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Thread: Convincing the parents

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    Regular Member CRF250rider1000's Avatar
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    Ok this might as well be a thread. It's no secret that I have been OCing around Hampton Roads lately and have not told my parents. They in fact told me NOT to OC. So next week when I get home from college I plan to ovewhelm them with statistics and evidence and why I should carry. Tonight on my way home from Bass Pro I went to the McDonalds down the street for some sweet tea. Well a block down from it about 10 NPD cars were surrounding an area with crime scene tape all around it. Since I was supposed to call my mom back anyways I called her and informed her that with a crime/murder so close to my apartment, that I was scared for my safety and wanted to OC. I also told her that I am 20 and VERY responsible which they know. I told her that it is my right as a Virginian to carry a firearm and that it was basically the same as her carrying her purse around. She comes back at me saying that her purse can't kill someone. I argued a little more with her just stating facts about the police and recorders and relating to others. I also told her that I would provide her more info when I got home, but that I am very passionate about this and that it is not like I am asking to do something illegal like drugs you know? I am so frustrated with them not wanting me to OC. Right now I am gathering up things to say/show to them. I am also contemplating having them come out to an OC dinner with me in NOVA, but I am unsure if that will help my cause. Any help would be great from you guys such as the pros/cons of OCing and documents/things that would help me convince them to let me OC. I hate sneaking behind their backs and would like to be straight with them about it just as I have been with everything else in my life. The reason I do it now even though they have told me not to is that I am at college away from them and I feel like my life is more important than what they will say/do to me if they found out that I carried.

    Thanks for the input guys,
    Alex

    Also I got a new holster tonight to OC with. I love my Serpa, but saw this and decided to give it a go. It is the Bianchi Carrylok so it has retention just like a Serpa, but in a leather platform that I feel is more comfortable to wear. Also makes it easy for me to CC in my house or on my property.


    Edit: I just realized how long that post was.:shock: I am sorry guys I am stressing about this right now.:P

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    Regular Member ProShooter's Avatar
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    I actuallly do mean this in a nice way - you have been a legal adult for 2 years now. Tell your parents that you'll do as you damn well please when you are out in public.
    James Reynolds

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    Regular Member CRF250rider1000's Avatar
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    ProShooter wrote:
    I actuallly do mean this in a nice way - you have been a legal adult for 2 years now. Tell your parents that you'll do as you damn well please when you are out in public.
    I basically told my mom that I'm a grown man and it is my legal right to do so. My problem is the part where they pay for my tuition and room at college. I told them that I want to sit down and have a serious talk about this though. So I really am hoping this goes well. I love OCing and know a lot about it. I feel confident OCing and I want them to at least support me in something that I really am passionate about doing. My mom started saying that crime is not an issue in NOVA.:what:I laughed and told her that crime can happen anywhere to anyone including her.

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    CRF250rider1000 wrote:
    ProShooter wrote:
    I actuallly do mean this in a nice way - you have been a legal adult for 2 years now. Tell your parents that you'll do as you damn well please when you are out in public.
    I basically told my mom that I'm a grown man and it is my legal right to do so. My problem is the part where they pay for my tuition and room at college. I told them that I want to sit down and have a serious talk about this though. So I really am hoping this goes well. I love OCing and know a lot about it. I feel confident OCing and I want them to at least support me in something that I really am passionate about doing. My mom started saying that crime is not an issue in NOVA.:what:I laughed and told her that crime can happen anywhere to anyone including her.
    You are in a pickle.

    IMO - their house, their money - their rules.

    I really doubt you will get anywhere arguing with them. Taking them shooting might be fruitful.

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    Just continue to OC when you get home, they aren't going to stop you, are they? Luckily for me, my parents didn't mind me OC'ing.

    I like that holster. I may order one for my Glock. I like my Serpa, but I've always wanted to get a leather holster, too.

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    Regular Member AtackDuck's Avatar
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    Wanting your parents approval is natural. However, if you are going to accept the responsibility of carrying a deadly weapon, then I think it is time to accept that you do not need your parents permission toBE a responsible adult. If they disapprove, thank them for their concern and love and assure them that you will be a safe responsible adult and continue to seek training.But, do not lose your cool when you tell them of your decision and they balk or try to argue.

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    Regular Member CRF250rider1000's Avatar
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    hunter45 wrote:
    Just continue to OC when you get home, they aren't going to stop you, are they? Luckily for me, my parents didn't mind me OC'ing.

    I like that holster. I may order one for my Glock. I like my Serpa, but I've always wanted to get a leather holster, too.
    Yea that's why I got this one. I wanted something stylish and that also has retention.

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    Gather all the data you think will help your argument and put together a solid plan to argue all of the points - you know what your parents will say to various things, so you can plan accordingly..

    More important than this though, is determining what this might do to your relationship, and weighing if it's worth it. You're 20, there's no need to tell them anything at all if you don't want to, really..

    without knowing more about your relationship it's tough to say any more.. if you find the secret, tell me what it is - my dad is 64, further right than Limbaugh, and even he doesn't want me carrying - being a parent myself I can definitely identify with the emotion-based feeling that once your child is carrying a firearm, there is a possibility of something horrible happening that is outside your control.. as a parent it's my job to protect my children, a big part of why I carry, actually, and that responsibility is tough to let go of, no matter how much time goes by.. no doubt your parents still see you as a kid, a boy that they seemingly yesterday had to hold the hand of, letting you go to college is huge, carrying a gun and shootin' bad guys? oof, a big pill to swallow..

    so in my situation, my dad introduced me to guns when i was 6, we built a significant reloading hobby and collection of firearms together, and he knows exactly how safety-conscious I am.. 30 years of responsible gun ownership and vigilant safety later, if there's any person he should be able to trust to carry a gun, it should be myself.. but in his eyes, i'm still 6, playing with legos, smiling with missing teeth..

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    Regular Member Neplusultra's Avatar
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    ProShooter wrote:
    I actuallly do mean this in a nice way - you have been a legal adult for 2 years now. Tell your parents that you'll do as you damn well please when you are out in public.
    Yep, when you're in their house you obey their rules, simple enough. Cut the cord. When you're on your own, you're on your own..... I still follow this rule when visiting with my parents, and I'm 49. They don't like guns and at first wouldn't allow it in their house. But after getting used to it, I guess, now they don't care if I bring it inside - and wear it inside.....

    I did get them to let me bring it inside in the beginning because I told them I didn't want anyone breaking into my truck at night and stealing it... :^). But they said I had to unload and disassemble. But now, they're cool.

    They might be as uneasy with the idea of the baby growing up as much as you might be :^). Carrying a gun is a BIG responsibility that can save or destroy your life in a hurry. Just look at the VCU student who recently got charged with 2cd degree murder for improperly shooting a robber..... His life is over. Talk with them, be calm, not defensive.

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    Campaign Veteran Dutch Uncle's Avatar
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    There are so many ways to answer your question, it is hard to know where to begin. I can understand their feelings and concerns, since I have kids about your age, and I want them to listen when I tell them what I think is best. On the other hand, I recall being your age, and it was important for me to emancipate and become independent in many personal ways, even tho' I was still dependent on them financially.

    Anyway, it is clear you already have plenty of data and facts to buttress your argument, so I don't think my recommending any other sources would help much. Beyond any factual argument about this issue is the emotional one, and, if I may be so indelicate, I think this may be important since I suspect your folks are somewhat more liberal than most of us here in traditional Virginia. Fight fire with fire: craft an emotional argument that relates to your experience. I've used the seat belt analogy many times. Seat belts, like guns need to be on all or most of the time to be useful, even on the "safe" roads. Just as we aren't likely to be victims of crime on any given day, we are unlikely to be in a car accident. We still need to be prepared at all times. Its too late to try to once the bad stuff starts. Explain that you feel the same about carrying as you do about seat belt use. The best way to drive this home emotionally is to ask them how they'd FEEL if they were driving with you and you told them you wanted them to remove their seat belts anytime they ride with you because seatbelt use makes you FEEL apprehensive. They would probably say something like their lives and safety are more important than any delicate feelings you have about unpleasant seat belts and the anxiety they cause you. That's when you point out you feel the same way when someone tells you you shouldn't be armed for you own safety because it makes someone else uncomfortable. I imagine you can take it from there and elaborate further. Just keep it mature and civil.....which I'm sure you will, Alex.

    Thus ends the Uncle's advice column.

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    Regular Member CRF250rider1000's Avatar
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    My parents and I have a really good relationship. I just want to be honest with them about it and I want them to let me OC. I think the main key is being calm and confident while presenting lots of facts and my argument.

    Jim, I like that seat belt thing. I will write that down in my speech. I feel like I'm back in public speaking class again. Luckily I aced that class

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    I agree with Dutch.

    Fight fire with fire. You can't fight emotional "arguments" with facts.

    "Mom, would you rather me be stabbed to death? Is that what you want? To go to my funeral?"

    "Would you rather my girlfriend be raped? Are you pro-rape?"

    :shock:

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    Founder's Club Member - Moderator ed's Avatar
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    Tell them that you want to CC but Virginia Law REQUIRES you to OC.
    Carry On.

    Ed

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    For VA Open Carry Cards send a S.A.2S.E. to: Ed's OC cards, Box 16143, Wash DC 20041-6143 (they are free but some folks enclose a couple bucks too)

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    Regular Member CRF250rider1000's Avatar
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    hsmith wrote:
    I agree with Dutch.

    Fight fire with fire. You can't fight emotional "arguments" with facts.

    "Mom, would you rather me be stabbed to death? Is that what you want? To go to my funeral?"

    "Would you rather my girlfriend be raped? Are you pro-rape?"

    :shock:
    I will definitely play the emotional card as much as I can. My mom has always been a sucker for safety stuff when it comes to motocross, trucks, guns. So I'm sure that poking that weak spot will be helpful. I also want to tell them about how OC can be a deterrent towards crime/assault.

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    Moderator / Administrator Grapeshot's Avatar
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    It is difficult to over come irrational fear with logic and facts - much patience is required. When coupled with the condition that your parents have been your teachers/councilors for a long time, there is a built in resistance to anything contrary to their basic beliefs. You are trying to teach them this time around.

    Good after dinner talks may accomplish something but don't expect too much all at once. It may take time and continual demonstration of your maturity, knowledge and safe handling of that which they fear.

    OC dinners might be good if you can convince them that nobody is going to give them the "hard sell." Groups with partners and kids are good.

    Hope you do not have to take a hard line with them as it would seem that you are somewhat dependent on them for tuition, books, etc. Consider how far you want to go with this and whether you are willing to accept the outcome. On that nobody can advise you.

    Good luck and hoping for the best for you.

    Yata hey
    You will not rise to the occasion; you will fall back on your level of training. Archilochus, 650 BC

    Old and treacherous will beat young and skilled every time. Yata hey.

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    Regular Member Neplusultra's Avatar
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    hsmith wrote:
    I agree with Dutch.

    Fight fire with fire. You can't fight emotional "arguments" with facts.

    "Mom, would you rather me be stabbed to death? Is that what you want? To go to my funeral?"

    "Would you rather my girlfriend be raped? Are you pro-rape?"

    :shock:
    Good advice there hs, but I would suggest that you then also back it up with facts. They don't want to think of you killing someone so hs is right, it's emotional to them. But the best foundations are always fact based. Use both.

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    My dad still doesn't want me to keep a loaded firearm in the house. My brother and mom both know I CC at home (loaded of course). Been a year now and everything's still just fine. Recently he said I probably had one or two guns around just in case and didn't seem to care either. I of course don't have guns left around, I only have my one 9mm I keep on me 24/7 and never leave it unattended.

    He came to an OC dinner at Ted's last year too, I think it got him more comfortable with the idea of OC.

    Edit: nice holster!

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    Regular Member Neplusultra's Avatar
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    You know you're an old fart when you use phrases like, "of that which they fear".

    Good advice too there grapes.

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    Regular Member CRF250rider1000's Avatar
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    Yea I have my Glock loaded (not chambered of course) under my pillow every night either at home or here. I put it away when I get up so they have never noticed.

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    Regular Member Neplusultra's Avatar
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    nova wrote:
    My dad still doesn't want me to keep a loaded firearm in the house. My brother and mom both know I CC at home (loaded of course). Been a year now and everything's still just fine. Recently he said I probably had one or two guns around just in case and didn't seem to care either. I of course don't have guns left around, I only have my one 9mm I keep on me 24/7 and never leave it unattended.

    He came to an OC dinner at Ted's last year too, I think it got him more comfortable with the idea of OC.

    Edit: nice holster!
    Yeah, how does it retain and how do you release it? Can you release quickly, like real quickly?

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    Regular Member CRF250rider1000's Avatar
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    Neplusultra wrote:
    nova wrote:
    My dad still doesn't want me to keep a loaded firearm in the house. My brother and mom both know I CC at home (loaded of course). Been a year now and everything's still just fine. Recently he said I probably had one or two guns around just in case and didn't seem to care either. I of course don't have guns left around, I only have my one 9mm I keep on me 24/7 and never leave it unattended.

    He came to an OC dinner at Ted's last year too, I think it got him more comfortable with the idea of OC.

    Edit: nice holster!
    Yeah, how does it retain and how do you release it? Can you release quickly, like real quickly?
    It is basically just like the Serpa, but with your middle finger on the release. The leather is breaking in so it's a tad tight right now, but it will loosen up.

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    CRF250rider1000 wrote:
    Yea I have my Glock loaded (not chambered of course) under my pillow every night either at home or here. I put it away when I get up so they have never noticed.
    I keep my S&W chambered, safety on (unless holstered, then safety's off so the thumbbreak will snap, then it's like a revolver) next to my bed on the floor. I wake up, and put it IWB (I got a cheapie nylon IWB I'm going to try temporarily so it won't slip down my pant leg). Since the gun has a positive manual safety I don't feel anything's "unsafe" having it carried that way. When at school I put it holstered "in a safe place where no one will find it or access it", and no its not on my body.

    My Gould & Goodrich duty holster has several retentions. First, it has a steel reinforced thumb break. It also has a trigger guard lock that requires a special "rocking" of the gun to release it. It's my "winter" OC rig since it rides low and away from the body which allows me to wear it with my wool coat. Summer I use an Accumold thumb break which rides higher and closer, it's also molded for the specific gun unlike most other nylon holsters, and it's very thick and durable. (Picture below)


    I'm not sure if it fits older S&W autos with square trigger guards, but I think G&A warehouse had a leather paddle holster for a 5906 awhile ago for like 45-50 bucks, wonder if its still there?

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    Regular Member CRF250rider1000's Avatar
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    When I have to leave mine in the truck, I have a cable lock that goes through the rear seat frame, the frame of the pistol, and the slide. Try to steal that suckers!

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    CRF250rider1000 wrote:
    Yea I have my Glock loaded (not chambered of course) under my pillow every night either at home or here. I put it away when I get up so they have never noticed.
    I keep mine on my nightstand WITH a round chambered. But at school, I just have my buck knife. :?

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    Regular Member CRF250rider1000's Avatar
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    hunter45 wrote:
    CRF250rider1000 wrote:
    Yea I have my Glock loaded (not chambered of course) under my pillow every night either at home or here. I put it away when I get up so they have never noticed.
    I keep mine on my nightstand WITH a round chambered. But at school, I just have my buck knife. :?
    Yea when I am on campus I have my 2-3/4" Kershaw:shock:

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