely ruin your credibility with whoever reads the document. Letters are typically screened by staffers, particularly at the Federal level. A poorly written letter may never make it to your congresscritter or if it does,will likelyget ash canned rather than read.
Neatly, repeat, neatly handwritten letters to the above format gets considerable traction with congresscritters/staff. If you can't write neatly, the computer is your friend.
Anything that is remotely threatening will be filed in the trash at the least. Long, droning letters also get the can, if they are even read completely. The best you can expect in any case is a form letter signed by your congresscritter unless you've worked hard at building a good relationship. This from discussions over the years with State and Fed folks...
Do as you will, good luck.