Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 33

Thread: My family doesn't "get it"

  1. #1
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Baraboo, Wisconsin, USA
    Posts
    89

    Post imported post

    Just like what the title says. Everyone in my family acts completely ignorant about me open carrying.

    My wife thinks it is "the most idiotic idea I have ever had" and thinks that it not only endangers my safety but the safety of everyone around me. She refuses to go anywhere with me if I have my gun on my hip, and is even reluctant to be in a car with me while the gun is cased and locked in the trunk. The bizarre thing is that her dad is a big hunter and gun buff.

    This is where it gets more wierd. People in her family seem to share the same belief that she does, despite the fact that they have a room in their house that looks like an armory. I'm not sure why they all have this idea in their head that me doing this puts everyone at risk; they aren't crazy wigged-out libs or constitution stompers, I really thought of all the people I talked to about this that her family would be the most accepting of it. Instead, I'm no longer allowed near her younger sister's un-conceived children with "that F#$%^# thing".

    It makes it exceptionally difficult to do something that I whole-heartedly believe in when the people that are supposed to be my support structure fail to do just that: support me in my decisions. Nothing I can say or do makes them understand that it is MY RIGHT, which SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED UPON. I feel exponentially more uncomfortable having to argue this point with people than I feel about strapping my gun on and going out. Normally I am a very eloquent and pleasant conversationalist, but for some reason I can't get by why people can't just leave it be with "It's my right to do so, you are not in any danger."

    So if any of you have some tips that have really turned the tide of a conversation to your favor and garnered some support, help me out, because I really can't stand it when people try to trample my rights, especially people so close to me.

  2. #2
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Whitewater, Wisconsin
    Posts
    14

    Post imported post

    I expect my family to react the same way. Although I don't have a wife to contend with I would say living by your beliefs is the most important thing. The first step in my opinion for them to accepting it would be to try and make it a normal thing, like putting on a belt.
    Their voicing a different opinion isn't trampling your rights. I'd imagine that you're not just carrying because you can, but in order to protect your and your wifes life, try and help them understand that. Personally I was considering a firearms course to add a level of credibility. Even though I shouldn't need one, it sounds like fun and can't hurt.

  3. #3
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Baraboo, Wisconsin, USA
    Posts
    89

    Post imported post

    "If I saw anyone with a gun on where I work I would call the police and demand they be arrested because they are making me feel unsafe" was another gem from the conversation. I guess on a personal level -i- feel like that is rights trampling.

    What if I were scared of men with tatooes or long hair or a different skin color than mine? Does that make it ok to call the police because I have an irrational fear and demand they be arrested for doing nothing else but being part of a minority? Of course not, that is utterly moronic, but people don't tend to like it when I point out that they are discriminating against a minority and trying to invalidate that person's rights because of prejudice and preconceived notions.

  4. #4
    Regular Member AaronS's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
    Posts
    1,497

    Post imported post

    My wife felt the same way about my open carry. She would not be seen out side with me at all. After about2 months, she just gave up. Now she knows to wait for a minute when we park so I can get out and holster up. She assumes that I will be carrying at all times now. She still does not like it, but she is used to it now. So today, if I have a belt on, I will have a holster on also, and she know it. As far as her family goes... I gave up on them years ago... Again, time should fix it all though. Go to a few "events" this summer. Bring her with. When she sees that it is not just you, she will learn to deal with it better. I bet by the end of summer, she does not feel the same way she does now.

  5. #5
    Founder's Club Member bnhcomputing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Wisconsin, USA
    Posts
    1,709

    Post imported post

    Sixty (60) Years of GUN == BAD being taught in the schools is difficult to overcome and won't be achieved overnight. That is why we MUST "come out of the closet."

    My wife doesn't like it either, so here are my suggestions.

    1. Talk to your wife. Explain to her WHY you feel the need to exercise the right.
    2. Bring her to the picnics. Help her realize there are MANY who do this.
    3. Start a support group. We meet once a week in Onalaska just to discuss/support one another.
    4. The "family" is stuck in the guns for hunting thinking.
    5. Give them examples of were an armed citizen saved lives and where unarmed citizens couldn't.

    That's a starting point.



  6. #6
    Founder's Club Member Brass Magnet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Right Behind You!, Wisconsin, USA
    Posts
    2,818

    Post imported post

    SIGdude,

    I solved my family issues by using a purely "Rights" based argument. I think it worked because they thought the idea was loony originally and didn't see any need for me to carry a firearm in our "safe" community. So I didn't feed their thoughts. I took the "champion of our rights" :Papproach. I talked to them about the history of the protection of ourrights all the way from the Magna Carta, the revolutionary war, the aftermath of the civil war, passage of the 14 amendment, the civil rights movement.

    I believe this must have made them decide I wasn't a loony and that I had a darn good reason for doing it; even if they didn't agree with my approach. After all, it's my first amendment right to display an openly carried firearm to bring about understanding of my 2nd amendment right to protect my life and myfirst amendmentitself with said firearm.

    Many in my family still don't like it, but they tolerate it andI gained a few converts as well. For the few that refused to even think about it; well, I don't care about their opinions anyway.



    Lastly, since I'm from around the area, let me know and I'll join you for a beer or some food some night or weekend and we can have a chat. It's always nice to have a conversation with some right minded individuals.




    R[ƎVO˩]UTION

    ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

    Lex malla, lex nulla

  7. #7
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    , ,
    Posts
    144

    Post imported post

    My wife, god bless her, is originally from Wisconsin and has moved to Texas with me many moons ago but she still has a son in Wi. Anyway, when I first got my TxCHL she was against it and didn't like me carrying and HATED guns being in the house after many moons have passed she came to accept my decision even if she still doesn't like it and has asked on occasion to make sure I did have my gun with me. When visiting Wi the last time she didn't even blink an eye or give me a dirty look when I OCed, but unfortunately I wasn't able to OC everywhere because of her 9y/o son, who is a whole new can of worms in itself with taking a bb gun to school and shooting a teacher, but yeah, I didn't OC around him because he was frightened and until we get custody of him there's no way of unbrainwashing him or straightening him out as their idea of punishment is a spanking that my two year old would laugh at because it's so weak.

  8. #8
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Mountain Home, Arkansas, United States
    Posts
    400

    Post imported post

    Fear: they have been brainwashed into thinking that guns are only for hunting. Ask then if they are endangering themselves or others when they take a gun out hunting. A rifle will shoot farther and a shot gun has a bigger spread. Do they have the urge to shoot people and rob banks every time they pick up a gun and then walk out into the woods and blast innocent creatures away; thus filling the need to kill. What will people think?

    No need: Because Baraboo is a quiet town and not much crime they don't see the need. Crime only happens in big cities. Is there a lot of crime in Baraboo; no, but it does happen. If they can tell you when and where a crime will take place I will carry only there.

    We just had a janitor from a local school arrested for an armed robbery and I live in a quiet town.

    My wife and I carry everywhere. I insisted that she carry because I can't protecter her 24/7. I love my wife to much.
    Don't confuse me with the facts, I have my emotions!

    I guess that's the difference between no crime and "stopping" a crime in progress. I prefer no crime.

  9. #9
    Regular Member bigdaddy1's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Southsider der hey
    Posts
    1,320

    Post imported post

    Unfortunatly I am in the same boat. My wife does not agree with open carry. Last summer there were some houligans messing around in the alley late one night. I went out there strapped up. My thought is someone yelling "get the H3LL outa here) would hold more water if that someone had a sidearm strapped on. Well the local police were out there looking for the punks. They saw my sidearm and pretty much just said "dont reach for your gun unless your defending yourself". My wife came out and was upset, thinking that the cops are gonna bust me. The cop told her its perfectly legal. Yet she still doesnt want to go any where if I'm carrying. She did say she wouldnt have a problem if CC was legal and I carried, she just doesnt like it in the open. I seldome carry out now because she is usually with me when I do.



    One of these days I am going to sit down and really discuss it, when I have a few hours of time available. I could care less about what her family thinks or says however.




    What part of "shall not be infringed" don't you understand?

  10. #10
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    The Northwoods, lakeland area, Wisconsin, USA
    Posts
    2,170

    Post imported post

    Well SigDude,

    I guess I gotta ask what you told them as to the reason you are now carrying a pistol. Did you tell them it was to make a statement? or did you tell the wifey it was to protect her and yourself from harm?

    I guess I just got it easy, when me and my GF were first dating she had no clue I even owned any guns. Well then something weird happened one night when she was over at my house,
    I heard footsteps on the roof of the house that I was renting, I told her to stay in the room, and if she heard me yell to call the cops to dial 911 But to not call if I did not say to call, (very important)
    That is when I grabbed my Stainless Ruger revolver and went outside to confront the drunken crackheadidiot that I found on my roof trying to break in through an upstairs window.
    He was so F'ed up he mistook my home for the one next door where the woman who lived the had a restraining order against him for being abusive.
    Since that very first time she realized that I possess the ability and the proper tools to defend her and her son against the crazies.

    Sadly it may justtake a violent crime to happen in your neighborhood to make the wife realize that a gun is the proper tool needed to protect her from the crazies in the world.

  11. #11
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Baraboo, Wisconsin, USA
    Posts
    89

    Post imported post

    Nut, basically I'm doing it for several reasons. Firstly, I am a firm believer that it is better to wear the gun every day and never need it than to need it one day and not have it.

    Secondly, I find myself over the last few years becoming highly aware of the amount of rights that citizens willingly allow to be taken from them. I have always been fairly liberties-oriented but when I sit down and think about it, there was no gradual snap or switch that was flipped and made me like this, just day to day happenings making me realize how important our rights are and what happens when someone tries to supplant them.

    Naturally, they all think that this is a quiet, small town and nothing bad ever happens here. 6 murders in the last 10 years. Dozens of rapes. Hundreds of burglaries, assaults, thefts, and other assorted felonies. I'm well trained enough that I could handle 1 other person who is also unarmed. I'm not well trained enough to handle any more than that. As such, I would rather carry a firearm to make myself feelsafe, and if people around methink a holstered and thumb-breakedhand guncarried by a person who has never even gotten as much as a traffic ticketworries them so much then I guess they don't need to be around me, but any rational thinking individual will see it as a means to further ensure my safety and the safety of those I care about

    People willing to trade their freedom for temporary security deserve neither and will lose both. I'm right there with Old Ben.


  12. #12
    Regular Member CUOfficer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    La Crosse, Wisconsin, USA
    Posts
    194

    Post imported post

    While I am not married, I have dealt with this from my girlfriend and MY family. Here are some of the things that I speak of:

    1. When I am shopping: Reference the woman in SoCal that started stabbing people randomly in Target. She was apprehended by an off-duty LEO. If I am confronted by someone in the store who doesn't think I should be carrying I say this: So if someone walked in the store right now and started shooting everyone in sight, would you still thinkI didn't need to carry? That one gets them every time.

    2. As for my girlfriend and family: There are several things that I will say. For one, it's a constitunionally protected right that should not be infringed. If they don't support it than that is fine, however, they need to understand it's place. I have started to take my girlfriend shooting and get her used to a firearm. She has been willing to do that but still doesn't quite understand it. I will be taking her to an event just to see what it is all about. She won't carry, but she'll hopefully learn from it.

    And for the other naysayers in the area, a friend of mine was walking home from a Festival here in La Crosse on Saturday night. As she was walking with a friend, someone came out of nowhere and hit her friend in the face. Knocked him out cold, broke his eye-socket, and fled. No apparent reason for the attack. The worst part, the guy is a LEO!!!! If that's not reason enough for me to carry and protect myself then what is????

  13. #13
    Regular Member bluehighways's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    wisconsin
    Posts
    142

    Post imported post

    Man, I feel like the lucky one. My fiance` is in total support of OC. She says it makes her feel safe when we're together and I have a gun. She knows she's well protected and appreciates it.

    One member of my family believes in the Constitution and knows that personal protection is the individual's duty; the rest of my family thinks its just crazy to even think of ever carrying a gun, only police should have guns, and that ALL GUNS ARE EVIL :what:
    "The problem with quotes on the Internet is that it is often difficult to verify their authenticity." - Abraham Lincoln

  14. #14
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    , ,
    Posts
    144

    Post imported post

    Blue, if all guns are evil, and only cops should have guns are cops evil?

  15. #15
    McX
    Guest

    Post imported post

    love is grand. divorce is 20 grand. anyway, to attempt to help; when faced with dissent from the government, i have stood on, and it works: Dear, is it your intent to infringe upon my rights as guarenteed by the constitution of the united states?

  16. #16
    Regular Member Yooper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Houghton County, Michigan, USA
    Posts
    808

    Post imported post

    Does anyone in the family who's against your OC smoke, drink, or eat to much? If so, bring that up. "My gun, when used properly, like I use it, will not harm anyone, except to protect my life, or those I love, your smoking, AT BEST, will only kill you."
    Rand Paul 2016

  17. #17
    Regular Member ROOK_WI's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Franklin, Wisconsin, USA
    Posts
    131

    Post imported post

    For the same reason I keep a fire extinguisher in the kitchen.My family is notexpecting a fire, but should I ever need it, it is there.

    For the same reason Ikeep a spare tire for the truck. My family is notexpecting a flat, but should I ever need it, it is there.

    For the same reason I keep afirst aid kitin the bathroom. My family is not expectingto get hurt, but should I ever need it, it is there.



  18. #18
    Banned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Chilton, Wisconsin, USA
    Posts
    3,481

    Post imported post

    SIGdude,
    here is a story that may help your family understand just how important it is to be able to protect yourself when needed.

    If this doesn't help, I am afraid nothing will.


    http://www.gunownersalliance.com/hupp-10.htm

  19. #19
    Regular Member ROOK_WI's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Franklin, Wisconsin, USA
    Posts
    131

    Post imported post

    Another I have used, after a long winded one sided anti-speech is, "I have listened to you speak freely about how you feel towards guns and carry,as youare allowed to speak that way because it is your rightto do so, and Iand honoryour right to do so, even though I may not be a fan of what you have to say, I still supportthat right you have..."

    Usually that should be enough to get them thinking. I'm not out to win anyone over, I just want them to think a little bit. I never get into the "Me, me, me" side of things. Sometimes, I don't mention the word 'gun' at all, use 'safe' or 'safety', like BNH said, the 'G' word can be scary for some.

  20. #20
    Regular Member johnny amish's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    High altitude of Vernon County, ,
    Posts
    1,025

    Post imported post

    I have had this same problem with some of the guys at work. It is hard to argue when you are talking about opinion so I started to show them some stats off the web. They will have a hard time arguing when thefacts don't back up their side of the argument. Also the book by John Lott JR. More Guns Less Crime is a good place to start. The facts don't lie. I also have been cutting articles out of the paper about the crimes that happen in our area and showing them that bad things happen to good people. Don't let them discourage you, you are doing the right thing. You should feel proud for standing up for your rights. Carry on my friend.
    "To sin by silence, when we should protest makes cowards out of men."
    Ella Wheeler Cox


    We must contact our lawmakers today, tomorrow and the next day to remind them of Constitutional Carry.
    Laws are not written because of the actions of many, they are wrtiten because of the inactions of many.

  21. #21
    Regular Member johnny amish's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    High altitude of Vernon County, ,
    Posts
    1,025

    Post imported post

    I have had this same problem with some of the guys at work. It is hard to argue when you are talking about opinion so I started to show them some stats off the web. They will have a hard time arguing when thefacts don't back up their side of the argument. Also the book by John Lott JR. More Guns Less Crime is a good place to start. The facts don't lie. I also have been cutting articles out of the paper about the crimes that happen in our area and showing them that bad things happen to good people. Don't let them discourage you, you are doing the right thing. You should feel proud for standing up for your rights. Carry on my friend.
    "To sin by silence, when we should protest makes cowards out of men."
    Ella Wheeler Cox


    We must contact our lawmakers today, tomorrow and the next day to remind them of Constitutional Carry.
    Laws are not written because of the actions of many, they are wrtiten because of the inactions of many.

  22. #22
    Campaign Veteran
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Rapid City, South Dakota, USA
    Posts
    302

    Post imported post

    My fiance and her family don't have a philosophical problem with OC. Her father has always had a .357 for home defense and for carrying while walking in the woods. I recently convinced my fiance to purchase her first handgun for CC; she subsequently convinced her mother to get her first handgun. They (her and her parents) are more inclined to CC because their jobs prohibit carrying altogether.
    However, when we visit her parents I usually don't remove or hide my piece; they don't seem to care.
    The biggest obstacle was not convincing them that carrying was OK or a right, but that it was worth it to myself and to them to carry always. The area that we live in had a very low violent crime rate, etc, etc, etc... Of course, You and I know that crime rates mean squat and that it only takes once to get raped or murdered.
    Anyway, I've made good progress with them, and my fiance would like to OC with me at least some of time as soon as we find a retention holster for her LCR.

    I should mention that her family are easy marks: all are from rural areas, most are from Wyoming, some are ex-cops, ex-military...

    Now my family is from Maryland. Mostly from Baltimore City. I have not even begun to breech the topic. Since I can't carry a gun in MD (who can?) it will be an entirely academic conversation anyway.

    Don't give up, keep trying.


  23. #23
    Regular Member hunter9mm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Greenfield, Wisconsin, USA
    Posts
    255

    Post imported post

    SIGdude wrote:
    Just like what the title says. Everyone in my family acts completely ignorant about me open carrying.

    My wife thinks it is "the most idiotic idea I have ever had" and thinks that it not only endangers my safety but the safety of everyone around me. She refuses to go anywhere with me if I have my gun on my hip, and is even reluctant to be in a car with me while the gun is cased and locked in the trunk. The bizarre thing is that her dad is a big hunter and gun buff.

    This is where it gets more wierd. People in her family seem to share the same belief that she does, despite the fact that they have a room in their house that looks like an armory. I'm not sure why they all have this idea in their head that me doing this puts everyone at risk; they aren't crazy wigged-out libs or constitution stompers, I really thought of all the people I talked to about this that her family would be the most accepting of it. Instead, I'm no longer allowed near her younger sister's un-conceived children with "that F#$%^# thing".

    It makes it exceptionally difficult to do something that I whole-heartedly believe in when the people that are supposed to be my support structure fail to do just that: support me in my decisions. Nothing I can say or do makes them understand that it is MY RIGHT, which SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED UPON. I feel exponentially more uncomfortable having to argue this point with people than I feel about strapping my gun on and going out. Normally I am a very eloquent and pleasant conversationalist, but for some reason I can't get by why people can't just leave it be with "It's my right to do so, you are not in any danger."

    So if any of you have some tips that have really turned the tide of a conversation to your favor and garnered some support, help me out, because I really can't stand it when people try to trample my rights, especially people so close to me.

    Have your wife watch this youtube video.....

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1u0Byq5Qis



    Let us know how it goes after she watches it.



    It opened my wife's eyes.


  24. #24
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Peoples' Republic of Madison, Wisconsin, USA
    Posts
    283

    Post imported post

    My wife seems to be getting used to it. She too wasraised and brainwashed to think guns were evil.

    What I think swayed her was this:I used to be against others peoples rights when those rights went against my previouslymyopic world view. When I really started digging into the 2nd amendment rights Istarted to understand that if I want people to respect my right to bear arms, I need to respect their right to do whatever it is they want to do; justso long as they are not hurting anyone. I explained this to her and she was suddenly more agreeable.It only took 12 years but we went from her saying "there will be no guns in MY house" tome taking her out shooting this weekend forher first time!

    It also helps that the neighbor lady invitesus over but insists I bring the gun!

  25. #25
    Regular Member Cobra469's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    West Allis, WI, , USA
    Posts
    218

    Post imported post

    I wasn't nearly so nice when I had the discussion with my wife. I pretty much told her that it was my right therefore I will. At first she didn't want to go anywere with me out of fear that I would get arrested. That was her biggest concern since she enjoys shooting it wasn't the safety issue but more of a legal issue. After she saw that nobody was freaking out about it she started to just accept it. Had a really positive experience with a gentleman at Chase bank the other day who made the comment that he felt safer with me there and that was just the icing on the whole issue.

    Her son on the other hand was scared at first as he had a mentality that guns go off on their own. So he took a little work to un-brainwash.

    My brother doesn't like it and wanted to debate the whole issue and make me look eager to kill somebody. After a few conversations with his buddy who has a lot of family in LE (and was a troll on this forum back from the State Patrol event) he started to realize it was legal just not his way of doing things. Out of respect for him I won't carry at his house but will not refrain from carrying when in public with him or his family.

    Now the in-laws I haven't even gone there yet. They all live in Florida so hopefully I will have my FL CCP soon. Then I don't exactly plan on telling them anything since when I am down there I will be CC and they are likely not to notice. They are very much firm believers that the cops are going to protect you and you have no reason to fear.

    My oldest sister is very against any form of carry and was heated to the point that I normally have to hang up on her cause all she wants to do is twist it around saying that there is nothing stopping us from going postal on everybody. She got really heated with the new changes in AZ especially. I have given up on her and pretty much told her she can feel how she wants and I will feel how I want. But I made it clear that I will do want I feel safe doing so long as it is in accordance with the law regardless of her opinion.

    All in all I have quite a bit of work ahead of me but winning the wife and her son over was all I cared about. As for the rest they can choose whether to be around it or not and that is a decision that they would have to make. I try not to carry in a persons home who doesn't approve of it but I still empty holster it so that eventually when I "forget" to unholster (not that it is even possible after transport) it is less of a shocker to them.

    Interestingly enough I have had a large number of my customers after seeing my empty holster, while performing in-home technical support, tell me straight forward that I don't need to worry about securing my weapon in my car and that they have no problem with my stance on personal safety. I just reply to them that I was unsure of their beliefs in the situation and out of professionalism I chose to secure my weapon to not offend them by implying that I don't feel safe in their home. Then I have those customers that I just don't care because I don't feel safe in their home let alone their neighborhood lol.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •