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Thread: How do you deal with an anti wife?

  1. #1
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    My wife is surprised that I've had a passion for owning and carrying for a long time. Although I've only owned rifles before while I lived in TX. Unfortunately my home was robbed and they had been taken. I havent owned a firearm since 1996 till just last year when I purchased my springfield. She has no understanding for any of this. Shes worried how many problems it would cause with people just by seeing me with one on my hip. Also with our two small children, all she seems to think about is how dangerous it could be for them. Dont get me wrong, I'm all for the safety and well being of my children as I try to educate the responsabilities of owning a firearm as much as I can to her. But it just has become way too much of a hassle and a strain just trying to deal with it. I cant even wear in my own domicile. Hopefully someday I will have her calm enough to understand and appreciate or given rights and choice to carry. Untill then, I support you all one hundred percent and thuroughly enjoy reading all of your posts. I'll stick around with you fine folks and learn all I can.

    Good luck, God bless.

    Bill

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    XD40BiTone wrote:
    My wife is surprised that I've had a passion for owning and carrying for a long time. Although I've only owned rifles before while I lived in TX. Unfortunately my home was robbed and they had been taken. I havent owned a firearm since 1996 till just last year when I purchased my springfield. She has no understanding for any of this. Shes worried how many problems it would cause with people just by seeing me with one on my hip. Also with our two small children, all she seems to think about is how dangerous it could be for them. Dont get me wrong, I'm all for the safety and well being of my children as I try to educate the responsabilities of owning a firearm as much as I can to her. But it just has become way too much of a hassle and a strain just trying to deal with it. I cant even wear in my own domicile. Hopefully someday I will have her calm enough to understand and appreciate or given rights and choice to carry.
    Why not have her register here at OCDO and read some of the threads about how people OC (and CC), as well as the stories about successful self-defensive gun events?






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    My fiance will ask me if I'm armed, and make me dissarm if I am,before she will hug me when she gets home from work.

    She has a CHP, and her own gun, but she doesn't carry. She sees zero need for more than one gun per person. When she found out that I bought an AR, she said we wouldn't be getting a shotgun.

    It takes time. It takes education. It takes exposure. Eventually she will not be bothered so much, even if she doesn't like it.

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    See if she will look around on here a bit. It's a site run by a lady that carries. You probably want to look first. It's a great site BTW.

    http://corneredcat.com/

    Don't have much advice for you. My wife prefers I not OC with her. I have my CCP so I don't. She is also becoming interested in getting her CCP. I mostly OC when I am out on my own or me and the girls.

    The car you put your kids in is WAY more likely to hurt them than your firearm. It's a fact. If she is swayed by facts do some research, they are out there.

    I suggest trying to talk about it, but not argue. And keep in mind which is more important to you, your relationship or carrying? I would rather OC, but OC will not get in the way of my marriage. I won't let it.

    It's taken me about 8 months to get my wife to a point where she is considering getting her permit. And she is pro gun. May take longer for your wife to get comfortable with it.

  5. #5
    Regular Member Dreamer's Avatar
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    That "Cornered Cat" website is WONDERFUL. I'm bookmarking it, and sending links to all the women I know who are interested in guns (and to a few who aren't).

    As a new (step)grandfather, with the prospect of having a beautiful little granddaughter visiting my house in the near future, this site gives me a lot of insight, and some great ideas on how to approach safety, education, and discipline with regards to firearms and children. (I never had children of my own, so I'm getting thrown into the whole "grandpa" role and having to learn a lot of "parenting" skills pretty late in life).

    I think the fact that I'm taking such an active interest in educating myself, and securing my firearms (solid gun safes, cable locks, etc) is going a LONG way to make my wife and stepdaughters more comfortable with the fact that I'm so strongly Pro-2A. I love my family, and want to do everything I can to keep them ALL safe, from BGs, as well as their own inexperience and curiosity. Education and safe storage is key, and this website has given me some very useful insights and ideas....

    Thanks for this fantastic resource!
    It is our cause to dispel the foggy thinking which avoids hard decisions in the delusion that a world of conflict will somehow mysteriously resolve itself into a world of harmony, if we just don't rock the boat or irritate the forces of aggression—and this is hogwash."
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    I have a similar situation. My wife knows I have the guns, knows I carry most of the time (unless we are going to the kids schools etc) and shakes her head sometimes as if to say "what do you think will happen???" and I always say "nothing, but I'd rather have it and not need it than the one time I really need it and not have it"... she doesn't argue about that.

    One day her and I and the dog went for a walk down the beach way past where folks normally go, there are some abandoned houses and an old fairground that has been out of commission for decades. It's bleak/barren kind of "what the world will look like if the humans all disappeared" anyway we went out there for a walk to check it out and during one part of the walk we were in a wooded roadway and it did feel a bit "creepy" and she said to me "umm are you carrying?" and I said "of course" and she said "good" so I laughed... "the one time I'm glad you are right?" so I said "yes"

    It won't happen overnight but she will realize you haven't changed as a person just because you carry a gun, you're no less safe with it and in fact probably more so as you tend to maintain a much better situational awareness when you are carrying.

    Good luck

  7. #7
    Regular Member lonewolf2810's Avatar
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    Just hang in there and keep trying. Sooner or later she will warm up to it but in the mean time keep up the hard work on getting her on your side. It will take time.

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    Getting your wife to get over how she feels about public/police reaction to you carrying a gun openly is a tough one. Some people don't want to have to deal with being stopped, questioned, harrassed, whatever by citizens or police even if it is their husband/wives and not them getting the attention. So she'll have to warm up to that or not.

    As far as why you have a gun (not necessarily carrying openly), well: I'd hate to want to horrify or insult your wife or mine (when ever I get around to having one) but I am a realist and a therefore a bit morbid and would prefer showing her many REAL instances of people being injured, maimed, killed, or raped. Not explicitly, but just news stories, that can be enough to get my blood boiling.

    When it comes to safety of you, your wife, children or anyone else as far as access to the gun is concerned. TRAIN, EDUCATE, TRAIN, EDUCATE. Make your children aware of what a gun is and make sure they respect it. Also, by law, you are required in NC to keep the gun(s) under your control at any given time when your children are home. That is holstered, locked away, or whatever that makes the firearm unaccessible by the children. Get them into the sport of shooting, make them more comfortable around it, at least your wife.

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    tekshogun wrote:
    Get them into the sport of shooting, make them more comfortable around it, at least your wife.
    Absolutely agree! What's the phrase? "Don't kid-proof your guns, gun-proof your kids." In ye olden days, kids at 8, 9, 10 years old were given a .22 and told to go out and bag something for dinner. Or so I'm told.

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    Maybe I am just a simple minded old fart , but how hard is it to discuss the fact that you are a gun owner / carrier with the girl friend / wanna be wife before you get really involved ???

    When I met my wife , the first date we were clicking really great and I decided that we needed to have the gun discusion right then. Sometimes ( probably most times ) it would be wise to see each other a few times before going there , but why wait till after saying I DO , and then finding out they DON'T ????

    By doing so up front , you not only find out how they feel about guns, but also might get them to go shooting with you. Thats what happened with my wife. She knows how to shoot now and has her own pistol even. By the way , we have been together 28 years now.

    I wouldn't dream of hooking up with a woman that was against gun ownership . Thats just my opinion and take it for what it's worth but seems like a good way to save on heart aches.

  11. #11
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    jayspapa,

    While I agree with your comment, one half of a relationship may not become a gun owner/advocate or OC/CC advocate/practicer until after the fact. Relationships as you know, especially being married, are full of changing situations, beliefs, and ideas. Some of those opinions will not always match up between the two. In your case, as a gun owner (carrier?), you brought that up and worked it out with your now-wife in the beginning. If the case is not extreme and the commitment and "love" is genuine, something will get figured out, hopefully some compromise. If a couple allows such a disagreement to go to far and lead to a separation or divorce, well perhaps it was best for the two persons in the end whether it was about guns or not.

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    Give it TIME. My wife was terrified of snakes. But I eventually talked her in to letting me keep one for a pet. Of course I had to agree to about 40 rules. But little by little day by day she saw that it was no big deal. Now when we go in a pet store she wants to handle every one we see. So just be patient & little by little she'll see it's no big deal.

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    Exposure and time!

    Mine was the same. One of those tree huggers who said she didn't think she could kill someone who was even trying to kill her.

    You'll have to chip away slowly. Wear your piece around the house, show her your target from the range with the tight grouping, subscribe to some gun mag that you leave on the living room table. I always OC to the thrift store next door about daily to check for new stuff where by I am greeting by the Manager who always grins and asks "Shot anybody today?", whereby I always reply, "The day ain't over yet." At first she thought I was serious LOL. Invite some Pro-gun friends over to hang out with. Eventually she will begin to realize SHE is the one that is "odd" and not YOU.

    Slow and steady will do it. It's like erosion!

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    tekshogun wrote:
    While I agree with your comment, one half of a relationship may not become a gun owner/advocate or OC/CC advocate/practicer until after the fact. Relationships as you know, especially being married, are full of changing situations, beliefs, and ideas. Some of those opinions will not always match up between the two. In your case, as a gun owner (carrier?), you brought that up and worked it out with your now-wife in the beginning. If the case is not extreme and the commitment and "love" is genuine, something will get figured out, hopefully some compromise.
    Good points.

    It's even possible that the anti-gal will never change and the gun guy will end up going along with the anti-gal and ditching the firearms.

    Love makes people do the darndest things...

    Either way can be OK.

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    Just hang in there...(im in AZ thinking of moving to NC )...my wife was the same when i told her i was thinking about buying a handgun..i told her..i will buy a good safe to store them in (2 teen boys at home at the time)...didnt take too long before she would say "why arent you carrying your gun?...go put it on!!"....she loves the fact now that i can carry it....i kid you not...we get into the car,..first thing she says.."packing?"..."Oh yes i am dear"..."good man"...now if only i could get her to carry!...that would be like going to heaven..lol....she's not ready for that yet....but time will tell....just my 2c worth

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    Hell man, my wife was an anti, and i recently brought my tool back from GA, and i've had it on nonstop for about a week. Well turns out she's been asking more questions and is actually interested in taking the kids to an OC dinner! She even wants to go shooting with me. So don't lose hope brother, She'll probably come around. It just takes time. Keep her as exposed as much as possible without causing an argument.

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    You know?! Just reading that quotationed conversation you posted gave me the sense of pride I'm sure you feel everytime she says it. LOL!

    I like that! I constantly remind her that everything is under control when you consciously keep a watchfull eye on your surroundings. She warms up to it a bit and I find her making small, snickering comments like; "Ohh, I like that little pink revolver" or "That lazer sight would look great on your gun". Makes my heart beat a little warmer! I keep magazines around and often have conversations about articles written in them. The hard part is getting the both of us to the range at the same time. She really enjoyed the first time we went.

    Got my eye on an AK47 now, and she seems to be ok with it. Next month is the big purchase. Also got my friend holding on to a authentic WWII german MP40 $75 beleive it or not. needs some repairs like a couple wrong sized screws, shoulder butt adjustment, panel replacement(dont know the right name for the part) has no magazine, and needs to be rebored(filled with led before brought to the states way back when). About $250 to $300 in repairs, if anyone knows someone who can help out or know where to go. So she will certainly have to get over it real soon.

    Which reminds me! Could you people leave a few boxes of 40mm ammunition at walmart for me please.They're always out andit's begining to become a quest for the holy grail now! I dont think they exist. hahaha.

    Anyway, you're all a great group of folks and thanks for your support. Also appreciate your patience with my bouncing around subjects.

    God bless

  18. #18
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    i have a so-so gun rights wife. i always win by using; dear, is it your intent to infringe on my 2nd amendment rights, as guarenteed by the constitution of the united states? that one always gets her.

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    Mine is a left wing liberal. Who knows how that happened. She thinks that I am the only one that OCs in NC. She hates when I do it. I hope that the Jville Dinner will change her mind.

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    XD40BiTone wrote:

    Which reminds me! Could you people leave a few boxes of 40mm ammunition at walmart for me please.They're always out andit's begining to become a quest for the holy grail now! I dont think they exist. hahaha.
    I didnt know Walmart sold 40mm. LOL. Did you mean .40 cal?

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    Regular Member wylde007's Avatar
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    While a VA native (and resident) I do travel with my wife to NC with some frequency. She has family in Cary, Raleigh, Washington, Trenton and Kinston and we like to holiday on the OBX.

    She isn't "for" or "against" guns. I think she's just more ambivalent. She's not uncomfortable with me carrying, she simply doesn't appreciate the sentiment or the concern.

    When I send her links she shrugs them off as happenstance. And that's what self defense is about. You don't carry on the prospect that you'll have to defend yourself every single day. You carry for that ONE TIME that you may have to do so. Because like so many other things, if you have it, you're less likely to need it. If you don't have it... you're much more likely to need it.

    She was privy to a couple of conversations, including one with a Dare County deputy regarding carry on Ocracoke. Went pretty well, even though she was just a fly on the wall.
    The quiet war has begun, with silent weapons
    And the newest slavery is to keep the people poor, and stupid
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    Never argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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    My fiance is nervous around guns as well. She has however warmed up to me carrying it the more i have. I still need to take her and shoot it. She says the reason she is nervous is because she has never ever fired one before.



    Just keep trying

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    Regular Member The Wolfhound's Avatar
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    Best of luck with the wife. If you can get her to an NRA home safety course you may make some headway.

    .40S&W is not the Holy Grail, that would actually be .380ACP. LOL
    Appleseed, Virginia State Coordinator
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    Regular Member wylde007's Avatar
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    The Wolfhound wrote:
    Best of luck with the wife. If you can get her to an NRA home safety course you may make some headway.
    I have been hoping to get mine to go to a women's firearms course or to get her around some other women (my cousins, mostly) who shoot and are comfortable with guns.

    She doesn't want to touch them. Not because she's scared of them, but because she doesn't trust herself. She doesn't understand how they work and her lack of practical exposure has colored her judgment to the point where she doesn't think she should be handling them.

    That's good and bad. It means she appreciates that guns are dangerous if you don't what you're doing (rule #1 - All guns are always loaded. rule #2 - Never point a gun at something you are not willing to destroy.) but it also shows a lack of confidence.

    Confidence can be built up with positive, empowering experiences. My personal experience has told me that nothing empowers a woman like that first trigger squeeze, a controlled environment and a comfort zone that allows her to become familiar on her terms with something that she is very unfamiliar with.

    You have to remember that women are very emotionally-driven creatures. They are not logical and rational (sorry, ladies) on the same level as most men. There are exceptions to the rule, but in all my travels throughout this great big world it has been proven more often than not.
    The quiet war has begun, with silent weapons
    And the newest slavery is to keep the people poor, and stupid
    Novos ordo seclorum ~ Mustaine

    Never argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

  25. #25
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    wylde007 wrote:
    You have to remember that women are very emotionally-driven creatures. They are not logical and rational (sorry, ladies) on the same level as most men. There are exceptions to the rule, but in all my travels throughout this great big world it has been proven more often than not.

    Wow. Talk about naked male chauvinism...

    "Proven" is a really BIG word....

    Uhm, have you ever considered that your sample is, er, not representative?




    wylde007 wrote:
    When I send her links she shrugs them off as happenstance. And that's what self defense is about. You don't carry on the prospect that you'll have to defend yourself every single day. You carry for that ONE TIME that you may have to do so. Because like so many other things, if you have it, you're less likely to need it. If you don't have it... you're much more likely to need it.

    Y'know, we all have ways to motivate us...and to make sense of the world. So what we tell ourselves is important and true about the world that requires us to take charge of our self-defense is pretty much a personal worldview.

    But it strkes me that your highlighted statement is unambiguously false. The estimated probability of need should be the same. Unless you can show cause and effect.




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