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Thread: Wife suddenly changes tune on oc

  1. #1
    Regular Member xenophon's Avatar
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    Wife suddenly changes tune on oc

    Prior to us having a baby, my wife was all about oc and target shooting, and all that.

    Now that we have a 5mo baby now, she suddenly has "turned" and says she doesn't want me to OC because she is scared something will happen to me or that cops will do something to me.

    I of course explained that OC is my only choice, and what would she prefer, I not have a method to protect us and the baby should the unforeseen happen? i.e. the seat belt and fire extinguisher argument.

    She then goes into why am I trying to be a vigilante and that I have a baby to worry about now.

    I explain that I'm only oc'ing for 1) because I'm trying to support our rights and 2) I'm not going to whip out the ole six shooter unless WE ARE IN DIRE SITUATION WHERE EITHER I FEAR FOR MY LIFE OUR OUR FAMILY'S LIVES.

    She's suddenly not gettting it (when she was 100% for it prior), and just worried about the baby and taking care of her.

    ugggh.

  2. #2
    Founder's Club Member springfield 1911's Avatar
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    Don't be to hard on your wife, these are legitimate concerns for a new mother. Explain to her that it's better to have an encounter with leo armed than to be un-armed facing thugs who may just want to take your belongings, Or to go further and do you harm.

    You want to come home at the end of the day, Self-defence of you and your family is not being a vigilante.

  3. #3
    Founder's Club Member bnhcomputing's Avatar
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    Motherhood changes a woman, hormones and all..... I think her logic is broken right now, and trying to make a logical argument will fail. You need to make an instictive argument. One based on raw emotion.

    Do you want me to leave the gun at home, so the pedophiles, rapists, or worse can get him/her and there won't be anything either of us can do? Agree with her, it is no longer about you, her(wife), or the right. Now this is ONLY about the child. You HAVE to protect the child. You HAVE to come home at night, like the wife said, now you have responsibilities, considerably more than you had prior to fatherhood, agree with her.

    You HAVE to come home at night, and that is why you carry, to help achieve that necessity.

    As an aside, the hormones will stabilize and her logic will return, it will just take a while.

  4. #4
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    the deer's head, with the hat and sunglasses on speaks the truth. i dwell in a 'moderate' gun household, and accept the level of tolerance i am given. i enjoy the freedoms i am also given, time will change many things, and you may find positions change more in your favor as time goes by. be patient.

  5. #5
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    This is your best reason ever to carry. Now when someone asks you why your packing you just point to your precious child and say, "See that precious little helpless child, part of my job, as a father, is to be a bodyguard."

  6. #6
    Regular Member jamesisel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bnhcomputing View Post
    Motherhood changes a woman, hormones and all..... I think her logic is broken right now, and trying to make a logical argument will fail. You need to make an instictive argument. One based on raw emotion.

    Do you want me to leave the gun at home, so the pedophiles, rapists, or worse can get him/her and there won't be anything either of us can do? Agree with her, it is no longer about you, her(wife), or the right. Now this is ONLY about the child. You HAVE to protect the child. You HAVE to come home at night, like the wife said, now you have responsibilities, considerably more than you had prior to fatherhood, agree with her.

    You HAVE to come home at night, and that is why you carry, to help achieve that necessity.

    As an aside, the hormones will stabilize and her logic will return, it will just take a while.
    +1

    I think this is the best approach.

  7. #7
    Regular Member Phoenix David's Avatar
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    Smile

    Well you could always divorce her, take custody of the kid, get child support and alimony then live happy ever after.
    Freedom is a bit like sex, when your getting it you take it for granted, when you're not you want it bad, other people get mad at you for having it and others want to take it away from you so only they have it.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by xenophon View Post

    She's suddenly not gettting it (when she was 100% for it prior), and just worried about the baby and taking care of her.
    Women get weird after the first baby. Give her a couple more and she will settle down...

  9. #9
    Regular Member xenophon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bnhcomputing View Post
    Motherhood changes a woman, hormones and all..... I think her logic is broken right now, and trying to make a logical argument will fail. You need to make an instictive argument. One based on raw emotion.

    Do you want me to leave the gun at home, so the pedophiles, rapists, or worse can get him/her and there won't be anything either of us can do? Agree with her, it is no longer about you, her(wife), or the right. Now this is ONLY about the child. You HAVE to protect the child. You HAVE to come home at night, like the wife said, now you have responsibilities, considerably more than you had prior to fatherhood, agree with her.

    You HAVE to come home at night, and that is why you carry, to help achieve that necessity.

    As an aside, the hormones will stabilize and her logic will return, it will just take a while.
    Yeah, the logic, which was once there, is gone! But I had a little hint of hope today. While shopping at pleasant prarie, she asked, "so, can you OC at the prime outlets?"

    I had worked some emotion on her on how I just want to come home and night, and isn't that what you want? "would you want me to protect our child should some kidnapper try to take her away??"

    Seemed to work somewhat. I think she'll come around, but my goodness, you are right. One track mind right now

    It's funny, because after becoming a father, I myself have been coming on here more often and OC'ing more (aka more protective!). She took that as "being obsessive gun not" kinda sorta, but then she understood when I compared it to her also being more protective.

  10. #10
    Campaign Veteran logan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phoenix David View Post
    Well you could always divorce her, take custody of the kid, get child support and alimony then live happy ever after.
    lol...
    Logan - Laugh lots, Love Often, and Defend the Irreplaceable
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  11. #11
    Regular Member skorittnig's Avatar
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    We are expecting any day now, and my wife has changed gears on me a little bit as well. I assure her that I am not breaking any laws, and that we are safer with me armed than without. She is also reminded of this fact when watching the news in the evening (child abductions, robberies etc.).


    Quote Originally Posted by xenophon View Post
    Prior to us having a baby, my wife was all about oc and target shooting, and all that.

    Now that we have a 5mo baby now, she suddenly has "turned" and says she doesn't want me to OC because she is scared something will happen to me or that cops will do something to me.

    I of course explained that OC is my only choice, and what would she prefer, I not have a method to protect us and the baby should the unforeseen happen? i.e. the seat belt and fire extinguisher argument.

    She then goes into why am I trying to be a vigilante and that I have a baby to worry about now.

    I explain that I'm only oc'ing for 1) because I'm trying to support our rights and 2) I'm not going to whip out the ole six shooter unless WE ARE IN DIRE SITUATION WHERE EITHER I FEAR FOR MY LIFE OUR OUR FAMILY'S LIVES.

    She's suddenly not gettting it (when she was 100% for it prior), and just worried about the baby and taking care of her.

    ugggh.

  12. #12
    Regular Member johnny amish's Avatar
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    Child birth seems to put women thru a rollercoaster of emotions that lasts long after the birth of the child. Just be patient with her, keep open and honest comunication with her on your wanting to oc, in time she will relax and thing should go back to normal. In the mean time congratulations on the new baby, savor every moment, they grow up fast.

  13. #13
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    ditto...

    i've had the same experience as many of you have. Before our first child my wife wanted to learn how to shoot the pistol i bought her after she was nearly carjacked by three guys on South Park Street in Madison. Was positive about it.

    Since our first child and even moreso now that she's carrying our second, she doesn't want me to open carry. and she wants permits for concealed carry. we've been going round and round on this for days, lately, actually. same as a lot of you have said, i don't want you to get arrested in front of child. i don't want you to get beat up by cops who are just trying to do their job. i don't want you to get blindsided by someone who sneaks up behind you because they think you're a threat. etc, etc, etc and so on and so forth.

    i don't know if she's coming around, but she's gradually starting to admit there are holes in her arguments and logic (if you can call it that). and thanks to all of you for the information you've shared on the forum. a lot of what i was explaining to her i either learned or had reaffirmed here.

  14. #14
    Campaign Veteran GLOCK21GB's Avatar
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    I am so happy I have no kids...I would not mind a wife, but the kid thing ..really messes things up. my .02 cents
    http://youtu.be/xWgVGu3OR4U AACFI, Wisconsin / Minnesota Carry Certified. Action Pistol & Advanced Action pistol concepts + Urban Carbine course. When the entitlement Zombies begin looting, pillaging, raping, burning & killing..remember HEAD SHOTS it's the only way to kill a Zombie. Stockpile food & water now.

    Please support your local,county, state & Federal Law enforcement agencies, right ???

  15. #15
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    I've always been partial to one of the legal synonyms for parent; 'guardian.' That word's root is 'guard.' That's exactly what you are! I have no kids of my own, but my sisters know I will protect my neices & nephews with my last breath.

  16. #16
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    My adult daughter promised to get a gun+CWP after she had a 20 minute wait for the cops to chase a peeper off her balcony. She's in HI now so I don't imagine its with her. She's a (D.Pharm) pharmacist, that ought to be reason enough.

    Her mother, my X-OL, CWP a KelTec P-32 in SC.

  17. #17
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    just want to add my two cents on this. my wife brought up a very good point to me a few weeks ago. She wants to do things at her own pace. she found this great website that is mainly for women shooters. idk if you guys have heard of this site before or not but its wrote entirely form a woman giving other women some advice on firearms. i happened to look at it a few days ago and found this article listed below. now before anyone jumps down my throat, I see both side of the argument since my wife is on the fence but isn't too comfortable with OC right now or even owning her own gun. we are working on that and this article gave me as a husband some tips not to tick her off!

    yes i know we are just newlyweds but i want my new found hobby to last a very long time since i have a lot of money invested in it so far! take this with a grain of salt or just ignore it but it helped me!

    http://corneredcat.com/Men/wifehateguns.aspx
    Last edited by Nate L; 09-05-2010 at 08:00 PM. Reason: spelling

  18. #18
    Regular Member TyGuy's Avatar
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    +1 on Cornered Cat

    also check out the youtube user LimaLife

    Anyway, my wife is more comfortable with me OCing now that we have our 3 month old son. She figures, and I kinda agree, that a man not dressed like a gangbanger, holding a little baby, probably doesn't look intimidating to others. Most probably assume that I am a LEO. Of course if anyone asks I point out that I am just a regular citizen and following the law peacefully. Perhaps you could work the firearm + baby = good guy approach?

  19. #19
    Regular Member MKEgal's Avatar
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    Cornered cat is (IMHO) a great website.
    I read pretty much all of it when I was deciding whether & what to carry.

    She addresses issues that men don't have to deal with, and probably don't think about, like how belts & holsters fit & ride differently on people with curves, & how to manage bathroom breaks without your gun falling in.

    Then I went & read several of Massad Ayoob's books on self-defense.

    I think your lady is on the right track... let her find her own way, answer questions patiently, invite her to shoot once in a while (even if she's said no before, she might want to go this time), and for Heaven's sake don't do those things she lists in her "10 ways to get your wife to hate guns".

  20. #20
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    Another read

    The Gift of Fear, Survival Signals That Protect Us by Gavin De Becker

    has also been widely recommended.

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