EM87
Regular Member
imported post
Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
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OT internet humor
- Thread starter EM87
- Start date
Yooper
Regular Member
imported post
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Yooper
Regular Member
Taurus850CIA
Regular Member
BreakingTheMold
Regular Member
Taurus850CIA
Regular Member
imported post
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Some kids piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Some kids piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.
Yooper
Regular Member
imported post
Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the earth down
[font="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"]Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.[/font]
Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the earth down
[font="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"]Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.[/font]
Taurus850CIA
Regular Member
imported post
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.
T Vance
Regular Member
imported post
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Last edited:
EM87
Regular Member
imported post
This is the video I like to post when the trolls come around. Not safe for work.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1926079
This is the video I like to post when the trolls come around. Not safe for work.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1926079
Taurus850CIA
Regular Member
imported post
Blonde Password
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using
the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyDeweyLouieDonaldGoofySacramento
When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it
had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Blonde Password
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using
the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyDeweyLouieDonaldGoofySacramento
When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it
had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Taurus850CIA
Regular Member
imported post
Intelligence Riddle
Barak Obama meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Obama frowns, then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room and says, "Yes, my Queen?"
The Queen smiles and says, "Answer me this please, Tony ~ Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister . . . Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," says the Queen.
Obama goes back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice presidential choice the same question ~ ~ ~ "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one." He goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Newt Gingrich's shoes in the next stall.
Biden asks Gingrich, "Newt, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Newt Gingrich answers back, "That's easy ~ It's me!"
Biden smiles, and says, "Thanks!"
Then, he goes back to speak with Obama. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Newt Gingrich!"
Obama gets up, stomps over to Biden, and angrily yells into his face, "No!, you idiot! . . . It's Tony Blair!"
Intelligence Riddle
Barak Obama meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Obama frowns, then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room and says, "Yes, my Queen?"
The Queen smiles and says, "Answer me this please, Tony ~ Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister . . . Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," says the Queen.
Obama goes back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice presidential choice the same question ~ ~ ~ "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one." He goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Newt Gingrich's shoes in the next stall.
Biden asks Gingrich, "Newt, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Newt Gingrich answers back, "That's easy ~ It's me!"
Biden smiles, and says, "Thanks!"
Then, he goes back to speak with Obama. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Newt Gingrich!"
Obama gets up, stomps over to Biden, and angrily yells into his face, "No!, you idiot! . . . It's Tony Blair!"
sasha601
Regular Member
sasha601
Regular Member
myusername
Regular Member
imported post
Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits
Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits
THway
Regular Member
imported post
In 1911, Turkey established gun control. From 1915 to 1917, 1.2 million Armenians were EXTERMINATED.
In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control. From 1929 to 1953, 20 million descendants were rounded up and EXTERMINATED.
In 1935, China established gun control. From 1948 to 1952, 20 million descendants were EXTERMINATED.
In 1938, Nazi Germany established gun control. From 1939 to 1945, 40-52 million jews were EXTERMINATED.
In 1964, Guatemala established gun control. From 1964 to 1981, 100,000 Mayan indians were EXTERMINATED.
In 1970 Uganda established gun control. From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians were EXTERMINATED.
During WWII, the Japanese Imperial Army considered troop landings in the US. They finally opted not to. The reasoning behind this? Most US citizens at the time were armed!
[align=center]BE A CITIZEN
NOT A SUBJECT!
MOLON LABE
[/align]
In 1911, Turkey established gun control. From 1915 to 1917, 1.2 million Armenians were EXTERMINATED.
In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control. From 1929 to 1953, 20 million descendants were rounded up and EXTERMINATED.
In 1935, China established gun control. From 1948 to 1952, 20 million descendants were EXTERMINATED.
In 1938, Nazi Germany established gun control. From 1939 to 1945, 40-52 million jews were EXTERMINATED.
In 1964, Guatemala established gun control. From 1964 to 1981, 100,000 Mayan indians were EXTERMINATED.
In 1970 Uganda established gun control. From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians were EXTERMINATED.
During WWII, the Japanese Imperial Army considered troop landings in the US. They finally opted not to. The reasoning behind this? Most US citizens at the time were armed!
[align=center]BE A CITIZEN
NOT A SUBJECT!
MOLON LABE
[/align]
EM87
Regular Member
imported post
THway wrote:
This is supposed to be a humor thread... I find that quite dark. Follow up with an unrelated joke?
THway wrote:
This is supposed to be a humor thread... I find that quite dark. Follow up with an unrelated joke?
THway
Regular Member
imported post
EM87 wrote:
But since you want humor here you go........
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ******* Indian.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
EM87 wrote:
Yes it is a humor thread... however, it is also OT... so it does fit as well. I do have dark humor, but not that dark.
But since you want humor here you go........
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ******* Indian.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
lapeer20m
Regular Member
imported post
THway wrote:
[align=center]"You cannot invade the mainland United States.
There would be a rifle behind every blade of grass."[/align] [align=center]- Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto
(Japanese Navy)[/align]
THway wrote:
I think the quote he was searching for is:
[align=center]"You cannot invade the mainland United States.
There would be a rifle behind every blade of grass."[/align] [align=center]- Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto
(Japanese Navy)[/align]