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Thread: OT internet humor

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    Regular Member EM87's Avatar
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    Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
    "You'll be walking along.. OC.. and you'll feel GREAT. You'll feel FREEEEE like 1776 kind of Free." -cscitney87

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    Regular Member Yooper's Avatar
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    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
    Rand Paul 2016

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    Regular Member Yooper's Avatar
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    Rand Paul 2016

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    Regular Member Taurus850CIA's Avatar
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    Yooper wrote:
    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.


    "Fault always lies in the same place, my fine babies: with him weak enough to lay blame." - Cort

    Gun control is like trying to reduce Drunk Driving by making it tougher for sober people to own cars.

    Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.

    The answer to "1984" is "
    1776"

    With freedom comes much responsibility. It is for this reason so many are loathe to exercise it.

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    Regular Member Taurus850CIA's Avatar
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    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

    Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

    Some kids piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.
    "Fault always lies in the same place, my fine babies: with him weak enough to lay blame." - Cort

    Gun control is like trying to reduce Drunk Driving by making it tougher for sober people to own cars.

    Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.

    The answer to "1984" is "
    1776"

    With freedom comes much responsibility. It is for this reason so many are loathe to exercise it.

  7. #7
    Regular Member Yooper's Avatar
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    Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the earth down

    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
    Rand Paul 2016

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    Regular Member Taurus850CIA's Avatar
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    Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.
    "Fault always lies in the same place, my fine babies: with him weak enough to lay blame." - Cort

    Gun control is like trying to reduce Drunk Driving by making it tougher for sober people to own cars.

    Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.

    The answer to "1984" is "
    1776"

    With freedom comes much responsibility. It is for this reason so many are loathe to exercise it.

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    .
    Last edited by T Vance; 09-20-2010 at 01:45 PM.

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    Regular Member EM87's Avatar
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    This is the video I like to post when the trolls come around. Not safe for work.

    http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1926079
    "You'll be walking along.. OC.. and you'll feel GREAT. You'll feel FREEEEE like 1776 kind of Free." -cscitney87

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    Founder's Club Member protias's Avatar
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    Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
    No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. Thomas Jefferson (1776)

    If you go into a store, with a gun, and rob it, you have forfeited your right to not get shot - Joe Deters, Hamilton County (Cincinnati) Prosecutor

    I ask sir, what is the militia? It is the whole people except for a few politicians. - George Mason (father of the Bill of Rights and The Virginia Declaration of Rights)

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    Regular Member Taurus850CIA's Avatar
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    Blonde Password


    During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using
    the following password:

    MickeyMinniePlutoHueyDeweyLouieDonaldGoofySacramen to

    When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it
    had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
    "Fault always lies in the same place, my fine babies: with him weak enough to lay blame." - Cort

    Gun control is like trying to reduce Drunk Driving by making it tougher for sober people to own cars.

    Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.

    The answer to "1984" is "
    1776"

    With freedom comes much responsibility. It is for this reason so many are loathe to exercise it.

  13. #13
    Regular Member Taurus850CIA's Avatar
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    Intelligence Riddle

    Barak Obama meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

    "Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

    Obama frowns, then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

    The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

    Tony Blair walks into the room and says, "Yes, my Queen?"

    The Queen smiles and says, "Answer me this please, Tony ~ Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister . . . Who is it?"

    Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That would be me."

    "Yes! Very good," says the Queen.

    Obama goes back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice presidential choice the same question ~ ~ ~ "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

    "I'm not sure," says Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one." He goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Newt Gingrich's shoes in the next stall.

    Biden asks Gingrich, "Newt, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

    Newt Gingrich answers back, "That's easy ~ It's me!"

    Biden smiles, and says, "Thanks!"

    Then, he goes back to speak with Obama. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Newt Gingrich!"

    Obama gets up, stomps over to Biden, and angrily yells into his face, "No!, you idiot! . . . It's Tony Blair!"
    "Fault always lies in the same place, my fine babies: with him weak enough to lay blame." - Cort

    Gun control is like trying to reduce Drunk Driving by making it tougher for sober people to own cars.

    Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.

    The answer to "1984" is "
    1776"

    With freedom comes much responsibility. It is for this reason so many are loathe to exercise it.

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    Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits

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    In 1911, Turkey established gun control. From 1915 to 1917, 1.2 million Armenians were EXTERMINATED.

    In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control. From 1929 to 1953, 20 million descendants were rounded up and EXTERMINATED.

    In 1935, China established gun control. From 1948 to 1952, 20 million descendants were EXTERMINATED.

    In 1938, Nazi Germany established gun control. From 1939 to 1945, 40-52 million jews were EXTERMINATED.

    In 1964, Guatemala established gun control. From 1964 to 1981, 100,000 Mayan indians were EXTERMINATED.

    In 1970 Uganda established gun control. From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians were EXTERMINATED.

    During WWII, the Japanese Imperial Army considered troop landings in the US. They finally opted not to. The reasoning behind this? Most US citizens at the time were armed!

    BE A CITIZEN
    NOT A SUBJECT!

    MOLON LABE

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    Regular Member EM87's Avatar
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    THway wrote:
    In 1911, Turkey established gun control. From 1915 to 1917, 1.2 million Armenians were EXTERMINATED.

    In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control. From 1929 to 1953, 20 million descendants were rounded up and EXTERMINATED.

    In 1935, China established gun control. From 1948 to 1952, 20 million descendants were EXTERMINATED.

    In 1938, Nazi Germany established gun control. From 1939 to 1945, 40-52 million jews were EXTERMINATED.

    In 1964, Guatemala established gun control. From 1964 to 1981, 100,000 Mayan indians were EXTERMINATED.

    In 1970 Uganda established gun control. From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians were EXTERMINATED.

    During WWII, the Japanese Imperial Army considered troop landings in the US. They finally opted not to. The reasoning behind this? Most US citizens at the time were armed!

    BE A CITIZEN
    NOT A SUBJECT!

    MOLON LABE
    This is supposed to be a humor thread... I find that quite dark. Follow up with an unrelated joke?
    "You'll be walking along.. OC.. and you'll feel GREAT. You'll feel FREEEEE like 1776 kind of Free." -cscitney87

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    EM87 wrote:
    THway wrote:
    This is supposed to be a humor thread... I find that quite dark. Follow up with an unrelated joke?
    Yes it is a humor thread... however, it is also OT... so it does fit as well. I do have dark humor, but not that dark.

    But since you want humor here you go........

    Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ******* Indian.

    Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.

    Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.

    If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down

    Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.

    Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

    After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".

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    THway wrote:
    During WWII, the Japanese Imperial Army considered troop landings in the US. They finally opted not to. The reasoning behind this? Most US citizens at the time were armed!
    I think the quote he was searching for is:

    "You cannot invade the mainland United States.
    There would be a rifle behind every blade of grass."
    - Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto
    (Japanese Navy)

    Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? (who will watch the watchmen?)

    I am not a lawyer. Nothing in any of posts should be construed as legal advice.

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    EM87 wrote:
    Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
    he also doesn't blend well... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deHM-bhp9pA

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    "I fear all we have done is awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve." -Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto

    "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things." -Cereal Killer

    "... and the sea will grant each man new hope, as sleep brings dreams of home." -Christopher Columbus

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  24. #24
    Regular Member EM87's Avatar
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    THway wrote:
    Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a @#$%ing Indian.
    Haha, that one made me laugh! :-)
    "You'll be walking along.. OC.. and you'll feel GREAT. You'll feel FREEEEE like 1776 kind of Free." -cscitney87

  25. #25
    Regular Member EM87's Avatar
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    BreakingTheMold wrote:
    This is really funny! I've seen it before and remember getting a great laugh out of it. After all, I own two of the three. (Don't have an AR yet.)
    "You'll be walking along.. OC.. and you'll feel GREAT. You'll feel FREEEEE like 1776 kind of Free." -cscitney87

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