MSC 45ACP
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Lynchburg Waterstone/Shoemakers/Craddock Terry NO FIREARMS"
- Thread starter jmelvin
- Start date
jmelvin
Founder's Club Member
imported post
Anyone else have thoughts or comments?
Anyone else have thoughts or comments?
Citizen
Founder's Club Member
imported post
jmelvin wrote:
I like it. A nice tone. No blasting attacks.
The only thing I might suggest is see if you can find a few sentences you could leave out without taking away anything important. And see if you can find a few places where you can maybe re-word things and end up saying the same thing in fewer words.
I mention this because shorter is better for a busy executive or secretary. I'm not saying yours is definitely too long. I'm just trying to see if there is maybe a way to shorten it down a little bit. Not too much. You don't want to seem "short" or curt.
Using this part of the letter as an example:
However, as we approached the entrance I noticed a new sign to the right of the door with the figure of a firearm circled and a note to the effect of “No Firearms or other Weapons Permitted.” Seeing this sign, my girlfriend and I turned and walked back to my car to find another place to dine.
Prior to leaving the premises on this night, however, I left my sidearm in the car and returned to speak with manager on duty to let him know that the new signage had cost the restaurant a customer.
This could maybe be shortened to something along the lines of:
"As I entered the restaurant, I was stopped short by a new sign, 'No Weapons Permitted.' Initially thinkingto dine elsewhere,I stowed my sidearm in my car and spoke with the manager on duty to let him know the sign had cost the restaurant a customer."
jmelvin wrote:
I like it. A nice tone. No blasting attacks.
The only thing I might suggest is see if you can find a few sentences you could leave out without taking away anything important. And see if you can find a few places where you can maybe re-word things and end up saying the same thing in fewer words.
I mention this because shorter is better for a busy executive or secretary. I'm not saying yours is definitely too long. I'm just trying to see if there is maybe a way to shorten it down a little bit. Not too much. You don't want to seem "short" or curt.
Using this part of the letter as an example:
However, as we approached the entrance I noticed a new sign to the right of the door with the figure of a firearm circled and a note to the effect of “No Firearms or other Weapons Permitted.” Seeing this sign, my girlfriend and I turned and walked back to my car to find another place to dine.
Prior to leaving the premises on this night, however, I left my sidearm in the car and returned to speak with manager on duty to let him know that the new signage had cost the restaurant a customer.
This could maybe be shortened to something along the lines of:
"As I entered the restaurant, I was stopped short by a new sign, 'No Weapons Permitted.' Initially thinkingto dine elsewhere,I stowed my sidearm in my car and spoke with the manager on duty to let him know the sign had cost the restaurant a customer."
jmelvin
Founder's Club Member
imported post
Good stuff all. Thanks!
Good stuff all. Thanks!
jmelvin
Founder's Club Member
imported post
I thought I'd provide some follow up on my previous posting. It has been nearly a month now since my girlfriend and I visited Waterstone Pizza here in Lynchburg, only to find that they now ban the carrying of firearms. On May 6 I sent out a letter similarly worded to what I posted here and have heard no reply in the ensuing weeks. Having heard no reply I thought I'd drive by the restaurant tonight to see if the sign had come down without any formal reply. Unfortunately the "No Firearms..." sign is still in place, so it is now evident that the owners don't much care if they turn away customers that have been with them from the opening of this restaurant.
For the sake of others I will post this on AbNo's (I think it's his, forgive me if someone else's) friend or foe site so that the users can be notified of where not to go when visiting Lynchburg. If the results of this posting were put out in the VCDL weekly newsletter it would be appreciated as well, but not expected. If necessary I could provide some short write up that would sum up the issue in quick order for an e-mail release.
Nearly all places I've visited here in Lynchburg have had no issue with me carrying while dining (save for Waterstone, Shoemaker's, Craddock Terry Hotel and Buffalo Wild Wings). So if you find yourself in Lynchburg, avoid the few places mentioned here and enjoy the various other dining options instead!
I thought I'd provide some follow up on my previous posting. It has been nearly a month now since my girlfriend and I visited Waterstone Pizza here in Lynchburg, only to find that they now ban the carrying of firearms. On May 6 I sent out a letter similarly worded to what I posted here and have heard no reply in the ensuing weeks. Having heard no reply I thought I'd drive by the restaurant tonight to see if the sign had come down without any formal reply. Unfortunately the "No Firearms..." sign is still in place, so it is now evident that the owners don't much care if they turn away customers that have been with them from the opening of this restaurant.
For the sake of others I will post this on AbNo's (I think it's his, forgive me if someone else's) friend or foe site so that the users can be notified of where not to go when visiting Lynchburg. If the results of this posting were put out in the VCDL weekly newsletter it would be appreciated as well, but not expected. If necessary I could provide some short write up that would sum up the issue in quick order for an e-mail release.
Nearly all places I've visited here in Lynchburg have had no issue with me carrying while dining (save for Waterstone, Shoemaker's, Craddock Terry Hotel and Buffalo Wild Wings). So if you find yourself in Lynchburg, avoid the few places mentioned here and enjoy the various other dining options instead!