Need Relationship Advice

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So my girlfriend of nearly 3 years does not like the fact that I carry, I have done just about everything for her and am very supportive however she tells me that she doesn't like the Idea of being with someone who carries everywhere. When I ask her why, she says she doesn't know and that's just how she feels I ask her if she would be okay if I conceal carry around her (since I have a permit now) and she says it wouldn't matter. She also turns down the idea of me taking her shooting. I've only started carrying in the last year or so since I've turned 21 and it's not something I really want to give up on. If I'm going to dump her it's now or never as she opened our relationship while where in two different states and I'm feeling a little numb towards her right now.

So my question is what do I do about this should I just be done with it or is it still worth convincing her?

Also to note that she is alright with me owning guns it's carrying them that she has a beef with.

Thanks for the help.

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FunkTrooper wrote:

So my girlfriend of nearly 3 years does not like the fact that I carry, I have done just about everything for her and am very supportive however she tells me that she doesn't like the Idea of being with someone who carries everywhere. When I ask her why, she says she doesn't know and that's just how she feels I ask her if she would be okay if I conceal carry around her (since I have a permit now) and she says it wouldn't matter. She also turns down the idea of me taking her shooting. I've only started carrying in the last year or so since I've turned 21 and it's not something I really want to give up on. If I'm going to dump her it's now or never as she opened our relationship while where in two different states and I'm feeling a little numb towards her right now.

So my question is what do I do about this should I just be done with it or is it still worth convincing her?

Also to note that she is alright with me owning guns it's carrying them that she has a beef with.

Thanks for the help.

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You have to decide which is more important to you, carrying the gun, or keeping the girl.

If the girl is more important, then stop carrying, and you're done.

If carrying is more important to you, then you have to present her with the choice of what is more important to her, you, or dating someone who does not carry a gun.

If she picks you, then you keep the girl and the gun. If she picks "no gun" then you keep the gun, but you lose the girl.

The kicker here to me is her saying: "she doesn't know and that's just how she feels"

You are making grown-up decisions here, you both need to be able to figure out why the things that matter to you matter. Communication is key, if you can't frankly discuss this sort of a thing, you probably have other issues to work on even more important.

JMHO, and I am certainly no couples therapist... the advice given here is worth every penny you paid for it!

TFred

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I know what I'd do!! She would be on the market for the next taker!!

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You're 21 yrs. old for god sake, Find yourself a real woman instead of a girl that wants to try her luck at manipulating her first man..

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Is there any part of the fact that you carry related to how you feel about her? If so, you might try explaining what that is. If she still says she is "uncomfortable" withyou carryingyou can decide if that means she may not "like" it but accepts the reasoning.

If she says she does not want you to carry at all, then you two have a very big values gap. History says there is a better chance of bridging the generation gap than this one.

I recently went through the same scenario. Ended up telling her to call a cab to take her home. I stuck around to make sure she was safe till the cab arrived. Have not talked to her since, as she has not called since then. It probably is better to call it quits before going out on a date, but I did not know she was "uncomfortable" till after we had an "experience" with an urban entrepeneur coming out of a restaurant after dinner.

My take was it was better to end it right then and there rather than attempt to "explain" and "discuss" the issue over an extended period. She thought it was "nice" that I cared enough to want to protect her, but thought that guns were not they way to do that. Problem was, she could not tell me what she thought a good way to do it was.

Of course, I'm 3 times older than you, so dating has a different sense of urgency for me.

stay safe.

skidmark

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Carnivore wrote:

You're 21 yrs. old for god sake, Find yourself a real woman instead of a girl that wants to try her luck at manipulating her first man..

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+1.....if she's already manipulating you and trying to turn you to her way of thinking, then tell her to hit the road....no matter how much you may feel you love her, you will get over it and find another who is more in line with your beliefs. Otherwise you will have a long, bitter and hateful relationship, and your eventual breakup will be more volatile the longer you are together, and you have more to lose the longer you stay with her.

Basically, tell her this is the one thing you are non-negotiable on; the gun stays, no matter what. You are doing this for her safety and yours, and you won't allow either of you to become a victim. If she still insists on you getting rid of your guns, tell her there's the door.

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TFred wrote:

SNIP You are making grown-up decisions here, you both need to be able to figure out why the things that matter to you matter. Communication is key, if you can't frankly discuss this sort of a thing, you probably have other issues to work on even more important.

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+1

I would contributean idea that is often overlooked--the outside influence. Women talk. Probably many of her family and friends know you carry. Its not at all unreasonable to suspect one or more of her circle isspeakinganti-gun sentiment of one sort or another to her.

Also, its really, really unlikely that she can't tell you why she is uncomfortable. I would propose gently digging further for her real objection. We're not talking neurological explanation here. She has some objection. "I'm afraid of guns." "I think it is silly to carry a gun." You won't get anywhere until you get the real objection out of her.

It might be a little complex. "I'm afraid of guns," might have to be dug deeper until you find out it was her third grade teacher that told her guns are dangerous.

But, you'll need to get to the bottom of it, I think. Once you get the real objection, then you can work on why self-defense is so important, why you believe in helping unstigmatize being able to defend oneself, and so forth.

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I would just try and reason with her. If she can't tell you why she doesn't like it then she's lying or is falling back on our societies anti-gun viewpoint. If she can't be reasoned with on this then she may not be reasonable with many other things down the line. If she can't respect your choice now then what do you think will happen a few years later? I'm not sure I could be with someone who doesn't, at the very least, respect that it's my choice to make and not hers.

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Thanks for all the advice , to Tfred I'm aware I'm making "grown-up" decisions I've making them for awhile now I just thought it would be a good idea to ask the opinion of those who have much more experience than I.

I guess the scary thing is that I would do almost anything for this girl including throwing away my right to carry, I just don't know if giving up on defending myself for a girl is a good thing or not.

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FunkTrooper wrote:

SNIPI just don't know if giving up on defending myself for a girl is a good thing or not.

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Not.

Step back. Take a deep breath or ten. Go for a walk to get centered. Then think.

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FunkTrooper wrote:

Thanks for all the advice , to Tfred I'm aware I'm making "grown-up" decisions I've making them for awhile now I just thought it would be a good idea to ask the opinion of those who have much more experience than I.

I guess the scary thing is that I would do almost anything for this girl including throwing away my right to carry, I just don't know if giving up on defending myself for a girl is a good thing or not.

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I didn't in any way mean to imply that you were being immature... I just meant to say that in an adult relationship, you need to be able to have conversations that allow you to fully evaluate differences like these. As others have noted, this is foundational stuff, in some ways even more basic than religion. If you can't get this settled to your mutual satisfaction, a "house" built on that foundation will not likely stand long.

TFred

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FunkTrooper wrote:

I guess the scary thing is that I would do almost anything for this girl including throwing away my right to carry, I just don't know if giving up on defending myself for a girl is a good thing or not.

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You're not just giving up on defending yourself, but her as well.

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GlockMeisterG21 wrote:

FunkTrooper wrote:

I guess the scary thing is that I would do almost anything for this girl including throwing away my right to carry, I just don't know if giving up on defending myself for a girl is a good thing or not.

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You're not just giving up on defending yourself, but her as well.

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+1

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My wife said if I didn't stop OCing, she was going toleave.
I'm sure gonna miss her...

On a positive note, the posted advice you've already gotten is pretty goodfor the most part. You can try to educate her and reason with her. Do some research and show her how many incidents where an OCer has saved lives or protected someone from getting hurt. Do a Google search on "Library Shooting", "Church Shooting" and "Grocery Store Shooting" to show her that BG's do bad stuff everywhere and you are just interested in protecting yourself and those around you from bad guys doing bad things.

If she's still against it, just say "BAAAAAAAAAAAA" (using your best sheep imitation) and tell her to have a nice life!

^ Mike

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Citizen wrote:

FunkTrooper wrote:

SNIPI just don't know if giving up on defending myself for a girl is a good thing or not.

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Not.

Step back. Take a deep breath or ten. Go for a walk to get centered. Then think.

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No your definitely right I guess I'll have to wait and see how to handle things when I see her on the 4th. Hopefully I'll be able to find out why she doesn't want me to carry. Carrying my weapon has saved me more than once and yet she still wont see reason.

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BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA said the sheep...

Continue OCing and being the best Sheepdog you can be.

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RUN.NOW! Ain't Worth it. Bye Bye Honey.....but BYE!



Hasta La Vista!

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+1000 with Carnivore. You're young and have your whole life in front of you. There's plenty of time to be manipulated by the opposite gender, so don't start now. Enjoy yourself while you can.

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I have been married for over 20 years to a woman I met in my late twenties.

If I think about 'what if' I would have married the girl I was dating when I was 21, I don't know if it would have lasted more than several years.

You are young, and have many, many decades of your young life ahead of you. Do not be surprised if you actually feel stronger and more fit in your 30s, 40s and even 50s than you do now - I know I do.

Why waste such a limitless future on someone who wants to manipulate you now?

A brief anecdote: My wife is by no means 'pro gun.' During college she volunteered as an EMT for an inner city ambulance service, and saw many gun shot wounds. It kind of soured her on guns.

She has never raised an objection to my carrying, even when I OC (in New York it's usually only in hunting areas).

However she knows I carry 24/7 except to work (I never carry to work). She knows that I am here to defend her and the kids and she accepts that without a doubt and never raises any objection whatsoever.

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Also.... firarms have an obvious legal implication - I broke up with the girl I was dating at 21 partially over the fact that I was now able to get a pistol license and carry. And she did not likethat at all. I wanted to avoid any mixing of romance and second amendment rights.

I was successful at maintaining that separation because I ran like hell from her.

- to put it bluntly; don't trust a woman who hates guns not to get you involved in a relationship dispute and then brand you as a violent person, thereby possibly damaging your RKBA.

I thank the Lord every day for finding a woman who accepts me for who I am.