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Thread: Wife's readiness state worries me

  1. #1
    Regular Member Pyro01's Avatar
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    Wife unprepared for home/self defense

    So, with all the rain we've been having lately, it's been getting humid in our house. We live below ground in half a house and so even though we keep the dehumidifier running, we still found some mold growing in our spare bedroom closet. I sent out an email to the rental office on Saturday, and they responded back to me at 9:42 AM this morning via email saying they'd have someone over today to take care of it. By the time I got to work at 10AM, sat down for 5 minutes and checked my email on my phone, and saw that message, and forwarded the email to my wife, my boss came up and asked if I saw another email and had a chance to read it. I said I'd get on it, and soon after I took care of the task about 3 minutes after my boss came to talk to me, I received a phone call from my wife.

    She said when she came out of the bathroom this morning she saw the stairwell lights(the stairwell that leads to outside, 2 locked doors) on, thought it was odd. She came out and was getting ready to sit down and eat, she walks over to the stairwell light switch to turn off the light, and as she was halfway through the living room, the maintenance guys pops out of the spare bedroom and scares my wife. He explains that he sprayed the walls for the mold and that we should keep the dehumidifier running. I'm not sure if anything else was said, but he walks back out of our house and then she calls me and tells me what happened.

    She couldn't have been more than 15 feet from the guy and if he had been an intruder who had picked the door locks or smashed the glass real quietly to get in, she would not have been able to run into the bedroom in time to grab the shotgun loaded with buckshot. I had taken my Taurus .45 with me as I usually do, and the only other gun that I would leave loaded would have been my S&W 460 mag.(with 45 colt ammo for HD), but I had put that away because we babysitted over the weekend and I didn't want the kid to find it, he's only about 4 years old.

    Anyways, I probably wouldn't have called her until the afternoon to see how her day was going, and it just really worries me that something really bad could have happened to her. She is trained on how to handle firearms safely because her dads really into firearms and she grew up deer hunting for 6 years. However, for those who don't already know, she hates open/concealed carry and people other than police carrying guns for self-defense. She's fine with me keeping a loaded shotgun in the house, but god forbid if I ever asked her to carry a gun. She doesn't even like it when I do it, so I usually don't but a loaded gun is never far from me.

    She's deluded into thinking our house can't easily be broken into because there's two locked doors in our main stairwell. We have a rear stairwell whose outside door we keep locked and the inside door unlocked in case we have to ask our friends living upstairs to take care of our dog during the day. Then we also have 4 large window wells that can be climbed down into, which also serve as fire escapes. We leave the windows closed and locked unless we're home and the weather is nice and cool out. I'm definitely going to have to re-evaluate our security especially since I know my wife came this close to potential harm had it been anyone other than that maintenance man. Granted he had house keys, but there are other ways of entering a house silently...

    Oh, one final thought, she thinks her semester of self-defense she learned at college is enough to protect her, but I think that situation only applies when she is able to run away, you can't do that easily in our house. Even then, if it were someone about my size(6'3" 225 lbs, strong), she'd have an extremely hard time being able to do so, let alone get to the shotgun in time.

    I guess what I want to know from you guys, other than ways to make my house more secure, ways to make her more aware of her surroundings and increasing her survivability.
    Last edited by Pyro01; 07-25-2011 at 08:44 PM.
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  2. #2
    Regular Member Badger Johnson's Avatar
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    How did the Maintenance man get in the house without knocking. I'd be ripping him a new one for not calling or asking permission to enter. In fact I think your wife has cause to rip into you for not telling her.

    $.02
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    Founder's Club Member protias's Avatar
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    It would be a good idea to do simulations to practice a response.
    No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. Thomas Jefferson (1776)

    If you go into a store, with a gun, and rob it, you have forfeited your right to not get shot - Joe Deters, Hamilton County (Cincinnati) Prosecutor

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    Regular Member VW_Factor's Avatar
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    You need a happy medium of readiness. My wife is very nervous'ish and "ready" with things going on around.. Noises that sound perfectly normal (metal building shifting while cooling off at night) will set her into high alert.

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    Regular Member Pyro01's Avatar
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    Oops, that was a part I left out, she said the maintenance man told her he knocked and rang the doorbell while she was in the bathroom. Our beagle barked twice but my wife thought she was hungry or really had to go outside. There is also an exhaust fan in the bathroom which makes it difficult to hear the doorbell.

    There was only about 5 minutes between the time I read the email, to the time she had called me. After I read the email, I forwarded the email to her and my boss interrupted me right after I finished forwarding. The time it took for me to receive the email in my inbox at 9:42 to the maintenance man getting there was less than 20 minutes. That was nontypical to how fast they usually get work done, if it had been me in her situation, I woulda grabbed the shotgun and started clearing. We weren't aware that he was coming that morning till I checked my email. I'm definitely going to have a word with our rental company.
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    "The laws that forbid the carrying of arms are laws of such a nature. They disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes.... Such laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants; they serve rather to encourage than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man."
    - Thomas Jefferson

  6. #6
    Regular Member Pyro01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badger Johnson View Post
    How did the Maintenance man get in the house without knocking. I'd be ripping him a new one for not calling or asking permission to enter. In fact I think your wife has cause to rip into you for not telling her.

    $.02
    The rental company provides a set of keys to get into the house to do repairs if we're not home. She wasn't mad at me at all though at me, and thats what has me worried. Things are definitely going to change. Very poor communication, they didn't even provide us with a time for repairs.
    Last edited by Pyro01; 07-25-2011 at 08:49 PM.
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    "The laws that forbid the carrying of arms are laws of such a nature. They disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes.... Such laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants; they serve rather to encourage than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man."
    - Thomas Jefferson

  7. #7
    Regular Member Tom Maassen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pyro01 View Post

    I guess what I want to know from you guys, other than ways to make my house more secure, ways to make her more aware of her surroundings and increasing her survivability.
    Not sure if you're were looking for recommendations on the security system or not, but I have something very similar to this installed. It's wireless, so it's perfect for rentals. I've lived in many rentals, so it's a system that can be easily taken down and moved, but NOT easily defeated.

    http://www.amazon.com/AAS-V500-Wirel...f=pd_rhf_p_t_2

    I'm currently in a similar boat with my current residence, as I have a couple of windows literally at ground level and a balcony that is easily climbed. I've was installing intrusion and surveillance systems for many years, both commercial and residential. That little extra piece of mind is always nice.

    If that one's a little out of your price range, just Google DIY ALARM SYSTEMS and look around. Amazon offers quite a few reliable systems, and none of them require a monthly monitoring fee. All the systems offer additional accessories like smoke detectors, carbon monoxide detectors, extra key pads, cellular modems, the works.

    PM me if you want any help picking it up, setting it up, or anything else
    Last edited by Tom Maassen; 07-25-2011 at 09:18 PM.
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  8. #8
    Regular Member Zeus's Avatar
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    My best advice would be to arrange for her to meet a female firearms instructor who carries and she can relate to better. Someone who can help her understand that she is 10 times more likely to have a violent encounter than a man. Here is a very good informative site for women about firearms and why they should carry- http://www.corneredcat.com/ Hope this helps.
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  9. #9
    Regular Member sharkey's Avatar
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    I'm glad the maintenance man didn't get shot.

  10. #10
    Regular Member jpm84092's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zeus View Post
    My best advice would be to arrange for her to meet a female firearms instructor who carries and she can relate to better. Someone who can help her understand that she is 10 times more likely to have a violent encounter than a man. Here is a very good informative site for women about firearms and why they should carry- http://www.corneredcat.com/ Hope this helps.
    Awesome advice Zeus! +1 my friend.

    This situation is one of the very reasons that I pushed so hard on MKE GAL to get her NRA Certified Firearms Instructor- Pistol. Often, only a woman can fully instill the necessary knowledge, skills, and attitude necessary to facilitate another women to "get it". I strongly encourage you Mr. Pyro, to send a PM to MKEGAL and request her services. (Tell her the yellow cat with the M-4 sent you and she will become very attentive).

    I also echo the sage advice of Mr. Zeus when he refers you to "the cornered cat". PAX is really awesome.
    My cats support the Second Amendment. NRA Life Member, NRA Instructor: Pistol, Rifle, & Personal Protection - NRA Certified Range Safety Officer, Utah BCI Certified Concealed Firearm Permit Instructor.
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    Campaign Veteran GLOCK21GB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pyro01 View Post
    So, with all the rain we've been having lately, it's been getting humid in our house. We live below ground in half a house and so even though we keep the dehumidifier running, we still found some mold growing in our spare bedroom closet. I sent out an email to the rental office on Saturday, and they responded back to me at 9:42 AM this morning via email saying they'd have someone over today to take care of it. By the time I got to work at 10AM, sat down for 5 minutes and checked my email on my phone, and saw that message, and forwarded the email to my wife, my boss came up and asked if I saw another email and had a chance to read it. I said I'd get on it, and soon after I took care of the task about 3 minutes after my boss came to talk to me, I received a phone call from my wife.

    She said when she came out of the bathroom this morning she saw the stairwell lights(the stairwell that leads to outside, 2 locked doors) on, thought it was odd. She came out and was getting ready to sit down and eat, she walks over to the stairwell light switch to turn off the light, and as she was halfway through the living room, the maintenance guys pops out of the spare bedroom and scares my wife. He explains that he sprayed the walls for the mold and that we should keep the dehumidifier running. I'm not sure if anything else was said, but he walks back out of our house and then she calls me and tells me what happened.

    She couldn't have been more than 15 feet from the guy and if he had been an intruder who had picked the door locks or smashed the glass real quietly to get in, she would not have been able to run into the bedroom in time to grab the shotgun loaded with buckshot. I had taken my Taurus .45 with me as I usually do, and the only other gun that I would leave loaded would have been my S&W 460 mag.(with 45 colt ammo for HD), but I had put that away because we babysitted over the weekend and I didn't want the kid to find it, he's only about 4 years old.

    Anyways, I probably wouldn't have called her until the afternoon to see how her day was going, and it just really worries me that something really bad could have happened to her. She is trained on how to handle firearms safely because her dads really into firearms and she grew up deer hunting for 6 years. However, for those who don't already know, she hates open/concealed carry and people other than police carrying guns for self-defense. She's fine with me keeping a loaded shotgun in the house, but god forbid if I ever asked her to carry a gun. She doesn't even like it when I do it, so I usually don't but a loaded gun is never far from me.

    She's deluded into thinking our house can't easily be broken into because there's two locked doors in our main stairwell. We have a rear stairwell whose outside door we keep locked and the inside door unlocked in case we have to ask our friends living upstairs to take care of our dog during the day. Then we also have 4 large window wells that can be climbed down into, which also serve as fire escapes. We leave the windows closed and locked unless we're home and the weather is nice and cool out. I'm definitely going to have to re-evaluate our security especially since I know my wife came this close to potential harm had it been anyone other than that maintenance man. Granted he had house keys, but there are other ways of entering a house silently...

    Oh, one final thought, she thinks her semester of self-defense she learned at college is enough to protect her, but I think that situation only applies when she is able to run away, you can't do that easily in our house. Even then, if it were someone about my size(6'3" 225 lbs, strong), she'd have an extremely hard time being able to do so, let alone get to the shotgun in time.

    I guess what I want to know from you guys, other than ways to make my house more secure, ways to make her more aware of her surroundings and increasing her survivability.
    I am 6'6" 300 pounds..Women that think their "self defense training" will save them from a BIG GUY are ..I am sorry to say....fooling themselves...I am not trying to make light of what happened or belittle your lovely wife...Like you pointed out A really BIG GUY will just over power a woman..unless she happens to be almost as big as the BIG GUY i MIGHT suggest getting a dog..medium sized like a Lab...Dogs HATE intruders....
    Last edited by GLOCK21GB; 07-26-2011 at 12:53 AM.
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    Campaign Veteran GLOCK21GB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sharkey View Post
    I'm glad the maintenance man didn't get shot.
    I would have had the guy...crapping...... in his pants & maybe ..PEEING....himself... as he got to examine the Mossberg 590A1 or the Ruger SR-556 or the Glock34 ( Depending on where I was in the house at the time ) from 1 foot away from his head...
    http://youtu.be/xWgVGu3OR4U AACFI, Wisconsin / Minnesota Carry Certified. Action Pistol & Advanced Action pistol concepts + Urban Carbine course. When the entitlement Zombies begin looting, pillaging, raping, burning & killing..remember HEAD SHOTS it's the only way to kill a Zombie. Stockpile food & water now.

    Please support your local,county, state & Federal Law enforcement agencies, right ???

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    Campaign Veteran GLOCK21GB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pyro01 View Post
    The rental company provides a set of keys to get into the house to do repairs if we're not home. She wasn't mad at me at all though at me, and thats what has me worried. Things are definitely going to change. Very poor communication, they didn't even provide us with a time for repairs.
    by law ..they only have to give you 24 hours notice ..after that they can show at anytime with-in 8 hours after the 24 hour notice...I know...I have rented for 6 years now....
    http://youtu.be/xWgVGu3OR4U AACFI, Wisconsin / Minnesota Carry Certified. Action Pistol & Advanced Action pistol concepts + Urban Carbine course. When the entitlement Zombies begin looting, pillaging, raping, burning & killing..remember HEAD SHOTS it's the only way to kill a Zombie. Stockpile food & water now.

    Please support your local,county, state & Federal Law enforcement agencies, right ???

  14. #14
    Regular Member Pyro01's Avatar
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    Well, I wasn't really looking for recommendations on security systems. I've installed a few myself and if I had some extra money lying around I'd probably spend on it on getting one of those security systems you linked to. For now, we're taking extra precautions in making sure all entrances to our home are secured, and I'm trying to give my wife some pointers on surroundings awareness, even while at home. Me personally, when someone comes and rings my doorbell, and I'm not expecting anyone, I'm on high alert.

    I had heard of the corneredcat before, but I wasn't aware that you could read it for free online. I'll have to read through that for my benefit as well as hers, as for finding her a female firearms instructor, I have one in mind. She said she'd consider going to firearm training with me provided it's nearby and we're sitting well for cash. All it took was a little scare and she's changed her mind from hell no to possibly.
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    I wouldn't get too concerned based on this scenario. It sounds like the maintenance guy let himself in with a key, which is not something your average house breaker is gonna do.

    The only way she can be more prepared is to carry around the house.

    I carry around the house, but mostly because I put on the gun as part of getting dressed and wouldn't think to take it off any more than I would take off my belt or take out my wallet until the end of the day. Not because I'm concerned about a home invasion. If I have to do something around the house that requires the gun coming off, then off it comes.

    I might only use her recent experience as an example to explain how she should keep everything locked so she can at least hear an intruder breaking in. Something along those lines.

    At some point we have to decide how much security we are willing to put on ourselves for how much risk- reducing benefit.

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    Regular Member DangerClose's Avatar
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    One of my wonderings is how strong those locked doors are. The lock doesn't matter a whole lot if the door frame can just be broken, etc. And even a little kid can pick a lock with some practice. After a few minutes of explanation of how to do it, I had my brother pick his front door open in under five minutes.

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    Regular Member Pyro01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DangerClose View Post
    One of my wonderings is how strong those locked doors are. The lock doesn't matter a whole lot if the door frame can just be broken, etc. And even a little kid can pick a lock with some practice. After a few minutes of explanation of how to do it, I had my brother pick his front door open in under five minutes.
    The good news is both the doors open outward, so you can't kick it in unless you cut the hinge pins off. The biggest vulnerability is our window wells, they're all crank windows that open outward, but you could probably take a crowbar and pry the windows open, or just break the windows. Since the windows are below ground level, you could just hop down there and spend as much time breaking in as you want without someone seeing you as long as you're quiet.
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    Regular Member Pyro01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glock34 View Post
    by law ..they only have to give you 24 hours notice ..after that they can show at anytime with-in 8 hours after the 24 hour notice...I know...I have rented for 6 years now....
    We technically had 20 minutes of notice before the guy got to our house and let him in. By the time I actually read the email at 10:05 AM, the guy had already let himself in, scary huh? On the bright side, she has agreed to possibly take some training with me, my parents live in New Berlin too and so maybe I can set up an appointment with MKEgal sometime. She told me she'd be willing to use a taser to defend herself, that's a start isn't it?
    Last edited by Pyro01; 07-26-2011 at 03:55 PM.
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    - Thomas Jefferson

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    Regular Member Tom Maassen's Avatar
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    Absolutely! My wife is also interested in a teaser, and once MKEgal has classes up and running the wife will sign up.
    A criminal can have a gun, so why can't I?

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  20. #20
    Founder's Club Member protias's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Maassen View Post
    Absolutely! My wife is also interested in a teaser, and once MKEgal has classes up and running the wife will sign up.
    What kind of teaser?
    No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. Thomas Jefferson (1776)

    If you go into a store, with a gun, and rob it, you have forfeited your right to not get shot - Joe Deters, Hamilton County (Cincinnati) Prosecutor

    I ask sir, what is the militia? It is the whole people except for a few politicians. - George Mason (father of the Bill of Rights and The Virginia Declaration of Rights)

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    Regular Member cleveland's Avatar
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    I agree with the bigger dog suggestion if you are not able to convince her to be more proactive with assessed self defense. Maybe she would be more open to pepper spray?

    Quote Originally Posted by Zeus View Post
    Here is a very good informative site for women about firearms and why they should carry- http://www.corneredcat.com/ Hope this helps.
    That looks like a great site!
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    Regular Member Pyro01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cleveland View Post
    I agree with the bigger dog suggestion if you are not able to convince her to be more proactive with assessed self defense. Maybe she would be more open to pepper spray?



    That looks like a great site!
    Well, we don't have the room right now for a bigger dog, but I do want to get a lab someday for duck hunting. Also, when I first suggested a Taser to her, she told me, "I don't think I would need it, I got mace...", to which I replied, "On you?" After that she realized that having a taser wouldn't be that bad of an idea, if anything it'd give her enough time to get out of the house to call for help. Everytime she's rode her bike home from work later at night or a class, she would have her mace with her, but in her backpack. I keep asking her if she thinks she'd be able to pull it out of her backpack if someone just ran up and pushed her off the bike. She's 100% for mace, I just need her to keep it on her person and not in some bag, she does not have a purse and she doesn't use one. She does use a messenger bag though which is even harder than a purse to open quickly.
    Last edited by Pyro01; 07-26-2011 at 03:55 PM. Reason: typos >_<
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    Regular Member Vandil's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pyro01 View Post
    Well, we don't have the room right now for a bigger dog, but I do want to get a lab someday for duck hunting.

    Wouldn't even be in my top 10 list. Lab's are a crap shoot today there is a good chance you'll end up with a half retarded one. Even if it's a good dog a lab doesn't have the instincts of a GSD or Doberman when it comes to protecting the family unit and home.

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    Campaign Veteran GLOCK21GB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vandil View Post
    Wouldn't even be in my top 10 list. Lab's are a crap shoot today there is a good chance you'll end up with a half retarded one. Even if it's a good dog a lab doesn't have the instincts of a GSD or Doberman when it comes to protecting the family unit and home.
    My 105 pound Black lab & Labs in General might not be Attack Deadly Gaurd dogs, But my very Muscular stout Lab has a BOOMING BARK light a Rottweiler plus this low growl that is right out of a scary movie & my Lab would turn offensive if an unknown came into the house... my Moms little WEINER DOG IS worse HE WOULD ATTACK & TEAR OFF YOUR ANKLES...THOSE 2 AS A TEAM..i PITTY THE SCUM BAG THAT BREAKS INTO MY HOUSE....BECAUSE FIRST YOU GET THE DOGS...then ya get me YOU MIGHT SURVIVE THE DOGS..but IF YOU HURT THEM....then I hurt the Scum Bag worse...

    Plus I like the fact that my Home insurance won't go through the roof, if you have a GSH, rot, Doby or Pitbull your insurance goes way up.....
    Last edited by GLOCK21GB; 07-26-2011 at 05:44 PM.
    http://youtu.be/xWgVGu3OR4U AACFI, Wisconsin / Minnesota Carry Certified. Action Pistol & Advanced Action pistol concepts + Urban Carbine course. When the entitlement Zombies begin looting, pillaging, raping, burning & killing..remember HEAD SHOTS it's the only way to kill a Zombie. Stockpile food & water now.

    Please support your local,county, state & Federal Law enforcement agencies, right ???

  25. #25
    Regular Member Tom Maassen's Avatar
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    Jul 2011
    Location
    West Bend, Wisconsin, United States
    Posts
    59
    Quote Originally Posted by protias View Post
    What kind of teaser?
    Damn auto-correct. Tapatalk is NOT chat friendly.

    Not going to correct it though!
    A criminal can have a gun, so why can't I?

    Member - Wisconsin Carry, Inc. http://www.wisconsincarry.org
    Member of West Bend Barton Sportsman's Club - http://www.wbbsc.com

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