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Thread: How do you deal with family members against OCing?

  1. #1
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    Well, I was asked if i wanted to go with a family member and close to family member out to eat tonight. I wouldn't have minded going infact, I even kind of wanted to. When they found out I planned to OC the family member told me that if I wanted to go with them I wouldn't OC as it looked stupid and that it embarassed them and there just was no good reason why I needed to do it. The close to family member has a CHP and conceals only he usually leaves his gun in the truck since he can't cc it in resturants. I was given this option too. The friend said that he knew OCing was your right but he just thought it was asking to start problems as he felt like someone was going to see you had a gun and start something with you just to see if you would use it or not. I don't see this as the case at all. I explained to them I would not leave my gun in the truck for 2 reasons. One I knew that was their right but felt it was wrong as it just makes it easy for a criminal to steal it and I didn't want mine stolen. The second being that I didn't care if others thought I looked "stupid" or not as If a time came where I needed it I didn't care how stupid I looked as long as I was still alive instead of being helpless and dead and looking "normal". The said that was fine but that they weren't going with me if I was going to OC.

    So needless to say I'm at home tonight. I've rented a movie and am ordering take out. It bugs me a little but on the other hand doesn't bother me too much as I'm getting to enjoy the night at home by myself.

    Any of you other guys have family members like this? Would you have left your gun in the car/truck or just refused to give in like I did? How would you have handled it?

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    I've never had that problem. All of my family members (both immediate and extended family) are fine with me OC'ing. I think you did the right thing by staying home. I would have done the same.

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    I don't mean this to sound like I'm judging your friends or family, but what if you were obese? Had some sort of physical disability or disfigurement that attracted attention?

    There's a part of me that says carrying to defend your life isn't always worth it if it destroys the relationships that are a key part of your life - on the other hand, unless someone legitimately has a phobia about the gun jumping out and shooting them - why does attention directed at you embarrass them?

    I, too, think you made the right choice. But I don't know that I'd let it drop. It might be an opportunity to discuss why they feel the way that they do. It might also be a chance to have a broader discussion about why you feel passionately about exercising and preserving rights for you and future generations - that it's not just about carrying a gun.

    Best,
    Bob

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    Personally, whether I OC, CC, or don't carry is my decision and no one else's. I don't particularly care what anyone -- family or not -- thinks about it. Someone who would make our relationship (friend or family) conditional upon such a small issue probably is isn't a very good friend anyway, and I'm just not going to waste my time on them.

    Next time they call you, just tell them if they want to get together with you, they'll HAVE to OC.

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    Accomplished Advocate peter nap's Avatar
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    I'll be the dissenter (kind of). The family member invited you. He/She gets to set the rules since you are the guest. You have to decide if you are willing to abide by the rules.

    Were you right or wrong? Depends on how much the family member and or meal means. It also depends if you are really afraid to go anywhere without your gun.

    All that comes under...personal decisions.


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    Regular Member FLMason's Avatar
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    I would have told them.Ifyoudon't wantme to go withyou becauseI'm O.C.'ing Okthat's fine.And then show up at the same restaurant andsit downbeside them and enjoy diner. Then they could seethat it is no big deal. Peopledon't jump upand screamOMG he has a gunand then run for the door when some one walks in with a firearm on there side. Nor do they just come up to you to start trouble.

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    I bought up the point about the weight as the friend is overweight but so am I so I can't say too much. I asked the family member if they were afraid to be seen with the friend since he was overweight. Their answer was no because there were usually other overweight people in the resturaunt but not usually others ocing.

    They told me that nothing would happen that needed someone to be carrying in Applebee's unless you were there at 1 AM. I don't know if anything has ever happened at a Applebee's in the past or not but as I told them there is a first time for everything. If something does happen and my gun as well as the other guys is in the car/truck neither of us are going to be able to walk out get the gun and come back in.

    Most of my family is the type that seems to think they have lived so long with nothing having happened to them that nothing will happen to anyone else either unless they are in a bad part of town or late at night or something like that. They don't understand that at times stuff does happen to good people in good places. Maybe not as often but it does happen.

    I think I made the right decision to stay home the more I think about it.

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    I think you made a good decision. I've had similar happen to me and my response was if they were wanting to have dinner with me, I didn't accept conditions. They accept me as I am or they really aren't interested in having dinner with me.

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    I don't know how you fight logic like "I'm not embarrassed by my overweight friend if there are other overweight people around."

    What if no other overweight people were there that evening...THEN they'd be embarrassed????

    I have a sister who is not thrilled about my ocing, but she is more concerned about everyone's feelings to tell me what she really thinks.

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    If I were you, I would just goout to Outback instead

    Unless I'm going to someone's house, I don't give a damn what they think about my open carry. If they don't like it, they don't have to come. Let them be liberal somewhere else.

    I don't have this problem. Even my very liberal in-laws who have strong feelings about gun control, know not to even suggest that I not carry. It just isn't open for discussion.

    My wife doesnt' like me talking politics and that's fine, but she knows that I will carry anywhere and I do.

    -CharlesC

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    CharlesC wrote:
    If I were you, I would just goout to Outback instead

    -CharlesC
    Funny you say that. That's where I got takeout from. It was very good.

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    Ore wrote:
    Personally, whether I OC, CC, or don't carry is my decision and no one else's. I don't particularly care what anyone -- family or not -- thinks about it. Someone who would make our relationship (friend or family) conditional upon such a small issue probably is isn't a very good friend anyway, and I'm just not going to waste my time on them.

    Next time they call you, just tell them if they want to get together with you, they'll HAVE to OC.
    Ha! That sounds good, tell them you're embarrassed by anyone who doesn't OC :^).

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    peter nap wrote:
    I'll be the dissenter (kind of). The family member invited you. He/She gets to set the rules since you are the guest. You have to decide if you are willing to abide by the rules.

    Were you right or wrong? Depends on how much the family member and or meal means. It also depends if you are really afraid to go anywhere without your gun.

    All that comes under...personal decisions.
    I'll second that. It's a personal decision.

    For me, the only thing more important to me than my rights is my family. I value nothing more than I value family.

    If this situation involved a friend or acquaintance, I'd carry or stay home. But if my family asked me not to carry and if I didn't have a lock box in my vehcile for my weapon, I'd leave it at home.

    But that's just me. It's a personal decision and there is no right or wrong.



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    If you don't live under their roof and they don't support you, you do whatever you want, just as I do regarding CCW.

    My mother doesn't like me carrying concealed. I asked her if she was volunteering to move to Ohio and follow me everywhere as my personal bodyguard. End of discussion.

    That's the nice thing about being an autonomous adult. You can do what you want.
    --- Gun control: The theory that 110lb. women have the "right" to fistfight with 210lb. rapists.

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    hometheaterman wrote:
    They told me that nothing would happen that needed someone to be carrying in Applebee's unless you were there at 1 AM.
    With THAT ability to unerringly predict the future, they must have made a killing in stock options these past few months...
    --- Gun control: The theory that 110lb. women have the "right" to fistfight with 210lb. rapists.

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    I have been in that situation quite a few times. I have made it clear to everyone in my family that they can either get used to a) seeing me carrying a gun, or b) not having me attend any family get togethers, and I don't care which they choose.

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    peter nap wrote:
    I'll be the dissenter (kind of). The family member invited you. He/She gets to set the rules since you are the guest. You have to decide if you are willing to abide by the rules.

    Were you right or wrong? Depends on how much the family member and or meal means. It also depends if you are really afraid to go anywhere without your gun.

    All that comes under...personal decisions.
    Flawed logic. The only way a person doing the inviting gets to set the rules is if you are invited to their private property. What the OP should have done is not said anything and just OCd to the public place. I was invited a while ago to eat out with a work friend and his wife along with two other couples they were friends with. I knew that with one of the couples the wife would have been put off by me OCing but I refuse to change or modify my beliefs for anyone. I actually heard enough about the woman mentioned that I was hoping she would have said something.

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    hometheaterman wrote:
    They told me that nothing would happen that needed someone to be carrying in Applebee's unless you were there at 1 AM. I don't know if anything has ever happened at a Applebee's in the past or not but as I told them there is a first time for everything. If something does happen and my gun as well as the other guys is in the car/truck neither of us are going to be able to walk out get the gun and come back in.

    Most of my family is the type that seems to think they have lived so long with nothing having happened to them that nothing will happen to anyone else either unless they are in a bad part of town or late at night or something like that. They don't understand that at times stuff does happen to good people in good places. Maybe not as often but it does happen.

    I think I made the right decision to stay home the more I think about it.
    I think you made the right decision too. I'd have asked how anyone could predict whether something would happen or not. Do they only wear seatbelts on roads where "something might happen", or all the time? Have some of your family members driven a long time without any accidents? If so, perhaps that means they are the ones who don't need seatbelts anymore. Why bother with something you'll never need to use, right? To take the analogy even further, you might ask what they'd say if you declared that anyone riding in your car could not wear seatbelts because they'd look silly and embarrassing. I wonder what their answer would be. Probably that they'd have to ride with someone else, since their safety is paramount.

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    I have your back on this one. I refuse to associate myself with people who have such flagrant disregard for human life.

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    I've had alot of luck comparing carrying a firearm to more "commonly" used inanimate objects that are there for everyone's safety if they choose to utilize them.

    I own a fire extinguisher not because I want a fire to happen but in case it does.

    I wear a seatbelt not because I want to be involved in a car accident but in case I am.

    There are many more of these types of comparison but I think you get the idea. Me personally, I'm 35 and at the age where I don't care what anyone else thinks about how I look and it doesn't affect me. My family and my safety is much more important to me than a narrow minded, bigoted person's opinion. Good luck and stand firm in your convictions.

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    irish wrote:
    I've had alot of luck comparing carrying a firearm to more "commonly" used inanimate objects that are there for everyone's safety if they choose to utilize them.

    I own a fire extinguisher not because I want a fire to happen but in case it does.

    I wear a seatbelt not because I want to be involved in a car accident but in case I am.

    There are many more of these types of comparison but I think you get the idea. Me personally, I'm 35 and at the age where I don't care what anyone else thinks about how I look and it doesn't affect me. My family and my safety is much more important to me than a narrow minded, bigoted person's opinion. Good luck and stand firm in your convictions.
    Those are some excellent comparisons... my husband (yes, i said husband :P) does not wish me to carry, I think I may have to use these examples... thanks!!

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    tygereye wrote:
    irish wrote:
    I've had alot of luck comparing carrying a firearm to more "commonly" used inanimate objects that are there for everyone's safety if they choose to utilize them.

    I own a fire extinguisher not because I want a fire to happen but in case it does.

    I wear a seatbelt not because I want to be involved in a car accident but in case I am.

    There are many more of these types of comparison but I think you get the idea. Me personally, I'm 35 and at the age where I don't care what anyone else thinks about how I look and it doesn't affect me. My family and my safety is much more important to me than a narrow minded, bigoted person's opinion. Good luck and stand firm in your convictions.
    Those are some excellent comparisons... my husband (yes, i said husband :P) does not wish me to carry, I think I may have to use these examples... thanks!!
    You're welcome! My wife loves when I carry and encourages me to do it all the time, she feels much safer when I do. A few other comparisons of vehicle safety related items that you have that you hope to never have to use... anti-lock brakes, airbags, etc.

    If guns cause people to kill people than pencils are the cause ofmisspelled words.

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    as to the statement by the family that nothing would happen, that.s what they thought at luby's in killeen a few years ago

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    uncle jed wrote:
    as to the statement by the family that nothing would happen, that.s what they thought at luby's in killeen a few years ago
    Watch thishttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1u0B...eature=relatedif you're not familiar with Suzanna Hupp and what happened at the Luby's in Killeen, TX.

    Do a google search after if you want to learn more... I'm sure it will open your eyes as to what could happen to you at any given time.

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    Ibet thatall of these people thought that nothing would happen too. This was written days after the VT shooting, most of them thought that nothing would happen that day either.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2007...leducationnews

    A history of violence


    With 33 dead, including the gunman, this was the deadliest mass shooting in US history. Other incidents, sometimes called 'spree killings', include:
    October 1991 Previously, the worst mass shooting had been when George Hennard drove his pickup to Luby's cafeteria in Killeen, Texas, then shot dead 23 people and himself.
    July 1984 Some 21 people were killed when a 41-year-old opened fire at a McDonald's restaurant in San Diego. He was shot by police.
    August 1966 A gunman holed up in a clocktower at the University of Texas campus in Austin killed 15 people before being shot by police. Prior to yesterday, this was the worst campus shooting in US history.
    August 1986 A former postal worker entered a post office in Oklahoma, and shot 14 workers before killing himself.
    February 1983 Three men shot dead 14 people in the Wah Mee club in Seattle's Chinatown.
    April 1999 The most notorious campus shooting of modern times: two students at Columbine high school in Littleton, Colorado, killed 12 students and a teacher before killing themselves.
    March 2005 A student at Red Lake high school in Minnesota killed five students, a teacher, a security guard, and then himself. Before school he had shot dead his grandfather and grandfather's companion.
    July 1993 A businessman, 55, entered a law office in San Francisco and shot dead eight people, then himself.
    February 1988 An ex-employee returned to his laboratory in Sunnyvale, California, and killed seven people, and injured three - including a woman he had been stalking.
    January 2006 A woman killed seven people then herself at her former postal workplace in Goleta, California.
    March 2006 A loner shot six people at party in Seattle, then himself.



    And this is only a partial list of these occurances.

    If you could tell when something bad was going to happen, you wouldn't need a gun to be safe, you could just avoid the area involved at that time.


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