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Thread: THE NATIONAL DOG BITE/BABY WALKER CRISIS, a proxy for gun control logic

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    http://www.mazepath.com/uncleal/dog2.htm

    Any car you may buy includes passenger and driver airbags at an incremental cost of $2000-2500 plus tax. Given 30 million cars sold/year, US consumers are dunned $64+ billion/year to save a couple of hundred people too stupid to buckle $30 seatbelts. Disregard serious injuries in 43% of deployments, and a dozen "small" women and children protected to death annually. Home and apartment smoke detectors sum to another $billion pulled from your wallet by Federal good intentions, saving a few people/state each year. Bicycle helmets are multi-$billion social engineering aimed at saving... well, nobody who can be identified.

    Each year 4.5 million dog bites outrage US citizenry, sending 334,000 victims (VICTIMS!) to Emergency Rooms. That exceeds by a factor of three annual combined ER visits due to in-line skates (75,994), baby walkers (28,000), and skateboards (25,486). Baby walkers are injuring and killing Americans, big time?

    Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh, then relocated to Allegheny University of the Health Sciences, Pittsburgh ran the study. The 07 January 1998 Journal of the American Medical Association published the good news:
    1. Children are dogs' favorite munch. The average dog bite casualty is 15 years old. Save the children!
    2. Only baseball and softball injuries clobbered more kids into health care provider heaven: 404,364/year.
    3. Dog bite treatment runs an Official $102.4 million annual tab. A $306.59 Emergency Room visit is not within my cognitive realm. Somebody dropped a factor of ten, perhaps 20, likely more.
    President Slick Willy Clinton's Christmas importation of a dog into the White House is heinous civil assault glowering at the citizenry. Send your kid on a White House tour, have her come back in a pine coffin, partially eaten by a chocolate Labrador retriever (admittedly with a deballed pooch pouch lest he munch the staff). We endure a National Dog Bite Crisis!

    Immense Federal resources must immediately be mobilized to pursue themselves in circles - and damn the expense! - until Hillary Ramrod Clinton consummates the paperwork and Tipper Gore adds a warning label about morality to the front of the package. Dog fangs must be ground down to safe stubs. Crisis warning canine oral prostheses must be implanted. Emergency Juvenile Dog Bite Clinics must be emplaced throughout the United States wherever dogs are to be found. Massive educational subsidies to train care givers are demanded, with no preference given to minorities, women, or cripples who get first choice at enrollment. Every child must be outfitted with a telelinked satellite remote communicator. America's children must be protected by unflinching dog control! Studies must commence!

    Who will pay for of America's salvation from dog bites? We must all draw together to be whittled by jackbooted State compassion. A little additional sales tax, fuel tax, tax surcharge, and an addendum to the extra charges tacked onto traffic citations will save our children, initially. As programs expand further revenue enhancement opportunities will present themselves. America's economy will be forever fortified by our charity. And if it proves to be a fiasco of incalculable proportions, we will redouble our efforts!

    It is an unfortunate by-product of the National Dog Bite Crisis study that baby walkers are demonstrably more dangerous than skateboards. What are we as a great nation going to do about baby walkers? Airbags are rejected because they kill more kids than drugged out Welfare mothers waiting for their Friday check and fix thereafter. Federally mandated automobile child seats have nasty death statistics, though it is too early to tell if deaths in cars have any bearing on deaths in walkers. A call for prudent parenting foists personal responsibility, which is a racial and ethnic hate crime.

    Put NASA (Not A Space Agency) on the National Baby Walker Crisis to demilitarize and deweaponize advanced technologies to protect our children! One easily envisions adaptation of Mir gyroscopic stabilization to convert dangerously tipping baby walkers into safely nutating ones. Computer interfaced acceleration and attitude control augmented by solid state thrusters and self-contained Pu-238 thermal power sources assure real time control for even the most obese child. Technology that allowed the Mars rover to confound itself upon a large rock can be the ever vigilant electro-nanny keeping perpetual watch upon your child. Payroll deduction would pay for it all, certainly if everybody's payroll were deducted.

    America is entering a golden age wherein tax cuts abound and revenue enhancements march forward. Big government will be a cornucopia, sucking our purses dry and dribbling golden rivulets of kindness into our atrophied trembling palms. Kill the dog and imprison the kid within inflatable rubber pants. Mom and dad must work to support their family, government, and Welfare remoras. Not to worry, Senator Hillary Ramrod Clinton has the National Day Care Crisis right where she wants it.


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    Regular Member rodbender's Avatar
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    I just spent approximately 3 minutes reading this waiting for the issue of open carry or even guns in general to come upand was sorely disappointed. IT AIN'T THERE!!!! I don't buy the proxy for gun control logic.

    Shame on you Doug.
    The thing about common sense is....it ain't too common.
    Will Rogers

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    Thank goodness I'm not cutting&pasting for your approval.

  4. #4
    Regular Member rodbender's Avatar
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    Me, too.
    The thing about common sense is....it ain't too common.
    Will Rogers

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