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Thread: New girlfriend disapproves of OC, as well as anything gun-related

  1. #1
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    New girlfriend disapproves of OC, as well as anything gun-related

    I recently found a new girlfriend. When I say this, trust me guys and girls, this is a big thing for me. I don't have a problem finding a date, but choosing one girl to call my "girlfriend" is not something I do often. She is sweet and cute, and all the other mushy-stuff I knew I wanted to be serious with her but, like all women who I date, there is always the question "how will she accept that I own/carry guns?". She grew up in Viet Nam in the 1980s and has lived in Texas since the mid '90s. I brought up the gun-topic in response to her living in Texas.

    ME: "If you are from Texas, do you have any experience with guns?"
    HER: "No." (roughly paraphrased)
    ME: "Are you afraid of guns?"
    HER: "No. Why? Do you own guns?"
    ME: "Yes. I hope that doesn't make you uncomfortable."
    HER: "No."

    About a week later, I was wearing a shoulder holster around the house with a fullsize M&P40. She showed up at the door and I greeted her like that. She was visibly afraid and asked me many times "why would you answer the door like that?". She told me she felt very intimidated and worried that I would hurt her. I put the gun away. She told me that she is scared of guns in the home, because that should be where you are safe. I made it clear to her that I also carry a gun outside of the house. She didn't really object, until I actually did it. I stopped carrying for a brief time, while I felt she needed to get to know me better. Since then, I have carried concealed. We went out at night in Seattle and a "street-guy" (not a beggar) kept a close eye on us and then made a disrespectful comment towards her as we passed him to get back to the car.

    She has since asked me not to bring a gun to her apartment, and she has asked that I not carry a gun when we go into Seattle. I told her I will respect her wishes in her home but I will not stop carrying a gun when I go out or go into Seattle. I don't think I will be staying overnight at her place any more. She objected to me carrying in Seattle, until I reminded her of the guy in Seattle who was keeping a close eye on us that night. She still doesn't want me to carry, but she kinda said "ok" to that. When we were going into Seattle for the day, I put on my OWB holster because my pants wouldn't fit a IWB holster. She insisted that I don't carry like that "because people will look and think it's weird". I told her that I don't care, but I relented. A week after that, I put on my OWB holster and spent about 2 hours with her before she even noticed. She got annoyed after that, but I was trying to show her that most people don't even notice. BTW, she only noticed the gun on my hip when I opened the car door, standing in front of her, and bent over to move some things out of the car. Later that day, we went to the Mercer Island Farmer's Market. Nobody complained, and I even had a very good experience and exchange regarding protecting innocent lives with a young girl there - a very "hippie" type who I thought would never accept the carrying of guns by an individual. We went to Alki and I had another good talk with a guy there, who was curious about "why" and laws. Now, she insists that I not OC around her. Sometimes, when it's warm out, I don't want to wear an outter shirt to cover up, especially around/inside my house.

    I'm not really writing to ask for advice (although it's welcome). I'm just writing to put the topic out there for other like-minded individuals. I am totally faithful, totally honest, and totally supportive of this woman, but I am still not sure where this relationship is going. I can only put in my best effort to support her and care for her but, in the end, I still need to be myself.
    IBTL

  2. #2
    Regular Member Vitaeus's Avatar
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    If your intentions are to spend the rest of your life with her, in whatever fashion you choose, one of you is going to have to change their mind on firearms. I wish you a heartfelt good luck on your journey.

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    Regular Member Sparky508's Avatar
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    Tell her its not a handgun, but a cancerous growth, then hammer on her about being so insensitive to your malady..............

    or not

  4. #4
    Regular Member jbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShooterMcGavin View Post
    I recently found a new girlfriend. When I say this, trust me guys and girls, this is a big thing for me. I don't have a problem finding a date, but choosing one girl to call my "girlfriend" is not something I do often.
    If you had ever watched Kung Fu, you would have known to "choose wisely grasshopper"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vitaeus View Post
    If your intentions are to spend the rest of your life with her, in whatever fashion you choose, one of you is going to have to change their mind on firearms. I wish you a heartfelt good luck on your journey.
    Very true. I cannot see spending my life with anyone who would disapprove of my ability to protect her and, possibly, our children. That won't change for me. I will try to stick through things to get her to bend, and hopefully understand. I compromise on almost everything else for her, but this is one area that is not open for debate.

    Thank you for the wishes. I am not sure that I am ready to declare that I want to be with her for the rest of my life, at this point. I am just putting in a good effort to become close to her and develop a solid relationship... something I have not done for a girl in a very long time.
    Last edited by ShooterMcGavin; 09-21-2011 at 02:21 PM.
    IBTL

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    Quote Originally Posted by jbone View Post
    If you had ever watched Kung Fu, you would have known to "choose wisely grasshopper"
    Speaking of that... I thought I HAD chosen wisely. I chose a woman who told me that she had no fear of firearms (among her many other great virtues)
    IBTL

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    Take her shooting... Sign her up for a shooting class... Show her the Luby's Cafeteria stuff.

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    Uh, try answering the door without the shoulder holster.
    You startled her. Natural human reaction.

    She'll get over it if she truly likes you, but give it some time. You need to give her time to "adjust" to the habit.

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    Campaign Veteran MSG Laigaie's Avatar
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    I used to have a wife like that. I have a new wife now.

    but, that's just me

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    Quote Originally Posted by carracer View Post
    Take her shooting... Sign her up for a shooting class... Show her the Luby's Cafeteria stuff.
    I have offered to take her shooting many times. I have shown her a gun just a couple times and, even though she knew I was bringing one out, she still almost lost it. She ran behind me and grabbed my shoulders, to ensure that she was behind me, as I tried to show her that the gun contained no "bullets" and it was safe. She won't touch a gun. She just told me that she will let me know when she wants to learn about guns.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dave Workman View Post
    Uh, try answering the door without the shoulder holster.
    You startled her. Natural human reaction.

    She'll get over it if she truly likes you, but give it some time. You need to give her time to "adjust" to the habit.
    Fair enough. That was more than a month ago, at this point. Again, we'll see where things go

    Quote Originally Posted by OC for ME View Post
    What has she compromised on? Based on the limited information you have provided, you seem to be the one doing all the compromising.

    Get a new girlfriend.
    She does compromise too, about our plans and driving to my house when she'd rather be with her dog. I understand your point though.
    IBTL

  11. #11
    Founder's Club Member thebigsd's Avatar
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    My wife was the same way. She was afraid of guns, wouldn't look at them or touch them. I just kept carrying, and we had a couple situations where she was glad I was armed. Now we go shooting at least once a month together and she has her own Walther P22. Recently she has been talking to me about getting her CHP and getting a new gun to carry. You never know what will happen.

    Edit: It took me two years before she would hold a gun.
    Last edited by thebigsd; 09-21-2011 at 03:43 PM.
    "When seconds count between living or dying, the police are only minutes away."

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    Regular Member Sharpender's Avatar
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    Sorry brother, but time to walk. There is one key that has to exist for any mind to be changed....rationality. Based on her decision to hide from the "bullets" by running behind you, it's clear that there is no rationality there. Sorry man.

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    Oh, one more bit of information that would help in this talk...

    She told me that she had a friend, who had a boyfriend, and he had guns. He was in the bedroom looking at a gun, while the girlfriend was in the other room. She says that he accidentally shot himself in the head. I am thinking that it was not an accident. I suspect that she is of the belief that guns can "just go off" without having pulled the trigger. Education is part of what she needs.
    IBTL

  14. #14
    Regular Member HandyHamlet's Avatar
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    Life is short. Do you have time to justify who you are?
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    If there is a choice a girlfriend or my guns.......
    the girlfriend goes.
    Life is tough, its tougher when your stupid.

    http://www.itsnotthelaw.com

    Feds: U.C.C. 1-308, State: U.C.C. 1-207, Both: U.C.C. 1-103.6

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    I'll be completely honest and I mean no disrecpect what so ever BUT... Just in reading your (her) repsonses and how she seems to almost demand you not carry is pretty annoying. I don't care how cute she or sweet she is, I couldn't do it! Although, on the other hand, carrying a firearm should not be a make or break deal but if I were in your shoe's I would probably walk away from this one.

  17. #17
    Founder's Club Member thebigsd's Avatar
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    Post a couple pictures, then we can really help you decide...lol
    "When seconds count between living or dying, the police are only minutes away."

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    Quote Originally Posted by thebigsd View Post
    Post a couple pictures, then we can really help you decide...lol
    Haha. If I did that, a lot of responses would tell me to keep her!

    In the beginning, she did basically demand that I not carry. I told her I wouldn't carry, for a little while, but I told her I would eventually resume carrying. I think we are beyond those stages. I carry when I want, but not always in the manner in which I want (OC is sometimes how I want). Worse than having my OC restricted is the feeling that I am with a woman who doesn't fully support me. If we were out, with me OC, and I got some harassment from the local police, I can possibly imagine her siding with them ..."just give the cop your ID, and why do you care if he holds onto your gun and searches your belongings?". Oh, that would make my blood boil
    IBTL

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by MSG Laigaie View Post
    I used to have a wife like that. I have a new wife now.

    but, that's just me
    That happened to me too!

  20. #20
    Regular Member sFe's Avatar
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    My wife never had a problem with long guns but thought that handguns were more dangerous/evil or something of that nature. Long story short she now has her own along with a concealed handgun permit.
    For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. Carl Sagan

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    "she'd rather be with her dog"

    Quote Originally Posted by ShooterMcGavin View Post
    I have offered to take her shooting many times. I have shown her a gun just a couple times and, even though she knew I was bringing one out, she still almost lost it. She ran behind me and grabbed my shoulders, to ensure that she was behind me, as I tried to show her that the gun contained no "bullets" and it was safe. She won't touch a gun. She just told me that she will let me know when she wants to learn about guns.


    Fair enough. That was more than a month ago, at this point. Again, we'll see where things go


    She does compromise too, about our plans and driving to my house when she'd rather be with her dog. I understand your point though.

    "she'd rather be with her dog" Kinda says it all...

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    Quote Originally Posted by carracer View Post
    "she'd rather be with her dog" Kinda says it all...
    Good point When she leaves for the weekend, the dog doesn't eat. She feels guilty about that. Maybe I should have said "when she'd like to be with her dog".

    In the past, I have been pretty hard-headed and rigid about things, when it comes to relationships. I am trying to change that, but I know that I can only go so far.

    I did actually buy a gun "for" her. I wanted something that she would feel comfortable with, besides a .22, that she could have if she wanted. Bersa Thunder 380. It's not hers yet. I haven't told her that I bought it for her, but she can have it when she wants to learn to shoot it.
    Last edited by ShooterMcGavin; 09-21-2011 at 05:39 PM.
    IBTL

  23. #23
    Activist Member golddigger14s's Avatar
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    I'm a single guy, so if/when I meet someone I will be OC'ing. So she will know right away about my way of "thinking" up front. Maybe try taking her shooting with a .22 rifle to start. Also they have a "Women on Target" class at Cabelas. They also have loaner .22 pistols. Good luck, you are going to need some patience and baby steps.
    "The beauty of the Second Amenment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it." Thomas Jefferson
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    How much time are you willing to invest to change her mindset???

  25. #25
    Regular Member 1911er's Avatar
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    or you could tel her this

    I truly Love my Country, But the government scares the he!! out of me.

    DEMAND IT
    Congress SHALL NOT receive A salary greater than any service member and will be given EQUIVELANT insurance as any service member

    I came into this world kicking and screaming covered in someone else's blood. And if necessary to protect the Constitution of The United States of AMERICA. I will go out the same way

    All hail the Domain of Neptunus Rex

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