911 operator: 911, what is your emergency?
Grandma Brady: (frantically) There is a man with a gun!
9: Has he fired the gun? Or is he threatening someone?
GB: He has a gun!
9: What is he doing with the gun?
GB: He has it! Do something!
9: Is it in his hand? Is he trying to conceal it?
GB: (pauses) (not so frantic) Well, the thingy on his belt is kinda hiding part of the gun.
9: The holster?
GB: Yeah, the holster thingy.
9: The gun is in its holster?
GB: (hesitantly) Ye-es...
9: What else is the man doing?
GB: (Getting a little bit frantic again) He is buying milk!
9: Is he doing anything else?
GB: (frustrated) Yeah, he's buying eggs, too! He has a GUN!
9: (just a bit condescending) So, you are calling to report an armed grocery shopping?
GB: YES! Wait. No. I am calling to report a man with a GUN!
9: The gun is in its holster?
GB: (thinking she has gotten somewhere) Yes. Can we send the police?
9: And he hasn't taken it out of the holster?
GB: (suspicious) Nooo.
9: And...he isn't robbing or assaulting or threatening anyone?
GB: (exasperated) No. He is doing none of those things. HE HAS A GUN. I demand you DO something.
9: OK. We will pull an officer off patrol and send him to the...Where are you?
GB: The Piggly-Wiggly. On Highway 17.
9: ...to the Piggly Wiggly. On Highway 17.
GB: (triumphantly) Right away! He has a gun.
9: Ma'am, the officer will take a look. But, if the guy is just buying milk and eggs, the officer won't even talk to him. He'll just return to patrol.
GB: What???
9: Armed grocery shopping is not a crime.
GB: But...but...but...He has a GUN!
9: Yes, ma'am. That's not illegal.
GB: Well...I never!
9: I know you never. That's why you think it's illegal to carry a properly holstered gun. Anything else I can help you with?
GB: (silence)
9: Ma'am, anything else I can help you with?
GB: (more stunned silence)
9: Ma'am, are you still there?
GB: (sound of frustration) *click*
9: Adam-12
Adam-12: This is Adam-12.
9: We have a report of an armed grocery shopping over at the PW on The Bypass.
A12: Oh, the humanity! On our way. Lights and sirens? I like lights and sirens.
9: Funny, McCoy. Just drop what you're doing and get over there. Expect a where-the-beefer to jump your butt and demand a shootout.
A12: Can I shoot HER?
9: McCoy, this is an open line.
A12: You mean I can't shoot her?
9: No, I mean if you are going to shoot her, don't admit it on an open mike!
A12: Roger! Forget I said it. On my way.