Convincing the g/f

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As the first female to chime in here, I hope you will take my words to heart.

#1-Forcing statistics down her throat won't work. It'll piss her off.

#2-Forcing anything down her throat will piss her off.

#3-Continue to protect yourself, thats all you can do.

Speaking from experience (search some of my first posts) you CAN NOT WIN THIS BY FORCING YOUR VALUES, THOUGHTS, AND IDEAS ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND!

Only time and experience will do this. Be prepared to have LOGICAL FACTS to back your arguments when and if SHE brings up the subject.

And yes, telling her you care about her and want this for her safety is a good way to go, but only if you mean it.

If you have any more questions or concerns please feel free to PM me. No offense to any of the male posters here but yes females do think differently than males. : )

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I've learned that taking someone to the range helps a LOT. I've taken several antis (or so they thought) to the range and at the bare minimum they admitted that they had fun. And I've found that even the antis who haven't shot before are curious enough to go just once to see what it's all about. I've met or heard of I dont know how many women who were either anti-gun or liberal and they "saw the light" because they met a conservative guy who after months or years convinced her that she was wrong. It may take a while...or it may not happen at all. But its worth trying but you can not introduce data and you can not use force or make demands.

Good luck!

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richarcm wrote:

I've learned that taking someone to the range helps a LOT.  I've taken several antis (or so they thought) to the range and at the bare minimum they admitted that they had fun.  And I've found that even the antis who haven't shot before are curious enough to go just once to see what it's all about.  I've met or heard of I dont know how many women who were either anti-gun or liberal and they "saw the light" because they met a conservative guy who after months or years convinced her that she was wrong.  It may take a while...or it may not happen at all.  But its worth trying but you can not introduce data and you can not use force or make demands. 

Good luck!

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+ 1

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Hey guys (and lady). Thanks for the response. Insightful and helpful. So I guess I'll cover it in steps here.

a.) I didn't think I was forcing it on her until we had our convo last night. She seemed interested in owning a firearm, not so much carrying, and has spoken w/ me about it several times. However, I think now that her friends think it's "scary", she is kinda iffy about it. Her name is on the lease, but so are the other two that don't like guns and one that is whatever about the situation. The other girl had said she would be more comfortable with a firearm in the apt.but along with my g/f, is hesitant because she doesn't want to step on toes.

b.) Both my g/f and her roommate that is okay with owning a firearm are familiar with them. Especially my g/f. She usually goes to the range w/ me and her dad raised her around guns. So I've seen first-hand they have the proper training. The g/f actually is a better shot than I am lol.

c.) As far as having a firearm in the apt. w/ the ones that aren't trained. I have a little steel lock-box I was planning on giving her so she wouldn't have to buy an expensive safe. So even if they went snooping, I doubt they'd know what it is. But a safe couldn't hurt right?

d.) I agree with what the majority of you all say about don't shove statistics down her throat. I just thought they could help. She's one of the brainy ones who doesn't usually listen to logic unless she sees proof to back it up so I figured it'd help to have some ready if she wanted to see them. And like I say, she's not against carry of firearms and has said she wouldn't mind having one. She just thinks the chances of her needing one are small. She is one who is a non-believer until it happens on most situations.

e.) Skidmark, I think you were the one that said respect what the roommates want about myself carrying in their apartment. And I agree. I'm not out to push it on them at all for I doubt I would reach them if I told em shut up and carried a gun in their home lol. And they're sweet girls. A little warped views but hey, I can deal. I just thought it was kinda silly how they said it's okay if they can't see it. But like you said, it's their home too and I respect that.

Thanks again for the advice from everyone. Once again, you all haven't let me down with advice.

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ClumsyCandy wrote:

As the first female to chime in here, I hope you will take my words to heart.

#1-Forcing statistics down her throat won't work. It'll piss her off.

#2-Forcing anything down her throat will piss her off.

#3-Continue to protect yourself, thats all you can do.

Speaking from experience (search some of my first posts) you CAN NOT WIN THIS BY FORCING YOUR VALUES, THOUGHTS, AND IDEAS ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND!

Only time and experience will do this. Be prepared to have LOGICAL FACTS to back your arguments when and if SHE brings up the subject.

And yes, telling her you care about her and want this for her safety is a good way to go, but only if you mean it.

If you have any more questions or concerns please feel free to PM me. No offense to any of the male posters here but yes females do think differently than males. : )

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They certainly do. But watch it. You might get in trouble with the ardent femini-Nazis for telling the truth.

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<sigh>

Sadly this is a topic that I know too much about. My wife wont even allow me to carry (though I still do when she isn't around). I been working on her for about a year now. Heck, it took me a few years to even get a gun in the house. She finally told me the other day I could carry as long as she didn't know about it. I guess I am making progress however slow that progress is.

I think letting her find the facts for herself might be the best way to deal. Just keep doing what your doing and one day she will surprise you with a random thought or comment.

I would respect her friends views. I would cover it up at least when they are around so that they don't bug your G/F about it. Nothing is worse than hearing how her friends complain about something you do.

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My Fiance was opposed to having a gun in the house. After several weeks I convinced her to take a concealed carry class with me (which included some time on the range for qualification). After the class she realized that having a gun in the house was probably not a bad idea. I told her we were going to get a gun and she was ok with it. Once we bought our handgunI took her to the range and over about a two week period she became more comfortable with it. I made it a point over that same two week period to also have the gun visible in the house at all times (in the same room we were in). After two weeks, she was used to seeing it and it was not a big deal anymore. However, she was notok with me OC'ing. I waited about another 2 weeks and told her i was going to start carrying the gun in the car (not OC'ing). Again, i needed to start slow so she was used to the idea of carrying the gun in the car. After a week of thatI started OC'ing. She was nervous the first couple of days but after a week of me carrying, she was sold. She now comments to our friends that she feels much safer and that she is looking for her own gun to OC/CC.

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Grif77 wrote:

My Fiance was opposed to having a gun in the house. After several weeks I convinced her to take a concealed carry class with me (which included some time on the range for qualification). After the class she realized that having a gun in the house was probably not a bad idea. I told her we were going to get a gun and she was ok with it. Once we bought our handgunI took her to the range and over about a two week period she became more comfortable with it. I made it a point over that same two week period to also have the gun visible in the house at all times (in the same room we were in). After two weeks, she was used to seeing it and it was not a big deal anymore. However, she was notok with me OC'ing. I waited about another 2 weeks and told her i was going to start carrying the gun in the car (not OC'ing). Again, i needed to start slow so she was used to the idea of carrying the gun in the car. After a week of thatI started OC'ing. She was nervous the first couple of days but after a week of me carrying, she was sold. She now comments to our friends that she feels much safer and that she is looking for her own gun to OC/CC.

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Was she raised around guns? Or was she told guns are evil?

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crazydude6030 wrote:

Grif77 wrote:

My Fiance was opposed to having a gun in the house. After several weeks I convinced her to take a concealed carry class with me (which included some time on the range for qualification). After the class she realized that having a gun in the house was probably not a bad idea. I told her we were going to get a gun and she was ok with it. Once we bought our handgunI took her to the range and over about a two week period she became more comfortable with it. I made it a point over that same two week period to also have the gun visible in the house at all times (in the same room we were in). After two weeks, she was used to seeing it and it was not a big deal anymore. However, she was notok with me OC'ing. I waited about another 2 weeks and told her i was going to start carrying the gun in the car (not OC'ing). Again, i needed to start slow so she was used to the idea of carrying the gun in the car. After a week of thatI started OC'ing. She was nervous the first couple of days but after a week of me carrying, she was sold. She now comments to our friends that she feels much safer and that she is looking for her own gun to OC/CC.

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Was she raised around guns? Or was she told guns are evil?

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Neither...just did not see a need to have a gun in the house. The concealed carry class opened her eyes to a few statistics that got her thinking. Basically in her mind it comes down to this.... If there was ever a life or death situation, she wants the option of defending herself. Since she is 5' tall and 98 lb's, a handgun is probably not a bad option.

She is constantly asking to go to the range on the weekends. The tough part now is getting enough ammo and not breaking the bank. In the past 5 weeks, we have gone through 650 rounds at the range of .45 and 400 rounds of 9mm.

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Grif77 wrote:

Neither...just did not see a need to have a gun in the house. The concealed carry class opened her eyes to a few statistics that got her thinking. Basically in her mind it comes down to this.... If there was ever a life or death situation, she wants the option of defending herself. Since she is 5' tall and 98 lb's, a handgun is probably not a bad option.

She is constantly asking to go to the range on the weekends. The tough part now is getting enough ammo and not breaking the bank. In the past 5 weeks, we have gone through 650 rounds at the range of .45 and 400 rounds of 9mm.

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Interesting.... My wife had never shot a gun until we met. It has taken a lot of work to get her this far (and I mean years of work). She was raised with the "gun are bad" mentality so changing that has been like pulling a truck up a mountain. Right now she feels that people who carry are extremist, paranoid, or simply are trying to make up for something. :banghead:

I tried leaving the gun in its case around in plain sight (and I mean locked up in a case) but I learned quickly that wasn't going to fly. That did nothing more than push her further into her logic. She still refuses to take a class on the subject.

As you can tell, this subject to me is something I am very much interested in. I don't want to start carrying a gun around with out her approval. Keeping peace in the house is just as important as defending it.

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proud_to_serveUSAF wrote:

What I'm asking from y'all is if anyone knows where I can find break in statistics, rape statistics, etc that will help prove my point to her and possibly even her roommates. My goal here is to show them why not have one, just in case. They all seem to think it's a macho thing and no good to them. We've all come across it before. But with the age they are it seems like it proposes more of a challenge to get past their all-knowing, infinite university wisdom. Thanks ahead of time.

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I agree with what ClumsyCandy said, that basically you can't (and shouldn't) force an idea onto someone.

What I have to say here is probably not in *your* best interest, but I don't mean any of it personally. I don't know you.

I think she has more to fear from a boyfriend or husband than she does a random bad guy that she doesn't know at all. I have just seen more violence committed between people who know each other than those who don't. There are just more motives between familiars than with strangers.

If she ever tries to break up with you, she and her roommates would probably be terrified: They know you have a gun. I'm sure she'd change her tune, and start keeping a gun with her, if she learned that *you*, or any boyfriend/husband she ever has, could snap some day.

The only thing is that if you inform her of these things, she might think you're trying to tell her something. In any case, you'd be shooting yourself in the foot. Unfortunately, it's probably the most important reason she should be packing heat.

Give this one a read... from the University of Texas:
http://www.utexas.edu/features/2005/murder/index.html

And the following statistics aren't real or verifiable. They're just funny:
http://www.funny2.com/odds.htm

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To the OP in particular:

The Cornered Cat makes excellent reading, maybe you can pick up some suggestions there. http://www.corneredcat.com/ Written by a female too.

I highly recommend Armed and Female by Paxton Quigley (a former pacifist)
Its out of print but still avail. here - http://www.paxtonquigley.com/
I've read it several times and recommend it to men and women alike.

A quote from Paxton's bio - http://www.paxtonquigley.com/whois_paxton.html

"If you're a woman, I want to encourage and inspire you to step out of character, abandon age-old bonds of male dependence, and break free from the powerlessness, fear and depression that has plagued our gender for so long.

If you're a woman reading this, chances are the men in your life have already tried to make you more pro-active in personal safety --- because they love you and care about you. They may feel an old-fashioned responsibility to protect you wherever you go - but of course, that's no longer appropriate nor practical."

Yata hey

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Grapeshot wrote:

They may feel an old-fashioned responsibility to protect you wherever you go - but of course, that's no longer appropriate nor practical."

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Pfft! I'll still feel that responsibility regardless of how impractical or inappropriate someone on the 'net thinks it might be. My wife & children are more than important enough for me want to deal with any sort of 'inappropriate' or 'impractical obligations / responsibility'.

Responsibility to one's loved ones is never old-fashioned.

(Note: Not a slam against you Grapeshot, just voicing my disagreement with Paxton's sentiment you had quoted)

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darthmord wrote:

Grapeshot wrote:

They may feel an old-fashioned responsibility to protect you wherever you go - but of course, that's no longer appropriate nor practical."

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Pfft! I'll still feel that responsibility regardless of how impractical or inappropriate someone on the 'net thinks it might be. My wife & children are more than important enough for me want to deal with any sort of 'inappropriate' or 'impractical obligations / responsibility'.

Responsibility to one's loved ones is never old-fashioned.

(Note: Not a slam against you Grapeshot, just voicing my disagreement with Paxton's sentiment you had quoted)

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Didn't take any offense - I agree with you.

I think Paxton's point is that with women in the work place, shopping alone and being "independent," they (women) need to step up and increase their level of personal responsibility. I agree with that too.

I really doubt seriously that Paxton intended any slur on such old fashion ideas as chivalry.

Yata hey

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richarcm wrote:

I've met or heard of I dont know how many women who were either anti-gun or liberal and they "saw the light" because they met a conservative guy who after months or years convinced her that she was wrong.

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My favorite way to tease a friend of mine I've known for about two years: "Weren't you a communist when I met you?"

This is usually after she goes on a Capitalist and/or Libertarian rant for a few seconds. :lol:

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Grif77 wrote:

Since she is 5' tall and 98 lb's, a handgun is probably not a bad option.

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I've seen how tall you are. I guess opposites attract. My dad was 6'3" and my mom 5'2" so go figure.

My marriage was fairly rocky and I thought it best NOT to have a gun in the house. That plus fear of kids finding them,kept me from getting one. Both of us actually discussed it and agreed not to have one for the time being. So after our divorce when I got my first gun my ex started thinking about it too. A month later I was helping her select her first gun and keep encouraging her to go get the CHP.

Not many ex-husband want a gun in their ex-wives hands let alone help them buy them. I guess I have a death-wish.:lol:

Part of the reason we OC is to expose the general public to "healthy law abiding individuals" that have a gun. The more good people with a gun the better. As the initial fear leaves they can then discuss the issues and decide for themselves if they want to join the ranks of gun owners.

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This isn't C'ville, but at least it might shed some light on some of the stuff that goes down on campus: http://www.collegiatetimes.com/cms/site/crime/#09-0024

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My girlfriend is a recent transplant from Montana. She recently moved into an awesome house in the middle of the woods with 3 other girls in their early 20's. The first thing she asked me was "do you have an extra shotgun laying around?" She now has a 12 gauge and a box of shells in her bedroom

Whenever we're out she taps my hip to make sure I'm carrying... I knew there was a reason I loved this girl.

And about the friends... Take them shooting. They'll be scared at first, but they'll be loving it after a few shots. Works best with "angry" loking guns, think ARs, black 12ga shotguns, anything like that. Some of my most liberal female friends ask me all the time to go shooting again. They've all thoroughly enjoyed it.

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leprechaun117 wrote:

My girlfriend is a recent transplant from Montana. She recently moved into an awesome house in the middle of the woods with 3 other girls in their early 20's. The first thing she asked me was "do you have an extra shotgun laying around?" She now has a 12 gauge and a box of shells in her bedroom

Whenever we're out she taps my hip to make sure I'm carrying... I knew there was a reason I loved this girl.

And about the friends... Take them shooting. They'll be scared at first, but they'll be loving it after a few shots. Works best with "angry" loking guns, think ARs, black 12ga shotguns, anything like that. Some of my most liberal female friends ask me all the time to go shooting again. They've all thoroughly enjoyed it.

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Take a liberal to the range and leave with a conservative. :lol:

I have had it happen more than once; not every time but enough to cause me to still be doing it. Sometimes the change is small, but always noticeable.

Yata hey

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Trying to convince a girlfriend is always difficult; statistics are only good for so much.

The real problem with someone who feels uncomfortable around firearms and who thinks they don't have to worry much about crime isn't statistics, it's a sense of innocence and a fear of becoming paranoid. She likely thinks of youas a little paranoid; this is a word that gets tossed at me often when I talk to my...less pro-gun...friends and the subject comes up. Most of her friends and family don't carry, so to her carrying is still a bit out of the norm. This is true for many people who aren't really antigun, but aren't really pro-gun, either.

Something that goes through the heads of many gunowners at some point is the idea of personal responsibility and independence; taking charge of your own life and not leaving the job of protecting it up to others. For many of us who grew up without firearms around it was the spark of this idea that finally motivated us to arm ourselves, since keeping and bearing arms is a sign of self-reliance.

Statistics didn't do it for us, it was the realization of what liberty and self-reliance really means that did it. As with us, so with your girl. If and when she realizes that she is the one who is in charge of her own life and destiny, that is when she will seriously consider arming herself.

Of course, you cannot force this idea on her any more than you can statistics, but you can bring the subject up from time to time in conversation, and let her know the roots of your beliefs (you'll have to have had that conversation sooner or later if she's a keeper anyway). Hopefully, the light will come on over her head one of these days.