imported post
I agree that the best thing to do is GO SHOOT SOME! No matter how much research you do and if you decide to figure it out before you buy, find a good gun store with a range and go shoot!
My wife wasn't sure what she wanted, so we went to Baron's Den just south of Eugene and the staff there were very helpful. Theyshowed her several guns, and took her out to the range with a few of them (afew glocks and a couple of Kahrs).She couldn't stand the feel of the Kahr when she shot it, and liked the Glocks better. She shot the Glock 19 the best, and she liked the feel of it the best, so that's what we bought.
You could also find a friend with a few handguns and see if he'll go out shootin' with ya to see what she likes.
For the choice of caliber, I believe that you should carry the largest power firearm you can comfortably handle and carry. I'm limited to a pocket gun for concealed carry, which means I'm kinda stuck at a .380 ACP. (Kel-Tec P-3AT) However, my OC gun is now a .357 magnum
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The bigger the cartridge, the better the "stoppping power" and that's the main point. Don't necessarily pick a .32 because you don't think she could handle bigger, but don't pick a .45 because you think you have to.
There's so many factors it's hard to nail down "Here: get this one." I'd recommend buying a good used firearm, because if you decide you don't like it, you can probably re-sell it for closer to what you bought it for than if you buy new. There's some good buyer's guides for revolvers and semi-autos on the internet that tell you what to look for when buying a used gun.
...Orygunner...