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Thread: trying to convince wife...

  1. #1
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    hello to all, this is my first post here after been a regular reader to the site for some time now. since i moved to VA, i have opened carried on a regular basis, MUCH to my wife's dismay and "annoyingness." i have my CWP but i choose to open carry for many reasons both political and personal. however, my wife ABSOLUTELY HATES when i carry openly. i'm just wondering if anyone has any suggestions i can give or show my wife to try and convince her that i am not a "scary man with a gun" and that it is in fact a perfectly normal thing to do. i want her to see what i'm seeing, but i can't think of any ways to do it. any help is appreciated. thanks!



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    Smack her upside the head and drag her by her hair back into the kitchen.:P

    Okay don't do that, now I am gonna get smacked. Just try showing her this forum. A good bet would be to take her to any open carry events, be they picnics or protests or whatever. Maybe seeing other people openly carrying and all the unarmed people around them whom it obviously doesn't bother will at least help her be more comfortable with the idea.
    Malo Periculosam Libertatem Quam Quietum Servitium

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    Welcome to the forum btw...
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    Just keep OC'ing. She's bound to get over it eventually.

    Yu might try giving her a choice. Either you OC, or take a mistress.

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    RebelHell wrote:
    Smack her upside the head and drag her by her hair back into the kitchen.:P

    Okay don't do that, now I am gonna get smacked. Just try showing her this forum. A good bet would be to take her to any open carry events, be they picnics or protests or whatever. Maybe seeing other people openly carrying and all the unarmed people around them whom it obviously doesn't bother will at least help her be more comfortable with the idea.
    Owww I just told my fiance that first line and got smacked. lol
    New to OPEN CARRY in California? Click and read this first...
    Stolen from ConditionThree because it can't be stressed enough.

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    Don't worry I got smacked too. :? So much for a sense of humor.
    Malo Periculosam Libertatem Quam Quietum Servitium

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    thanks for the advice guys haha. i think she's slowly starting to accept it...hopefully its just a matter of time.

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    wjxavier wrote:
    hello to all, this is my first post here after been a regular reader to the site for some time now. since i moved to VA, i have opened carried on a regular basis, MUCH to my wife's dismay and "annoyingness." i have my CWP but i choose to open carry for many reasons both political and personal. however, my wife ABSOLUTELY HATES when i carry openly. i'm just wondering if anyone has any suggestions i can give or show my wife to try and convince her...that it is in fact a perfectly normal thing to do. i want her to see what i'm seeing, but i can't think of any ways to do it. any help is appreciated. thanks!
    Well, one thing is for sure. In most contexts in this country (and even in Virginia), it is decidedly not normal behavior to OC. So, it's probably going to be extremely hard to convince someone that it is.

    The more relevant point is that OC is an acceptable and legal behavior.

    And prudent, too, for many reasons.

    With regard to normality, I think you might make the case that OC will eventually be "normal" and that it is now in the early stages of diffusion. That's a debatable proposition but it is much much better than saying it already is "normal."

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    Well hell, just tell her HankT says it isn't normal. That should be enough to convince anyone.
    Malo Periculosam Libertatem Quam Quietum Servitium

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    Normal can be soooo boring.

    "Normal" is also very subjective.

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    wjxavier,

    You might want to invest in protective head gear.

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    I've had the same problem. My wife is slowly coming around to it too. I OC when I'm not with her and CC when I am. Recently she's begun to walk when she gets home from work and wants me to go. The problem is because of school, we never know what time that will be. Most often it's at night. I definately carry then. The problem with CC and excersise is it's near impossible to do. At first she didn't like me having it, but when we had a scare one night, dog in the woods coming towards us, she decided then and there she had no problems with me carrying when we walk.

    Still haven't gotten her use to me carrying anywhere else, but when I come in the door, holstered firearm, and do house work or anything else that needs to be done she kind of has to deal with it. She knows I carry in public and I have yet to be arrested so my thought is that "if I don't get arrested when I'm alone, why would I be arrested when I'm with my wife?"

    More or less it just take time and reassurance that it's not illegal, embarrasing, or a problem.

  13. #13
    Regular Member Riana's Avatar
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    Task Force 16 wrote:

    wjxavier,

    You might want to invest in protective head gear.
    +1, if you listen to these guys.

    rmansu2 wrote:
    I've had the same problem. My wife is slowly coming around to it too. I OC when I'm not with her and CC when I am. Recently she's begun to walk when she gets home from work and wants me to go. The problem is because of school, we never know what time that will be. Most often it's at night. I definately carry then. The problem with CC and excersise is it's near impossible to do. At first she didn't like me having it, but when we had a scare one night, dog in the woods coming towards us, she decided then and there she had no problems with me carrying when we walk.

    Still haven't gotten her use to me carrying anywhere else, but when I come in the door, holstered firearm, and do house work or anything else that needs to be done she kind of has to deal with it. She knows I carry in public and I have yet to be arrested so my thought is that "if I don't get arrested when I'm alone, why would I be arrested when I'm with my wife?"

    More or less it just take time and reassurance that it's not illegal, embarrasing, or a problem.
    My husband was a bit leary when I got my CHP and started carrying more regularly (we live near a school - CHP was a must). I go walking several times a week - always carrying. I do shopping and errands - always carrying. And if I arm in the morning, I don't disarm unless required to go to the school, having a glass of wine/beer/whatever, or going to bed. If we go out, I OC, and he usually doesn't notice. I've asked him if he minded me carrying, and he's finally decided it's OK.

    It just takes time.

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    Regular Member Harper1227's Avatar
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    Task Force 16 wrote:
    Just keep OC'ing. She's bound to get over it eventually.

    Yu might try giving her a choice. Either you OC, or take a mistress.
    No offense TF16, but that is a horrible idea. not even talking about the mistress comment which i am sure is a joke, right? please say yes . Butjust the general she'll get over it- not a good plan.

    as a wife that acted the same way as the OP's wife. the best thing to do is show her the forum, go to OC events and even better show her the self defense blogs. like clayton cramer, etc.

    Once i started reading those and realized gun owners aren't the 'crazies' i thought they (now we) are, it became an important issue for me too.

    if you want, you can come out with me and hubby and let her experience OC for herself. or talk to other women about it.

    WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT TRY TO FORCE IT ON HER!

    if she doesnt change her mind, let it go. explain to her that it is your responsibility as a husband, father, minister, god-fearing American (whatever works for you) to protect yourself and those you love. and that while you understand it bothers her, she has to respect that it would bother YOU even more not to carry.

    in time she will get it, or she wont.

  15. #15
    Regular Member Harper1227's Avatar
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    HankT wrote:
    wjxavier wrote:
    hello to all, this is my first post here after been a regular reader to the site for some time now. since i moved to VA, i have opened carried on a regular basis, MUCH to my wife's dismay and "annoyingness." i have my CWP but i choose to open carry for many reasons both political and personal. however, my wife ABSOLUTELY HATES when i carry openly. i'm just wondering if anyone has any suggestions i can give or show my wife to try and convince her...that it is in fact a perfectly normal thing to do. i want her to see what i'm seeing, but i can't think of any ways to do it. any help is appreciated. thanks!
    Well, one thing is for sure. In most contexts in this country (and even in Virginia), it is decidedly not normal behavior to OC. So, it's probably going to be extremely hard to convince someone that it is.

    The more relevant point is that OC is an acceptable and legal behavior.

    And prudent, too, for many reasons.

    With regard to normality, I think you might make the case that OC will eventually be "normal" and that it is now in the early stages of diffusion. That's a debatable proposition but it is much much better than saying it already is "normal."
    Dont worry about what is normal. think about what is right and legal. As long as you are safe, aware,and responsible then that is all you need to worry about.

  16. #16
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    Sorry - also, Welcome.



    feel free to PM me and we can plan a NOVA OC dinner for you and the wifey.

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    Harper1227 wrote:
    Sorry - also, Welcome.



    feel free to PM me and we can plan a NOVA OC dinner for you and the wifey.
    This is a great way to break the ice and help her feel more comfortable.

    In the final seconds of your life, just before your killer is about to dispatch you to that great eternal darkness, what would you rather have in your hand? A cell phone or a gun?

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    Agree with Harper1227 you have to let a person, particularly a spouse come to OC'g on their own terms; may never happen, may happen in 30-days, but it has to be of their own doing.

    Quick question - is the SO trained in firearms...? You didn't mention if she is active in shooting with you (range, shows, events, etc). If she is not active, you may want to start her off there... once she gets the "bug" she'll come around faster, or at least understand your position better.

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    i honestly can never see my wife shooting much of anything other than a BB gun. i've tried to get her to go to the range with me before, but she never wants to and i really don't want to push that on her. i just want her to understand that it's ok for me to OC in public.
    regardless, harper, i might just take you up on that offer some day. i'm actually thinking about going to a fredericksburg dinner soon and hopefully the wife will be able to come with me on that one. hopefully...if not, then we can all plan one for farther up north. hows that sound to everyone?

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    Harper1227 wrote:
    Task Force 16 wrote:
    Just keep OC'ing. She's bound to get over it eventually.

    Yu might try giving her a choice. Either you OC, or take a mistress.
    No offense TF16, but that is a horrible idea. not even talking about the mistress comment which i am sure is a joke, right? please say yes . Butjust the general she'll get over it- not a good plan.
    Yeah, Harper, it was meant as a joke. I'm sure such an ultimatum would result in an iron skillet up side the head....repeatedly. :what:

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    I usally beat her down [not literally of course] with statistics. More guns=less crime.

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    i used scenario talk to convince my fiance.

    i gave her two options and two outcomes

    i said say we are walking through the park after dinner, and are approached by two armed men who want to rob me, and rape you.

    the two outcomes are simply this.

    #1 being a Marine, i could attempt to fight them both, disarm them both, wich in all honesty could work, or i could be severely injured in the process, or die, leaving your life and safety for them to decide on. *i explained this is much more vivid and disgusting deail*

    #2 i carry, either open or concealed, and when they approach us, i draw and fire four rounds, double tapping both in the chest and stoping the situation right there in under 5 seconds. i live , you live, you dont have to watch me die trying to save your life.

    it took her 4 seconds of biting her lip to say "i would rather have you carry .baby"......sometimes the blut honest and un-friendly truth works the best.

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    i attempted to tell her that, even in the most vivid gruesome detail i could. shes being a stubborn polack...im slowly widdling her down though... i'll eventually get through.

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    no offense to your wife intended whatsoever in this but sometimes even when you tell people the horrible truths of things........they stay in thier own mind that the world is a perfect place and bad things cant happen to them. but i do have to say if you get through to her, your doing her a great service friend, and possibly saving her life :-)



    +20 for effort :-)

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    i know, my dad has said the same thing to his wife before...i've said the EXACT same thing...they just don't understand. and probably never will until something like that happens to them. i almost want to stage something with one of my buddies, like have him run up and try to rob us or hurt us...and have an UNLOADED gun (unbenounced to her) and "save us" in her eyes. maybe that will open her eyes a little bit...haha just an idea.

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