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Thread: What to say to someone who is scared of guns?

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    I've been talking to this girl and every time I mention guns (which is a lot) she gets really mad. Take yesterday for example - she asked me what I did that afternoon and I said I went to the shooting range - then she got all pissed off (WTF!?). I found out that her brother and his friend were both shot, and the friend died, so this is why she hates guns so much. She refuses to let me take her shooting and she won't go anywhere with me if I'm carrying. I've tried talking to her about it but she is just so scared I don't see how I could ever change her mind. I'm getting really frustrated. Any ideas???

    By the way, her brother and his friend were in a gang. The shooting was gang related.

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    hunter45 wrote:
    I've been talking to this girl and every time I mention guns (which is a lot) she gets really mad. Take yesterday for example - she asked me what I did that afternoon and I said I went to the shooting range - then she got all pissed off (WTF!?). I found out that her brother and his friend were both shot, and the friend died, so this is why she hates guns so much. She refuses to let me take her shooting and she won't go anywhere with me if I'm carrying. I've tried talking to her about it but she is just so scared I don't see how I could ever change her mind. I'm getting really frustrated. Any ideas???

    By the way, her brother and his friend were in a gang. The shooting was gang related.
    "Your brother died from making a bad lifestyle choice. Guns had little to do with it. Get over it."

    Then find a new chick and stop wasting your time on this one.

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    If you like her, then quit mentioning it every day. If you're carrying and gonna be with her, just don't say anything. If she notices, just play it off and change the subject.

    My point is this, carrying shouldn't be a big deal. It should just be part of what you do. You probably carry your cell phone everywhere. I doubt you are constantly talking about the calls you made and the fact that you have it on you. This is just my opinion, and it's worth exactly what you paid for it.



    -Gruu

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    Regular Member TFred's Avatar
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    There have been threads here before on this subject.

    Here is my free advice, worth evey penny you are paying for it...

    This is a foundational issue. Or at least it can be, and it certainly is for many folks who participate here. This isn't "what color do we paint the den?"

    I strongly suggest you take her to a nice restaurant and have a serious discussion. She needs to understand that you are deciding the future of your relationship based on this issue. These symptoms could be showing you a significant difference in world-views, which would cause you no end of pain if you choose to continue with your relationship.

    Again... free, and worth every penny...

    TFred


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    Founder's Club Member Hawkflyer's Avatar
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    There are people who are simply not susceptible to reason.

    I have lost 8 friends to air crashes in the last 8 years, but I do not blame airplanes. Clearly your friend is not mature enough to separate instrumentality from lifestyle. If she was she would recognize that staying away from gangs is more important to long term survival than staying away from guns.

    Has she ever lost a friend or relative in a car crash? Does she still ride in or drive a car?

    As with others here my advice would be to find a more mature individual with adult reasoning powers. There are 8 billion people on the planet. Nominally half are women. Unless there is something REALLY unique about this particular girl, I would move on.

    Regards
    "Research has shown that a 230 grain lead pellet placed just behind the ear at 850 FPS results in a permanent cure for violent criminal behavior."
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    Hawkflyer wrote:
    There are people who are simply not susceptible to reason.

    I have lost 8 friends to air crashes in the last 8 years, but I do not blame airplanes. Clearly your friend is not mature enough to separate instrumentality from lifestyle. If she was she would recognize that staying away from gangs is more important to long term survival than staying away from guns.

    Has she ever lost a friend or relative in a car crash? Does she still ride in or drive a car?

    As with others here my advice would be to find a more mature individual with adult reasoning powers. There are 8 billion people on the planet. Nominally half are women. Unless there is something REALLY unique about this particular girl, I would move on.

    Regards
    There is no rational response to an irrational mind set. You might over time change her thinking, but I suspect not adequately.

    Whatever you decide, however you proceed, good luck. Tough place to find oneself.

    Yata hey
    You will not rise to the occasion; you will fall back on your level of training. Archilochus, 650 BC

    Old and treacherous will beat young and skilled every time. Yata hey.

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    Campaign Veteran XD-GEM's Avatar
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    I know this link has been posted before, but rather than have you go looking for it, here it is: http://www.vcdl.org/new/raging.htm

    This article explains some of the psychological reasons behind irrational fears of guns. You should read it, but DO NOT ask her to read it. She will not appreciate it, given her state of mind. I offer it merely as information for you to sort through her possible feelings on the subject.

    Only you can decide if the relationship is worth the trouble of proceeding.

    Good luck.

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    Campaign Veteran GLOCK21GB's Avatar
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    I say, best of luck to you & your cell phone conversation with the police, who just happen to be a mere 8 minutes away, when your walking to your car in that big dark, deserted parking lot at 9:30 pm , and your being shadowed by 3 males thugs wearing baseball caps sideways......I hope thats not her car way over there...
    http://youtu.be/xWgVGu3OR4U AACFI, Wisconsin / Minnesota Carry Certified. Action Pistol & Advanced Action pistol concepts + Urban Carbine course. When the entitlement Zombies begin looting, pillaging, raping, burning & killing..remember HEAD SHOTS it's the only way to kill a Zombie. Stockpile food & water now.

    Please support your local,county, state & Federal Law enforcement agencies, right ???

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    The anti gunners generally fall into two categories:

    1.) ones like her with trauma baggage
    2.) the radical anti-gunners who are out for political power grabbing

    They both base their (lack of) arguments on fantasies like "guns are dangerous."

    Really? I can prove a SPIDER is more dangerous. Lay a gun beside a spider, which one can hurt you?

    Study this: http://www.jpfo.org/filegen-n-z/ragi...elfdefense.htm

    This Psychiatrist says that the anti crowd suffer from a phobia, psychological problems.

    Theres another question even more important than "what to answer them with."

    Liberals/Leftists like to play two games called:

    1.) red herring
    2.) ad hominem

    Red herring is an evasive tactic:

    Me: "I like to carry my gun openly so others can see it."
    Red herring user: "But arent guns dangerous?"

    The R.H. user has attempted to change the subject, and they are extremely slick at it. Once you fall for it, they win. The topic here is Open Carry and R.H. has tried to hijack the topic off to something else. This plays on peoples inherit trust of others and desire to please them. This is where its VITAL to know the law and statistics, and they cannot argue them, they always run off to emotion.

    Me: " Why are you afraid of them?" Put them on the defensive or simply demand they stay on topic or you wont talk with them.

    Ad-hominem is an attempt to invoke emotion and self defense by attacking the argurer, instead of the argument (ad hominem is Latin for "to the man" i.e, addressing the man by attacks instead of analyzing the argument)

    Me: "Guns can be used in crimes to kill people"
    A.H user: "so is that what you use them for?"

    The A.H-er has attempted to catch you off guard and defensive by insinuating that you are a murderer. They know they have tripped you up when you get defensive.

    This is extremely difficult to defend against, ridiculing them is usually effective:

    Me: "No, I just nag them to death like you do..."

    or

    Me: " No, I prefer a baseball bat, its quieter..."

    Regardless of whether you have the tools to defend your position or not, if you fall for these traps, youve lost.

    These are taught in Public Speaking as things to NEVER use in a proper discussion. They are not a part of communication, they are essentially deceitful tricks and slander. When they do trot them out, you can be sure they have nothing to stand on.

    Someone tried RH on me on the Tri Cities Herald comment section on the illegal ban in Amon Park. The post was that they thought it was a "waste of money to sue the city, wasting the Cities (peoples) money..."

    This is both RH and AH, ad hominem attempts to imply that I am wasting the Cities money, and the RH is talking about money when the Cities illegal actions are the topic. I threw it back in their face with:

    "yes it is, and youd better get hold of your City officials and make sure they dont to illegal things to need sued."

    They rarely can handle their own tricks turned back on them because they are rarely trained and educated to think critically, they just react with emotion, like your girlfriend.

    This would make an excellent topic for the Dr Laura radio show. Just for even a remote gang tie-in, good idea to dump her.


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    TehGruu wrote:
    If you like her, then quit mentioning it every day. If you're carrying and gonna be with her, just don't say anything. If she notices, just play it off and change the subject.

    My point is this, carrying shouldn't be a big deal. It should just be part of what you do. You probably carry your cell phone everywhere. I doubt you are constantly talking about the calls you made and the fact that you have it on you. This is just my opinion, and it's worth exactly what you paid for it.



    -Gruu

    Someone with good advice and common sense, on OC.com? Unpossible!

    Like he said, if you like her then just stop talking about it. Let her get to know you and THEN bring it into the picture. Once she trusts you it'll be a whole different ballgame. Until then, you just come off as an ass that's constantly saying stuff that annoys her.

    Realize that this society has been conditioned to blame gun violence on guns. You aren't going to change that over night. Be sensitive of people that have lost loved ones to gun violence - in 99% of cases, the WILL hate guns. However, most of these people are not beyond grasping morelogical outlooks, but you need to be patient and understanding (something no one else's advice allowed for).

    So, shut up about it, build trust, then tackle the issue waaay down the road.

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    Oh man, You guys got it so wrongaccording tomy GF. And trust me, she is right.

    The end all to getting this little hottie of yours to accept firearms as a legal and needed tool for self-defense is so much easier than that.

    First off, don't bring up the subject of firearms, leave it alone, avoid it at all cost until blatantly confronted by her.

    Then you simply reply to her:
    "I carry a firearm to protect you from the sametype of people that shot and killed your brother, if you have a problem with me caring about you and me being willing to put my life on the line to protect you, then we may have a problem that we cannot work past"

    Leave it at that, nothing more to give her time to think. Then you'll be seen as the guy with the big red "S" on the front of your shirt.
    She only knows firearms as something that has harmed her and her family, not something that can protect her and her family from harm. Once she See's the other side, it may all come together for her in a huge epiphany. But you may end up with a gun-nut as a GF (not a bad thing IMO)

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    hunter45 wrote:
    I've been talking to this girl and every time I mention guns (which is a lot) she gets really mad. Take yesterday for example - she asked me what I did that afternoon and I said I went to the shooting range - then she got all pissed off (WTF!?). I found out that her brother and his friend were both shot, and the friend died, so this is why she hates guns so much. She refuses to let me take her shooting and she won't go anywhere with me if I'm carrying. I've tried talking to her about it but she is just so scared I don't see how I could ever change her mind. I'm getting really frustrated. Any ideas???

    By the way, her brother and his friend were in a gang. The shooting was gang related.
    Yes, show her "Innocents Betrayed". It's on youtube, or from http://www.innocentsbetrayed.com.

    Does she have the same reaction when she sees the police carrying a gun? If not, then tell her it's because she inherently recognizes the difference between bad people carrying guns, and good people carrying guns. Good and evil are not defined by the tools they use. Therefore, unless she considers everyone that is not the police, as criminals, then she should also recognize that when you carry, it is for self defense of you and her.

    Let us know her reaction to this video.

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    hunter45 wrote:
    I've been talking to this girl and every time I mention guns (which is a lot) she gets really mad. Take yesterday for example - she asked me what I did that afternoon and I said I went to the shooting range - then she got all pissed off (WTF!?). I found out that her brother and his friend were both shot, and the friend died, so this is why she hates guns so much. She refuses to let me take her shooting and she won't go anywhere with me if I'm carrying. I've tried talking to her about it but she is just so scared I don't see how I could ever change her mind. I'm getting really frustrated. Any ideas???

    By the way, her brother and his friend were in a gang. The shooting was gang related.
    Is she afraid to park at the far end of a busy parking lot, and walk, with or without you to the store?
    There are far more opportunities to get just as dead from an errant car, than from someone's gun, lawfully carried or not...

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    If you really like her that much then don't try to change her. If, on the other hand, you want someone to share the wonderful hobby of shooting with, then go to the range and meet someone else. I've learned you can't change someone if they're that adamant about something.

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    I had a situation whereas a lady and I were getting ready to start a relationship.. ie.. dating. Her daughter was all for it and kinda broke the ice for us to start.

    I sat at a table, ready to take her out, when I asked her opinion about guns.

    She said "I hate them!."

    I said, "Well that shot this down before we even started". I got up and left.:what:Never regretted it.

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    Yes, to some people it seems like a small thing, but a person's hobbies are important and if you know they feel that strongly about guns, then it could be a "burr in the saddle" of the relationship. I believe it's better to be as equally yoked with someone as possible, and to have similar interests. I really DON'T believe in the "opposites attract" thing too much. Just my .02.

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    Just re-read the OP.

    Hunter45 didn't say this was a GF, just a gal he has been talking to.

    Scratch her off the potential GF lists and talk to her less. doens't sound like you have anything invested here, so you don't loose anything by walking away.

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    hunter45 wrote:
    I've been talking to this girl and every time I mention guns (which is a lot) she gets really mad. Take yesterday for example - she asked me what I did that afternoon and I said I went to the shooting range - then she got all pissed off (WTF!?). I found out that her brother and his friend were both shot, and the friend died, so this is why she hates guns so much. She refuses to let me take her shooting and she won't go anywhere with me if I'm carrying. I've tried talking to her about it but she is just so scared I don't see how I could ever change her mind. I'm getting really frustrated. Any ideas???

    By the way, her brother and his friend were in a gang. The shooting was gang related.
    Why do you want to talk to her about guns "a lot"?

    I'd suggest the following:

    1. Don't talk to her about guns.

    2. Don't try to convince her that guns are great.

    3. If you want to go somewhere with her, don't carry.

    Try that for a few months, then reassess.

  19. #19
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    HankT wrote:
    Why do you want to talk to her about guns "a lot"?

    I'd suggest the following:

    1. Don't talk to her about guns.
    2. Don't try to convince her that guns are great.
    3. If you want to go somewhere with her, don't carry.

    Try that for a few months, then reassess.
    I disagree. That's like Paula Dean talking to her husband and never mentioning butter or food. (Om nom nom). You're telling him to forget his core beliefs to impress this girl. If she's worth impressing, then she will at LEAST try and meet you half way when dealing with firearms.

    1. Don't talk to her about guns.
    Why? Guns excite me! Sometimes I go peruse gun porn in the form of $4000 1911's just because they look incredible and because of the stories I've heard about them and how they shoot. I look at AR-15 uppers that I'll not be affording any time soon, but I can look. It's *FUN*. It's no different than someone's grandmother that talks about crocheting because they like making blankets for their grandkids. If it's something that you're that passionate about, do NOT change! You're doing nothing wrong.

    2. Don't try to convince her that guns are great.
    I agree with this one. She doesn't have to think they're great, she just has to accept the fact that you do. That is, if she wants to maintain a relationship.

    3. If you want to go somewhere with her, don't carry.
    No no no no no! I would say don't carry a full on Magnum .44 on your hip just because you can. Carry something smaller like an XDm .40 compact or something. It's an accessory, not the focus of your attire. It should be forgotten about 99% of the time because you forget it's there. If you forget it's there, she will as well.

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    Regular Member Jonathon Norris's Avatar
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    I was with a girl for a while that was a hardcore liberal and Democrat, and had actually been SHOT by a 9mm ,centermass,AFTER a robber had already taken her money. She wasecstatic when she found out I carried.She couldn't have been happier or more supportive of it.

    My current girlfriend is the victim of multiple armed robberies, and is also very supportive of the fact that I never leave the house without being armed, and very often, will carry inside the apartment.

    The point is, it's not the experiences that make aperson an anti. It's a combination of an emotion-based miseducation, and/or, a willing ignorance of the truth. The only question is, are you willing to spend the time teaching her this stuff when she may just be willfully ignorant of it? Lots of girls in the world, man.
    A wayfarer should not walk unarmed,
    But have his weapons to hand:
    He knows not when he may need a spear,
    Or what menace meet on the road.

    - Odin
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    I ask them if they are scared of cars. The rest of the conversation is practically pre-recorded.

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    Regular Member sudden valley gunner's Avatar
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    Jonathon Norris wrote:
    I was with a girl for a while that was a hardcore liberal and Democrat, and had actually been SHOT by a 9mm ,centermass,AFTER a robber had already taken her money. She wasecstatic when she found out I carried.She couldn't have been happier or more supportive of it.

    My current girlfriend is the victim of multiple armed robberies, and is also very supportive of the fact that I never leave the house without being armed, and very often, will carry inside the apartment.

    The point is, it's not the experiences that make aperson an anti. It's a combination of an emotion-based miseducation, and/or, a willing ignorance of the truth. The only question is, are you willing to spend the time teaching her this stuff when she may just be willfully ignorant of it? Lots of girls in the world, man.
    What doy ou do? Hang outside the trauma centerto look forgirlfriends?:P
    I am not anti Cop I am just pro Citizen.

    U.S. v. Minker, 350 US 179, at page 187
    "Because of what appears to be a lawful command on the surface, many citizens, because
    of their respect for what only appears to be a law, are cunningly coerced into waiving their
    rights, due to ignorance." (Paraphrased)

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    Regular Member Gunslinger's Avatar
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    The sheep should always be thankful that there are Collies.
    "For any man who sheds his blood with me this day shall be my brother...And gentlemen now abed shall think themselves accursed, they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whilst any speaks who fought with us on Crispin's day." Henry V

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    sudden valley gunner wrote:
    Jonathon Norris wrote:
    I was with a girl for a while that was a hardcore liberal and Democrat, and had actually been SHOT by a 9mm ,centermass,AFTER a robber had already taken her money. She wasecstatic when she found out I carried.She couldn't have been happier or more supportive of it.

    My current girlfriend is the victim of multiple armed robberies, and is also very supportive of the fact that I never leave the house without being armed, and very often, will carry inside the apartment.

    The point is, it's not the experiences that make aperson an anti. It's a combination of an emotion-based miseducation, and/or, a willing ignorance of the truth. The only question is, are you willing to spend the time teaching her this stuff when she may just be willfully ignorant of it? Lots of girls in the world, man.
    What doy ou do? Hang outside the trauma centerto look forgirlfriends?:P
    Yea I've heard of ambulance chasers, but c'mon!
    illegal ≠ immoral legal ≠ moral
    [SIZE=1]"I never submitted the whole system of my opinions to the creed of any party of men whatever in religion, in philosophy, in politics, or in anything else where I was capable of thinking for myself. "Such an addiction is the last degradation of a free and moral agent." - Thomas Jefferson
    G19 Gen 4; Bersa Thunder 380; Sig Sauer P238; Kel-Tec su-16c

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    Regular Member Bikenut's Avatar
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    Odd thing about people who think gun control is the answer to them not having to be afraid of guns....

    When a criminal attacks them they are happy to run and hide behind the person (soldier, cop, ordinary citizen/neighbor) who has a gun.

    "The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun." Wayne LaPierre
    Gun control isn't about the gun at all.... for those who want gun control it is all about their own fragile egos, their own lack of self esteem, their own inner fears, and most importantly... their own desire to dominate others. And an openly carried gun is a slap in the face to all of those things.

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