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Thread: What to do with someone mentally ill?

  1. #1
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    What to do with someone mentally ill?

    My brother in law (wife's brother) is mentally ill. He has schizophrenia. He has been admitted to a mental hospital in the past, but was released. He has attempted living on his own in an apartment that was funded by the county for those with mental illness or substance abuse problems, but he was unable to stay there, because he was not capable of paying rent. He'd always blow his money, so he was eventually told to leave.

    He is now living with my wife's mother. Well, he's driving her absolutely crazy. He's up all night, pacing around the house, and never lets her get any sleep. She has tremendous health problems, and is currently admitted to the hospital herself, due to her health issues.

    So now that she's in the hospital, my wife has brought her brother over here with us. It's only been a few nights, but it's very out of hand. We have a 2 and a half year old daughter, and by no means do I feel safe with him in the house with her. He's up all night, pacing around the house. Last night he was so loud that he kept waking everyone up. He goes outside to smoke every 20 minutes, and he's always slamming the door behind him. Then in the morning, he just sits on the couch, and stares off into space. He is on medication, but at the most, it just helps control his condition, very slightly. He's still very off. We can't go anywhere without taking him with us, and it's starting to feel like a major burden.

    I have no idea what to do, but our house can not continue to be used as his house. Something needs to be done. He has state funded medical insurance. Does anyone know of anything that can be done? Any type of housing that he can go in to?

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    I was going to say, "Ban him from the site," but that wasn't what you were talking about.

    Seriously, your primary concern must be your daughter. If there is the slightest possibility that his behavior is having a negative effect on her or if she is in the slightest danger, he must go. Whatever it takes. Whatever you have to do.

    When you create a child, until she is a self-sufficient adult, she is THE focus of your life. Answer your question with her in mind.

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    Clearly, he must not continue living there if you feel your daughter is not safe.


    You mentioned him blowing through money as a reason he was unable to pay rent.
    Does he receive enough money every month for a small studio apartment and bills? If so then perhaps you should talk to your wife and him about setting up a situation where she takes some control of his finances.

    He gives any money he gets to her, she uses it to pay his rent and utilities and gives him whatever is left.

    He has a place to live and maintains some independence, you and your wife will still be helping him out a lot, and most importantly you can rest a little easier knowing your daughter is a bit safer.
    A wise and frugal Government, which shall restrain men from injuring one another, shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned. This is the sum of good government.- Thomas Jefferson March 4 1801

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    Campaign Veteran skidmark's Avatar
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    He has a doctor who prescribed his meds, and most likely a caseworker from the community MH place. You need to be communicating with them.

    As for simply kicking him out, that may not be the most helpful or the safest thing for him or for your family. You have not given any details of a history of violence, just exceedingly annoying behaviors (which I agree you are not obligated to put up with).

    There should be a plan that was worked out when he was released from the hospital, and someone seems to have dropped the ball when it fell through. Talk with the folks responsible for the plan (see first paragraph above) about getting an alternative plan in place.

    stay safe.

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    Regular Member sultan62's Avatar
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    I would think there would be some legal oversight of how the money is spent in this case. Am I right or wrong?
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  6. #6
    Campaign Veteran skidmark's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sultan62 View Post
    I would think there would be some legal oversight of how the money is spent in this case. Am I right or wrong?
    Probably not.

    Unless someone is declared by a court to be incompetent to manage their own affairs they have the right to blow their money before secusing essentials like food, shelter, medical care, etc.

    And I like it that way, as much trouble as it can cause - as in this situation. Who is willing to step in and handle the finances and medical care of either a relative or a complete stranger? Do you know how? Are you willing to assume the liability?

    And more importantly, why are you trying to take away their rights just because you do not agree with how they are mismanaging their life?

    stay safe.

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    And to think that some would argue for his right to posses a firearm.

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    Quote Originally Posted by skidmark View Post
    Probably not.

    Unless someone is declared by a court to be incompetent to manage their own affairs they have the right to blow their money before secusing essentials like food, shelter, medical care, etc.

    And I like it that way, as much trouble as it can cause - as in this situation. Who is willing to step in and handle the finances and medical care of either a relative or a complete stranger? Do you know how? Are you willing to assume the liability?

    And more importantly, why are you trying to take away their rights just because you do not agree with how they are mismanaging their life?

    stay safe.
    He's done the living on his own thing before, and his mother acted as the payee. It was working out great, until he started having episodes of paranoia, thinking people were trying to break in his apartment and "get him". I personally think it was for attention, and so he can mooch off of others. I know him. He does have legitimate problems, but he isn't completely stupid, either. He knows how to put on an act, and he takes advantage of his condition so he can stay with others. I told my wife that he is NOT going to stay here permanently. I said he can stay for a few days as long as their mother is in the hospital, and then he needs to go back with her. From there, I'm willing to try to help find him a place as long as they both agree to NOT allow him with any of them. That's the thing with the mom. She's always taking him back in, and the stress from him alone drives her in the hospital.

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    Quote Originally Posted by beebobby View Post
    And to think that some would argue for his right to posses a firearm.
    That's one reason we can't allow him alone at our place. Too many firearms. I don't care how well secured they are.

  10. #10
    Regular Member cbpeck's Avatar
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    I'm a mental health therapist in Washington State. I used to live in Kent & work in Auburn. PM if you like and I should be able to give you some ideas.

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    Founder's Club Member Tess's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cbpeck View Post
    I'm a mental health therapist in Washington State. I used to live in Kent & work in Auburn. PM if you like and I should be able to give you some ideas.
    I was going to say "Listen to Skidmark - he knows what he's talking about." However, a professional in your own state may have better options for you, and Skid is not in Washington state.

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    Question

    I'm getting things taken care of. Thanks guys.

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