Here's the disorderly conduct laws for Ballwin Missouri. I find them entertaining.
Sec. 17-31.1. Disorderly conduct.
(a) A person shall not commit or engage in an act of disorderly conduct.
(b) For the purpose of this section an act of disorderly conduct shall mean:
(1) Acting in a violent or tumultuous manner toward another person whereby he or she is placed in fear of safety of their life, limb or health; or
(2) Acting in a violent or tumultuous manner toward another person whereby their property is placed in danger of being destroyed; or
(3) Endangering the lawful pursuits of another by acts of violence, angry threats or abusive conduct; or
(4) Causing, provoking or engaging in any fight, brawl or riotous conduct so as to endanger the life, limb, health or property of another; or
(5) Assembling or congregating with another or others for the purpose of causing, provoking or engaging in any fight or brawl; or
(6) Jostling or roughly crowding or pushing any person in any public place; or
(7) Collecting in bodies or in crowds for unlawful purposes as defined by current or future ordinances of the city; or
(8) Assembling or congregating with another or others for the purpose or with the intent to engage in gaming; or
(9) Frequenting any public place with the intent to obtain money from other persons by illegal or fraudulent schemes, tricks, artifices or devises; or
(10) Assembling for the purpose of engaging in any fraudulent scheme or device or trade to obtain any valuable thing from any place or any person; or
(11) Accosting or attempting to pick up or attempting to force the company of a person upon any female; or
(12) Uttering in the presence of another any bawdy, lewd or obscene words or epithets; or
(13) Frequenting any place where gaming or Illegal sale or possession of alcoholic beverages or narcotics or dangerous drugs is practiced, allowed, or tolerated; or
(14) Acting in a dangerous manner toward others; or
(15) Using "fighting words" toward any person; or
(16) Assembling or congregating for the purpose of trouncing upon another; or
(17) Interfering by acts of violence with another's pursuit of a lawful occupation; or
(18) Interfering with the free and unobstructed use of a public way or place of public nature by another person or other persons; or
(19) Using in the presence of another:
a. Common words denoting or relating to the questionable parentage of another; or
b. Any derogatory words relating to the privates of a male, female or hermaphrodite; or
c. Any derogatory words relating to the productive method of males or females whether or not used in connection with profane language; or
d. Any derogatory words relating to the methods of sexual intercourse with relatives or strangers.
#7) Yeah! Absolutely no breaking laws we might pass in the future! Even though we haven't passed them yet, you can't break them now, because we might pass them in the future. Breaking of FUTURE LAWS will not be tolerated!
#11) No picking up women. You can hit on any guy you want, but the women....off limits. Not only is picking up women off limits...ATTEMPTING to pick up women is off limits. So let's hear some cheesy pick up line in a bar....OFF TO JAIL! (Unless you're trying to pick up a guy. Then, it's O.K.)
#12) The only way to properly use "bawdy" language is when you're alone.
#15) So, no "Your mother wears combat boots"? "Fighting words"? Really?
#16) You can kick someone's ass. You just can't "trounce upon" them.
#19) This whole thing....just....wow! Hermaphrodite? Really? What if you called someone a hermaphrodite? Although you're not specifically referring to the private parts of a hermaphrodite in a derogatory manner...
..wouldn't those be "fighting words"?
..and woe to the person derogatorily referring to the reproductive
methods of sexual intercourse between relatives!
You might be a M&$%#R F*#^#R, but you do have nice technique.
There. I'm legal.
Unless you think those are "fighting words".
Of course, since that would probably be considered "bawdy" language, I'm going to jail anyway. I might as well use language relating to the questionable parentage of the arresting officer when she gets here.
Unless she's hot, then I might ask her out on a date.
...Oh, wait.
