Need Relationship Advice

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My wife (seven years in DEC) has roughly the same attitude of your girlfriend.

However, I would call my wife gun nuetral. She doesn't really care I have them, but she doesn't like the cost so much money. Also, through conversations I learned that she was uncomfortable with what people would think when they saw the gun. Then I asked if it would bother her if I concealed (can't yet but permit is en route). She said no. Why? Because people wouldn't know. She cared what they think.

I've just taken the plunge of handling guns, on a more regular basis,in the past 10 mo. Last Saturday, I offered to do the errands so I could open carry.

When it came time to go, she wanted to get out of the house. I reminded her that I was going to carry the gun. She nodded, and we took the 7 week old with us to Target and the grocery store.

She got annoyed once, but I reminded her that I told her I was going to carry and that was the end of it.

All that to say, put the choice in your girlfriend's hands. Draw your line. Some things are not for negotiation.

Without psycobabbling too much, this is just a test of wills and a foreshadowing of how difficult (read uncomfortable) decisions will be made in the future.

It's not about being right, its about what IS right. Calmly discuss your reasons andmake yours choice. Then make her choose.

FYI I turn 30 in Oct, so we are not to far apart in age. I was married at 23.

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I didn't buy a handgun until I had been married for about 13 years. My wife couldn't stand my carrying. I finally had to tell her I was going to carry to protect myself and her and our 2 kids and she needed to become accustomed to that fact.

There were many other issues, unfortunately. We're divorced now.

When I started dating again, I made my views on gun ownership and other core value issues (politics, religion, abortion, etc.) VERY clear VERY early in the relationship. I didn't want to waste time with somebody who had a worldview radically different from my own, no matter how hot she was. Already made that mistake, wasn't going to do it again. I married a fine woman who has no problem with my carrying, either openly or concealed. She's quite happy to have somebody to look out for her.

Bottom line: NEVER compromise on core value issues. Which way the toilet paper comes off the roll doesn't matter. Go ahead and learn to put the toilet seat down. Not important. Protecting yourself and loved ones from harm is VERY important. Don't forget that.

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Citizen wrote:

GlockMeisterG21 wrote:

FunkTrooper wrote:

I guess the scary thing is that I would do almost anything for this girl including throwing away my right to carry, I just don't know if giving up on defending myself for a girl is a good thing or not.

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You're not just giving up on defending yourself, but her as well.

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+1

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I OC just about every day - cannot do so at job, but even before the leash goes on the dog for evening walk, the SIG is strapped on first....

What does that have to do with OP - "you're not just giving up on defending yourself, but her as well..." You are also "giving up on defending EVERYONE else around you..."

Not going to put out the sheep/sheepdog analogy, but when responsible gun owners carry (OC or CC) they are taking on a responsibility to protect not only ourselves but those around who may need protecting.

My wife does not like guns - they scare her; but prior to any purchase, I made her come to the range with me, small steps to get her more and more comfortable (at her own pace) to being around the "pops." I understand and respect her concerns - but place those in the compartment of responsibility. Wife has NO issue with me OC'g or CC'g when with her - because she has seen my levels of responsibility - both with and without a gun.

I'd agree with many of the posters here... talk it out if possible, find out why she has an issue with the gun; and be understanding - this is a prime opportunity for you to pass along the education that someone took the time to impart upon you. It is even an opportunity for you BOTH to take newbie/refresher classes together, so that you "grow" in the relationship learning as a couple.

Best of luck....

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markand wrote:

<snip>When I started dating again, I made my views on gun ownership and other core value issues (politics, religion, abortion, etc.) VERY clear VERY early in the relationship. I didn't want to waste time with somebody who had a worldview radically different from my own, no matter how hot she was. Already made that mistake, wasn't going to do it again. I married a fine woman who has no problem with my carrying, either openly or concealed. She's quite happy to have somebody to look out for her. <snip>

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Good call. That (bold) is the bottom line of this dicussion.

We all know guns are an emotional issue, but the disagreement here is not merely, gun or anti gun, its values at their core.

"A wife of noble character who can find?She is worth far more than rubies."

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Why does this have to be some mutually exclusive "the gun or me" proposition? She doesn't like you carrying - fine. I don't like waiting on a woman gawking at stuff in a store for 2 hours at a time, but I don't issue ultimata about everything I dislike. My gf is not a gun person and thinks I'm a (harmless) nutcase, but she tolerates me. If yours can't make that leap, you're not missing much if she leaves over it.

-ljp

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FunkTrooper wrote:

So my girlfriend of nearly 3 years does not like the fact that I carry, I have done just about everything for her and am very supportive however she tells me that she doesn't like the Idea of being with someone who carries everywhere. When I ask her why, she says she doesn't know and that's just how she feels I ask her if she would be okay if I conceal carry around her (since I have a permit now) and she says it wouldn't matter. She also turns down the idea of me taking her shooting. I've only started carrying in the last year or so since I've turned 21 and it's not something I really want to give up on. If I'm going to dump her it's now or never as she opened our relationship while where in two different states and I'm feeling a little numb towards her right now.

So my question is what do I do about this should I just be done with it or is it still worth convincing her?

Also to note that she is alright with me owning guns it's carrying them that she has a beef with.

Thanks for the help.

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There seems to be more issues than the "carry" issue. There are better fish in the sea. If 'opened our relationship' means that she is seeing others, I suggest you count your blessings that these differences are apparent NOW, as opposed to after the bonds have been formalized. Move on.

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Train to be the head of the family . Women need someone to change so give them a baby .

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wrightme wrote:

FunkTrooper wrote:

So my girlfriend of nearly 3 years does not like the fact that I carry, I have done just about everything for her and am very supportive however she tells me that she doesn't like the Idea of being with someone who carries everywhere. When I ask her why, she says she doesn't know and that's just how she feels I ask her if she would be okay if I conceal carry around her (since I have a permit now) and she says it wouldn't matter. She also turns down the idea of me taking her shooting. I've only started carrying in the last year or so since I've turned 21 and it's not something I really want to give up on. If I'm going to dump her it's now or never as she opened our relationship while where in two different states and I'm feeling a little numb towards her right now.

So my question is what do I do about this should I just be done with it or is it still worth convincing her?

Also to note that she is alright with me owning guns it's carrying them that she has a beef with.

Thanks for the help.

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There seems to be more issues than the "carry" issue. There are better fish in the sea. If 'opened our relationship' means that she is seeing others, I suggest you count your blessings that these differences are apparent NOW, as opposed to after the bonds have been formalized. Move on.

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He's 100% on this. She's showing she's not commited to your relationship, and apparently around the same time, she suddenly takes issue with something you're doing. Run now.

While I don't think someone needs to have completely agreeing views with their partner, its important that your views are compatible. A strong anti-gun and pro-gun aren't going to last very long together.

At the very least you're going to want someone that's ok with you carrying a gun at least concealed. That's not to say people can't change. My mother has always been strongly anti-gun(she's very afraid of accidental discharge, I know they're rare, but the fact that its happened once is too often for her). Anyway my father has always been someone interested in guns, and finally after 20 something years of marriage he's finally bought something other than his old rev war muskets. (Bersa thunder .380) and gotten a concealed permit. You'll never see my mother hold that gun, but she doesn't bother him about it(other than to tease him about how he wants to get more guns and ammo, but that's mostly money) but my parents are still able to get along and not fight about it because they found an arrangement they can handle(gun is safely away from her, and she doesn't have to see/touch it, but he can have it with him whenever he wants in case he needs it).

If guns and carry is important to you, then its a part of you, and if you can't find someone accepting of that, then its time to keep looking. You wouldn't pick the woman that couldn't stand to look at you would you?

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It would appear that you have been given some very sound advise, from many different viewpoints, I will only try to offer a slightly different viewpoint/approach.

Of what has already been offered, finding out her true reasons against you carrying are paramount to you persuading her to change her views.

Also, a few points that either havent been presented or I somehow missed could also aid in helping you to gather the appropriate approach such as: How old is she, and how long have you been dating/known each other.

College aged individuals tend to have an idealistic view of the world and often refuse to admit (mostly to themselves) that 'it' will ever happen to 'them'... And the more pampered they are/were, the worse it is!
If this is the case (which I suspect is most of it) then some education about the 'real' world can go a long way.

If she has known you for a long time, she may still see you as a 'kid'. And/or if she is not yet ready to be 'grown up' then she won't want you to be either!

But, possibly the absolute BEST thing you can do to persuade her, if you truly do care about/love her and can see 'happily ever after...' is to say something along the lines of:
"Honey, I love you and value your life and well being over all else and am willing to do anything and everything in my power to protect you at all costs. Fortunately we live in a County that allows me to legally exercise our inherent rights to self defense with the best tools available. And I choose to exercise that right, for you. I could not live with myself knowing that I was not able to protect you to the best of my ability should, heaven forbid, something ever happen."

After that, end it! No more discussion! Women tend to like it all to be about them, you just made it ALL about HER, and in a positive light (ass opposed to the sheep argument). At that point, your carrying a firearm has become a 'sweet gesture'!

Good Luck!
~Gator

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TheMrMitch wrote:

RUN.NOW! Ain't Worth it. Bye Bye Honey.....but BYE!



Hasta La Vista!

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What he said X 2

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RUN, FORREST, RUN!!!

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FunkTrooper wrote:

she opened our relationship while where in two different states and I'm feeling a little numb towards her right now.

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"Open" relationship. @#$% THAT. The carry issue doesn't even matter when your "girlfriend" is out nailing other people.




Also, NEVER ask the internet for relationship advice - you'll always regret following it. You know your relationship and yourgfbetter than your e-friends. However, this one is a no-brainer. "Open relationship" means she just gave herself the ok to cheat and still feel good about herself. Like I said before... **** that.

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Well, I mean, just how vehement is she about it?? I mean, I have had reltionships where myweapon was an issue, but they liked my gun. Here's an idea, wear one of your pistols in a shoulder rig to bed and haver her touch itand say "This is your weapon" then touch - ahem - it -and say "this isyour gun" You know the drill! :celebrate

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I would say it is a test of will.

It souds like you have made up your mind about carrying for whatever your reasons. It also sounds like she doesn't have any reasons for her dislike of your choice of protection. It may just be a matter of time before she begins to accept it. It is not unheard of for the weak minded to fall to peer pressure. Sounds like the only reason she doesn't like it is b/c society says she shouldn't.

If you can hold out longer than her, CC then OC, you may be able to change her views without trying.

My wife doesn't like mine either, but the one incident where I nearly pulled it she was glad I had it. I saw two steps in my direction in her eyes.

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R a Z o R wrote:

Train to be the head of the family . Women need someone to change so give them a baby .

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The sharp guy is not usually to my taste...but this is by far the funniest thing I've ever seen on OCDO!

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Let me see if I understand....

You have to decide if you want to carry a gun.. or be in a relationship with a girl....

Let's decide based on needs.....

How many times have you actually ever needed a gun for protection?

How many times have you needed a women when you had "protection"? :lol:

What are your odds of becoming a victim of crime where you live?

What are your odds of getting a date that will sleep with you where you live? :shock:

Man o' man!!! You are a friggin' idiot if you do not keep the girl. You can carry when she is gone. Have a gun in your car and home nearby when she is with you.

She is not asking you to cut off your balls.... yet...

If you dump her for your gun... please PM me so I can date her.

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FunkTrooper wrote:

So my girlfriend of nearly 3 years does not like the fact that I carry, I have done just about everything for her and am very supportive however she tells me that she doesn't like the Idea of being with someone who carries everywhere. When I ask her why, she says she doesn't know and that's just how she feels I ask her if she would be okay if I conceal carry around her (since I have a permit now) and she says it wouldn't matter. She also turns down the idea of me taking her shooting. I've only started carrying in the last year or so since I've turned 21 and it's not something I really want to give up on. If I'm going to dump her it's now or never as she opened our relationship while where in two different states and I'm feeling a little numb towards her right now.

So my question is what do I do about this should I just be done with it or is it still worth convincing her?

Also to note that she is alright with me owning guns it's carrying them that she has a beef with.

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Relationships and critical junctures in them must have some measure of give and take to negotiatesatisfying and lasting outcomes. There's been some good advice on the communications angle so far. But I'll talk about costs.

For both of you, if each makes the wrong decision, the costs could be very high. That means, not just for you and not just for her. For both.

Give and take.

If she is "the one" and you dump her for the gun carry thing, you will incur great costs. You will pay them for a long, long time. Same for her, of course, if you are "the one."


Give and take.


In our society, generally, carrying a gun is important. But it is not all important.

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Well I think I'm going to wait and see how all this plays, I would never think of giving her up over a gun it's more to do with my ability of protect myself and others. I think I'll just try and keep pushing the gun issue and hopefully she'll at least be ok with it after awhile. There is a lot more going on than just the carry issue but I just wanted to know how others have dealt with significant others not approving of the choice to carry.

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It isn't about "guns", it is about the fundamental right to life and the right to protect your life. If she doesn't value your life and your right to protect your, and her, life, how many other basic values do you not share?

As for her being "the one", that is just plain BS. A relationship built on shared values and commitment will last, one built on "chemistry" won't.

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FunkTrooper wrote:

Well I think I'm going to wait and see how all this plays, I would never think of giving her up over a gun it's more to do with my ability of protect myself and others. I think I'll just try and keep pushing the gun issue and hopefully she'll at least be ok with it after awhile. There is a lot more going on than just the carry issue but I just wanted to know how others have dealt with significant others not approving of the choice to carry.

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Let's be honest here... how many people here out of the 20,000 members have ever needed to use their gun in self defence? Now work your odds from that. There are far more people who CC and the numbers of them actually pulling a gun and using it are very low.

Crime happens.. no doubt. But your odds of being a victim of a violent crime are not that great. Unless!! you are in a job where you become a target because of what you do likedeliver pizza, drive a cab, own a jewelry store, or sell drugs.

So I understand the desire to have protection... (It makes you feel better) but you have to weight the odds of actually needing it every single moment of the day. If you are that scared that you cannot go out unless you are armed.. why not don a vest and buy a bullet proof hummer?? :lol:

And you can push the issue with her and she will eventually dump your ass and you can then carry all you like.

Let it go... No means no.. Notplease try to convince me again later. You are as bad as the religious nuts trying to get me to go to church! I will be attending church before she is OK with you packing a gun. :lol: