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Thread: Open Carry humor for a change...

  1. #1
    Regular Member amzbrady's Avatar
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    Open Carry humor for a change...

    I was Open Carry while posting this.
    The Top Ten Reasons
    Men Prefer Guns Over Women
    #10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

    #9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

    #8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

    #7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.


    #6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

    #5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space..

    #4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

    #3. A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

    #2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

    And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....

    #1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN
    If you voted for Obama to prove you are not a racist...
    what will you do now to prove you are not stupid?

    "The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of "liberalism," they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened." - Norman Thomas

    "They who can who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve niether liberty nor safety." - Ben Franklin

  2. #2
    Regular Member CharleyMarbles's Avatar
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    NICE ! ! ! ! I loved the #1 reason ROTFL
    America Home of the Free BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE ! ! ! !

  3. #3
    Regular Member amlevin's Avatar
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    Uh, does your wife have access to this forum? If so, be sure to start sleeping with one eye open. Likewise if just a girlfriend.
    "If I shoot all the ammo I am carrying I either won't need anymore or more won't help"

    "If you refuse to stand up for others now, who will stand up for you when your time comes?"

  4. #4
    coolfrmn
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    TOO FUNNY & TRUE!!!

  5. #5
    Regular Member jt59's Avatar
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    More Humor

    Seems a Texan failed to make a complete stop at a stop sign, and gets pulled over by a local policeman. The guy hands the cop his driver's license, insurance verification and vehicle registration, plus his concealed handgun permit.

    "Okay, Mr. Jones," the cop says, "I see you have Concealed Handgun Permit. Are you carrying today?"

    "Yes, I am."

    "Well then, better tell me what you have."

    Jones says, "Well, I have a .40 caliber Glock on my right hip and a .357 magnum revolver in the glove box. And, I've got a .22 derringer in my right boot."

    "Okay," the cop says. "Anything else?"

    "Yeah, back in the trunk, there's an AR15 rifle and a 12 gauge pump shotgun."

    "Mr. Jones, are you on your way to or from a gun range?"

    "Neither."

    "Well then, what exactly are you afraid of?"

    "Well officer,.......Not a dang thing..."
    Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat....Teddy Roosevelt

  6. #6
    Regular Member amzbrady's Avatar
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    An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

    "You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver
    so you will always remember me."

    "But grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your
    Rolex watch instead."

    "Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have
    a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos.

    Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then......pointa to you watch and a say, Times Up?"
    If you voted for Obama to prove you are not a racist...
    what will you do now to prove you are not stupid?

    "The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of "liberalism," they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened." - Norman Thomas

    "They who can who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve niether liberty nor safety." - Ben Franklin

  7. #7
    McX
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    great humor, made my day, i realy needed these.

  8. #8
    Centurion
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    Quote Originally Posted by jt59 View Post
    Seems a Texan failed to make a complete stop at a stop sign, and gets pulled over by a local policeman. The guy hands the cop his driver's license, insurance verification and vehicle registration, plus his concealed handgun permit.

    "Okay, Mr. Jones," the cop says, "I see you have Concealed Handgun Permit. Are you carrying today?"

    "Yes, I am."

    "Well then, better tell me what you have."

    Jones says, "Well, I have a .40 caliber Glock on my right hip and a .357 magnum revolver in the glove box. And, I've got a .22 derringer in my right boot."

    "Okay," the cop says. "Anything else?"

    "Yeah, back in the trunk, there's an AR15 rifle and a 12 gauge pump shotgun."

    "Mr. Jones, are you on your way to or from a gun range?"

    "Neither."

    "Well then, what exactly are you afraid of?"

    "Well officer,.......Not a dang thing..."
    In some areas and with SOME "opinion enforcement officers" the correct answer to the last question COULD have been, "I am only afraid of those who are intent on violating their oath to protect and defend the Constitution or my rights!"

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    Help Wanted

    Local Bakery has an opening for a woman with only one tooth to put holes in the donuts

  10. #10
    Regular Member Squeak's Avatar
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    Amz, I traded my 44 for TWO 22's. I think you got took in yer trade!.......But, that's just me! Heh,heh.

  11. #11
    Regular Member amzbrady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Squeak View Post
    Amz, I traded my 44 for TWO 22's. I think you got took in yer trade!.......But, that's just me! Heh,heh.
    I think this is only legal if you have a Utah license and are Morman.
    If you voted for Obama to prove you are not a racist...
    what will you do now to prove you are not stupid?

    "The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of "liberalism," they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened." - Norman Thomas

    "They who can who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve niether liberty nor safety." - Ben Franklin

  12. #12
    Regular Member amzbrady's Avatar
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    Bumper Stickers...

    Fight Crime, Shoot back.
    Guns dont kill people, Huge holes in vital organs kill people.
    It takes balls to shoot a muzzleloader.
    Save paper, use living targets.
    Gun control, means hitting your target

    And...

    Hillary Clinton, a Presidential Democratic Party candidate is for
    banning all guns in America . She is considered by those who have
    dealt with her as a little more than just a little self-righteous.

    At a recent rural elementary school meeting in north Florida she
    asked the kids audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, she
    started to slowly clap her hands, once every few seconds. Holding
    the audience in total silence, she said into the microphone, "Every
    time I clap my hands, a child in America dies from gun violence."

    A young voice with a proud southern accent (probably Little Johnny)
    from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet. "Well, stop clappin,
    ya stupid b@#$%!"
    If you voted for Obama to prove you are not a racist...
    what will you do now to prove you are not stupid?

    "The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of "liberalism," they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened." - Norman Thomas

    "They who can who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve niether liberty nor safety." - Ben Franklin

  13. #13
    Regular Member amlevin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amzbrady View Post
    I think this is only legal if you have a Utah license and are Morman.
    There he would have got two 15's and one 14.
    "If I shoot all the ammo I am carrying I either won't need anymore or more won't help"

    "If you refuse to stand up for others now, who will stand up for you when your time comes?"

  14. #14
    Regular Member Squeak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amzbrady View Post
    I think this is only legal if you have a Utah license and are Morman.
    Well, I've NEVER been called a Moron! And do I really need a Utah license?

  15. #15
    Founder's Club Member protias's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Squeak View Post
    Well, I've NEVER been called a Moron! And do I really need a Utah license?
    "Permits? We don't need any stinkin' permits!"
    No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. Thomas Jefferson (1776)

    If you go into a store, with a gun, and rob it, you have forfeited your right to not get shot - Joe Deters, Hamilton County (Cincinnati) Prosecutor

    I ask sir, what is the militia? It is the whole people except for a few politicians. - George Mason (father of the Bill of Rights and The Virginia Declaration of Rights)

  16. #16
    Campaign Veteran since9's Avatar
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    A squad of American soldiers was patrolling along the Iraqi border. To their surprise, they found the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, who was still barely alive. They ran to him, cradled his blood-covered head and asked him what had happened.

    "Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth."

    "I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, "Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying bastard!" He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, "Bill Clinton is an unprincipled, lying bastard!" "We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."
    The First protects the Second, and the Second protects the First. Together, they protect the rest of our Bill of Rights and our United States Constitution, and help We the People protect ourselves in the spirit of our Declaration of Independence.

  17. #17
    Regular Member amzbrady's Avatar
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    Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?

    Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
    Suddenly, an Islamic crazy with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises
    Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

    You are carrying a Colt Model 1911 45 cal. automatic pistol, and you are an expert shot.
    You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?


    Democrat's Answer:

    Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

    Republican's Answer:

    BANG!

    Redneck's Answer:

    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG ! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click
    Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?! '
    Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'
    Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist
    If you voted for Obama to prove you are not a racist...
    what will you do now to prove you are not stupid?

    "The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of "liberalism," they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened." - Norman Thomas

    "They who can who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve niether liberty nor safety." - Ben Franklin

  18. #18
    Regular Member amzbrady's Avatar
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    Huge gaping holes around the world...

    1. Kimberley Big Hole - South Africa

    Apparently the largest ever hand-dug excavation in the world, this 1097-meter-deep mine yielded over three tons of diamonds before being closed.


    2.
    Glory Hole - Monticello Dam, California

    This is the Glory Hole at Monticello Dam, and it's the largest in the world of this type of spillway, its size enabling it to consume 14,400 cubic feet of water every second. A glory hole is used when a dam is at full capacity and water needs to be drained from the reservoir.

    3 Great Blue Hole, Belize

    This incredible geographical phenomenon known as a
    blue hole is situated 60 miles off the mainland of Belize ..
    There are numerous blue holes around the world
    but none as stunning as this one.


    4 Sinkhole in Guatemala
    A sinkhole that occurred February 2007 in Guatemala . It swallowed two dozen homes and killed at least three people.


    And the really terrifying one:


    White House, Washington DC


    #5. This is the famous “Rat Hole” that you have heard about. It is capable of swallowing trillions and trillions of U.S. dollars annually, never to be heard from again. It is reputed to contain at least 535 A"holes".
    If you voted for Obama to prove you are not a racist...
    what will you do now to prove you are not stupid?

    "The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of "liberalism," they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened." - Norman Thomas

    "They who can who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve niether liberty nor safety." - Ben Franklin

  19. #19
    Campaign Veteran since9's Avatar
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    I think an amendment is in order...

    Quote Originally Posted by amzbrady View Post
    Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?

    Democrat's Answer:
    Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the... No, wait! I haven't had time to thin..AARRRGGGLGGGLLLGLglghgughhh..hh...h..."
    Last edited by since9; 12-27-2010 at 12:51 AM.
    The First protects the Second, and the Second protects the First. Together, they protect the rest of our Bill of Rights and our United States Constitution, and help We the People protect ourselves in the spirit of our Declaration of Independence.

  20. #20
    Regular Member amzbrady's Avatar
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    Two men are sitting at the table reloading rounds and drinking beer.



    Almost silently, so as not to make his friend lose count while loading grains, Bob says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife... She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.'

    Charles continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says,
    'You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.'
    If you voted for Obama to prove you are not a racist...
    what will you do now to prove you are not stupid?

    "The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of "liberalism," they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened." - Norman Thomas

    "They who can who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve niether liberty nor safety." - Ben Franklin

  21. #21
    Regular Member sudden valley gunner's Avatar
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    The folks in an old pioneer town see an Indian on top of a ridge and he yells, 'hey you no good, squaw raping, disease ridden , baby killers come get me.'

    The town sends Jethro over the ridge but only the horse comes back. So they send two guys but again only their horses return. So the Mayor sets up a posse of 10 men none return except, one guy barely alive being dragged with his foot in the stirrup. He shouts "Don't go its a trick there are two of them!".

    A pioneer family was traveling west when they come across a native man laying face down in the middle of the road. They asked the man "what are you doing?"

    He replies, "2-horses, canvas covered wagon, Man in black hat, woman in purple polka dot dress, 3 children in the back"

    The pioneers are impressed and they exclaim " You can tell all that by listening to the ground!"

    "No, ran over me two hours ago"
    I am not anti Cop I am just pro Citizen.

    U.S. v. Minker, 350 US 179, at page 187
    "Because of what appears to be a lawful command on the surface, many citizens, because
    of their respect for what only appears to be a law, are cunningly coerced into waiving their
    rights, due to ignorance." (Paraphrased)

  22. #22
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    I am tearing up here, keep the jokes coming.
    -I come in peace, I didn't bring artillery. But I am pleading with you with tears in my eyes: If you screw with me, I'll kill you all.
    -Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet.
    Marine General James Mattis,

  23. #23
    Regular Member sudden valley gunner's Avatar
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    Hear about the new corduroy pillows?

    They're making headlines!
    I am not anti Cop I am just pro Citizen.

    U.S. v. Minker, 350 US 179, at page 187
    "Because of what appears to be a lawful command on the surface, many citizens, because
    of their respect for what only appears to be a law, are cunningly coerced into waiving their
    rights, due to ignorance." (Paraphrased)

  24. #24
    Regular Member amzbrady's Avatar
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    USMC Rules For Gun Fighting
    • <LI sb_id="ms__id120">Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns. <LI sb_id="ms__id121">Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive. <LI sb_id="ms__id122">Only hits count. A close miss is still a miss. <LI sb_id="ms__id123">If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough nor using cover correctly. <LI sb_id="ms__id124">Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movements are preferred.) <LI sb_id="ms__id125">If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a friend with a long gun. <LI sb_id="ms__id126">In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. <LI sb_id="ms__id127">They will only remember who lived. <LI sb_id="ms__id128">If you are not shooting, you should be communic- ating, reloading, and running. <LI sb_id="ms__id129">Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun. <LI sb_id="ms__id130">Use a gun that works EVERY TIME. <LI sb_id="ms__id131">Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty. <LI sb_id="ms__id132">Always cheat = always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. <LI sb_id="ms__id133">Have a plan. <LI sb_id="ms__id134">Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work. <LI sb_id="ms__id135">Use cover and concealment as much as possible. <LI sb_id="ms__id136">Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours. <LI sb_id="ms__id137">Don't drop your guard. <LI sb_id="ms__id138">Always tactically reload and threat scan 360 degrees. <LI sb_id="ms__id139">Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them). <LI sb_id="ms__id140">Decide to be AGGRESSIVE enough, QUICKLY enough. <LI sb_id="ms__id141">The faster you finish the fight, the less shot up you will get. <LI sb_id="ms__id142">Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. <LI sb_id="ms__id143">Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
    • Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a "4".


    Navy Rules for Gun Fighting
    • <LI sb_id="ms__id148">Go to Sea <LI sb_id="ms__id149">Send the Marines
    • Drink Coffee
    If you voted for Obama to prove you are not a racist...
    what will you do now to prove you are not stupid?

    "The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of "liberalism," they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened." - Norman Thomas

    "They who can who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve niether liberty nor safety." - Ben Franklin

  25. #25
    Banned
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    Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a "4".
    What, no 50-cals??

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