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Thread: Help with Angry wife???

  1. #1
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    So here it is: I know this is a OC site, but I believe we're all brothers and sisters in this so please help if you can

    Yesterday I get ready to go to the range. I suit up with my new $25 holster, put my G19 in it and my double mag holster on my other side. Walk around the house the getting ammo, range bag etc. ready to go. The entire time my wife does NOT notice I'm carrying. I put on my jacket and we BOTH go to the range. A good time is had by all. Upon leaving I re-holster my weapon. I hand my wife the range bag and she goes to the truck while I return the badges to the range office. When I come out, she asks me is the gun loaded, believing its in the bag. I tell her its not in there and I flip up my jacket to reveal it. She says "I didn't know you had it on you". I told her that was the whole idea of CCing. On the way home she gets so mad at me for carrying that she starts crying in anger(a very bad sign). She says I took the choice of being around me while doing that away from her by not telling her. "If you want to get yourself killed when your BY-YOURSELF, thats your choice, but not around me and our children" she says. It only gets worse from there. She is convinced that I'm "Ramboing" by CCing and "looking for trouble" and that I'll get my kids or her killed if I CC. She is willing to divorce me if I insist on CCing around her and my kids.

    I've learned a lot on these sites. 1) You never know when you'll REALLY need the protection. 2) Be willing more than normal to walk away from a confrontation when you can...Of course theres much more, but those are relevant for this discussion.

    What can I do? I really need help with this one. I promised to not CC around the family, and I won't. But I really feel the URGENT need to Carry.:what:

  2. #2
    Regular Member swatspyder's Avatar
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    Nathan9493 wrote:
    So here it is: I know this is a OC site, but I believe we're all brothers and sisters in this so please help if you can

    Yesterday I get ready to go to the range. I suit up with my new $25 holster, put my G19 in it and my double mag holster on my other side. Walk around the house the getting ammo, range bag etc. ready to go. The entire time my wife does NOT notice I'm carrying. I put on my jacket and we BOTH go to the range. A good time is had by all. Upon leaving I re-holster my weapon. I hand my wife the range bag and she goes to the truck while I return the badges to the range office. When I come out, she asks me is the gun loaded, believing its in the bag. I tell her its not in there and I flip up my jacket to reveal it. She says "I didn't know you had it on you". I told her that was the whole idea of CCing. On the way home she gets so mad at me for carrying that she starts crying in anger(a very bad sign). She says I took the choice of being around me while doing that away from her by not telling her. "If you want to get yourself killed when your BY-YOURSELF, thats your choice, but not around me and our children" she says. It only gets worse from there. She is convinced that I'm "Ramboing" by CCing and "looking for trouble" and that I'll get my kids or her killed if I CC. She is willing to divorce me if I insist on CCing around her and my kids.

    I've learned a lot on these sites. 1) You never know when you'll REALLY need the protection. 2) Be willing more than normal to walk away from a confrontation when you can...Of course theres much more, but those are relevant for this discussion.

    What can I do? I really need help with this one. I promised to not CC around the family, and I won't. But I really feel the URGENT need to Carry.:what:
    Sound's like she already made the choice.

    I really hate to say it, but people who are that irrational, are more or less irrational about other things. I am sure this isn't the only thing she has threatened divorce over.

    You cannot ever MAKE her like guns. There isn't much advice to making someone change. They have to do it on their own.

  3. #3
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    Invite her to dinner at our next gathering so she can see others with their wives 7 children. Don't tell her it's an OC event.

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    Regular Member swatspyder's Avatar
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    M1Gunr wrote:
    Invite her to dinner at our next gathering so she can see others with their wives 7 children. Don't tell her it's an OC event.
    Yea... and then she'll be like this: :what: ... DIVORCE!

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    swatspyder wrote:
    Nathan9493 wrote:
    So here it is: I know this is a OC site, but I believe we're all brothers and sisters in this so please help if you can

    Yesterday I get ready to go to the range. I suit up with my new $25 holster, put my G19 in it and my double mag holster on my other side. Walk around the house the getting ammo, range bag etc. ready to go. The entire time my wife does NOT notice I'm carrying. I put on my jacket and we BOTH go to the range. A good time is had by all. Upon leaving I re-holster my weapon. I hand my wife the range bag and she goes to the truck while I return the badges to the range office. When I come out, she asks me is the gun loaded, believing its in the bag. I tell her its not in there and I flip up my jacket to reveal it. She says "I didn't know you had it on you". I told her that was the whole idea of CCing. On the way home she gets so mad at me for carrying that she starts crying in anger(a very bad sign). She says I took the choice of being around me while doing that away from her by not telling her. "If you want to get yourself killed when your BY-YOURSELF, thats your choice, but not around me and our children" she says. It only gets worse from there. She is convinced that I'm "Ramboing" by CCing and "looking for trouble" and that I'll get my kids or her killed if I CC. She is willing to divorce me if I insist on CCing around her and my kids.

    I've learned a lot on these sites. 1) You never know when you'll REALLY need the protection. 2) Be willing more than normal to walk away from a confrontation when you can...Of course theres much more, but those are relevant for this discussion.

    What can I do? I really need help with this one. I promised to not CC around the family, and I won't. But I really feel the URGENT need to Carry.:what:
    Sound's like she already made the choice.

    I really hate to say it, but people who are that irrational, are more or less irrational about other things. I am sure this isn't the only thing she has threatened divorce over.

    You cannot ever MAKE her like guns. There isn't much advice to making someone change. They have to do it on their own.
    Are you sure you don't know her already? You could NOT be more RIGHT. She is very irrational about alot of things. My 15 yr old daughter who was with us at the time even thought she was being rediculous. I just want to protect them, that's all.

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    Arrange for one of your friends whom shes never met beforetoattack androbboth of you while you guys are walking in the park or something. That'll knock some sense into her. If the cops show up or someone witnesses it, switch to plan B and tell them that you guys were just filming a movie scene.

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    So why exactly does she think you are more likely to be killed carrying a gun than not? If it was OC, I could at least understand her belief of showing off or being "Rambo". How exactly is someone who discreetly CC being Rambo?

    Clearly she had no idea you were carrying, so how does she support any claim of you acting a certain manner when packing?

    I think a nice long, non-confrontational sit down discussion, with no kids around is in order. Make her support her claims. Do you behave differently when packing? She doesn't seem to be against guns if she is going to the range and shooting. So what is her problem about carrying one?

    No guarantee you will change her mind, but if you listen to her fears and concerns and are able to refute them, she may have to at least face the fact that she is irrational even if she doesn't change her mind.

  9. #9
    Regular Member swatspyder's Avatar
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    For real though...

    http://corneredcat.com/Men/wifehateguns.aspx

    How to Make Your Wife Hate Guns By Kathy Jackson

    An attractive young guy sidled up to me at the range the other day. He'd been watching me shoot for awhile, looking at me out of the corners of his eyes while I worked on my drawstroke. It had gotten harder and harder to pretend I didn’t know he was watching me, so when he finally made up his mind to come talk to me, I was almost relieved. Here it comes, I thought, and braced myself.
    "Excuse me," he began, twisting his hat in his hands awkwardly. "I couldn't help but notice that you're a fine shooter." I smiled my thanks, grateful he wasn’t one of those oh-so-helpful range gods who would start our conversation by nitpicking my shooting. But I was still braced for what was sure to come next, and watched to see what his approach would be. "So, uh, do you come here often?" he asked.
    "Not here, no," I admitted, "I've got another range where I usually practice."
    "But you do shoot regularly?" he pursued, almost pathetically eager. "You like guns?" I admitted I did, and he finally got up the courage to ask the question he'd come over to ask me.
    "How do I get my wife to like guns, too?"
    You know, if I knew the answer to that one, I could have my pick of any guy at the range.They'd flock around me in eager anticipation that I might let them in on the secret.
    But the fact is, I don't know that. What I do know is how a guy might go about making his woman hate guns. That secret, I can tell you ...
    Never invite her to the range in the first place. You know she’ll hate it, so why bother? Don’t risk being pleasantly surprised. Instead, spend both days of every weekend at the local range or attending every gun show or IDPA match in a four-state radius. Use every spare second during the week for reloading, cleaning your guns, or just perusing firearms magazines. If she ever comments wistfully that she sure wishes you would spend some time with her, take that to mean she doesn’t want you to shoot any more, and use the opportunity to start a good argument.
    Spend all your household money on guns & shooting supplies. Also, lie about it. Convince her you have neither honesty nor self-control when it comes to buying guns and that you need her to put the brakes on your purchases before you go bankrupt.
    Disregard her legitimate safety concerns. At least once a week, leave your loaded carry gun on the coffee table where the kids can get it. Especially if your wife worries about safety, handle guns negligently when she’s around. Dry fire while pointing the gun at her cat. Or at the TV. You get bonus points if you accidentally shoot the TV while she is in the room.
    One poor clown I met once used to have a large picture of his wife hanging over the mantelpiece, a beautiful portrait of herself she’d given him for his birthday. His negligent discharge was the most expensive one I ever heard of. It took a trip to Hawaii to repair the damage.
    Be a gun slob. After your trips to the range, clean your guns on the dining room table. Put down a newspaper she hasn’t read yet, then spill solvent so that it runs off the edge of the paper. Don’t wipe it up – let her find it herself later, after it’s ruined the finish. And when you’re done cleaning your guns, leave bits and pieces of used gun cleaning supplies lying on the table for her to deal with.
    Always bring every conversation around to guns, shooting, hunting, or politics. Preferably all four. If she’s a liberal Democrat, be sure she knows that there’s no way she can be a shooter without becoming a conservative Republican. If she’s a vegetarian, brag about killing Bambi. This should guarantee that she never wants to talk about it.
    If that fails, and she does want to talk about it, be impatient with her questions and dismissive of her concerns. Whatever you do, don’t ask questions or try to understand why she feels the way she does, and don’t provide patient explanations for technical details she doesn’t immediately understand.
    If she shows reluctance to learn to shoot, scare her into it. Talk constantly about women who were raped, murdered, mutilated, tortured, dismembered, violated, and just generally had Bad Stuff happen to them, all because they didn’t carry a gun. This works well because most of your tales will involve bad people using guns, and will thus reinforce her suspicion that only bad people use guns.
    If she is ever genuinely frightened by a home intruder or a mugger, you don’t want her to talk herself into wanting a gun afterwards. So don’t give her a chance to connect the dots on her own. If you jump in soon enough to tell her how foolish she was to be without a gun, she will spend all her energy arguing with you about whether she should have had one, and argue herself out of wanting one.
    Make range trips unpleasant. When she does agree to go to the range with you, pick a filthy indoor range with unpleasant employees, or if you must use an outdoor range, go when the weather is as ugly as it ever gets in your area. Stay at the range for endless hours, and don’t offer to do something afterwards that she thinks is fun. The longer you stay, the more bonus points you get if the range has no bathroom or a dirty bathroom. You get double bonus points if it’s got a really rank portapotty with no toilet paper.
    Make sure she’s intimidated by both the gun and the target you expect her to hit. Start her out shooting a big-caliber gun at a tiny, distant bullseye. Load the gun with extra-hot ammo, because it’s so doggone funny to watch a new shooter embed the front sight in her eyebrow.
    Whatever you do, don’t let her shoot a .22lr at an easily hit reactive target on her first trip to the range. Make her really work to hit paper on a target that is so far away she cannot tell whether she hit it anyway.
    Get inappropriate equipment, and don’t let her choose her own. When she is willing to get a gun of her own, don’t let her get a gun she has picked out herself. If she wants a semi-auto, insist she starts with a revolver. If she wants a revolver, make her start with a semi-auto. If she wants a 1911, get her something smaller – like a titanium snubby with rudimentary sights, or one of those tiny .380 semi-autos that weigh next to nothing. When she complains about snappy recoil, let her feel like a wimp and don’t let her find out that it’s often easier to shoot a heavier gun.
    Better yet, get her a cheap gun that you yourself wouldn’t be caught dead trying to shoot. She can’t shoot well yet anyway, so what does it matter that the gun you expect her to use is inaccurate, prone to misfires, and has a nasty trigger?
    Get her a holster that matches yours, and suggest she carry it on the point of her hip like you do. Don’t believe her or take her curves into consideration when she complains that your holster carried your way is painful for her. If she complains, tell her she just has to get used to it.
    Don’t let her develop confidence in handling her gun. Most people only enjoy doing things they’re good at, or could become good at. So load the magazine for her. Load the gun for her. Rack the slide for her. If the gun jams, clear it for her. Don’t let her try to do these things herself, don’t show her how to do them, and, above all, make sure she knows that you don’t think she is capable of learning how to do them. The best part of this is that if she ever needs to use the gun for real, she won’t even be able to get a round into the chamber by herself.
    Don’t let her enroll in a class. Especially keep her away from those risky women-only classes, where your gal just might find out about guns that are particularly suited to her hands, may have a chance to try on holsters designed to fit female body types, and might meet other women who like to shoot. If she does accidentally get enrolled in such a class, make sure you contradict everything the instructors taught her as soon as she gets home.
    “So there you have it,” I told my admirer. “How to make your wife hate guns in ten easy lessons. I’m sure you’ve never done any of that … have you?”


  10. #10
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    Well, sadly, either she's gonna realize that lots of people carry every day without "getting themselves killed" or she'll file divorce papers.

    Can someone rustle up some news stories of people protecting themselves with their carry piece? I recall there being one of an elderly man being dragged into a bathroom at a Subway restaurant, only to present his 1911 and stop the threat.
    Quote Originally Posted by SayWhat View Post

    Shooters before hooters.

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    911Boss wrote:
    So why exactly does she think you are more likely to be killed carrying a gun than not? If it was OC, I could at least understand her belief of showing off or being "Rambo". How exactly is someone who discreetly CC being Rambo?

    Clearly she had no idea you were carrying, so how does she support any claim of you acting a certain manner when packing?

    I think a nice long, non-confrontational sit down discussion, with no kids around is in order. Make her support her claims. Do you behave differently when packing? She doesn't seem to be against guns if she is going to the range and shooting. So what is her problem about carrying one?

    No guarantee you will change her mind, but if you listen to her fears and concerns and are able to refute them, she may have to at least face the fact that she is irrational even if she doesn't change her mind.
    We( wife and I) used to be of the belief that if you carry a gun, your looking for trouble. I have since changed my views a while back when a police chase ended in my yard, and the BG acted like he was going right thru me in to my house. Fortunatly he didn't. That's what prompted the gun purchase.

    As for how I act. I used to be confrontational but have stopped that all together as I got older. And your right, I can side with her on the OC. I've taken classes that have showed me its tactically not a good idea, but I DON'T fault any for doing so. I can also side with her on my weapon being taken from me, being used on me or my children, BUT, she won'tconsider that they could still kill us when I'm not CCing.

    She won't listen to anything. She has a bad temper. ANY discussion would end up with her losing it. I'm hoping some might find a more passive way to convince her. Thanks so much for your advice. I hope you'll give me more, when you have it.

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    Suggestions for consideration.

    1) Don't CC or OC around her and/or the kids until some of the heat is diminished on the situation.

    2) Do you have a clergyman you can enlist for assistance? I am not talking about the fresh-faced priest just out of seminary last year. Nor, the bumbler whocan preach a sermon, but can only quote scripture during marriage counseling. I am talking about a truly wise clergymanwho has seen it all--alcoholism, adultery, drug abuse, rape, battered women, incest, homicide. Who knowshuman nature backwards, forwards, and upside down. Or, something approaching competence on the subject. If one was available, or could be reasonably enlisted, does she have a known antipathy to clergy?

    3) If no clergyman, is there someone elseyou know who fits that description or approaches it? A family friend she would trust, too?

    Essentially, you have to find out her real objection. That may take a lot of gentle questioning to discover. Once you find it, then you have to address it. But, it really hinges on finding the real underlying objection. If you don't find it, youcan't address it. If you address lots of other stuff, the real underlying objection will still be there getting in the way. If she is reluctant to give it--and she may not even know what it is herself--it may take a really sharp, wise, old fellow to guess what it is based on what she says, and gently ask about his guess.

    If you try it yourself, be very gentle. Make it very safe for her to say anything that is on her mind. No criticizing herideas, comments, or feelings. This way, if you do not get the real answer, at least you won't make her oppositionworse, won't make her dig in her heels harder. If you try for it yourself, it won't hurt to acknowledge to her thatyou should have asked or told her before doing it. I am not saying you really should have asked or told her. I am saying to make her feel she is right for feeling you should have said something.Who is actually right is less important than getting thechannel open to talk.

    Edited to Add: I like the ideas of wife seeing other husbands and wives OCing to discover for herself that there is nothing wrong with OC/CC.
    I'll make you an offer: I will argue and fight for all of your rights, if you will do the same for me. That is the only way freedom can work. We have to respect all rights, all the time--and strive to win the rights of the other guy as much as for ourselves.

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    Regular Member Batousaii's Avatar
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    My wife and I arein Port Orchard too. Do you know anyone in your area that also OC's ? My wife and I sometimes go eat at Sheri's off of Sedgwick, maybe if she saw another person OCing in the area she would realise your not the "lone ranger". Maybe part of her reaction is "feeling" that your the only one out there doing it? I am sure my wife would be happy to join me for a dinner sometime, maybe the same time (hint hint) as you guys went out for dinner. -- Or, we could simply make an OC meet and have her come? If you think a big group would be unnerving, maybe something smaller, like a few of us local Port Orchard types meeting up. Then she could see your not out there gallivanting around with Tanto and Silver looking for trouble. My wife had to overcome some of that feeling too, she is Japanese, so she was 100% not used to guns until she came to good ol USA.

    - Just some ideas, but i dont see your situation as hopeless, maybe a bit of patience and communication could resolve her concerns.

    Bat

    P.S. I had a little of the opposite. I was gonna leave the forum, but my wife wont approve of that and is more comfortable if i stay on board. Helps her feel i am not the "only one" out there OCing... so yes, seeing others helps her tons, and she is now very supportive of the group... so, i guess you guys are stuck with me.

    - so, if you see a mid aged gentleman carrying an old western single action six gun rig, please say hello.
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    Now I am asking with ALL DUE RESPECT, but is it that time of the month?

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    GUYS,

    Thanks so much for the support. I hope its not hopeless too. She is one of those people who makes up her mind and thats it. When you prove her wrong she doesn't care and just gets angry. But please keep the advice coming.

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    tannerwaterbury wrote:
    Now I am asking with ALL DUE RESPECT, but is it that time of the month?
    Not yet, but its getting close. Although it wouldn't matter anyways.

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    Swatspyder, I love those URLs you showed. Also, I forgot all about the cornered cat site. thats some great stuff and funny too. I almost pissed myself on one of those. Thanks

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    Opt-Out Members BigDave's Avatar
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    Nathan9493 wrote:
    Swatspyder, I love those URLs you showed. Also, I forgot all about the cornered cat site. thats some great stuff and funny too. I almost pissed myself on one of those. Thanks
    Kathy is an assistant instructor at The Firearms Academy of Seattle located in Onalaska, WA.

    I would suggest you and your wife sign up for the introduction course as it is very low cost and they may well still not charge for it.

    They will have male and female instructors there, Marty and Gila Hayes own and operate the School and are very good.

    What would be ideal is that your wife talk with Gila and Kathy if she was available that day, it may well change the wife's perspective on the issue.

    Being a hard ass will guarantee a revolt from her.

    Take the basic class with her, you will not regret it.

    http://www.firearmsacademy.com/schedule.htm


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    Good luck man. But I think you're screwed. If she is willing to divorce you for CCing around her and your kids, than you've got a really big problem. If she can't even see that what you are doing is trying to protect your family, than I don't think that she will ever come around and accept your carrying, short of something happening to you or your family.

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    BigDave wrote:
    Nathan9493 wrote:
    Swatspyder, I love those URLs you showed. Also, I forgot all about the cornered cat site. thats some great stuff and funny too. I almost pissed myself on one of those. Thanks
    Kathy is an assistant instructor at The Firearms Academy of Seattle located in Onalaska, WA.

    I would suggest you and your wife sign up for the introduction course as it is very low cost and they may well still not charge for it.

    They will have male and female instructors there, Marty and Gila Hayes own and operate the School and are very good.

    What would be ideal is that your wife talk with Gila and Kathy if she was available that day, it may well change the wife's perspective on the issue.

    Being a hard ass will guarantee a revolt from her.

    Take the basic class with her, you will not regret it.

    http://www.firearmsacademy.com/schedule.htm

    Dave I've taken the course their. But thats a great idea. I've met Gila and Marty taught my class. They gave us the book that Gila wrote geared strictly towards women. I have yet to get her to read it. I'll try to talk to Gila and Kathy. GREAT IDEA!! Love it.:celebrate

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    Batousaii wrote:

    - so, if you see a mid aged gentleman carrying an old western single action six gun rig, please say hello.
    You carry six guns????

    BTW, knew you wouldn't be gone for long.


    Been harassed by the police? Yelled at by the anti-gun neighbors? Mother doesn't approve?

    Then this is the place for you! Click here to get back at them!

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    BigDave wrote:
    Kathy is an assistant instructor at The Firearms Academy of Seattle located in Onalaska, WA.

    I would suggest you and your wife sign up for the introduction course as it is very low cost and they may well still not charge for it.

    They will have male and female instructors there, Marty and Gila Hayes own and operate the School and are very good.

    What would be ideal is that your wife talk with Gila and Kathy if she was available that day, it may well change the wife's perspective on the issue.

    Being a hard ass will guarantee a revolt from her.

    Take the basic class with her, you will not regret it.

    http://www.firearmsacademy.com/schedule.htm

    While I agree that taking a course is a great idea, and generally the classes at Firearms Academy are very good....

    Gila taught an all woman class my wife attended. She taught them, without having anything to back up her allegations, that OC will cause them to get shot first by a BG and that they should never do it.

    I wouldn't mind IF they could produce some evidence that this is true or even likely to happen. They can't produce anything to support this lesson.
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    Poosharker wrote:
    Batousaii wrote:

    - so, if you see a mid aged gentleman carrying an old western single action six gun rig, please say hello.
    You carry six guns????

    BTW, knew you wouldn't be gone for long.
    Yeah, wife is more comfortable knowing "we are not alone" in the OC /pro gun efforts... plus i really dont hold grudges to long... TY Poo for the kind words.

    - For the Six gun, yeap, i am very comfortable with it. Old Ruger vaquero .45 Colt.

    Nathan, consider a slow exposure to the group and the culture. Doing it to fast may turn her off, but at least to see that she is not the only wife with a gun-toting husband (or even husbands with gun-toting wives) she may very well get accustom to it, and even comfortable. some patience and persistence, and understanding will go a long way.

    Bat
    ~ ENCLAVE vmc ~
    The Enclave is looking for patriotic motorcycle riders in Washington State who support liberty and freedom for all. ~ Check us out!
    ~
    * " To be swayed neither by the opponent nor by his sword is the essence of swordsmanship." - Miyamoto Musashi.

  24. #24
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    Not Here Anymore
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    Post imported post

    You know, aside from being a little scared at first, my wife has been pretty easy going about my recent "lifestyle change". We went from one on the nightstand, to OC in a week. We went into WalMart and I OC'd then she started liking the idea of always having protection. It didn't take long for me to get her to OC as well.

    I consider myself VERY VERY lucky!:celebrate:celebrate
    I am the person responsible for myself, my wife and my son. I take that VERY seriously.

  25. #25
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    Sedro, Washington, USA
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    533

    Post imported post

    She has an irrational fear of weapons. The gun will not kill you, it can't jump out of the holster and do anything. But she can't be convinced with the irrational fear. You're out of luck.

    Rambo.

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