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Thread: My little sister and a firearm.

  1. #1
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    Hello all, I know I haven't been around the forum lately, I've been too busy to post lately and just browse once in awhile... but anyhow...

    My little sister called me yesterday, asking for help in buying a hand-gun. She just turned 21 years old, and so far as I know, she has always been a responsible, level-headed, decent human being.

    So why do I have these feelings that I don't want my little sister to have a gun?

    I don't really know how to handle this as I am torn between helping her as much as I can, or advising her to not buy a gun.

    I have given her some info just to help her decide if she really wants and can handle a gun, and I would trust her with my life for sure.... but I just can't get past the 'little sister' thing... Am I a total hypocrite? I really believe that gun ownership is not our right as Americans, it's our responsibility. If it was someone else's sister I would help them for sure...

    Even though my family consists mainly of gun-nuts, most of the females never really got into it. She told me " I want to buy a pink gun, Rob, can you help me?

    that so far is her determining factor in gun choice (I already lectured her and told her that if she gets the right gun for her, it can be made to be pink)


    I really don't know what I'm asking for in this post other than some advice... Of any online community, I value the opinions of people here the most.

    Have you been in this situation? People with no sisters, how does it look to you? If you are a person with sisters, how do you feel?


    Thanks in advance for the advice and points-of-view.

    The good thing is... she said "I like that .357 you have... I think that's what I want"
    (referring to my python) so at least she has naturally good taste

    Good luck finding a python tho


    -SPONGE

  2. #2
    Regular Member Sonora Rebel's Avatar
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    As a woman... she prob'ly has more need for a gun for self defense than you do.

    Forget the 'pink' crap. These aren't fashion statements to be 'cute'... 'n nobody'd want a 'pink' gun anyway if she sold it on an upgrade later on. Best bet would be a DA wheelgun in at least .38 or .357 snub nose. Original 'point and click' interface. Get some Hogge or Pachmyer grips on it 'cause the snubbies kick a bit much for their grip size.

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    Regular Member Bikenut's Avatar
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    I can help solve your dilemma with one question...

    How would you feel if you convinced your sister to not get a gun......... and one night she desperately needed it?

    Please take her out to a range that rents guns and let her shoot a bunch of different guns in different calibers.... and suggest she get the one she shoots the best.

    Oh... Yooperlady loves her pink S&W...
    Gun control isn't about the gun at all.... for those who want gun control it is all about their own fragile egos, their own lack of self esteem, their own inner fears, and most importantly... their own desire to dominate others. And an openly carried gun is a slap in the face to all of those things.

  4. #4
    Regular Member Sonora Rebel's Avatar
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    Bikenut wrote:
    I can help solve your dilemma with one question...

    How would you feel if you convinced your sister to not get a gun......... and one night she desperately needed it?

    Please take her out to a range that rents guns and let her shoot a bunch of different guns in different calibers.... and suggest she get the one she shoots the best.
    + 100

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    I am blessed enough that my family has our own rifle range, and a whole array of different firearms in different calibers.

    I know I know, she may very well need it to save her life, I think I am gonna tell her I won't help unless she takes a class from a certified instructor.

    It's not just about her having a gun when she needs it.. It's about whetheer or not she will be able to access draw, and operate it properly. I don't know how to get her to really think about what it would be like to have to shoot someone, maybe repeatedly, and have the training and self control to make sure her gun would never become a threat to her or her child. I feel like if my sister had a gun and I was the bad guy, she would not be able to retain her firearm against me in a struggle, even with training. I dunnnnoo GAaaaaaaah it sucks. I have been trying to teach her about the color-threat-level. I dunno how to handle this. Maybe I am the wrong person, because of my close personal connection with her. At the same time, if I don't help and she gets hurt.... Or if I do help and she gets hurt...

    I know deep down that she really should have one and the training to use it...

    Anyone know any good, reputable instructors that give like intro handgun/firearm training?



  6. #6
    Regular Member Dreamer's Avatar
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    Spongebob,

    I'm sort of in a similar situation with my stepdaughter. She is very enthusiastic about learning how to shoot, and I'm doing my best to train her with shotgun and pistol, but right now she says she doesn't want to carry. I'm wondering how I'll feel if she decides next that she does. On one hand, I think it would be a very good idea--she's small (5'1", 100#) and she takes a few evening classes so she is often out very late, but on th eother hand, she is my stepdaughter, and I'd hate to think she might be in a gunfight someday...

    But I would rather, if some BG tried to attack her in som dark parking lot, that she DID have a pistol, than not. When it comes down to it, women probably DO have even more reason to carry than we men. Especially with the holiday season approaching, and the economy being as bad as it is. I have a feeling that this year, we're going to see a spike in the amount of "shopping-related mugging and robbery"...

    If you talk her out of carrying, and something bad DOES happen, you wont be able to live with yourself. It's her decision, and if she wants to carry, she's already proven that she is wel on her way to having the correct mindset.

    Advise her well. Train her right. You won't be sorry.

    I haven't seen a used Colt Python in a shop in years, but one of the pawn shops here in Washington had a pristine Colt Anaconda in .357, with a 4" bbl in their case the other day. It was sort of pricey (about $1200), but like I said, it was in nearly factory-new condition...
    It is our cause to dispel the foggy thinking which avoids hard decisions in the delusion that a world of conflict will somehow mysteriously resolve itself into a world of harmony, if we just don't rock the boat or irritate the forces of aggression—and this is hogwash."
    --Barry Goldwater, 1964

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    Sonora Rebel wrote:
    Best bet would be a DA wheelgun in at least .38 or .357 snub nose. Original 'point and click' interface.
    So a woman's not smart enough to use a semi-automatic?
    Quote Originally Posted by Open Carry.org Member View Post
    I really disgree with this one! That means that we can have any yahoo running around with a gun with out the proper training. This really scares the hell out of me. Just my two-cents!
    Quote Originally Posted by KansasMustang View Post
    Joe Schmedlap out there with a loaded weapon thinking he's going to deter crime and he's not even trained to fire his weapon safely just kinda makes my hair on the back of my neck stand up.

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    Really, guys, you love your women, you want no harm to come to them. It is not the police's job to protect them, nor do we really want that to be the case. In truth, you yourselves can't always be there to protect them, even if it could be so.

    What options do we have? What other choice can we make?

    We love our women, and want no harm to come to them. Can we do anything other than our honest best to help them acquire the skills and tools they need to protect themselves?

    In addition to helping your sister acquire a sidearm and teaching her how and when to use it, you might consider turning her on to a RAD http://www.rad-systems.com/ course in your areas (or comparable training). My wife says RAD is #2 on her self-defense list (behind her beloved Sig. and in front of her maybe-not-as much-beloved husband), and more likely applicable to more commonly-encountered situations.

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    Songebob,

    After reading your post, I'm not sure if you lack confidence, 1)in your little sistersability to learnto defend herself with a gun, or 2) your own capability to train her yourself.

    If it's the later, then by all means get someone else to train her.

    If you have doubts about your sisters ability to defend herself, you need to get over it. You have no more gaurantee of being able to successfully defend yourself with a firearm than your little sister will, no matter how much training is received. None of us do.Carrying ahandgun merely gives us a fighting chance in the event of a violant assault.

    What matters most is our desire to survive an assault, and how we prepare ourselves for such an event.

    We are always going to worry about the safety of our loved ones, whether they are armed or not. Don't let that concern rule your life.

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    Regular Member Sonora Rebel's Avatar
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    catass wrote:
    Sonora Rebel wrote:
    Best bet would be a DA wheelgun in at least .38 or .357 snub nose. Original 'point and click' interface.
    So a woman's not smart enough to use a semi-automatic?
    Most women can't jack the slide or operate the thumb safety easily. They don't have the finger grip strength. My wife 'n sis-in-law among 'em. (Plus other women I've known)

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    I have no sisters but I think it is wrong for you to have reservations about it.

    I think you should embrace it and utilize the enthusiasm to train her as well as you can.

    We need as many pro-gun allies as we can get, especially female ones seeing as how they are seemingly under represented!

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    Spongebob wrote:
    <SNIP>
    Maybe I am the wrong person, because of my close personal connection with her. <SNIP>
    I think you may have hit the nail on the head with this statement!

    Nothing against you personally, (I don't even know you, or anything about you) but it is often best for an outsider to be the one to introduce someone to guns, rather than their significant other/close relative/etc... It is a matter of simply being too close to the situation or the other person... It is good that your sister respects you and your opinion enough to ask you, but maybe your best response would be to ask a friend of yours to help her. I have taught many of my friend's so's/sisters/etc, and have been fortunate enough to be able to teach my sisters and help them with their decisions as well!
    You may also suggest an intermediate step for your sister, as I did with mine... Suggest that she start by carrying a tazer! That helped my sister a lot as it was 'non lethal' and thus she was more than willing to use it if necessary rather than (my) fear that she would hesitate to actually pull the trigger!

    Hope this helps.

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    Regular Member Bikenut's Avatar
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    I'd like to address the misconception that a snub nose revolver is the best choice as a carry gun for women.

    To begin... ease of operation is often mentioned as a plus for women because revolvers lack an external safety so it is a "point and pull the trigger" tool. However, there are quite a few double action only semi auto's out there that do not have an external safety and are also a "point and pull the trigger" tool.

    Difficulty in racking the slide of a semi auto is also often mentioned yet not all women have this problem... and there are some semi auto's out there that are easier than others to rack the slide.

    What it really boils down to is women are the same as men when it comes to choosing which gun is best for them....

    Which ever gun works the best for the person (male or female)... regardless of configuration, physical size, or caliber... is the best gun for them.

    I have seen many men tell their women which gun the woman should have, or simply buy it and hand it to her telling her this one is best for you, for what ever reasons the man has.... and the woman absolutely detests that particular gun because it isn't what she can use the best. And that gun is left home instead of being carried. I wish I had one dollar for every guy I told to take their lady to a range that rents guns... and get the gun the lady likes the best regardless of what the guy thinks of it.... even if it is pink!
    Gun control isn't about the gun at all.... for those who want gun control it is all about their own fragile egos, their own lack of self esteem, their own inner fears, and most importantly... their own desire to dominate others. And an openly carried gun is a slap in the face to all of those things.

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    Lone Star Veteran Gator5713's Avatar
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    Very good points Bikenut, and I have one to add about wheelguns!
    DA revolver triggers have a fairly heavy pull! Yeah, the SA pull is light, but slower than just pulling... One of my sisters decided on a .357/.38 revolver, but she can only manage to squeeze the trigger 3 or 4 times (DA) before her hand is too tired!
    Her BF is the one that taught her, and helped her pick out her gun...
    My other sis; I taught, I took her to the local indoor range and picked her first gun (a big, heavy .38) just to get her over the fear of the 'kick'! After that, she guided the choices. Unfortunately, she likes the Glock! But, to each their own.

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    catass wrote:
    Sonora Rebel wrote:
    Best bet would be a DA wheelgun in at least .38 or .357 snub nose. Original 'point and click' interface.
    So a woman's not smart enough to use a semi-automatic?
    I guess next your going to tell me she can do a pitaki take off and draw on the move while working a semi auto ??? ( I would think you are right if you do )



    Women do very well if some guy isn`t putting stupid ideas in their minds. I do see maybe ...that is maybe just a little bit more problem with recoil / blast with women shooters. Not all , just some of them. My wife much prefers a 9mm to a .40 even when shooting 9mm out of a 19 and .40 out of the next size up pistol the 22 Glock.

    Only my opinion but I would suggest a Glock or Smith M&P in 9mm , Smith even has one with some pink on it.







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    Spongebob wrote:
    I am blessed enough that my family has our own rifle range, and a whole array of different firearms in different calibers.

    I know I know, she may very well need it to save her life, I think I am gonna tell her I won't help unless she takes a class from a certified instructor.

    It's not just about her having a gun when she needs it.. It's about whetheer or not she will be able to access draw, and operate it properly. I don't know how to get her to really think about what it would be like to have to shoot someone, maybe repeatedly, and have the training and self control to make sure her gun would never become a threat to her or her child. I feel like if my sister had a gun and I was the bad guy, she would not be able to retain her firearm against me in a struggle, even with training. I dunnnnoo GAaaaaaaah it sucks. I have been trying to teach her about the color-threat-level. I dunno how to handle this. Maybe I am the wrong person, because of my close personal connection with her. At the same time, if I don't help and she gets hurt.... Or if I do help and she gets hurt...

    I know deep down that she really should have one and the training to use it...

    Anyone know any good, reputable instructors that give like intro handgun/firearm training?

    Why does she say she wants the gun?

    Does she plan to carry it? OC?

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    Campaign Veteran marshaul's Avatar
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    Spongebob wrote:
    I am blessed enough that my family has our own rifle range, and a whole array of different firearms in different calibers.

    I know I know, she may very well need it to save her life, I think I am gonna tell her I won't help unless she takes a class from a certified instructor.

    It's not just about her having a gun when she needs it.. It's about whetheer or not she will be able to access draw, and operate it properly. I don't know how to get her to really think about what it would be like to have to shoot someone, maybe repeatedly, and have the training and self control to make sure her gun would never become a threat to her or her child.Â* I feel like if my sister had a gun and I was the bad guy, she would not be able to retain her firearm against me in a struggle, even with training. I dunnnnoo GAaaaaaaah it sucks. I have been trying to teach her about the color-threat-level. I dunno how to handle this. Maybe I am the wrong person, because of my close personal connection with her. At the same time, if I don't help and she gets hurt.... Or if I do help and she gets hurt...

    I know deep down that she really should have one and the training to use it...

    Anyone know any good, reputable instructors that give like intro handgun/firearm training?

    Â*
    I think you place too much emphasis on "training".

    Most people have no problem pulling the trigger when it's their own lives on the line, and they're more scared than they've ever been before.

    I bet your sister could shoot you before you approached to disarm her. :P

    In my opinion, as long as she understand LOADED MUZZLE TRIGGER TARGET, and knows how operate her weapon, then she's safer with it than without. From that point, "training" is just enhancement.

    One may need to "train" to become a world class race driver, but how hard is it for your sister to use a car to move her self about more efficiently?

    If you trust her to operate a car, you should trust her to operate a gun, I would think.

  18. #18
    Regular Member okboomer's Avatar
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    First: Sponge, get over yourself as regards whether or not your sister needs/should have a gun. She asked, it is her choice/decision. If you cannot help her as she asked, man up and tell her she needs to find someone else (preferrably you refer her to a certified instructor.) If you can help her, do so with full honesty as you would aman. Otherwise, you are making her into a second class citizen. Also, send her to www.womenandguns.com where she will have mentors that understand her issues and concerns whether she CC's or not.

    Second: Sonora, making comments like this, "Most women can't jack the slide or operate the thumb safety easily. They don't have the finger grip strength. My wife 'n sis-in-law among 'em. (Plus other women I've known)" are insulting and derrogatory. I have no problem jacking the slide or operating the thumb safety on any of the three guns I carry or the two other semi-auto's I own. However, when new, the operation required me to adjust to the stiffness of operation which loosened up after several hundred rounds down range. I also started with a smaller gun and moved up as I developed muscles and learned techniques to offset my smaller frame and different musculature.

    Third: I have seen men that couldn't rack a slide, operate a thumb safety, limp wrist, nor hit the broad side of a barn the first few times they shot a pistol. Seems to me that not being able to accomplish these things is an equal opportunity operator malfunction.

    I realize there is a lot of testosterone floating around this forum, but really...

    I generally shoot "expert" with a pistol and am an even better shot with a long gun, but have only been shooting a pistol for the past 3 years. As with any other skill, it takes time and practice and dedication to become proficient.

    Sponge, please consider the impact your opinion and behavior might have on your sister's attitude towards guns and her own sense of worth in the future. Yes, you are her big brother and you protected her in the past, but she is an adult woman now and should not have to depend on you for her protection when she is capable of doing so for herself. As her big brother, you should help her develop into a strong, capable adult woman. You might want to visit www.womenandguns.com and see how a cross-section of American women feel and deal with guns and gun ownership/carrying every day.
    cheers - okboomer
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    catass wrote:
    Sonora Rebel wrote:
    Best bet would be a DA wheelgun in at least .38 or .357 snub nose. Original 'point and click' interface.
    So a woman's not smart enough to use a semi-automatic?
    My small, but surprisingly strong, girlfriend has trouble working the slide on many mid to large-frame semi-autos. However, she has absolutely no problem pulling a 12lb trigger. I doubt she'd carry a semi-auto locked and cocked, so in a fight or die or get raped situation, I'd prefer her to have a DA revolver, and still be a trigger-pull away.

    Sonora, these can be purchased from at least 2 manufacturers in factory pink, both +p rated. S&W offers a .38 with pink grip, and Charter Arms makes "The Pink Lady" in .38 sp with a pink aluminum frame. They also make a "Lavender Lady", as I found out today, when my girlfriend fell in love with it at a local gun show. After I buy it for her, if she ever tires of it, it'll go in my safe and be a nifty conversation piece at the range.

  20. #20
    Founder's Club Member protias's Avatar
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    Me being single and 27, I can help her. Of course, me being single or 27 is neither here nor there. :P
    No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. Thomas Jefferson (1776)

    If you go into a store, with a gun, and rob it, you have forfeited your right to not get shot - Joe Deters, Hamilton County (Cincinnati) Prosecutor

    I ask sir, what is the militia? It is the whole people except for a few politicians. - George Mason (father of the Bill of Rights and The Virginia Declaration of Rights)

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    Regular Member okboomer's Avatar
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    .40 Cal's hand w/EMP 9mm:





    My hand w/EMP 9mm for demonstration of why women might have trouble racking a slide or operating the thumb safety:


    cheers - okboomer
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    ok everyone, thanks for the responses and opinions.

    Bikenut, good points. as usual with you

    Also task force, and gaor, good advice. Yea I think the biggest wrench in the whole situation is ME. I really do need to get over my self and my whole "Big Brother" mentality. You guys are right. I know that my sister is a very smart woman, and I also know that for many years now, I have led by example. The whole issue stems from me wanting her and my niece to be safe. I'd rather be slightly uncomfortable about her possesing a pistol, than mourning her loss.





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    Spongebob wrote:
    ok everyone, thanks for the responses and opinions.

    Bikenut, good points. as usual with you

    Also task force, and gaor, good advice. Yea I think the biggest wrench in the whole situation is ME. I really do need to get over my self and my whole "Big Brother" mentality. You guys are right. I know that my sister is a very smart woman, and I also know that for many years now, I have led by example. The whole issue stems from me wanting her and my niece to be safe. I'd rather be slightly uncomfortable about her possesing a pistol, than mourning her loss.



    Glad we could help.

    Now just remember, You can't be with her 24/7 to protect her. She will need to be able to protect herself and your neice.

  24. #24
    Regular Member sudden valley gunner's Avatar
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    I got my wife who is 5'4" ( well almost ) S&W compact 9 m&p, she loves it you can change grips for comfort. But she finds it a little large for purse carry, and she's is not into having to open carry ( not against it, just clashes with what she wears normally). I looked at LCP, she didn't like how small it was, but some members in Washington swear by the Bersa .380, I looked at it and it seems to fit the bill, not so small it will get lost in her bag, but some good heft and nice solid feel to it, and the safety etc. are all in reasonable reach for smaller/feminine hands.

    Glad you are concerned about her safety, probably one reason she turned to you, don't let her down, and help her out.
    I am not anti Cop I am just pro Citizen.

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    rights, due to ignorance." (Paraphrased)

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    To the OP. I can understand some of your worries. However, you should be glad that your sister realizes the importance of protecting herself and family. You should also feel honored that she came to you. I have a sister that just turned 16 and I hope that when she sets off for college that she will ask me the same question.

    Also, I tend to echo most people's feelings about the fairer sex and autos. Some slides are easier to work. When I was 21 and bought my first couple fo autos, some of them gave me hell in working the slide. Practice and breaking in the gun does allieviate this though.

    I recently met a girl that is outstanding on all levels. Right now she is staying in a 1 bedroom apartment with a couple of poodles. Before you laugh, number 1, the dogs are cool, and number 2, one of them is full sized and protective of her. She lives in a nice apartment complex but there have been issues of doors being kicked in, granted they were domestic issues, but still it's cause to pause. Since I care about her and can't be there 24/7 I decided to arm her. I brought my Sig Pro to her place one night and went over some basics with her. After a few tries she was working the slideno problem.

    Our plan is to take our CC class together at the start of next year. Lol, then we will go out and pick out her pink gun as well. We just may have to go shopping at a gun store I don't go to often to get the pink pistol. However, if one of the reasons she will carry it will be because of it's color, then so be it. The main thing is that she gets used to having one and practice with it. I am taking her for some range time as soon as we have some time on a weekend. Maybe you should take some classes with your sister? One can never have too much training after all. That way you can let a 3rd party take over on the training but she will have a familiar face with her and not get the feeling that she's being thrown to the wolves.

    And when she goes shopping, try to be there with her. Remember, you are not going there to decide what she wants. Sometimes the guys at a gun shop will try to only talk to the man when they see a man and woman together. I've seen this first hand beforewhen selecting a weapon for my ex. Make sure that they answer HER questions. You're just there for support and to offer opinions.

    Just be there for her. It sounds like you are surprised by her enthusiasm. It's a good thing though. LolI know I was exstatic when my gf refered to the Sig I left with her as a "weapon". Hopefully you'll be able to take some comfort in her being armed. I know that right now I feel better knowing that, God forbid, ifmy girl should need to defend herself, that she at least has the means to. God knows I love her.



    -Gruu

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