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Thread: Incivility a Growing Problem at Work

  1. #1
    Founder's Club Member thebigsd's Avatar
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    Incivility a Growing Problem at Work

    Thought this article was interesting. Seems to go along with the general idea that we are losing our civility at rapid pace. Thoughts?

    http://usat.ly/pm3F01
    "When seconds count between living or dying, the police are only minutes away."

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    Regular Member HandyHamlet's Avatar
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    Seems like just another example of crap internet "news reporting" to me.

    In a study she co-wrote, 86% of 289 workers at three Midwestern firms reported incivility at work.
    This seems like BS. Did the 14% just start work yesterday?

    The Civility in America 2011 poll of 1,000 adults...
    Gee, I hope they didn't break into a sweat polling all those people... just to tell us coworkers are dicks.

    Is that a Pulitzer I spy on the horizon?
    Last edited by HandyHamlet; 08-08-2011 at 02:28 AM.
    "Don't interfere with anything in the Constitution. That must be maintained, for it is the only safeguard of our liberties."
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    Agree

    I Fully agree. I work as an advisor for the U.S. Army in Afghanistan (on a one year tour). I am not sure if it is incivility or that the Army has just "Dumb Down" to the point that most are just too stupid to even understand incivility. The I.Q. level has reached a point, but also the personnel that are recruited (i.e. inner city, no parents/one parent) that they have never been taught manners. They have a mentality of "I want, I take," without caring about other people thoughts or feelings. Cutting in line, talking over people or interrupting work/conversations, listening to music or tv full volume without regards to roommates, slamming doors, etc., Just a total lack of manners. Again, in my view, it's for the most part a "Dumbing Down" of the U.S. Forces. And this is just not the enlisted. Most Officers are just as bad if not worse. It's not just because we are in a war zone. These people would/will be just as stupit/rude back state-side.
    Last edited by tcfla; 08-08-2011 at 02:43 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HandyHamlet View Post
    SNIP Is that a Pulitzer I spy on the horizon?



    Let me see. We're in the middle of a depression.* Over forty million people are on food stamps. Fuel prices are rising. As are food prices and other consumer good. According to reports, there might be a second "dip", which could result in more layoffs. And, people are a little on edge? Short-tempered? Hmmmmmm. Can't imagine why.



    *I use the term depression because I see no point in following along with the words used by the Federal Reserve and fedgov. There is no reason on earth to use the 1930's series of economic events as the standard for using the word depression. Currently we have 9.x unemployment. Literally millions on food stamps. Millions under water on their homes. And, when you add up both the unemployed and those who gave up looking (neat government trick to omit those, eh?), you have a true unemployment rate of something like 14%, I forget exactly. The situation is bad, really bad. It deserves to be called something that reflects the seriousness. And the word recession just doesn't cut it.

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    Wow, most people have experienced incivility at work? That's amazing...

    <yawn>

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    Moderator / Administrator Grapeshot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OC for ME View Post
    That was a rude or discourteous act, starting this thread.
    Just reporting the facts - all of the news that is not fit to be in print.
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    Regular Member jbone's Avatar
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    The insubordinate liberal politicians must have Ph. Dís in incivility.

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    The problem is one of internalization v. externalization. When someone feels bad because of something that was said, these days, they are more likely to externalize, that is blame an outside source, another person, for their bad feelings. This is appropriate when the other person says something personal with intent to bring about hurt feelings. More often, it would be more appropriate for the person whose feelings were hurt to internalize, to look inward, to try to understand why he feels the way he does, to choose whether or not to feel that way, and to take steps to stop feeling that way if that is his choice.

    Case in point: The other day, a coworker asked me if we had any iPads without 3G for Verizon. I told her, quite matter of factly, that that kind of iPad does not exist, that all Verizon iPads have 3G, that 3G is the way the device connects to the Internet through Verizon. It turns out that the customer wanted a WiFi-only iPad (making the 3G carrier moot) and communicated that idea imprecisely. We got him the iPad that he wanted.

    Later, the coworker called me aside and told me that she didn't appreciate me telling her that a non-3G Verizon iPad did not exist. She had externalized her hurt feelings and blamed my having shared something that she did not know for those feelings. Instead she should have internalized. She should have realized that there was a gap in her knowledge and sought to close that gap.

    I told her that I had no ill-intent. She just kept telling me that it made her feel bad and that she didn't appreciate it. I don't know what I'll do the next time she places herself in such a situation. I will be hesitant to share the facts with her, concerned that she will get her feelings hurt again. I guess I'll just try again to be matter-of-fact. If she rebukes me again, I will just apologize again but request that she not ask me for help again.

    Anyway, IMO, if you stick to the facts and have no intent to injure the sensibilities of others, then, by definition, you are not being uncivil. Incivility is when the focus of someone's comments is the person of another, instead of ideas and facts (no matter how badly the other does not want to hear those ideas and facts). If someone says something that you don't like, unless they are insulting your person, grow a thicker skin, and look inside for relief for your own feelings.

    If another is truly being personally insulting, clearly targeting your person with their comments, then he is truly being uncivil and you should feel free to take umbrage.

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    Regular Member HandyHamlet's Avatar
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    ...And then you need to fill out a hurt feelings report in triplicate. And submit copies to the dept Head, the head chimp, and HR. And you should then request a minimum of three weeks leave to recover and work through said hurt feelings with the appropriate psychologists, herbal remedy-ists, and your favorite barista.

    And buy a puppy from a no-kill shelter.
    "Don't interfere with anything in the Constitution. That must be maintained, for it is the only safeguard of our liberties."
    Abraham Lincoln

    "Some time ago, a bunch of lefties defied the law by dancing at the Jefferson Memorial, resulting in their arrests. Last week, a bunch of them pulled the same stunt and - using patented Lefist techniques - provoked the Park Police into having to use force to arrest them."
    Alexcabbie

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    Regular Member okboomer's Avatar
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    You think incivility in the workplace is bad, and tcfla, I hear you buddy! But, if ya'll want to know how this problem got started, look to the schools. They cannot teach manners, nor insist upon mannerly behavior, nor correct bad manners in the classroom. Why do you think the Columbine Mafia were allowed to be bullied so badly (not that it excused their actions)? The teachers' hands were tied by rules and regulations courtesy of the Teacher's Unions and the Federalization of education.

    My mother was a public school teacher in a high school and there were times when it was SCARY. Death threats, stalking of us kids, breakins, assaults on us kids because some knucklehead got flunked by my mom ... and this was in the 1970's! And these people have raised kids that are what we are seeing entering the work force and military now.
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    Regular Member hermannr's Avatar
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    Eye, I see what you are aiming at, and to a point you are correct...however...I believe it is actually impossible to insult someone...unless they allow you to. It is possible to take insult on/from anything, but not give insult.

    I used to work with a guy that everyone thought was a jurk. He actually was a pretty good guy once you got to him....but he liked to find peoples buttons and then when found, push them. The ones that gave the best reaction, got the most action.

    Anyway, I worked with this guy for 6 months straight on one project and finally one day he comes up and says "isn't there anything that will get you to react". I just said no, I never take anything personally. (years in the military taught me that). After that he never did try to get me going again even though he did keep it up on his favorite targets.

    I also remember when I was in service, there was this old black E7 that was hell on the poor black troops under him, but never bothered any of the non-blacks. One day I asked him why..Well, he felt that blacks were better than whites, and the black troops that goofed off gave a black eye to their race...

    If I had treated those same black troops the same way he did we would have had a race riot and I would have been sent packing out of service with an other than honorable circumstaces.

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    Campaign Veteran skidmark's Avatar
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    When one feels as if they are unable to respond to/oppose an attempt by someone/thing else to control their life, they act in an uncivil manner. On the other hand,

    An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life.
    Robert A. Heinlein

    and,
    http://munchkinwrangler.wordpress.co...-civilization/

    Human beings only have two ways to deal with one another: reason and force. If you want me to do something for you, you have a choice of either convincing me via argument, or force me to do your bidding under threat of force. Every human interaction falls into one of those two categories, without exception. Reason or force, thatís it.
    In a truly moral and civilized society, people exclusively interact through persuasion. Force has no place as a valid method of social interaction, and the only thing that removes force from the menu is the personal firearm, as paradoxical as it may sound to some.
    When I carry a gun, you cannot deal with me by force.
    (much more in the original, but you get the point)

    stay safe.
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    Regular Member Gunslinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by eye95 View Post
    The problem is one of internalization v. externalization. When someone feels bad because of something that was said, these days, they are more likely to externalize, that is blame an outside source, another person, for their bad feelings. This is appropriate when the other person says something personal with intent to bring about hurt feelings. More often, it would be more appropriate for the person whose feelings were hurt to internalize, to look inward, to try to understand why he feels the way he does, to choose whether or not to feel that way, and to take steps to stop feeling that way if that is his choice.

    Case in point: The other day, a coworker asked me if we had any iPads without 3G for Verizon. I told her, quite matter of factly, that that kind of iPad does not exist, that all Verizon iPads have 3G, that 3G is the way the device connects to the Internet through Verizon. It turns out that the customer wanted a WiFi-only iPad (making the 3G carrier moot) and communicated that idea imprecisely. We got him the iPad that he wanted.

    Later, the coworker called me aside and told me that she didn't appreciate me telling her that a non-3G Verizon iPad did not exist. She had externalized her hurt feelings and blamed my having shared something that she did not know for those feelings. Instead she should have internalized. She should have realized that there was a gap in her knowledge and sought to close that gap.

    I told her that I had no ill-intent. She just kept telling me that it made her feel bad and that she didn't appreciate it. I don't know what I'll do the next time she places herself in such a situation. I will be hesitant to share the facts with her, concerned that she will get her feelings hurt again. I guess I'll just try again to be matter-of-fact. If she rebukes me again, I will just apologize again but request that she not ask me for help again.

    Anyway, IMO, if you stick to the facts and have no intent to injure the sensibilities of others, then, by definition, you are not being uncivil. Incivility is when the focus of someone's comments is the person of another, instead of ideas and facts (no matter how badly the other does not want to hear those ideas and facts). If someone says something that you don't like, unless they are insulting your person, grow a thicker skin, and look inside for relief for your own feelings.

    If another is truly being personally insulting, clearly targeting your person with their comments, then he is truly being uncivil and you should feel free to take umbrage.
    Let me get this straight: she 'asked' for your help and you gave it. Her feelings were then hurt because she is stupid. And this is somehow your fault...ummmmm....
    "For any man who sheds his blood with me this day shall be my brother...And gentlemen now abed shall think themselves accursed, they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whilst any speaks who fought with us on Crispin's day." Henry V

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    Regular Member Tony4310's Avatar
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    How are you going to blame one parent house holds for someone being a ****** bag? I know plenty of one parent kids (myself included ) that were raised in one parent homes and we are not uncivil. That is a cop out in my opinion and a way to take blame away from the person and their actions. Some kids are just bad and will always be bad regardless if they have 1 parent or 2.

    I served in the Army and seen a couple of worthless soldiers,but most I met were fine soldier and did the uniform proud. That is why you shouldn't mix civilian workers with Military in my opinion. It leads to too much mis information.

    Quote Originally Posted by tcfla View Post
    I (i.e. inner city, no parents/one parent)
    Last edited by Tony4310; 08-10-2011 at 01:23 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gunslinger View Post
    Let me get this straight: she 'asked' for your help and you gave it. Her feelings were then hurt because she is stupid. And this is somehow your fault...ummmmm....
    I can only guess that my pointing out what should have been obvious to someone in her line of work made her realize her ignorance. This realization was painful, and she misplaced the cause of the pain to the person who triggered the realization, not to the underlying lack of knowledge. Again, this is a guess, I cannot be inside her head. That is why she needed to look inward.

    To me, the key difference between adults and children is the ability to internalize vs. externalize the causes of bad things that happen to us. We cannot control others, so there is little to be gained from blaming others. However, we have a great deal of control over ourselves. Looking inward is freeing. When we externalize, we place ourselves at the mercy of others. When we internalize, we seize a great deal of control over our destiny.

    Why would anyone want to enslave themselves to others by believing that all that happens to them is at the hands of those others?

    Internalizing is key taking responsibility for oneself. Therefore, taking responsibility is not just necessary to be free. Being truly free is a result of taking responsibility.
    Last edited by eye95; 08-10-2011 at 09:31 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tony4310 View Post
    How are you going to blame one parent house holds for someone being a [vulgarity deleted]?...
    Through the process of externalization.

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    Founder's Club Member Brass Magnet's Avatar
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    Incivility? All in the eye of the beholder. I sometimes hear stuff around my workplace that would make sailors blush. People that can't tell the difference between an actual attempt to be rude and off the cuff remarks that take it to heart don't last long. That's really fine with the rest of us because birds of a feather and all that. I don't know the number of times I've called a coworker a choice name when doing something stupid but I've gotten the same treatment back too. It invariably ends in laughing and later, stories....LOL

    People need to be more good humored and their first reaction should be that it wasn't meant personally. If it was, that will be quickly established and then they can figure out what action to take from there.
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    Campaign Veteran since9's Avatar
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    Thoughts?

    Practice civility at every opportunity, especially while OCing. Be the exception, rather than succumbing to crowd rule.

    I returned my old cable box today, OCing for half an hour in the long line full of people. When I got to the counter, I never once lost my cool, and after some lengthy research, the representative refunded $105 I'd been overcharged in the last 6 months.

    Yes, in that environment I did receive a few stares, but I also had some good conversations with some of the folks, not about OCing, but about things in general. I could just about make out the light-bulbs getting brighter over people's heads as they thought, "Oh! He's not here to shoot up the place! He's as normal and nice a person as anyone."
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    Quote Originally Posted by OC for ME View Post
    It is not the governments fault, that would be externalizing, we all need to internalize and look to ourselves as the likely problem.
    I detect sarcasm here, but what you say is true. If we are uncivil, and don't like it, we should look to ourselves for the fix, as no one else (not even the government) can change our behavioral choices. Furthermore, if we are offended by the incivility of another, only we can choose not to be offended in the future. That is not to say that we should not criticize someone's behavior when they descend into junior-high name-calling. We should. If not in the hope that the behavior of the name-caller would change (it likely won't), but in the hope that others learn something from observing the exchange between someone who relies on insults to communicate and someone who chooses to be rational and to rebuke irrationality.

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    Campaign Veteran since9's Avatar
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    I'll bet a comparison of dates/times joined and postings would reveal quite a lot on this issue...
    The First protects the Second, and the Second protects the First. Together, they protect the rest of our Bill of Rights and our United States Constitution, and help We the People protect ourselves in the spirit of our Declaration of Independence.

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    Quote Originally Posted by since9 View Post
    I'll bet a comparison of dates/times joined and postings would reveal quite a lot on this issue...
    Do you have something to say about OC for Me and I about our posts and the closeness of the dates we joined?

    If so, man up, say it, and take the administrative heat. Otherwise, take your not-so-subtlety for a long walk.

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