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Thread: Somali Pirate cruises

  1. #1
    Regular Member DEROS72's Avatar
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    [size=]



    L u x u r y C r u i s e L i n e s



    Now Accepting Reservations! Additional cruise information available below.







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    To The Point Cruise Lines is excited to offer the ultimate adventure cruise, along the pirate-infested coast of Somalia !








    Ultimate Adventure Cruise Route



    Rates and Availability



    [size=]



    [size=]







    Ship Name


    Starting Price



    Days


    Availability



    [size=Sun Splendour]


    [size=$5,200.00]





    [size=Fully Booked]



    [size=Grand Voyage]


    [size=$6,150.00]





    [size=Reservations Available]



    [size=Horizons IV]


    [size=$7,091.00]



    [size=][/size]


    [size=Reservations Available]



    [size=Horizons III]


    [size=$5,200.00]





    [size=Fully Booked]



    [size=Grand Voyage II]


    [size=$6,300.00]





    [size=Fully Booked]



    [size=Grand Voyage III]


    [size=$5,200.00]





    [size=Reservations Available]



    [size=Coastal Paradise]


    [size=$5,200.00]





    [size=Reservations Available]



    [size=Coastal Paradise II]


    [size=$8,200.00]



    [size=][/size]


    [size=Reservations Available]



    [size=Peril Princess]


    [size=$5,200.00]





    [size=Fully Booked]



    [size=Peril Princess II]


    [size=$5,200.00]





    [size=Reservations Available]

    [size=

    ]





    We board our luxury cruise ships in Djibouti on the Gulf of Aden near the entrance to the Red Sea, and disembark in Mombassa , Kenya seven adrenaline-charged days later. Reservations start at only $5,200 per-person (double occupancy, inside room) and $6,900 (verandah complete with bench rest).







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    You'll relax like never before!




    That's because you are welcome to bring your own arsenal with you. If you don't have your own weapons, you can rent them from our onboard
    Master Gunsmith. Enjoy reloading parties every afternoon with skeet and marksmanship competitions every night!

    But the best fun of all, of course, is...








    ...Pirate Target Practice!




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    The object of our cruise is to sail up and down the Somali Coast waiting to get hijacked by pirates!






    Weapons rentals:













    Weapon Selection



    Price


    Description



    AK-47 Light Assault



    $12.00[size=
    Per Day]


    On a budget? Rent a full-auto scope-mounted AK-47 for only $9/day with 7.62 ball ammo at $12 per 100 rounds:



    M-16 Full Automatic



    $25.00[size=
    Per Day]


    Rent a full auto M-16 for only $25/day with ammo attractively priced at $16 per 100 rounds of 5.56 armor-piercing:



    Barrett M-107 50 Calibre



    $59.00[size=
    Per Day]


    Hello! Nothing gets a pirate's attention like a Barrett M-107 50-cal sniper rifle; only $59/day with 25 rounds of armor-piercing ammo affordably priced at only $29.95.



    RPG Launcher



    $175.00[size=
    Per Day]


    Want to make a real impact? Rent an RPG for only $175/day with three fragmentation rounds included! A true favourite among pirates, rent one today and show you care!








    Customer Testimonials







    "Six attacks in 4 days were more than I expected. I bagged three pirates, my wife nailed two, and my 12-year old son sank two boats with the mini-gun.
    This wonderful cruise was fun for the whole family"
    -- Fred D., Cincinnati , OH




    "Pirates 0, Passengers 32! Well worth the trip! Can't recommend it highly enough!"-- Ben L., Bethesda , MD















    BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
    Twin mounted mini-guns are available for rental at only $450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire!


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    Additional Cruise Line Services



    • Need a spotter? Our professional crew members can double as spotters for only $30/hour.
      (spotting scope included, but gratuities are not)
    • Also included: Free complimentary night vision equipment - and throughout the night, coffee, pastries and snacks are always available on the main deck from 7pm until 6am
    • Our deluxe package comes complete with gourmet meals and all rooms offer a mini-bar







    OUR SATISFACTION GUARANTEE!







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    We guarantee you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or you'll receive an instant $1,000 refund upon arrival in Mombassa ...
    How can we make that guarantee? We operate at 5 knots just beyond 12 nautical miles off the coast of Somalia , thus in international waters where pirates have no rights whatever. In fact, we make three passes through the area's most treacherous waters to ensure maximum visibility by Somali "mother ships."

    We repeat this for five days, making three complete passes past the entire Somali Coast . At night, the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot every five
    minutes with loud disco music directionally beamed shore side to attract maximum attention.









    ACT NOW!



    Cabin space is limited so you need to respond quickly. Reserve your package before May 31st
    and get a great bonus - 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the calibre of your choice! So sign up for the Ultimate Somali Coast Adventure Cruise now!









    BUT THERE'S EVEN MORE!





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    Reserve now and be automatically entered to win a 5 minute time slot on the Captain's own Twin Browning 50 Calibre M2HB installation!
    "I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in ' Nam . Don't worry about getting shot by pirates... they never even got close to the ship with the crap they shoot and their lousy aim... Come on board and bag your own clutch of genuine Somali pirates!"
    -- Mike W., Savannah , GA

    "Holy crap! I mean literally, I crapped myself! This gun shook the deck like thunder, and I was laughing so hard I just had to release it. AWESOME!
    -- Jim W., Tampa , FL



















  2. #2
    Regular Member DEROS72's Avatar
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    PROPOSED DIVORCE AND SEPARATION AGREEMENT





    Written by John J. Wall

    Friday, 13 March 2009


    Dear American Liberals, Leftists, Social Progressives, Socialists, Marxists, and Obama Supporters, et al:

    As a law student, I have drawn up a divorce & separation agreement on behalf of my fellow Conservative Americans and you.

    We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know, we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but, sadly, this relationship has run its course.

    Our two ideological sides of America cannot, and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own way.

    Here is a model separation agreement:

    Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

    We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.

    You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

    We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's, and rednecks.

    We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC, the New York Times, and Hollywood.

    You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

    We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill.

    We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

    You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.

    We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.

    We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you we'll keep our history, our name, and our flag.

    Would you agree to this? If so, in the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

    Sincerely,

    John J. Wall
    Las Student, Washington University, St. Louis, Missouri

    Ps: Also, please take Barbra Streisand and Jane Fonda

  3. #3
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    OMG LMFAO!!!!!!

    Ahhhh, if only! I really do wish sometimes!
    I am the person responsible for myself, my wife and my son. I take that VERY seriously.

  4. #4
    Regular Member DEROS72's Avatar
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    NEWS FROM NASCAR





    Written by To The Point News

    Friday, 09 January 2009


    Racing great Jeff Gordon has just fired his entire pit crew.

    Announced yesterday was Gordon's decision to support President Hussein's initiative to employ "disadvantaged" youth by replacing his current pit crew with unemployed youth from Harlem.

    Gordon said his decision was prompted by a recent documentary on how young men in Harlem could remove a set of four wheels from a parked automobile in under 6 seconds, using only hand tools. Gordon went on to explain that it took his existing crew 8 seconds using very expensive, high tech equipment.

    Gordon's management team applauded his decision, as many races are won or lost in the pits. However, Gordon may have gotten a little more than he bargained for.

    At the Harlem crew's first practice session, not only were they able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged, and sold the car to Dale Earnhart Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and photos of Gordon's wife in the shower.

    At last word, Gordon was negotiating the reinstatement of his previous crew.

  5. #5
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    Did this place turn into openjokes.com now?
    "A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity."

    "though I walk through the valley in the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for I know that you are by my side" Glock 23:40

  6. #6
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    You would think with nearly 1500 posts you would know that this may not be the best choice of place to put jokes, or funny emails. Further I would consider this posting just as un-productive to the site as the unwanted advertisements that grace our postings ever so often.

    Try and keep the integrity of the site...

  7. #7
    Regular Member OrangeIsTrouble's Avatar
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    I'll have to agree with the latter on this one. I was browsing online yesterday and saw a picture of a couple Israeli women at a cafeteria with AR15s on their back, and I was like , I want to see that here (in Seattle!) ! I wanted to post the picture, but I thought, this forum isn't that kind of forum, and I refrained from posting it. I've read DEROS72's posts and they seem knowledgeable and mature, but this one seems weird, he must have been hacked! It's those damn anti's posting this crap under his good name!


    Been harassed by the police? Yelled at by the anti-gun neighbors? Mother doesn't approve?

    Then this is the place for you! Click here to get back at them!

  8. #8
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    OMG that is to funny i just wish the cruise was REAL the fun i could have with my M44

  9. #9
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    My son is going on a cruise just like this. They are paying him good money also. No joke.

  10. #10
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    Well damn i want to go i am qualified

  11. #11
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    jarhead1055 wrote:
    Well damn i want to go i am qualified
    Really? Pm me

  12. #12
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    "$16 per 100 rounds of 5.56 armor-piercing:"

    THATS a bargain. Ill take 10,000 but prefer to bring my own AR

    Seals 1
    Pirates 0

  13. #13
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    Why take a cruise off the coast of Samalia? We got a huge pirate enclave right here in this country. Scuttlebutt has it that they hang out in a place called DC. The leader of the bunch lives in a big white house.



  14. #14
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    Task Force 16 wrote:
    SNIP We got a huge pirate enclave right here in this country. Scuttlebutt has it that they hang out in a place called DC. The leader of the bunch lives in a big white house.


    I'll bet some of those Barbary corsairs in the early 1800s were named "Hussein", too.
    I'll make you an offer: I will argue and fight for all of your rights, if you will do the same for me. That is the only way freedom can work. We have to respect all rights, all the time--and strive to win the rights of the other guy as much as for ourselves.

    If I am equal to another, how can I legitimately govern him without his express individual consent?

    There is no human being on earth I hate so much I would actually vote to inflict government upon him.

  15. #15
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    Citizen wrote:
    Task Force 16 wrote:
    SNIP We got a huge pirate enclave right here in this country. Scuttlebutt has it that they hang out in a place called DC. The leader of the bunch lives in a big white house.


    I'll bet some of those Barbary corsairs in the early 1800s were named "Hussein", too.
    And maybe "Barack" or "Obama."

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